You take the good, you take the bad

The early part of today went so well, that I could actually say – and with some enthusiasm, even – that I felt HAPPY.  I’m not saying I’m in the depths of despair most of the time, but this past month has been quite difficult.  Ever since getting the norovirus, really.  It has just been a tough month, and I think emotionally it has caught up to me, especially with the lack of sleep.  I’m at a point where even when I DO get more sleep (and James has been taking on the night time wake ups this week so I could get more, because he can see me breaking down a bit), I still feel totally wiped most of the time.  It’s like my body needs a LOT of good sleeps in order to replenish all it has lost.

But this morning, even though I could have quite nicely gone back to bed after being up for about an hour, I decided we were going to go run an errand I’ve been putting off and then go over to my mom’s for a visit.  I actually hadn’t been to my mom’s for an entire month – the last time I went there was after the girls went for their first immunizations.  My parents are a 5-7 minute drive from our place, so it’s CRAZY that I haven’t been there in so long.  But we all got sick at various times, and with preparing for the move etc, it just hasn’t worked out for that long.

The errand we had to run was returning a faulty shower curtain, which sounds like such a simple task but like I mentioned in a previous post, simple tasks take on a whole set of challenges when you’re trying to complete them with a kid and 2 babies in tow!  However, everything worked out PERFECTLY and all the kids were well behaved and it just went as smoothly as it possibly could.  I dare say I even had a bit of a spring in my step as I got all the kids piled back into the van and shut the trunk door down over the double stroller, which I often find causes the door to not latch properly and then I have to keep trying to wedge it in further, each moment of frustration reminding me why it’s better to just stay home…Today that didn’t happen!  I saw someone watching me get everyone back in the van and I can well imagine they were thinking what a gong show my life must be, but in that particular moment, everything seemed fine to me and I felt like a pro!

When we got to my mom’s I was still in a chipper mood, and even felt as if I had a hint of energy.  I fed the babies and shared some happy moments cuddling them and bouncing them on my knee (not both at the same time, lol, I’m not superwoman!)  Andrew was so happy to be at my mom’s because she’s pretty much his favourite person in the entire universe (after me, I hope!!) so he was well-behaved.  All was well in my world.

As the afternoon went on, my mind started wandering toward everything I need to be getting done here, at home, and I was feeling antsy about spending the entire afternoon away from where I thought I should be.  Then Andrew started to get overtired and was whining and crying over the stupidest things.  The girls got fussier and were going for the Guinness Book of World Records for biggest and most spit ups.  And huge, stinky, soupy poos (thanks, formula – all the more reason why I wish I didn’t have to supplement them with the stuff…sigh).  I suddenly realized I was zombie tired, and it was time to go home.  So I got everyone home…Andrew fell asleep in the car so he was easy, although he’s still asleep now which means he’ll wake up in the middle of the night starving because he didn’t have any dinner…Fun – there’s something to look forward to!  And the girls fussed and cried off and on (mostly on) the whole time till James got home, and up until about a minute ago I could still here Emily’s sobs.

You have NO IDEA how good it feels to hear the sound of a key in the door lock, knowing the hubby is home to help take the load off.  Or, if you have kid(s), you probably do!!  I am SOOOO grateful to have a husband who doesn’t complain about taking on the kids after a day of work outside the home.  He totally takes it on, and at this particular point in time, I don’t know what I’d do if he didn’t, because I’d go totally crazy without this bit of down time.

It was challenging when Andrew was born because I was new to being a mom and I was going through it all for the first time, so it felt exhausting and at times difficult and I know I had days where I was overwhelmed.  But certainly nothing like this.  I was pretty relaxed as a new mom because I think that’s just my personality – not that I’d say I’m super ‘relaxed’ but in terms of the way I parent, I think I’m fairly laid back.  And with having been there done that with a lot of things, I’m more relaxed with the twins because I maybe don’t fear things like I would have the first time around.  I definitely know what I’m doing!  BUT…two babies at once is, in my opinion, literally double of everything.  I don’t feel like it’s only just a little bit more complicated than one baby, I think it’s doubly complicated.  And perhaps adding to that complication is having another child as well as the twins.  I’m handling them all, I know I can do this, and I will, but as much as I’m loving it and adore my 3 kids, I am SO TIRED, and I am SO FRAZZLED and in some ways I’m getting kind of close to feeling like I’m at my wit’s end.  And I’m only almost 4 months in with the twins.  Gawd help me!!!!!


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