Friday, August 31, 2012

Procrastinating...and thinking about how different things will be



Talk about procrastination.  I just managed to get myself dressed for the day…at 12:30 in the afternoon.  It winded me, so I’m taking a break before I do anything else!  That's my life now in a nutshell...

Andrew went downtown again today.  I miss spending more time with him because I feel like often lately I’m either dropping him off at my mom’s or he goes to his Nana’s.  We still spend a ton of time together…but I still can’t help but miss him.  I need the rest though, and at least when he’s with other people I feel like he’s probably doing more than when he’s with me!  I do my best, but I get tired so easily that I sometimes flake out before we do all that I had hoped.

We did finally get back to the lake yesterday to feed the ducks – the stale bread that had been sitting on our counter FAR too long yet somehow managed to not grow mold.  Still not sure how that happened!  But the ducks were happy, and so was Andrew, to be back there feeding them!  Our usual routine these days is to do lots of crafts, lots of reading, and lots of imagination-play with Andrew’s toys.  I welcome things like going to feed the ducks because it gets us out for some fresh air.  I want to enjoy the nice weather while we still have it.  At least it’s Friday, so James has 3 days off now for the long weekend and that means we’ll be able to get out and about doing something more than what I can do with Andrew on my own.

I’ve never really taken my cuddle time with Andrew for granted, I don’t think.  Yes, I’ve grown accustomed to it, and expect it, but at the same time I’ve never lost sight of how special it is that I have him in my life.  Every day I love him more and more, and without it being a conscious thing, it’s just the way it is.  I adore him!  I’ve just been thinking a bit more lately about how things are going to change once the babies are here.  I won’t have the same amount of time to cuddle with him, because they’ll be demanding so much of my attention (and cuddle time).  I’m definitely looking forward to precious newborn baby cuddles x two!  But I also feel a little sad that it’s going to change the way things are with Andrew and me.  Not saying we won’t still cuddle, and let’s face it, the older he gets the less cuddles he actually wants (we tend to do most of our cuddling when he’s really sleepy – he does give out hugs and kisses regularly, but the main cuddles are a sleepy-time thing, or early in the morning when he’s watching his cartoons he’ll ask if we can cuddle, which is so sweet!)  It’s weird to think in just a few months how much in our lives is going to change.  Mostly I can’t think about it too much, because it just is what it is and will be what it will be and we’ll adjust accordingly.  I can’t really map things out in advance because I can’t know what it’s going to be like till I’m living it.

Luckily James is going to be able to take 3 weeks off when the babies are born, so we can work through some of the transitioning together.  I just hope both babies are big and strong enough to come home at the same time so we’re all here together as a family, getting into some semblance of a routine.  I worry about the higher risk of NICU time with twins, but hopefully the babes stay in long enough and grow large enough that it won’t be an issue.  It’s another thing I can’t worry about too much since I don’t know whether it will happen that way or not…but sometimes ‘not worrying’ is easier said than done, especially when dealing with the unknown!

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