Saturday, September 01, 2012

September already?



I can’t believe it’s September.  I can’t say I’m really excited about it.  It just feels like summer is over, and I don’t like that.  I know the weather’s still fairly decent, and we’ll still be able to do some outdoorsy things before the fall really hits.  But yesterday I found myself looking out the living room window to hundreds of leaves raining from the trees and it just hit me hard that fall IS settling in sooner than later.

I guess it feels like it was JUST fall and winter, and spring and summer whizzed by so fast that I didn’t get a chance to hold onto them.  I think fall is something I’m dreading because we’re going to be heading up to a year since I lost my last pregnancy.  It’s going to be a very weird time.  I know that’s still 6 weeks away, the anniversary of the worst day of my entire life.  But still.  Not really looking forward to it.  The weirdness about it is that at the same time as mourning the loss of that baby in total disbelief that it happened A YEAR AGO, I will also be anticipating the arrival of our 2 baby girls.  October 11th (that fateful day) also puts me at 36 weeks pregnant, so the babies really could be born at any time after that.  Which is SO WEIRD.  I’ve got my fingers crossed they don’t come on that exact day.  For one thing, I’d like them to bake a little longer so they’ll be bigger and stronger when they come out.  But I also don’t like the idea of their birthday being a day of celebration, but also a day where I can’t help but remember the horrible thing that happened. 

There are things I love about the settling in of fall.  I look forward to when we stock up our wood pile and can start enjoying fires in the fireplace again.  Well, maybe that’s the only thing I’m really looking forward to.  Over all, I could do without hot chocolate and the need for warm sweaters, turning the heater on and having no choice but to stay in because it’s too rainy and miserable outside.  That’s not really my bag.

I guess the saving grace this year is that I’ll be so immobile from the babies that I wouldn’t be up to going out much anyway, so we might as well be sitting inside, sipping hot chocolate with the heater on and the fireplace ablaze, looking out at the miserable weather, happy we at least don’t have to be out in it!

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