A bit off

First of all, I CAN’T BELIEVE IT’S AUGUST ALREADY.  That’s insane to me!

I can afford to stay up late tonight because Andrew’s going downtown tomorrow.  Not that I don’t usually stay up late anyway…But at least I don’t feel anxious about it tonight!  I can sleep in tomorrow, and I think I really need to.  However, I don’t want to get up toooo late, because I have to go for my gestational diabetes test tomorrow, and I have to fast for 10 hours beforehand.  So basically I can’t eat anything now till after I get the test done.  Which is going to prove difficult, seeing as how I am STARVING by the time I wake up in the morning.  But, I’d rather just get the test over and done with so I’ll have the results by my next OB visit.

Today my uncle and his significant other came for a visit.  We don’t see them often so it was nice to have a get together.  Then my mom and dad were here, and Andrew insisted on going over to their place.  He’s obsessed with being at their house, especially since his double sleepover this past weekend.  He said he wants to go live there, and when I said I’d miss him too much he replied that we can all go live there.  He said, ‘You, me, Daddy, and Daddy can bring his bike so we can still go for bike rides.  And Fifi can come too, and then we’ll never have to come back to our house again!’  I know he actually LOVES our house and if I said we were never coming back to it, I don’t think he’d actually like that, but yeah…obsessed with the grandparents.

I had a bit of an off day today, although I’ve been having them semi-regularly lately, and have to anticipate having a lot more of them.  It’s not that I feel sick or unwell, I’m not worried that things aren’t going well with the babies or anything like that.  In fact, I think the babies are full on thriving, it’s me that’s suffering in order to provide the best environment for them!  I just feel so tired, get winded so easily, have lower back pain, can’t get comfortable, and I’m starting to find it difficult maneuvering the belly.  I can’t reach properly, I can barely even roll over in bed and getting out of it in the morning is becoming a challenge.  Already.  I’m only 25 weeks!!

It’s just really debilitating, and I think in part I find it so hard because it totally cuts into my ability to take care of every day tasks.  I told James he’s going to have to start unloading the dishwasher for me soon, before he goes to work in the morning, because I’m finding it increasingly difficult bending to unload the bottom rack.  It exhausts me!  I did some ironing tonight and luckily it means James should have enough clothes to last at least part way into next week, but after that?  I’m afraid I might not be able to do the ironing anymore.  I found mid-way through what I did, I was nearly doubling over because between the aches and pains in my back and those in my belly, I just didn’t think I could stand for much longer.

It’s frustrating because while I don’t believe these household chores are women’s work – obviously James is fully capable of this stuff, and at this point in time is better equipped physically to do them, and has offered to take over – as a stay-at-home mom I have taken it upon myself to do these things, and I’m used to doing them.  I don’t want to delegate everything to James because he’s only going to be able to do so much (not to mention I find watching him iron more painful than doing it myself!!  lol) and I cringe at the thought of delegating to other people because…I don’t know why exactly, but I do.  When my dad came by this afternoon to pick my mom (and Andrew) up, I asked if he wanted a coffee and he said he could make it himself, but I felt compelled to get up and do it for him.  I just feel weird about people coming over and having to do things like that themselves.  Even my own parents, which is silly, it’s just what I’m accustomed to because usually I would do those things without even thinking about it.

I have to get over this, I know, because in the coming months and once the twins arrive, people are going to have to be able to get things for themselves, or possibly help me out by getting things for me because I’m going to literally have my hands full, and then some!  I’m just not in the least bit good at letting other people do things for me, and I foresee it being a problem, because people are probably right – I’m going to need the help.

I just want to be able to carry these twins AND go about my regular daily routines, is that really so much to ask?!!  Apparently so…


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