Thursday, October 03, 2013

So much to do, so little time



When I was 22 I couldn’t take retail anymore so I quit my job and eventually found what I thought was going to be a much more sophisticated position in an office environment.  It could have been that, except that I ended up working for a guy who appeared kind (and I think deep down he meant well) but his brain was so scattered that the job was a total gong show from beginning to abrupt end a few months later.  His company had been a solo operation for several years, and he was finally starting what he hoped would become a large corporation, with me being his very first hire.  He was so eager to get his company under way that he would come into the office every morning with a new task for me to get started on.  In most cases this would make sense – you’re given a set of tasks and you complete them in a prioritized manner, done deal.  In this job, however, it seemed that the boss was so keen to get the ball rolling, he wanted me to ‘deal with yesterday’s task later and focus on this new one’ EVERY.SINGLE.DAY.  Which meant that in reality, I was never actually completing much of anything.  Very seldomly he’d give me a task that I knew I’d be able to do in just a number of hours (if he didn’t throw me for a loop and start me on something altogether different after lunch, which wasn’t uncommon for him either).  I was so relieved when I knew I’d be finished the work in one day because then I knew I’d actually have accomplished something and could move onto the next thing without worrying about the long list trailing behind me of things I had barely started.  Most of the time, I just felt like I was floundering, and I couldn’t fathom how I would ever manage to catch up with the work load.  In the end, the job didn’t work out due to an insane boss…I would totally take accountability if I felt I was at fault, but the guy went nuts one night and what I discovered when I got to work the next morning kind of freaked me out and I quickly gathered up my things and left to never return…

I will leave it at that, but suffice it to say, I am sort of feeling that sense of dread creeping in lately – the one that takes hold when there’s too much piling up on the ‘to do’ list.  Compared to a lot of people, I’m sure I’m really organized.  But how amazing would it be to TRULY feel as close to 100% organized in life as possible?  IS that possible??  Tell me if you feel like you’re life isn’t in the least bit of chaos and everything is in its right place.  Then tell me how you got there!  I’d love to know (despite the fit of jealousy it would send me into knowing that it actually IS possible to be uber organized and have life in a state of perfection!)

I don’t need things to be ‘perfect’ per se, I just wish I wasn’t constantly thinking to myself, ‘I’d love to do this!’ or ‘I NEED to do that!’ or what have you…Then my brain just automatically adds it to the list in brain that has become so long that it’s turning to mush (the list AND my brain)……..

Sometimes I feel really organized, at least in relation to certain aspects of my life.  But lately so much is piling up, and my time for completely tasks that don’t involve washing highchair trays, changing diapers, fixing snacks (etc along the same vein) is so minimal that it’s impossible to make so much as a dent in the list.  Sigh.  I know in the grand scheme of things it probably doesn’t matter, although to me it does at least a little bit.  And yes I am well aware that instead of writing this rant about my lack of time to get things done, I probably could have completed half of one of my tasks!  But it’s too late now…Maybe I will start tomorrow…

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