Saturday, March 16, 2013

So many childrens!



I still marvel at the fact that I have twins.  That I was lucky enough to have a son AND two daughters.  It amazes me!  It was around a year ago that I found out I was pregnant, but didn’t yet know it was with twins.  Shortly before that time, I was struggling with the thought that I might never have another child after the loss I experienced, and I was so stressed at the idea that I might only ever have one child.  A perfectly wonderful child, but still, I knew in my heart I wanted two kids.  Instead, I got three.

I really do believe that for some reason I was meant to be ‘one of the lucky ones’ who gets twins.  I still have no idea WHY.  LOL  But even though I feel like I’m going completely crazy at some point pretty much every single day, I love my babies so much.  I love my family so much!  It’s so easy to get caught up in the chaos and not be able to see things clearly.  But every so often I’m able to sort of take a step back as though I’m looking in at my life and I think, Wow!  When did this happen that I became the MOTHER OF THREE?!  I still feel so young in my mind, I don’t think of myself as a thirty-something stay-at-home mother of three kids.  It’s kind of crazy how that happened!  But it’s such a special time, and I know that for all the sleeplessness and insanity that young children bring, they are also such joys and won’t be this small forever.  I have to enjoy as much of this time as I can.

I was feeling particularly exhausted yesterday, running on no more than 3 hours sleep (luckily James was able to come home early and finish up work from home so I could get a bit of rest in the afternoon, or I honestly don’t know how I’d have survived!)  Andrew was following me everywhere I went, whether it be the kitchen, the bathroom, to change over a load of laundry – whatever, he was right there.  So close that I was sometimes tripping over him to do what I needed to get done.  I found myself not tolerating it entirely well, it felt like a complete invasion of my personal space and I just wanted five freaking minutes to myself.  It’s justified to feel that way at times since it really is very rare for me to ever be totally ‘alone’.  But I thought about it later when I was feeling more calm, and I felt bad for feeling invaded.  Because another way to look at it is how SWEET it is that my little boy loves me so much that he just wants to go where I go.  Even if I’m not doing anything fun or seemingly important, he wants to be spending that time with me.  I’m not saying I’ll never get annoyed again when I can’t do a single thing without someone shadowing me, but I’m going to do my best to look at it in this other way.  One day I KNOW I’ll feel a bit sad thinking how he no longer wants to be around me that much, so I have to enjoy what I can in the now!

We were listening to music this morning, me and the kidlets, while James was out getting some things added to his new bike.  The song ‘Just the two of us’ by Will Smith came on and at the time I was holding Margaret in a sling and Emily just on my hip, and we were dancing and I was singing, ‘Just the FOUR of us’ and that’s when it dawned on me – I HAVE THREEEEEE KIDS!  And two of them are twins!  It’s crazy and amazing all rolled into one.

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