32 weeks...getting desperate here
This morning I woke up at 6:45 with a splitting headache. James got me a Tylenol, ice pack and something to eat, and then I finally managed to fall back asleep after over an hour of tossing and turning. Between the headache and the belly, it was so hard to sleep. I didn’t get up till 10:30, but still had the headache, so took another Tylenol at around 1pm. I did OK at some points throughout the day, and managed to accomplish some things (I made a big pot of Minestrone soup to freeze, and a pot of Chili to freeze, so we’ll have easy meals for days when I just can’t cook) but then around dinner time the headache went from bad to worse. I took another Tylenol about an hour ago, with no relief felt yet. That’s the most pain medication I’ve taken in a day in this entire pregnancy, I had really hoped to avoid taking that much, but desperate times call for desperate measures.
I just feel SO desperate, I don’t know how else to describe it. The headache compounds the pregnancy symptoms and I don’t know whether to scream or cry at this point. I am SO DONE being pregnant, but I want to hold on for another several weeks for the babies’ sakes. It is SO HARD though, because I’M SOOOOOO DONE! I just want them out, and part of me feels guilty for saying that because I know I’ll miss being pregnant one day, but honestly, the discomfort of the two of them squished in there, yet continuing to grow and squish even more, it’s getting unbearable – and I’m ‘only’ 32 weeks.
The aches and pains are annoying, but ultimately it’s just the sheer GIRTH. I can’t bend properly, I can’t lean, when I have a bath now I can’t lie down, I have to just sit there, but just sitting there isn’t comfortable either because my belly feels so TIGHT. I tried to lay down in bed tonight to rest while James and Andrew went to the park, but I started getting an intense pain on my lower right belly (Baby B’s side) and I was crying out it was that painful. I could barely move, actually for a minute or two I literally COULDN’T move, I was just feeling desperate and in pain, and finally I was able to maneuver myself back out of bed. I couldn’t lay down again for fear it would happen again and I wouldn’t be able to hoist myself up. So I haven’t been able to rest my aching head, because I can’t get into a comfortable position.
The heartburn won’t quit, and I’m sick of having restless legs. Almost none of my clothes fit anymore. I have fall pregnancy clothes because I bought them for the last pregnancy, but I tried a bunch of the stuff on and nothing fits over my belly comfortably. I think I will just have to stay home and wear my summer dresses! It’s not like I can really go far anyway at this point.
I DO want the babies to stay in for their sakes, because I DO want them to be as developed and ready to be out as they possibly can be. I’m starting into my 33rd week, and that’s awesome, but getting to 35 or 36 weeks at minimum is advisable. I just wish I was there already. I know I’ll be a zombie once they arrive because I won’t be getting ANY sleep and I’ll be feeding them around the clock, but I’d take that right now over what I’m currently dealing with. I can’t take the discomfort much longer. There are moments where I just want to cry (and, lately, sometimes I do) because of the desperation I feel from the aches and pains and immobility. I don’t want it to be a big production just to get myself out of bed, and I don’t want to keep thinking how great it would be to have a walker by the bedside to help move me along once I DO make it out of bed. It’s a pretty sad state of affairs when I’m fantasizing that I have a walker, or even better yet, a wheelchair, to get me around! Not that sitting in a wheelchair would actually be comfortable, because sitting upright doesn’t work all that well at this point either. I honestly don’t know how much more I can take, and that scares me.
I have an u/s and OB appointment later this week, so hopefully I’ll find out that the babies are fine and my cervix is still closed and I can just force myself to continue on feeling all of this stuff so the babies can bake as they’re meant to. In the meantime, I think I’m going to go throw up…I’m not even kidding.