Just call me Monica

I did too much today, and my body is now paying for it.  I’d say that 90% of the time I’m really good about not doing too much, mainly because 90% of the time I’m lacking the energy to do much of anything.  When I feel a moment of ‘I can do this!’ come on, I go with it, since those moments are so few and far between.  And my pregnancy brain keeps nagging at me that there are a million and one things to do to prepare for the twins arrival, so I want to take charge where I can.

The thing is, I wasn’t really factoring in the fact that I’d been out today, which means I walked around a lot.  I had a short rest when I got home, but then my mind kept fixating on the chores list I have in my head.  So I decided to vacuum under the bed and get a few maternity shirts and baby clothes out from under there that I’ve been meaning to dig out for some time.  This meant moving the mattress and box spring…which I know technically I shouldn’t have done, but in my defence it’s not really heavy lifting since I just drag them and prop them up, it’s really not a hard job – just tiring at this point.

The leaning down to do the vacuuming was a bit of a challenge, but it didn’t take long since there isn’t much under our bed anyway, just some bins and a couple of small boxes of stuff.  Thankfully no bugs, until I had JUST turned the vacuum off and moved it out of the way – I saw a nasty grey thing which I’m sure was a giant silverfish, slink in under the baseboard.  It TOTALLY freaked me out, I desperately wanted to get it and I went over the area with the vacuum hoping it was enough to suck that little beast out from the wall but I’ll never know if I actually got it…Which of course my paranoid mind will fixate on when it comes time to going to bed!  Ugh, I hate bugs.

Anyway…once I was done with the bed I wasn’t entirely satisfied with the set up for where I put the girls’ crib.  It was so close to my side of the bed due to space issues that I often bang into it when trying to get into bed at night in the dark.  So I moved it to be across from our bed, put our bureau where the crib was, and moved the change table to be over by the window.  I’m still not 100% about it, but by the time I did all of that I KNEW I couldn’t keep going and HAD to rest.  So here I am…

Something I find interesting is that about a year before we had Andrew, my Nana gave us several sweaters and hats that she knit in case we decided to have kids.  The way she put it was that the arthritis was getting bad in her hands, and if we DID have kids one day, she didn’t want to have left the knitting till it was too late so she had made stuff for our ‘hypothetical kids’ in advance!  (As it happens, she still knits despite her arthritis!)  Anyway, I found it quite interesting when I opened up the box with the sweaters today.  She had knit us a blue sweater and hat, a white sweater and hat…and TWO pink sweaters and hats.  Andrew wore both the blue and the white a few times as a baby.  I just found it interesting that she decided to knit us TWO pink ones.  Another sign that we would one day have twin girls??!

I KNOW I can’t do too much in a day, and I KNOW I have to take it easy in order to keep these babies baking as long as possible.  I don’t think what I did today could in and of itself cause preterm labour, but I do know that if I was to do that same amount every day, there’s a chance it could lead to the babies coming earlier.  So I have to slow it down…and like I said, normally I have no choice but to go at a snail’s pace since that’s about as much energy as I typically have.  But seriously, when else is this stuff going to get done, and who else is going to do it?!  I know people are willing to help me out, but I like to do things myself, I can’t help that!  I don’t want to have to just sit there directing someone, and feeling guilty because they’re doing all the work while I just make demands.  That doesn’t work for me.  James keeps telling me he’ll do everything, but in reality he has NO IDEA how much goes into maintaining this place.  No freaking idea – all the little things that add up, those things are listed out in my head and every so often, they HAVE to get done or I’ll go insane knowing they’re piling up higher and higher!

I’m just not one to ask people for help, I like to do things myself, and my way.  Is it my downfall?  Maybe, but I tend to usually see it as a strength!  It’s a part of my independence that I can’t easily give up, I guess.

I’m just REALLY starting to feel the crunch of time now, since ultimately I have no idea when the twins are going to arrive.  I WANT them to stay in till 38 weeks at least so they’ll be a good size and hopefully without any complications.  But realistically, they could come any time, particularly after about 34 weeks.  That freaks me out, that’s less than 2 months from now!  So my hope is 3 months…But still, 3 months?!  That’s NOT a long time at all!!  And I have to look at it this way too – while I might have 3 months left before they get here, I DON’T have that long of being able to do things like I did today, I literally AM going to get too big and uncomfortable to do that stuff.  So then what?!  I want everything done NOW so I can just relax…but could I ever just relax?!  Probably not…

I told James my dream come true would be to have everything removed from our condo, and then I could place everything ‘just so’ where I want it to be.  All fresh and new and perfect.  He just laughed and shook his head at me.  But seriously!  How awesome would that be?!


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