Sunday, March 29, 2015

Gym assessment and other stories

I’ve been to the gym 4 times since I signed up a week ago, so I have to say: so far, so good!  I had my assessment appointment this weekend, where I got weighed and measured to see where I’m at, and talked about my goals, nutrition, etc.  I also got instructions on how to use more of the machines than just the circuit, so I now have the confidence I need to really push myself.

Obviously I’m not going to notice ‘real’ results this early on, and I still have to do more outside of going to the gym to step up my game if I’m going to get where I want to go.  BUT I will say that I always feel better for it when I’ve been for a workout.  I went one afternoon during the week and found that I didn’t crash by early evening in the same way that I usually do.  Coincidence?  Possibly, but more likely there’s a correlation.

I felt really pumped after my assessment.  I thought I would be more nervous going into it, since getting weighed and measured isn’t really tops on my list of things to look forward to.  But I want to know where I’m starting from, and despite not having weighed myself in quite a few months (our scale battery died and I haven’t bothered to replace it yet) I was basically exactly where I thought I was, so it wasn’t surprising.  

I also felt good about how it went because I feel like my goal is realistic.  I want to lose 30lbs, and in my mind I was thinking that was a starting point, but that ultimately I’d need to consider losing A LOT more than that.  Seriously I was thinking I should probably lean more toward 50 or so.  Which seems like a scarier number to me, because of course every pound more is going to be that much harder to lose.  But as it turns out, based on my BMI (which is a rough guideline to go by, even according to the person giving the assessment!) and other numbers, if I lost much more than that amount I would actually be considered ‘unhealthy’ in terms of losing pounds that my body needs to keep.  Honestly I think if I lost 30 I would be completely fine with keeping a few extra ‘just in case’, I don’t mind having a little extra meat on my bones!  And I guess when it comes down to it, the truth is I don’t even care so much about the number, even if I didn’t lose 30 (although it’s still my goal) I ultimately want to look more toned, lose some inches from my post-ten-thousand-children belly, and feel better in my clothes.  

It felt good to know that my goal is realistic, attainable, and something I can then maintain rather than have to keep working at losing more, which for some reason I find comfort in.  I felt really alive after that appointment, did a longer workout, and felt totally pumped when I got home.

I was pretty tired by later that afternoon, but I was also giving James the full afternoon off to do his own thing because I was going to be going out for several hours today (Sunday) so I didn’t want to be feeling guilty about taking that time.  (Not that James would make me feel guilty about it, but I wouldn’t be able to help but feel that way, since our time is so precious these days and we have so little of it, it seems).

Quick rewind in the week to Thursday (March 26) - Andrew FINALLY lost his loose top tooth!  That thing had been so loose for WEEKS, I had been so sure it would have come out almost 3 weeks ago!  He and I had taken turns wiggling it and pulling at it to no avail, and then of all things he was eating a bowl of lentil soup after school and suddenly it was out!  He said his bottom tooth snagged it and pulled it back and then he could feel it hanging from a string so he pulled it out!  AND he didn’t lose it, so he did manage to put it under his pillow...but then I suggested he have it more toward the end of the pillow than the middle so the tooth fairy could find it, and he decided instead to put it in the little pocket of his giant Hulk pillow.  And in the morning he discovered the Tooth Fairy had been, and had left him a Toonie =)

Just after his tooth was out (and was bleeding a bit) Margaret looked at him and then at me and said, ‘What happened to Andrew, who did that to him?!’  LOL.  The girls didn’t believe at first that one day their baby teeth would fall out, too, and Margaret wanted me to wiggle her teeth just to make sure they weren’t loose yet!

Fast forward back to the present…

Today my mom and I went out for some girl time.  I had a few gift certificates from Xmas and my birthday to use for some new clothes, and ended up getting a pair of pants, a dress (that needs leggings underneath, sort of like a shirt dress I guess?), 3 shirts and 2 camisoles.  I’m happy with what I got, but trying on clothes felt somewhat nightmarish to me, and to be honest it made me really glad I’ve already signed up for the gym, because I just kept seeing what I see as my flaws, and I have to say the person I see in the mirror isn’t the person I think of myself as.  Ever since having twins...and I know it might seem like I’m using that as an excuse, but the truth is my body has never been the same since, and even working out won’t change it back to how it once was.  My hips are WIDER, there’s nothing that can be done about that, Baby A and Baby B stretched them out to make room!  I try to embrace it because my body IS amazing in the sense of what it has accomplished, and as far as I know I’m overall healthy, and I don’t want to complain about my body because it has been through a lot and considering that, it’s in amazing shape!  I just can’t help but wish it was a bit smaller/toned but I know that’s why I got the gym membership and at least I’m making steps to make changes.

My mom and I also went to Michael’s craft store and OMG I could buy up a storm in that place!  I loved everything and wanted it all!  But their prices are CRAZY high and I don’t know how they get away with it.  I would have spent way more than I did if I felt like I was getting a deal getting the stuff but I couldn’t justify it.  I got some beeswax for a whopping $28 but then used a 40% off coupon to make it more reasonable, and then got a few little things from the dollar fifty section, but yeah...SO MANY CUTE THINGS to be found at that store.  

Gym motivation and a few kid updates

Written on Tuesday March 24/15...Not sure what made me forget to finish it/post it, but here it is!

I went to the gym yesterday a little after dinner.  I wasn’t going to go because I was running on 3 hours sleep, but I also knew I’d feel bad if I didn’t, so I did.  I discovered that if I do one full circuit I can actually get there, work out, and be home in one hour.  So it doesn’t have to take a super long time on days when I just want to get the work out but don’t have a lot of time.  I plan on doing the circuit twice the next time I go, as I want to push myself harder.  I have an appointment for a proper assessment coming up, and I’ll start using other machines once I’ve had that appointment.  But in all honesty, I love the circuit because it’s an automatic full body workout in just 30 minutes!  The biggest issue for me is still when the best times are to go, though.  Mornings are out because I don’t get enough sleep as it is, and James has to leave a little after 7 for work so I’d have to get there at 6am which does NOT work for me AT ALL!  I know a lot of people swear by working out in the early morning and I can see why, but it’s not for me!  Not at this stage of the game.  Evenings are my only option, but take tonight for instance...I just couldn’t do it.  I was so tired (again) and then decided maybe I’ll combine going to the gym with FINALLY ACTUALLY COMPLETING the C25K program.  But I imagined myself doing the run and I became even more tired, and decided to just stay in.  I know, I know, that’s not going to get me the results I’m wanting but...I’m doing what I can, in small steps!  :D

I hope to get to the gym twice more this week, so I actually DO think I’m doing pretty well, and I’ve found that I’m already more conscious of what I’m eating and what exercise I’m getting when I’m not at the gym because if I’m going to work at getting healthier by going to the gym, it doesn’t make sense to ignore that goal in other areas of my life.  

In other news…

After dropping Andrew off at school today, the girls and I drove to a park near a friend’s place who also has twins (boy/girl who are only 4 months younger than Margaret and Emily).  We hadn’t seen each other in a while so it was nice to reconnect, and the girls enjoyed playing on the playground for a while.  It was a great park for little ones because it’s fully enclosed and made for preschool age, so there really wasn’t anything they could do to get into trouble.  It was cold so we couldn’t stay as long as we’d have liked, but it was nice to get out somewhere a little different than coming straight home from school like we usually do.

The girls have been napping later lately, and resisting more (especially Emily, when she has always been the good go-to-sleep-er.  I suspect it’s their way of phasing out nap time, only Momma isn’t ready for no nap situations, so it’s somewhat forced upon them!  They still NEED their nap because if they don’t have one they melt down by early afternoon.  So I’m justifying urging them to continue napping for the foreseeable future!  Today Emily resisted so long that by the time they actually fell asleep, they didn’t have as much time as usual and I actually had to WAKE THEM UP to go pick Andrew up from school.  They were totally disoriented because I’ve almost never woken them up when they’re napping!

Andrew has a REALLY loose upper front tooth.  I was SURE it was going to come out about 2 weeks ago but it has stubborn roots and it’s not quite ready yet, even though you can tell just by looking at it that it’s on it’s way out.  Fingers crossed he doesn’t lose this one, since the Tooth Fairy wrote him a note last time and said if the 3rd one isn’t under his pillow she’s giving up on him!  LOL  He kept his first tooth for sentimental reasons, and the second was lost in the living room, and we never found it (I’m guessing it got vacuumed up, though I searched the bag to no avail...and we’ve since had all new carpet installed so it’s not like it could just be hidden somewhere and we’ve yet to come across it...which would be really disgusting too given that he lost that tooth in September I think it was!   

Monday, March 23, 2015

Spring is officially here...and Spring Break is officially over!

It’s hard to believe today was the last day of Spring Break.  That two weeks went by quickly.  It sucks that the first week was the sunny one, and I was sick for pretty much the entire thing.  But I feel we made up for it as best we could in the 2nd week in terms of doing activities with the kids.

Today I took Andrew bowling for his last day off outing.  I didn’t tell him where we were going, so he was surprised, and only figured it out once we were less than a block away from the bowling alley.  He was excited, and it was definitely a fun mommy/son time.  We played 2 games of 5 pin.  In my defence, Andrew had the sides up and I didn’t...but he won the first game with 100 and I got a measly 68.  I was trying, too, sadly!  It was not my game.  The 2nd game I won at 137, and Andrew got 109.  It was lots of fun, and we finished there with 2 games of Air Hockey, which is kind of our tradition when we go bowling (which we only do a few times a year...mostly because it’s RIDICULOUSLY expensive...For 2 games of bowling and 2 games of air hockey, it cost almost $28, and the reality is that we were probably only there for about half an hour, because bowling doesn’t take long when only 2 people are playing).  I wish we could go more often, but it’s always a treat when we do.  We never go to fast food restaurants pretty much ever, unless you count the occasional trip to Orange Julius for a drink.  But after bowling we always hit up Wendy’s for Frosties and French Fries.  It’s our thing!  Andrew was excited to get one of the toys there, and knew all about it already from seeing it on toy reviews (of course he’s on the up and up with these things!)

While we were having our snack we made a list of all the fun things Andrew got to do during spring break, and it surprised us both how long it ended up being.  At the beginning of the break Andrew was a little sad because I was too sick to take him and the girls to the park and we were pretty much housebound because I always seemed to end up with flu symptoms if I pushed myself and went anywhere.  I was feeling so guilty about not doing more for him during his break.  (Next year I do think James should take a few days off so we could do more things as a family but we have summer plans that will require him taking at least a full week off, and wanting some time saved for Christmas means not being able to swing many extra days).  But this afternoon he told me that he may have felt that way for a few days but in the end it went so well that he did more than he could have hoped for!  So I definitely feel better about that.  

I know getting back to our routine and having Andrew in school again will be a good thing for us all, but I’m really going to miss him.  Yes, it’s true, I hope to get some rest during the girls’ naps again, which I wasn’t able to do with Andrew home, but there’s also something to be said about the extra time we had together.  Our routine will be good, but I won’t lie, I might start counting down the days till summer break!

Friday night at the mall

On Friday night my parents came over to spend time with the kids while James and I had a date.  We were originally going to go to a particular restaurant for a delicious meal, but we weren’t entirely sure about it so we brainstormed other ideas the night before.  After disagreeing on a few ideas, James suggested that he really needs some new clothes (so true) so maybe we could go do some shopping.  If you knew James you’d know that he NEVER suggests going to the mall, and really, ‘James’ and ‘shopping’ are not two words one often sees or hears together.  I always wish he’d go shopping with me or be enthusiastic about shopping but it literally NEVER happens.  Well, on Friday he was being his opposite, because not only did he go shopping but he was also totally fine with looking in stores with me and not getting annoyed by things I was wanting to look at!!

He had a gift card for RW&Co (which seems to have changed a lot since he last shopped there…very Metrosexual now it seems like...but still some good stuff, although a little on the pricey side in my opinion) and ended up getting 3 new pairs of pants.  He also got a new pair of shoes at Aldo, and they’re a little different than what he would usually gravitate towards.  He still needs some things but it was a start, and it was fun to look around at a bunch of stores.  We also went into Target to check out their liquidation sales, but ended up only getting a few little things, we found the chaos of the store really off-putting and didn’t really feel like shopping there.  I’m really not sad to see Target go, other than feeling bad for all the people who will be out of a job, the store itself was a disappointment, which is why it didn’t last here!

We stopped at the food court in between shopping and shared some Thai food.  It was a simple date in that, yes, we were ‘just’ out at the mall, but it was SO much fun.  I loved it.  It felt like quality time because we were chatting and hanging out but we were also getting some retail therapy out of it, oh and I got a new pair of flip flops in celebration of it being the first official day of spring (and to replace the ones that are at the bottom of the lake that Margaret fell into last summer while feeding the ducks...ugh, I still can’t think about that without anxiety!  (Her falling in, not the loss of the shoes!)  Honestly it felt like a perfect date for me, it’s definitely something I want us to do again when we get the chance.

Sunday, March 22, 2015

Spring Break trip to Science World

Yesterday we took the kids to Science World, which was crazy to do during Spring Break, I know, but it had to be done.  Originally James was just going to take Andrew but then I thought about how often he’s been since he was 2 and how the girls have NEVER gone and it made me feel sad about all the experiences they miss out on by the sheer fact that they are twins and it’s a lot more complicated to take two 2 year olds to a place like that (or just about anywhere!)

I knew it wasn’t going to be my personal ideal place to be, one because I’m kind of over Science World (it’s mostly always the same stuff and...yeah...What can I say, science is interesting obviously but at the same time Science World can also have the effect of boring me to tears (not literally!)  BUT it wasn’t about me at all, I really wanted to give the girls that experience and I KNEW they would love it, and boy did they ever!

It was a total gong show and I can’t see us going back anytime REALLY soon...but eventually we’ll get a family pass.  James and Andrew were still on their year membership and the girls are free till they’re 3 so I ‘just’ had to pay my fare, but whoa, just under $25 for one person is A LOT, especially when that person is there with twin 2 year olds who obviously aren’t going to actually get the full value (or let their mother look at anything of interest!)  BUT that being said, it really was totally worth it.

Andrew and I went through one area together, while James took the girls to the 6 and under play room.  Margaret was busy playing with a plastic boat in the water, while Emily was working with building blocks.  Andrew was playing but then started to get frustrated by the fact that none of the other kids would share the little balls that so many of the activities required (it’s true, they really didn’t have enough of the balls for all the kids).  By this point we were all getting hungry so we went to the cafeteria and shared veggie burgers and fries and I was so pleased with how well the kids did with waiting for the food to be ready.  They were so easy to deal with there that I decided it wouldn’t be a problem at all for James to take Andrew to the Animation exhibit while I took them there and then maybe back to the play room if they got bored.

Only instead of getting bored, Margaret decided to just take off altogether.  She was so close to me, and Emily was near me as well but on the other side of me so I looked at her for maybe 5 seconds tops and when I looked back, Margaret was gone.  I told Emily to follow me and luckily for the most part she’s pretty good about listening to direction, but I was a bit panicky because it was SO busy, to the point it wasn’t easy to just go searching for Margaret because I had to weave through all the people standing around everywhere.  I looked around one corner and one of Margaret’s boots was lying on the floor but she was nowhere to be seen!  So she lost a boot and even THAT didn’t deter her from running off!  I finally found her, only to have her run off again, only this time I SAW her run right out of the room and down another hallway, and again it took me a while to both convince Emily to come with me and run with her while weaving my way through the crowd...It was a bit of a nightmare at that point.  I finally found Margaret but she was in a completely separate exhibit, and it really scared me how quickly she was able to get that far away from me.  She wasn’t the least bit phased by it either, if anything she’d have been happy to run even farther.  She really didn’t care, to her it was a game and she was having the time of her life!  It was at that point that I decided to look for the boys and maybe take the girls down to the stroller and get them settled with a little snack (we’d got some popcorn) while waiting for them to finish checking out the exhibits.  

The girls usually nap at noon-ish lately (a little later than they used to) and by this time it was a little after 1:30 and they hadn’t napped yet, so they were definitely showing signs of getting overtired.  They clearly didn’t like the idea of leaving at first, but they were OK with getting into their stroller because they could only fight the tired for so long!

All 3 kids fell asleep on the way home so James suggested we stop for coffee and just sit in the van while the kids had a nap...Which sounded so great, but of course Margaret woke up as soon as we got the coffee, and Emily woke up shortly after.  It was only Andrew who napped like a champ!

It probably sounds like it wasn’t that great of an experience at Science World, but really it was.  The kids loved it, and it was so nice to see the girls giggling and running around and checking out new things they’d never seen before.  They particularly loved the flashing lights on the floor that make funny noises sometimes when you walk on them, and any and all water related activities.  And the French fries and popcorn!  It was stressful how Margaret wouldn’t stay close to me and Emily, but that’s why we don’t get out much, so it was to be expected.  I’m still glad they got to go and weren’t once again just cooped up at home instead of getting out there in the world.

Following through on my word...

I made a point earlier in the week of talking to James about my plan to check out a gym this Saturday.  I’d talked to him about it before so I knew he would be supportive, but I also felt that by telling him when I was planning to go, I’d feel more compelled to follow through with it.  Why starting up at a gym seems so difficult is probably ridiculous but I can’t explain it.  

As the week went on I sort of put it to the back of my mind, even though I knew it was something I’d have to face.  I had said in my last blog post that I’d call to book an appointment (if necessary) to confirm my desire to get a membership, and that Saturday was for sure the day, but in reality I did not make that call.  And when Saturday (today) rolled around I found myself trying to come up with any and every excuse in my mind for why it was completely the wrong time to start going to a gym.

I was dressed in clothing appropriate for the gym, just in case I changed my mind, but decided instead I would go to Michael’s craft store for some supplies I’ve been wanting to pick up for a few projects I want to get started on.  (Walking around a big box store is exercise in itself, right?!)  I got into the van and looked up on google maps how long it would take to drive to the store and it was going to be just about half an hour each way to the nearest one.  I became bitter and was feeling tired and honestly, I was in such a bad place in that moment that I actually contemplated scrapping going out at all, crawling into bed and just having a good cry and going to sleep!  LOL.  Yes, now I am laughing about it, because that’s beyond ridiculous.  I did have a few things that were stressing me out, it’s true, (beyond my apparent anxiety/apprehension about going to the gym) but still.  I was so TIRED and I wanted to do NOTHING because EVERYTHING seemed IMPOSSIBLE.

Then I found myself putting my phone down, key in the ignition, and I drove myself to that gym.  I didn’t put any expectations on myself because I decided that I was going to check it out and see if it felt like the right place, and if it didn’t I could try somewhere else or re-evaluate my plans.  No big deal.  But it turned out the facility was (is) just what I was (am) looking for...and I not only left with a membership, but I also did a full circuit workout before I left!  So while it’s maybe a small step for some, for me it was a pretty big one, and I’m proud of myself for actually doing it when I said I would (this time around!)

It’s definitely going to be a challenge actually getting there as many times per week or per month as what I’d like to (no child minding service so I can only go when James or someone else can be with the kids...which leaves after dinner or weekends, for the most part).  If I want results I’m going to have to go regularly, and that’s all there is to it.  We’re also paying for it now, so that’s an incentive in and of itself.  But honestly, even though I only did one circuit and I actually felt like I could have done a lot more (which pleasantly surprised me, because I KNOW I’m not in good shape but I think I’m not as bad off as I think I am in my mind...As James reminded me when I was telling him about it, I’m with small kids all the time so I’m always moving around and lifting them etc!), it felt GREAT to do a workout, even if it was a relatively short/beginner one.  I was contemplating crying myself to sleep as an option for spending my ‘me time’ for crying out loud (almost literally, ha!) and yet by the time I left the gym, I felt happy, positive, and like my mind had been cleared.  I plan to go back tomorrow, and at least one weeknight (preferably two) through the week, and back again on the weekend, both days if time allows.  

I can’t believe I actually HAVE a gym membership now.  I actually AM doing this!  It definitely feels like the right decision.  It’s going to be a lot of work, but it’s something I need to do, and while I know I’m still going to have to fight with myself at times and not allow myself to make excuses, I also feel confident already that I’m going to make this work.  There’s no turning back now!

Monday, March 16, 2015

Turning a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day into a pretty good one!

Today started off seeming like one disaster after the other.  The kids were ill behaved pretty much from the moment my feet hit the last stair on my way down this morning.  They were bickering with each other and everyone seemed to want different things.  When I went to make my morning coffee I thought as a treat, and to get everyone into better spirits, I would make pancakes for breakfast.  The first day of Spring Break last week I made them, and the kids couldn’t get enough of them.  I got them to the table thinking we’d all sit together and it would be relatively quiet because they’d be so into their breakfast, but not so much.  I should have remembered that as soon as you believe your kids love a particular food so you make it again purposefully, they will no longer enjoy said food.

It wasn’t even so much that they didn’t like the pancakes, I think it’s more that they didn’t get the chance to enjoy them.  Emily decided she didn’t want to sit in her booster seat and instead sat on my chair, which was fine as I was standing by the kitchen counter.  Then Andrew came flailing into the room, as per his usual completely oblivious to his surroundings (he’s a major klutz, like seriously, one of the worst) and he smacked into Emily on my chair, who fell off the chair (luckily not hurt) and took her full cup of juice with her, as well as her entire plate (plastic, at least) of pancakes complete with syrup...The juice and syrup were EVERYWHERE.  I’d just given the kids a bath, and Emily had the juice and syrup all over her, as well as all over the table, my chair, and the floor.  Of course, I should have known something like that would spill on the floor, because I steam mopped it the other day.  I don’t steam mop it all that often because literally EVERY time I do, something major gets spilled very soon afterwards!

I felt like I was going to go into a total rage by about 9am and I couldn’t stand the way my blood was boiling, so I decided that rather than let the negative stuff get the better of me, I had to completely change the course of our day.

So I got myself dressed, got the kids all dressed, pulled the stroller out from the back of the van, and off we went to one of our nearby parks.  The kids were enthusiastic about it and I was happy to be out in the sunshine, getting some fresh air and exercise.  No one else was at the park when we got there, so the kids and I completely took it over and they were all well behaved the entire time.  I’m still of course very watchful of the girls, and at times have to coax them into staying in the same general area as me and Andrew, but for the most part they did really well, and since we go to this particular park more than most others, it’s familiar enough that I know what they tend to want to do there.  Emily is definitely getting more into climbing and at times I was a bit worried she might slip, but she did great and there were no accidents.  Just as we were with Andrew, I’ve never been one to be too overbearing when it comes to my kids climbing and playing at the park.  The only real challenge has become the fact that I am so outnumbered by my kids, so I have a lot more to look out for, and that causes me some stress at times, which is one major reason I don’t take all 3 to the park on my own very often.  But I want that to be able to change, and I do think as they’re getting a bit older it will only get easier.  Yes, there will always be different challenges to face, but it’s not as impossible-seeming as it was even just last year.

It worked out well because being a little bit more comfortable with what the girls were doing (they found a giant mud puddle to play in and they LOVED that, and I was totally ok with it because it was my favourite thing to do when I was a little bit older than them, I can’t help but indulge them when it comes to a good puddle!) I was able to focus a little more on Andrew, like I used to be able to do, which in turn made the experience far better for him, too.  We played tag for quite a while, and I was racing around the playground and climbing it, too, so yay for a little outdoor exercise today!

After a while the kids wanted a drink so we sat at a picnic table and they had a little snack, and then I suggested we go to the store for a couple of things and I thought the girls especially would refuse, because it meant getting strapped back into the stroller and leaving the park, but Andrew only resisted a tiny bit and the girls were happy to sit in the stroller and head off to the store.  I was pleasantly surprised!  Just as we were leaving a bunch of kids showed up, and while on the one hand it would have been good socialization if they’d been there at the same time as us, on the other I was a bit relieved to be leaving at that point.  Part of it’s the introvert in me, but it also seems like more work when there are other people involved because I’m also having to watch how all the kids are interacting and….yeah, what can I say, I like it when we have the park to ourselves!

We went to the store mainly to pick up some milk and some bananas but I decided to treat the kids to some ice cream, and Andrew picked out some raspberry frozen yogurt bars that ended up being SO delicious.  Walking home eating frozen yogurt and taking off coats because it was too warm even for a light fleece jacket - I am SO happy that we’re finally heading into Spring :) I'm also glad I decided to change things up and take the kids to the park today. It did us all a world of good to get out.

Sunday, March 15, 2015

Taking charge of my life, once and for all

Assuming that this stupid virus is truly, finally gone, which I’m unanimous that it HAS to be this week (I mostly feel better, just the flu-like feeling lingers here and there) I VOW that next Saturday I am going to check out a particular gym that I’ve been considering joining for a while, and FINALLY take the plunge and get a membership. (Edit: Even if the virus appears to be lingering, I AM DOING THIS. No more excuses!)

I’ve put it off and put it off...and put it off some more...for so many reasons.  A lot of them valid ones, which I will list.  For example, every time I think it would be a good time to join, another virus hits our household.  I hate the idea of missing a couple of weeks of going to the gym due to an illness (which honestly, the last few viruses I’ve had have wiped me out so badly that I literally would not have been well enough to go, for my own sake as well as the health of others as I wouldn’t want to spread the germs).  I can’t in all good conscience pay for a gym membership when the money could be spent elsewhere (or, ideally, saved for the future) if I’m not going to make it several times a week to make it worthwhile.  Secondly, my periods are SEVERE and I honestly doubt I will make it to the gym more than once, if at all, during the week-long event that is my period each month.  So that kind of ‘puts a cramp’ in it...Pun intended!!  I’m working on finding out if there’s something actually wrong/what I can do to make my periods not so severe, but in the meantime...yeah.  Ovulation is also severe, to the point I have cramps that are very much like early labour contractions (which is a major reason why I’ve been to the doctor/had an ultrasound to try to figure out what’s going on) and that can be so debilitating, it feels like my uterus is going to explode so I can’t see myself going to a gym on the days when that happens.  But my other excuses are a bit poorer, in that I’ll say, ‘I’m too tired, by the time I have the time to do something like that, I haven’t got the energy to do it.’  It’s TRUE, but I also know that if I force myself, I could manage it, would be better for it, and would get into a routine where I just have more energy to begin with so...there’s that.  I also say, ‘I don’t have time, period.’  (Not relating back to my actual period, but as in, ain’t nobody got time for THAT, as if exercising properly in a gym setting is out.of.the.question)!

The truth is, no, I don’t have a lot of time, but I know the amount of time needed to get to the gym even 2-3 times a week (much preferably 3 times) IS doable.  It might be frustrating at times and yes, there may be weeks when I get there more than others, but maybe some weeks I could go 4 times and another go only once or twice.  The point is, I NEED THIS.  I can’t just exercise at home, because in all honesty, I don’t do near enough of it to actually make a difference in my overall health and appearance.  Yes, I do use my exercise bike, but not religiously (although I’m thinking of moving it downstairs where it’s more visible, and then I might feel compelled to use it more because, after all, it’s right there.  I do do some ab exercises and stretches, but not as regular a basis as I want to be doing.  Which is ridiculous because if I want to be doing it, why am I not?!  But then, maybe that’s the clincher, because I ‘want’ a more toned body but realistically I don’t ACTUALLY want to do the work to get it!  Which is so gross to say, I feel like the biggest slug ever.  I am so LAZY!  But it’s just the cold hard truth.

I have to do it though, I have to, I have to, I HAVE TO!  There can be no more excuses.  I remember there used to be a TV show (I can’t remember the name of it) where it showed what you’d look like if you kept up with the habits you have currently over a number of years, and when it showed people’s bodies after, say, 5-10 years it was astounding how much weight people would gain if they didn’t change their habits.  I feel like I am on that path, and it’s not so much because I just sit around the kitchen table with mounds of food and pig out, but because I’ve had so many children (or at least a twin pregnancy that really did a number on my body) and the reality is that I’m not getting any younger, so it’s not as easy as it used to be to keep weight off.  I haven’t gained any weight in the past couple of years but I haven’t been losing it either, and I REALLY want to lose 30lbs.  That’s my initial goal, more would actually be better in my opinion but I also don’t want to turn this into an unhealthy obsession.  If I lost 30lbs I would be pleased with the results and decide from there what is best for me.  But until I actually accomplish this, I’m just going to keep hearing that nagging voice telling me I should be doing it and then feel the guilt when I don’t do anything to get there.

So I’m putting it out there that this coming Saturday is the day (only waiting till the weekend because realistically I can't take my 3 kids with me to the appointment to get started!), in fact I am going to call the gym early this week to see if I should make an appointment to chat with them about the membership and take it from there.  This has to happen, it’s going to, no more putting it off another day, week, month, YEAR.  This is getting beyond a joke, and I want to see results by this summer, so I’ve got some serious work to do!

Papa's birthday party

Today (the 14th) was my dad’s birthday.  My Nana and aunt came over from the island to celebrate with us.  They’d never been to Ikea before (shocking, I know) so we decided to surprise my aunt with a little shopping spree there, which was so fun.  I left the girls at home with James so they could take their nap and we could shop in peace, but Andrew wanted to come along.  He loves places like Ikea.  Mostly because he knows he gets to have an ice cream cone at the end, but he also genuinely likes a lot of the stuff.  (He’s seriously talented at decorating.  There are times when I’m changing things around and he suggests something and I’m like NO WAY that won’t work but I try it and it totally does!  That’s happened more times than I can count!)

After Ikea we all met back at our place where the girls were up from their nap, and my bro and sil and aunt and uncle were waiting for us.  We had a pizza and nibblies party, and a red velvet cake (store bought) as well as homemade cupcakes for dessert.  Everyone seemed to have a really good time, and it was nice to have a ‘big’ family get together.  It wasn’t that big, but we don’t all usually get together like that.  And between our colds/flus etc and my bro being sick several times recently, my bro and sil hadn’t been over to see the kids since Boxing Day!)  

I’m feeling much better but not 100% (but I’m sure I wasn’t contagious to be spreading the germs through the family!)  Only as of last night my sinus issue seems to be cleared up.  I’m still coughing a bit.  But the main symptom I still can’t seem to shake is every now and then throughout the day feeling this sudden wave of - the only word I can use to describe it - illness.  I just feel ILL.  I don’t know how else to put it.  It’s really debilitating because when it decides to hit I just feel so unwell and I can’t focus on what I should be doing.  It’s not nausea, I just feel really rundown and not well.  I took some Advil and it seemed to help a bit as I was feeling a headache coming on, and eventually the ill feeling went away again.  But I hope it will stop altogether soon, because I’m sick of feeling sick!!

We don’t have any real plans for tomorrow, which I’m looking forward to.  Andrew’s going out with my dad for a while but it will be a low key day for us over all.  James will likely tinker with his bike, as he just got some new parts for it in the mail this week.  I might get a little more done in the yard if the weather’s decent enough, or I’ll work more on my closet and get rid of more stuff so I can continue my never ending organization...And the girls will of course keep us busy!  

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

The start of spring break

I’ve been sick for about 2 weeks now...I’m finally showing some improvement, but it’s slow.  I’m so frustrated by this virus.  Basically I am completely stuffed up as if I’ve just come down with a cold, but I’ve been this way for the entire 2 weeks.  It just won’t go away.  I was starting to think it could be a sinus infection, but from googling it, it sounds like there should be pressure and pain and symptoms I don’t have associated with it.  I started off with an extreme sore throat, which thankfully ‘only’ lasted for about 3-4 days, but it’s the stuffiness and then alongside that I’ve been having flu-like symptoms where I basically feel ill and woozy and extra exhausted.  If I over-exert myself, or even just exert myself AT ALL, I seem to pay for it with a lot of achiness and a feeling that I’m ill.  It’s so annoying because I have ZERO help since I’m sick (And Andrew and Margaret have been sniffling, too, so they’re also contagious) so I can’t ask anyone to help me...and all I need is a ‘sick day’ to just rest up and try to take care of myself.  There’s not much chance of taking care of one’s self when they have 3 demanding young kids to look after.  It just isn’t happening!  James is helpful when he’s here, but he’s gone for at least 11 hours per day M-F.  He’s also been suffering from seasonal allergies so he’s had some issues of his own!  It just never ends around here.  I am so tired of feeling sick all the time, and not having the energy to do as much with the kids as I would like.

Up until today (we’re back to rain) it has been SO beautiful and sunny out.  Cold, but not so cold as to need a winter jacket or anything.  In fact, I’m going to hang my winter coat up in the back of the closet later tonight, because there’s no way I’m going to need it again till next fall...and it feels great to be able to say that!  I’m so excited for spring and summer.  When fall and winter come I can always find the goodness in those seasons too, but ultimately it’s this time of year (and the next several months) that I tend to look forward to the most.

On Sunday James took the tarp off our summer stuff out in the backyard and we got some of the kids’ toys set up.  They’ve already been enjoying their outside time, often several times a day.  It’s so nice to have our living room extension back again!  It’s been so long since we were out there.  Andrew and I also decorated the front yard a bit with our spring/summer do-dads, which I want to add to a bit but we'll wait till it's ACTUALLY spring/summer LOL because even though we've been spoiled with some nice weather and think it's spring already, it's actually winter for another week and a bit!

It’s so cute watching the girls play on the slide and climber now in our backyard.  They loved them last year, too, but they’re so much more stable now that I’m not in constant fear that they’re going to fall and hurt themselves.  Of course I still watch out for them, but they don’t need as much help as they did before.  I really love their current age, because even though they’re totally not babies anymore (tear, tear) they’re still little enough to seem like toddlers, and there’s something super cute about that.  Yet they also have a huge vocabulary and know so much and understand nearly everything we say.  While they can still be mischievous (cough, cough, MARGARET! - so much like her big brother!!) we can trust them a lot more, and they have a better understanding of what they can get away with...and what they can’t!  I love Andrew’s age, too.  He’s not a little boy anymore (more kids are growing up too fast!), he’s a kid, and he knows more than I’d expect a 6 year old to know, and definitely I’ve noticed changes in him since he’s had school influences (some good, some not the greatest!) but he’s still young enough that he loves to cuddle and still gives kisses and hugs and in moments can still seem as though he’s my baby.  And he is, and always with be, my baby boy!  

Spring break makes things more challenging for me in some ways, because with Andrew home I have all the extra demands he gives (and boy does he seem to have a lot of them) that I usually have the school day ‘break’ from.  And mainly it’s tougher because I can’t rest during the girls’ nap time like I could if he was at school.  BUT I admittedly enjoy not having to get us all ready for drop off and pick up times, and I also just enjoy having Andrew home with me.  I’ve been a bit hormonal maybe (period this week, adding insult to injury given everything else I’ve been dealing with health wise...My cycle is so horrendous since having twins, I recently had an ultrasound and other tests done to see if we can figure out why it’s so bad...but anyway) and I find I’m a bit more clingy with my family when that happens (if I could I’d be attached to James’ hip at times!) so I like having all my kids with me.  It’s just nice to have a little of that time back that we lost when he started school.  For the most part I think school is great for all of us, but the break is welcome!  Summer will be challenging in some ways but now that I’ve had Andrew home for a few days of spring break (he gets 2 weeks off) I’m thinking it’s going to be nice to have that time.  I probably only have so much longer anyway before the girls won’t nap anymore, so I’ll pretty much never get breaks soon anyway, so he may as well be here with us, too!....=S  (Although I will do everything I can to keep the girls napping as long as possible...Andrew stopped napping around 15 months if I recall correctly, and we basically couldn’t let him nap even if he wanted to by a certain point because he wouldn’t go to bed till all hours if he had a nap through the day.  But the girls are relatively good about napping and I think they still need it...and we all know I do!!  They were going down around 11-1130 and would sleep anywhere from an hour to two.  But lately they go down more like noon and sleep for an hour, sometimes two but usually not quite that long.

So they stopped having their bottles completely a few weeks ago and there’s been no looking back.  They have milk in sippy cups or regular cups, but they don’t even need milk before naps or bed like we thought they’d want.  They just end up wasting it if we give it to them, so they just have maybe a cup per day if that.  As of about a week ago they’re also sitting at the table with us now in their booster seats, so I’m going to wash the highchairs soon and get them put away and most likely sell them really soon.  I feel like I can’t part with them just yet, for one because if we have people over we won’t have enough seating at the table if they don’t use their highchairs (of course, that will always be an issue and eventually they can’t be put in those seats!) and I think, too, I’m not ready to part with them, which is RIDICULOUS I know...but it just seems so crazy that they’re beyond highchairs already.  When I bought those chairs, they were so tiny that their little feet didn’t even come to the end of the chair, and now they are so big they can just sit at the dinner table with us and eat from a plate.  How did that happen so fast?!

Fingers crossed this virus gets bored of me and leaves by Friday, because we have weekend plans that I feel can’t be broken and I’ll feel so bad if they have to be because of me...

Hopefully a short lived virus...

Oops, I wrote this a while ago and didn't realize it was saved as a draft but never bad!

Well, it looks like another round of colds is about to hit our house.  I can’t believe I’m already saying that, we literally have been healthy for maybe 3 weeks?!  I can’t stand how many viruses we seem to get.  Andrew started with a stuffy nose the night before last, and has complained of watery eyes and a sore throat.  Given that James is already dealing with allergy season (it seems to happen earlier and earlier each year since he started getting them several years ago) we thought maybe Andrew had allergies as well.  But, no, it’s a cold, because now I’m getting it (and I don’t have seasonal allergies).  Fingers crossed this is a short lived virus.  As it is, our weekend plans are most likely going to have to be cancelled, which I’m bummed about.  It’d be nice to get through the rest of the week on more than just auto-pilot…

We had a nice visit with James dad/partner over the weekend.  On Sunday we took them to Deer Lake for a little walk and for the kids to play outside.  I love Deer Lake, even though we don’t go there super often it’s one of my ‘happy’ places.  It’s funny because we took Andrew there once when he was maybe 3 years old and it was one of the worst outings ever because he was totally uncooperative and I became miserable as a result and I remember telling James I never wanted to go back there.  Last year we took the kids there and it was basically our last memorable ‘summer’ outing as a family, and it was SO perfect that I put Deer Lake up on a pedestal and now I feel like it would take a lot for it to come crashing down!  I should also remember the Michael Buble concert James and I went to there before we had kids, which goes without saying was AMAZING.

It was so nice to have sunny weather for the weekend, Sunday was a bit cloudier than we’d hoped but still nice enough to be spending time outdoors.  I’m sort of already getting used to sunny weather, even though it’s still quite cold...It’s going to be annoying when we inevitably get hit with rain and grey skies again...I know, I again should NOT be complaining at all about our glorious weather here when other parts of the country (and of course world!) are being plagued by snowstorms.  I couldn’t even imagine it.  I’m practically counting down the days till I can put my close-toed shoes away and live in flip flops for months and months (often times even in the rain!)