Two more hours and it's my turn to sleep!

It’s chaos here, but I expect it to be that way for…several years most likely!

The girls are continuing to grow SO FAST, as in I can see the difference – daily.  I went to put Margaret in a particular preemie sleeper this afternoon, only to discover that the footsies were too small – her poor little toes were curling up in them!  So that was the end of that sleeper.  Crazy how fast that happens!  Tomorrow they are FOUR WEEKS OLD already.  I can’t believe that.  Is it weird that I feel a bit weepy at the thought of how quickly time seems to be going by now that they’re here?  They’re not going to be newborns for long enough for my liking!

I actually have been crying a fair bit lately.  I don’t think I cried this much after I had Andrew, I recall it being really bad just for a few days and then I was back to ‘normal’.  I think it’s harder this time because not only do I have a whole extra baby to look after, but I also have Andrew, who requires a lot of attention and energy, both of which are not always easy to give these days.  I’m just SO tired, it’s really often all I can do just to function at all, I feel like I’m just going through the motions and then I get overwhelmed.

I’m not ‘depressed’ by any means, I know these are tears of sleep deprivation, and adjustment to this crazy life I’ve been thrown into.   Not that having a singleton isn’t challenging, because it totally is, but twins is…literally double.  You really can’t know quite what it’s like till you’re living it.  It’s amazing in so many ways, and I wouldn’t trade them for anything, obviously, but WOW is it a lot of work.

I don’t cry all the time or anything, but I’m hoping the sensitivity I’m feeling starts going away soon.  Being a person who hates crying, it’s really hard dealing with the waterworks when they come on suddenly and won’t shut off!

Beyond that, things are good.  LOL  There’s currently a lot of farting noises coming from the bassinet, and little grunts.  So funny.  (Sorry girls, but hey, it’s the truth!)

Today Andrew and I went and did a grocery shop together, and then a little while later he and James went to the park for a while.  I think it was good that Andrew had some one on one time with both of us today, even if his time with me was spent getting groceries!  He was on an absolute TEAR yesterday and it was basically the worst day I’ve had in I can’t remember how long.  It was HORRIBLE the way he was treating me, his sisters, and just in general the way he was being.  So tantrum-y.  It felt like such a long day.  You know things aren’t going well when you’re finding yourself melting down and in total zombie mode, and then you look at the clock and it’s only 9:30 in the morning!  That was me yesterday, and it got a lot worse before it got better!  But I know there are going to be days like that, and I just have to be grateful for the fact that they’re not the majority.

When the boys were at the park this afternoon, I fed the girls (Margaret nursed, Emily had a bottle of breast milk) and then the 3 of us cuddled for the entire time the boys were out.  I love it when they finish eating and just want to snuggle with Mommy.  I find they are both at their calmest, and Emily in particular I notice is quieter.  When she’s not cuddling with someone, she’s grunting and making goat noises, and it can get quite ridiculous at times.

Both girls are getting more alert each day, and spend more time awake and looking around.  I love it when they look up into my eyes.  It’s so cute!  Or when they occasionally look at each other.  I will never tire of watching them cuddle each other, it’s the sweetest thing in the whole entire world.  They hold hands, or just cuddle up to each other, they always seem to want their heads touching.  I noticed this afternoon Emily was a bit fussy, and then Margaret moved sideways so she was no longer snuggled up to me but instead had her head resting on her sister’s belly, and lo and behold Emily suddenly calmed right down.  It’s like they NEED to be close to each other.  You take one out of the bassinet and the other starts fussing for her sister.  It can be frustrating in that you can never ‘just’ deal with one baby at a time, as the other is bound to protest, but it’s so cute because as soon as they’re put down for a sleep side by side, they cuddle right up and look so cozy and content together.  It melts my heart!

This morning Emily just would NOT stop making her goat sounds, and her face was beet red from fuss-budgeting.  I didn’t know what to do for her as she’d fed and been changed, so I started singing ‘You are my Sunshine’ and literally as soon as I started singing she calmed right down and went to sleep!  I’m a terrible singer, and especially with this weird voice/throat issue I’ve had basically since they were born, my singing is even worse than usual, and yet she was completely calmed by the sound of my voice.  I thought that was so sweet!

Margaret is proving to be the easiest baby ever, Emily not so much, although over all they are both such good girls.  They really don’t cry just for the sake of crying – yes, Emily makes some noise, but I think it’s usually a gas issue or something.  Neither baby has had a crying fit where they’re just inconsolable.  I know they’re only 4 weeks tomorrow though, and they WILL cry ‘just because’, it just hasn’t happened yet!!


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