Freaking out just a little bit...
I’m kind of freaking out tonight.
I don’t know if it’s ‘just because’ or hormones in general, or the fact that someone from my multiples group had her water break tonight at just over 34 weeks…I think it might be a combo of all of the above.
I had thought Andrew would come early, in fact I was SURE OF IT, and I wanted him to come early – although of course afterwards I realized how awesome it was that he was actually LATE arriving, because he was that much stronger and healthier from the get go. But that was a singleton pregnancy. Because I’m currently measuring probably at least 42 weeks pregnant, at 31.5 weeks…I just don’t see how it would be possible to make it all the way to 40 weeks or beyond. Yes, it CAN happen with a multiple pregnancy, but it’s highly unlikely.
I haven’t been having actual contractions or anything, and there’s nothing pointing toward me going into labour any time really soon…but at the same time, even a few weeks from now seems REALLY SOON when you consider how much my life will change when the babies are on the outside!
Every day I moan and groan because of the discomfort I’m in, and I long to be able to just perform a simple task, such as leaning forward in the bath to take the plug out of the drain when I want to get out, without struggling because it’s not easy to do with a giant tight belly filled with 2 babies in front of me! Because I’m measuring so much farther than I actually am, I get confused at times and think I’M READY FOR THIS TO BE OVER NOW! But in reality, how could I ever be ready for the arrival of TWINS?!! I’m SO not ready! Not in the least!
In my head I’m starting to panic about everything that still needs to be done around the house, and maybe it’s irrational to believe that life will be that much more chaotic if these things are not taken care of BEFORE their arrival, but so be it. I’m allowed to be irrational right now, and I’m also allowed to believe that it’s NOT irrational at all! I NEED things orderly and organized and to feel PREPARED, as much as possible, and right now? I DON’T FEEL PREPARED.
James says he’ll take care of whatever needs to be done, and I’ve written out lists of things that need taken care of, but realistically, when does he have the time to tackle the stuff?? When he gets home from work, we eat dinner, and then he helps out by taking Andrew to the park or playing with him or whatever so I can have a nap or a bath or just rest a bit before it’s time to get the boy ready for bed. And I NEED that help and that time to just ‘be’ because I’m so tired by the early evening that I’m not fully functioning. Not that I’m ever ‘fully functioning’ these days, let’s face it. And to think it’ll likely be YEARS before I can say that I am!!!!!
James said THIS WEEKEND, he can tackle a lot on Sunday…Which is awesome…but I have this intense worry because of my need to have everything done IMMEDIATELY. I KNOW it’s pregnancy brain and it’s normal and fingers crossed the babies aren’t planning on making their grand debut any time soon, as in NOT in the next few weeks, so a lot will still be accomplished before they get here…
I just need the energy to do a blitz of everything on my own, which normally I could do a in a whirlwind without even thinking about it. I hate being so immobile and, essentially, incapable at this point in time.
Time is going by so slow, and yet WAY TOO FAST and the whole craziness of it all is freaking me right out. I HAVE TWO BABIES GROWING INSIDE ME AND THEY’RE GETTING READY TO BE BORN IN LESS THAN 2 MONTHS – HOW AM I NOT SUPPOSED TO BE FREAKING OUT RIGHT NOW?!!!!????????!