Yesterday I went and got my hair done downtown, where I used to pre-twins. James had the day off so we went over to his mom’s house (she lives near the hair dressers’) and they looked after the kids while I had my appointment. It was great to get that time, but I think I’m going to have to find someone closer to do my hair from now on. It just felt like a lot to go all the way downtown for that, and I know most often James wouldn’t be off, so it’s a lot to ask one person to take all 3 kids. It’s so hard…Not really having much help to speak of, and feeling like I somehow owe the mil when she does stuff like that for me, just because of the nature of our relationship. We do have a babysitter now, but if we have her over (which has only been one time so far) we can’t go anywhere far, because it costs us $15 per hour and she doesn’t stay longer than 4 hours max. When you think about it, it’s tough because if it takes us half an hour each way to get where we’re going (which it easily could given how traffic can be), that’s one whole hour gone just in travel time! I feel kind of bummed about how tied down we are, to be honest. I love my kids and of course if I didn’t have them I’d totally feel a void (I did before I had them all!) and I WANT this life, but it’s hard because having twins, no one really feels comfortable taking that on. Everyone says to me, ‘I don’t know how you do this all day’ and truthfully, neither do I! It isn’t easy, but I do it…I just wish there were more people in our lives who were willing AND able to take on all 3 for a length of time so James and I could have time together, or we could get stuff done, or WHATEVER, more often than once in a blue moon.
Anyway…I got my hair done, and then James and I met up at Milestones at English Bay for dinner. Then, even though it was spitting with rain, we went and sat on a bench by the water and looked out at all the sailboats. It was so nice to be able to do that. I love being able to spend a few hours, just the two of us.
Today James has the day off as well (he starts his new job in 2 weeks and all he was ‘allowed’ by his current employer was to take these 2 measly days off…I’m a little upset about that since he won’t be able to take any more days off till Christmas now…and he had 9 days saved up. Yes he’ll get a pay out for those days but it’s not the same as him actually being able to spend time as a family). Anyway, wow I’m full of little complaints today aren’t I! So today we’ve taken turns having ‘me time’ and I’m at the beginning of 2.5 hours to myself, YAY for that!!
This post makes it sound like all I want to do is spend time away from my children, and that’s not the case at all. I love those gals and guy to absolute bits. They are so special to me and I love the time we spend together, but I think it’s important to have alone time, too, and it’s too few and far between these days that we get that time to just ‘be.’ I think it’s OK and perfectly natural to miss that ability sometimes, to just do whatever. Even just going to the store now is such a process. Little, simple everyday things can become impossible, and that bothers me sometimes. Oh, and we’ve decided that we’re not going out past roughly 4pm from now on if we can help it, or at least until the babies are no longer napping. Because last night we drove home and got here around 8 and both babies had slept in the car and woke up when we got them into their cribs. They were up and WIRED and extremely energetic, yet acting overtired at the same time, till 11pm. I was up on my own with them for the majority of that time since James went to bed due to getting so little sleep lately because of them. So yeah…While the date was fun, it sort of felt like it wasn’t worth it for how the rest of the night went. Sigh!! I know things will get better, and I also try to remind myself that one day I will be missing how needy my kids were for my attention! I just wish sometimes that things were a little easier is all…