Time flies so fast!
There are definitely moments when one, two, or all three of my kids are making me want to rip my hair out and scream, ‘I’m done!’ But those moments are totally worth it for all the sweet, happy moments we share. They fill my heart with so much love that it often feels like it’s going to overflow, it’s so full.
(That made me think of Scott Helman’s song Machine, which is one of my current favourites….Soon your heart is gonna overflow, push you back down you get up again...Honestly there is nothing cuter than a little 3 year old girl voice singing, You’re more than a machine! - Emily loves to sing parts of that song whenever it comes on).
Sometimes I wish I could just freeze frame time. I wish every good moment shared could be preserved forever, maybe some of the not so good ones too, just to remind us of all we went through together. But just to have those times to hold onto. I think I’m realizing more and more how my children are all growing up, rapidly, they’re little people now, not toddlers or babies. Andrew is a BOY, not even a little boy anymore. My first born is losing so many signs of ‘baby’ that I just want to cry and use a time machine and go back to our very first night together in that hospital where I could just hold him and love him and feel that magical new mom love, and beam with pride over this beautiful boy I created. I can still do that, and I still marvel all the time at how amazing and totally CUTE my kids are (if I do say so myself!) but I’m seeing it now, that this time where my kids are small and growing up and I’m raising them, it’s FLEETING. It’s going to END. One day they’ll be grown right up and won’t even be living with me anymore, and from what people say it’s like I’m going to blink and I’ll be there in the future wishing I could be back here, regardless of the chaotic moments. I’ll wish I could be cuddling those so-darn-cute little children of mine.
So while there are times when I honestly don’t know how I’m going to manage another hour, let alone day, week, month, forget even looking into the future beyond that because it’s rare I even can...I know I have to live as much in the moment and just RELISH IN IT because this is the ultimate time of my life. Hopefully all stages will have their own level of amazing, and even after the kids are grown and moved out, I can live in the moment and enjoy the stage of life I’m at, but the reality is that nothing could be more important to me and heart-filling than raising my kids and being with them and knowing them throughout all the stages of their childhoods. I feel grateful for each of them in so many different ways, I love them all the same and yet completely differently. I’m so lucky, and so happy, because my heart is so FULL.