I just need a little time
The shelf is up in the laundry room and now I’m wishing I’d got one when we first moved here! Which was 2 years ago today. Wow, in some ways I can’t believe we’ve been here for 2 years but in others it feels like we’ve been here way longer. It’s definitely home, and doing these little updates here and there makes it feel even homier, and a little bit new!
So far today I’ve been feeling really overwhelmed. I think part of it is that I didn’t really get out at all over the weekend. Yesterday James and Andrew were out for most of the day to attend a concert that the mil was in, so I was at home with the girls and yes we could have gone for a walk I guess, but without the van I wouldn’t be venturing far. I think I’m feeling sad that James and I pretty much never get to go out just the two of us. Later this week he’s accompanying me to my doctor’s appointment, and that’s pretty much the biggest outing we’ll have had together in a while. How sad is that?! He said we should plan something for my birthday (Feb 5) but how sad is it, too, that the next plan we’re able to make is for a date that’s still nearly 2 weeks away?! I really wish we had more help so we could have more time just the two of us. But I’ll stop dwelling on it because it gets me feeling way too overwhelmed if I let it.
The kids were acting up again this morning and I feel like I am going to lose it the more frustrating they become. Sometimes I feel like NOTHING I do is good enough, even when I feel like I’ve done something extra to make them happy, at least one of them whines and is miserable. I am kind of getting to the end of my rope. I need a break! I reeeeally need a break. I need some time to get stuff done that I want to do, because I SHOULD occasionally get time to work on projects for me without kids freaking out about it, no? I don’t think it’s selfish to feel that way. I need to feel like I’m my own person, but there are days (like this one) where I kind of feel like all I am is a slave to everyone around me, and I’m tired of being treated badly when all I’m doing is everything for everyone else!
I think I’ll try to nap now that the girls are sleeping. It won’t be long before Margaret is up again.