This post is all over the place, which is right in line with the chaos that is my life!
There is SO much I want to write about and catch up on, but I also know that much of it is going to be lost because it’s just not going to happen. Does that make me sad? Why yes, yes it does. So do a lot of things right now. But I’m going to try to focus on the positives for this post (and immediately follow it with a negative one, most likely…lol!)
It was my birthday yesterday. I am 33. Do I ‘feel’ 33? I don’t know. I don’t even know what a particular age is supposed to feel like. I guess if this is 33, I’m feeling it?! Mostly I’m just really tired, but that has nothing to do with my age and everything to do with my kids!! Oh right, this is my ‘positive’ post – LOL…Ah, who am I kidding – I’m going to have to mix the good with the bad and do it all in one long-winded post, because the good and the bad kind of go together, it doesn’t really make sense to separate them at this point.
So my birthday felt like just a regular day and not very birthday-ish throughout the day, since I was on my own with the kids as per usual. So I cleaned the kitchen, did about 3 loads of laundry (on a positive note I am LOVING our washer and dryer here! They are full size and I am still amazed at how much I can fit in one load…How it is that I am still constantly doing laundry I don’t know, given I can do practically 3 loads in one here compared to what I could do in the apartment sized unit at our last place!) I also worked a little more at unpacking, which for me is going paaaaainfully slow, I swear to gawd I should have this place completely unpacked and everything in its rightful place by now but I don’t even feel close to that yet…It’s getting there but I am interrupted by one or two or three kids at once every time I get started on a project so it’s just not happening the way I would like.
I was a little bummed about my birthday not feeling like one (although I did enjoy every time Andrew started acting up being able to remind him that it was my birthday and he’d start being nice again!) but then I thought, who really cares, it’s just a birthday! It doesn’t feel the same as it used to, so what. The perk was that my parents came over when my dad got home from work so I was actually able to BATHE (what a concept) and then James and I went to Earl’s for dinner (we love a vegetarian version of their kung pao). It was SO NICE to go out just the two of us, I can’t even put it into words. I really needed that time out! I even had a 9oz glass of red wine that I could really go for again right now, so civilized! I rarely drink so it was a real treat. I wish James and I could go out for a meal like that and come home and have a bottle of red wine to share, sit by the fireplace and enjoy a cozy fire (which we’ve yet to do since moving here, despite that we DO have a wood burning fireplace…sigh), maybe watch a movie, spend some quality time together (wink wink, nudge nudge) and sleep through the entire night…Basically it would mean KID FREE, and let’s face it, NOT GONNA HAPPEN in the foreseeable future. OK, next topic, before I start crying…) (Yeah, I had a bit of a rough day today!)
Anyway, it was great to have a birthday date night. Oh and prezzies! Well, technically my present was a new shelf we got for the living room from Ikea (oh yeah, James and I went to Ikea on Sunday while my aunt and uncle babysat for us, and we bought a whole bunch of stuff, which I was thrilled about! We got everything we wanted in one go since we had to have it delivered and didn’t want to end up with more than one delivery charge if we spaced out the purchases, since it came to something like $70 for the delivery, which is highway robbery since we live about a 15 minute drive from Ikea but what can you do!) (We got the shelves, a desk, desk chair, mirror for our bedroom, another crib since the babies won’t fit in the same one forever, a giant Amsterdam picture, and then a bunch of ‘little’ things like bathmats, towels, etc – oooh I’m telling you, I enjoyed the retail therapy!!)
So technically the shelf was my gift because James had wanted to hold off on getting a shelf but I had to have one because without it there was literally nowhere for me to put any ornament type stuff. BUT he gave me a really nice card and suggested as a gift I go pick out a new tap for one or both of the bathrooms or some such thing (I hate the taps here, soooo old and basic and hideous)…BUT I think instead I’ll put the money toward some new clothes since I also have some gift certificates for clothes, because I’m still wearing maternity tops since I haven’t got much of anything else. Let’s remember I was pregnant for, like, a year and a half since I was pregnant for 3 months, then not for 4, then pregnant again with twins which felt like 10 years of being pregnant…So all I really had was maternity stuff…I want to be done with that stuff and maybe have a bit of a new look (though let’s be perfectly honest – I am usually in pajamas…it’s kind of my lifestyle right now since I’m practically always at home with kid/babies!) I also got an adorable mug from Andrew and his sisters with a picture of them on it that is SUPER adorable. And I got some candles and a gift certificate from Bath and Body Works, a clothes gift certificate, a new nightgown, and a box of chocolates from my parents. When we got home from our dinner out we had chocolate fudge cake (although Andrew had fallen asleep shortly before we got home…Which I felt bad about because he’d been talking about having cake ALL DAY – so I made up for it by letting him have cake for breakfast this morning, and he was over the moon thrilled about that! He sang to me and blew out two candles (with my help) and then ate the cake!)
So yeah…my birthday was good in the evening…It just wasn’t long enough! And our outing to Ikea (and Cactus Club using a gift certificate from Xmas) on Sunday was good. That’s 2 no-kid outings in a matter of days so you’d think I wouldn’t be complaining about my lack of time away, but I am anyway…I feel like I need a lot more of it.
Today I felt like we really needed to get out of the house. Even Andrew was asking what we were going to do with the day, and while I know he would have been fine to just do our usual at home, I wanted to do SOMETHING, and we needed a few things, so I decided to pile everyone into the van and go to Costco.
(OK, it’s now several hours later…Had to throw in a 30 minute nap or I was going to go insane…When James woke me up he said he’d just fed both girls and they’d likely sleep for quite some time – 5 minutes after I came downstairs, Margaret started wailing while I was pumping milk, and she’s still awake now. Content in the swing, although as I wrote ‘content’ she started ‘talking’ which generally means she’s going to get fussy and need something…)
So we went to Costco. And it could have been worse for sure because at least all 3 kids were well behaved! If they hadn’t been so good, I probably would have run out screaming! But it was a bit of a gong show anyway. I mean, we did fine, I managed, I got everything I was hoping to get there. It’s just so exhausting - and not entirely easy pushing a double stroller with one hand and pulling a giant Costco cart (with Andrew in it) with the other. It’s challenging…and if it was busy there, forget it – as it was I kept having to wait for people to go to the next isle because as soon as people saw me they seemed to want to charge ahead of me. Would have maybe been nice to once in a while have someone let ME go first, but whatever.
And I swear to gawd if I hear, ‘You sure have your hands full!’ one more time….Like I don’t freaking know that – and after hearing it at least 10 times, it’s hard to fake laughter over it!!! I will do a post on that topic later, though…
It went fine but when we got home I was totally exhausted, and of course didn’t have the luxury of being able to rest…AT ALL…So it’s sadly just easier to stay home. I’m really wanting to make more of an effort to go out, but it’s not easy.
One good thing is that we have a carport at our townhouse, so the van is parked right outside the front door. This means that we can leave the stroller in the back of the van, and when we’re going out I just have to get the car seats out (which I’m keeping in a little storage area under the stairs inside) and get the babies into those, then transfer straight to the van. It at least eliminates having to get the stroller ready and into the van every single time we go somewhere. So it’s a LITTLE easier to head out, but it’s still a lot of rigmarole getting ready/going out/being out/and coming home.
Seriously, people, if you have freedom, value it, and try not to take it for granted. Because I feel like I have ZERO freedom right now. Seriously, none whatsoever. I can’t just pop into a store to grab something quickly. One thing I really want to do is go to a health food store to see about getting some supplement type things for getting milk supply up – my milk supply is pretty good but we ARE having to supplement with formula DAILY lately, because feeding two babies exclusively with breast milk – two babies who eat CONSTANTLY – is proving very difficult. But to go to a health food store with all 3 kids and try to talk to a clerk about what to get, well forget it. Andrew is in a phase where he says, ‘You can’t talk EVER AGAIN, DON’T DO THIS’ etc any time anyone talks to me, so taking him would mean a huge freak out and most likely an inability to discuss what I need with someone who would know what I should be getting. As well, you never know if the babies will cooperate. They’re usually pretty good, but mostly when I’m on the move – if I stop to look at anything (or talk to someone) for too long, they seem to get antsy. So I hesitate going even though it’s something I want to do, because I already know it’s very likely to be a total gong show, and that’s just not worth it to me.
I do occasionally go out on my own for groceries but when I do it’s after dinner, and I’m exhausted by that point, and basically as soon as I get home James has to go to bed, which sucks because I get home and then have to put all the groceries away and still have night time routine things I have to do for the babies (and sometimes Andrew, too) and James has to go to bed. There is nothing good about our current routine, really, when you consider freedom, or time for James and I to spend together. It’s very frustrating, and we’re basically living on auto pilot at the moment, with no foreseeable change.
So Margaret started rolling over today. Emily doesn’t seem interested in trying, she just stared at her sister and flailed her rolly poly arms around! Even though they are a LOT of work, and omg they are a LOT of work…they are so sweet, and so precious. But I’ll have to write about that later because Margaret just spit up big time in the swing and is ‘talking’ loudly, and Emily is starting to stir also…Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!