Finally some sunshine

The other day I was ready to throw in the towel with regards to breast feeding.  The babies weren’t latching, it was making me miserable, I wasn’t pumping enough, blah blah.  I wrote my last post about the whole thing and then the next morning Margaret started nursing again and was latching on with ease and wanting to just cuddle up for her feeding sessions.  Emily still freaked and flailed if I tried to get her on there, but I figured one out of two nursing was better than none!  Then today, after a 3-4 day complete hiatus from the breast, Emily latched on several times and was very content to nurse.  So…I guess you just never know!  At this point I’m just going to take it each day at a time.  It’s still stressing me out, and that was one reason I wanted to ‘quit’ – because if it’s not an option anymore, I won’t have to keep feeling concerned about it.  But I also know that I WANT to give them breast milk if I can, so I’m going to stick with it as long as they want it.  If it becomes too much of a struggle and it’s totally not worth it anymore, I’ll stop.  I’m not going to pump anymore, though, so if they want the milk supply I have (which definitely isn’t anywhere near what it used to be since they often have bottles instead of breast now), they’re going to have to nurse to keep it up!  My ‘policy’ will be to offer breast first, and if they don’t take to it I’ll give a bottle.  Of course, there’s also the exception of times (like right now) where if they get hungry, James HAS to give them a bottle, because I’m ‘not available’!!  Part of me thinks that I should be available at all times and nursing more often to re-establish exclusive breast milk feeding…BUT the majority of me says that I really do need to allow myself time away from the babies, and the only way is to be OK with formula feeding. 

I am primarily on my own ALL THE TIME through the week, so I really do need to get away and clear my head when given the chance.  I’m looking forward to Saturday because James is going to take all 3 kids to his mom’s so I can have some time at home on my own.  It will be the first time I’ve been home alone since before the babies were born – first time ever at our new place.  I’m planning on getting the last of my boxes unpacked, the stuff that isn’t essential but really should be organized – stuff I’m not able to get to when I’ve got all the kids needing me every 5 seconds!  I might also crank up some tunes I enjoy, have a nice bubble bath, and while I’d like to do more like go for walk or SOMETHING different, I’ll probably need to throw a nap in there somewhere!  I already know that the time is going to fly by and it isn’t going to be enough, but it will definitely be better than no time at all. 

We had a pretty good day today.  With the sun finally shining, I took the opportunity to get the kids out to the park.  I am cooped up SO much of the time, it’s kind of sad.  When Andrew was a baby we lived in Coal Harbour and I used to get out almost daily by the time he was the girls’ age.  We’d walk the seawall or go and get groceries – everything I did was on foot because we didn’t have a car and we lived close to everything.  Here, we need the van to go anywhere and I don’t take the bus at all anymore (I don’t think I could get the double stroller on there if I tried!)  We don’t go out much because it’s usually raining and cold, speaking of which we often seem to have colds, and the logistics of getting all 3 kids ready to go anywhere is a bit of a nightmare.  Case in point, it took almost 2 full hours to get ready to go to the park today, and we were probably only out for half that time!  It was really cold out (though beautifully sunny) so we couldn’t stay out as long as I’d have liked, as I was worried that the babies were getting too chilled.

At the park, Andrew had fun running around, although I felt kind of bad for urging him to go down the slide in his rain pants only to go flying off the bottom of it and getting all mucky, which he HATES!  Oops!!  I actually suggested that he play in a big puddle just for fun and he could bathe when we got home and he said, ‘Mommy, how about I just have the bath part but without playing in the puddle, because I’d really rather not get all dirty!’  LOL  It’s so funny because when I was his age, I loved nothing more than to play in mud puddles, and here I am as the parent ENCOURAGING mud puddle play and he’s against it!  Ha!

Andrew was so good about the fact that I couldn’t do some of the stuff at the playground that I’d do if I didn’t also have to look after the babies.  Margaret slept through pretty much the whole thing, not waking till we were on the walk home.  But Emily wanted out of the stroller as soon as we were at the playground, and she was taking in everything around her.  I put her in one of the baby swings and she wasn’t smiling about it but she seemed content enough.  I think it reminded her of her swing at home and if I’d kept her in it much longer she’d have dozed off!  It was her very first outdoor swing experience, awww!  Margaret will have a turn next time  =)

I think getting out in the spring and summer will be SO good for my mental health, just to have outings and not be in the same space ALL THE TIME.  Of course it will be healthier for the kids, too.  I do worry somewhat about the time it takes to get ready and how exhausting that alone is, let alone the actual outings themselves…It’s going to get crazier as the babies get more and more active/mobile etc.  But I want to focus on the positives - the enjoyment of the fresh air and the sun, the change of scenery, and the experiences that will create happy memories as a family.  I’m done with all this rain!  Bring on some spring time sun and I vow to get us out of the house more regularly, even if it DOES take half a day to get us all out there!


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