My non-resolution resolutions!

I really am feeling a sense of ‘new’ with the new year starting.  I want to dive into it full of motivation and actually plow through the ‘to do’ list that I’ve created in my mind.  I made one resolution for 2014 (to lose weight...30lbs was my goal) and I did a very terrible job at it.  I lost 7lbs at one point, and then somehow (quite easily, actually) managed to gain it back.  I can say with a sigh of relief that I at least didn’t GAIN any weight above what I weighed at the beginning of last year. I am about 2lbs lighter, although it certainly doesn't show!! But my goal to lose 30lbs by December 2014?  Epic fail.  I didn’t even try, really.  I am hanging my head in shame as I admit it! But I think I have opened my eyes now, after having failing at that goal, and more than ever I really do want to push myself and see results.  

It’s not so much out of laziness that it didn’t work out.  Although I have my moments and definitely can be lazy!  It’s more that I don’t prioritize the teensy tiny amount of ‘me time’ that I get.  I am TIRED.  ALL THE TIME.  Whether I have me time or not.  And me time is not all that frequent, and generally happens after I’ve already put in about 11 hours on my own with the kids.  I’m exhausted by the time I have time to myself, and I do like to take a bubble bath, or lay in bed watching vlogs, or nap, or putter about on the projects I’m wanting to work on but rarely have time for.  It’s really, REALLY challenging to motivate myself to EXERCISE after a day of feeling like all I did was race around after my little ones.  It’s also challenging to EAT HEALTHY and not snack when I probably shouldn’t because I didn’t eat properly when I should have.  I often feed the kids and don’t eat anything while feeding them, and then later I wonder why I’m starving because in my mind we already had a healthy meal...only I wasn’t included in the consuming of the healthy meal so I just grab something quick.  It’s not that I eat super unhealthy foods all the time, but I know I could be doing so much better.  And the biggest reason for not eating when the kids do isn’t that I’m just stupidly not eating, it’s that they often have things for breakfast like scrambled eggs or cereal, and I can’t eat eggs (unless they’re cooked into something I get terrible stomach aches from eggs) and I can’t drink milk, including eating it in cereal (same stomach aches occur...and I occasionally do buy almond milk but I can't say I love it in cereal).  Should I add seeing the doctor about the food issues that I seem to have developed since having the twins to my to do list for 2015?  Yes, probably.  I also am due for a pap test (ugh) so I may as well go and get everything over and done with in one go!  BUT I’d like to be feeling a bit healthier and better about myself before I do that, because I haven’t seen my doctor in over a year now.  So I think I’ll set a TWO MONTH goal and work on my fitness goals NOW so that when I go I will already be starting to see some progress.

I just don’t take care of myself as well as I should because I’m so busy taking care of other people.  Which I KNOW is a cop-out and it’s the age-old saying, if you don’t love yourself how can you love someone else.  If I don’t take proper care of ME, I won’t have the proper energy to be taking care of everyone else.  I KNOW THAT.  But I find it’s a whole other thing to actually LIVE that.

So I have to start taking better care of myself.  I am not calling any of this ‘resolutions’ because my blog is living proof (well, okay, maybe not LIVING proof, I don’t think my blog is actually ALIVE!) that I don’t do well with resolutions.  But whatever we’re going to call it, I’ve got to start making changes NOW and not just think about them but actually ACTIVELY work on them.  Maybe I should do a weekly check in on my blog as to what I’ve done in the week previous so I’ll feel more accountable for my actions?  All I know is, something’s gotta give!  I can’t continue on as I’ve been.  It has to start now, and no better time than the present, which also happens to be the very beginning of a whole new year!!

I’m still contemplating getting a gym membership.  I really think I should, on the one hand, because it might force me to work out when I would otherwise come up with excuses not to.  If I’m paying for it, I’m going to feel more pressure to do something.  On the other hand, I don’t know...Something holds me back from actually taking that step - maybe I need a swift kick to the rear to get me out the door and to the gym?!

This year I really feel like enough’s enough, I’m tired of just talking the talk, I really do have to walk the walk.  And I’m not just talking about exercise.  I feel like too much time is wasted, and I don’t know if it’s because I’m not getting any younger (I’ll be 35 in just over a month) but I am feeling more and more pressure to accomplish the things on my Bucket List, because if I don’t start now, when will I?  What if it ends up being too late?  I worry I’m the type of person who will have regrets when I’m at ‘the end’ and I really don’t want it to be that way.  So in order to prevent that, the clock starts NOW!


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