Friday, August 31, 2012

Procrastinating...and thinking about how different things will be

Talk about procrastination.  I just managed to get myself dressed for the day…at 12:30 in the afternoon.  It winded me, so I’m taking a break before I do anything else!  That's my life now in a nutshell...

Andrew went downtown again today.  I miss spending more time with him because I feel like often lately I’m either dropping him off at my mom’s or he goes to his Nana’s.  We still spend a ton of time together…but I still can’t help but miss him.  I need the rest though, and at least when he’s with other people I feel like he’s probably doing more than when he’s with me!  I do my best, but I get tired so easily that I sometimes flake out before we do all that I had hoped.

We did finally get back to the lake yesterday to feed the ducks – the stale bread that had been sitting on our counter FAR too long yet somehow managed to not grow mold.  Still not sure how that happened!  But the ducks were happy, and so was Andrew, to be back there feeding them!  Our usual routine these days is to do lots of crafts, lots of reading, and lots of imagination-play with Andrew’s toys.  I welcome things like going to feed the ducks because it gets us out for some fresh air.  I want to enjoy the nice weather while we still have it.  At least it’s Friday, so James has 3 days off now for the long weekend and that means we’ll be able to get out and about doing something more than what I can do with Andrew on my own.

I’ve never really taken my cuddle time with Andrew for granted, I don’t think.  Yes, I’ve grown accustomed to it, and expect it, but at the same time I’ve never lost sight of how special it is that I have him in my life.  Every day I love him more and more, and without it being a conscious thing, it’s just the way it is.  I adore him!  I’ve just been thinking a bit more lately about how things are going to change once the babies are here.  I won’t have the same amount of time to cuddle with him, because they’ll be demanding so much of my attention (and cuddle time).  I’m definitely looking forward to precious newborn baby cuddles x two!  But I also feel a little sad that it’s going to change the way things are with Andrew and me.  Not saying we won’t still cuddle, and let’s face it, the older he gets the less cuddles he actually wants (we tend to do most of our cuddling when he’s really sleepy – he does give out hugs and kisses regularly, but the main cuddles are a sleepy-time thing, or early in the morning when he’s watching his cartoons he’ll ask if we can cuddle, which is so sweet!)  It’s weird to think in just a few months how much in our lives is going to change.  Mostly I can’t think about it too much, because it just is what it is and will be what it will be and we’ll adjust accordingly.  I can’t really map things out in advance because I can’t know what it’s going to be like till I’m living it.

Luckily James is going to be able to take 3 weeks off when the babies are born, so we can work through some of the transitioning together.  I just hope both babies are big and strong enough to come home at the same time so we’re all here together as a family, getting into some semblance of a routine.  I worry about the higher risk of NICU time with twins, but hopefully the babes stay in long enough and grow large enough that it won’t be an issue.  It’s another thing I can’t worry about too much since I don’t know whether it will happen that way or not…but sometimes ‘not worrying’ is easier said than done, especially when dealing with the unknown!

Thursday, August 30, 2012

Almost the long weekend...

Written last night…

My TO DO BEFORE THE BABIES ARRIVE list is mounting.  Although today I did manage to organize most of their little clothes into sizes so I could put them on different shelves in their little wardrobe thingy.  I wish they could have a closet right off the bat, it would make life so much easier, BUT when they’re 4-5 months we will move to a place where they’ll have their own room AND closet!  Andrew did without a closet for 2 years, so they can surely manage for the first several months.

I’ll take pictures soon of the ‘set up’ in our bedroom for the babies.  I wish I could do more with it, jazz it up a little maybe, but it’s tough.  I want our bedroom to still be ours, while accommodating for 2 newborns.  So ultimately it can’t help but feel a bit like a mish-mash.  Still, I think it’s functional, and ultimately I’m just grateful that our room is big enough to house 2 babies and us!  If it wasn’t, we would have had to move already.  As much as I’m looking forward to our next move, I’m happy it hasn’t happened yet.  I’ll miss this cozy place of ours for sure.

I can hardly wait for the long weekend.  Although that means it’s SEPTEMBER and no longer August, and that makes me a little bit sad.  September is often a good month here weather-wise, I just don’t really want fall to make it’s way here for a while yet.  It feels like we barely had summer, and it’s already almost over.  That’s just a real bummer to me.  Yes, there are good things about fall, too, and the more time that passes the closer we are to meeting our babies.  But…summer is way too short!  I feel like it should still be the BEGINNING of summer, not near the end.  Time flies when you’re having fun?!?  Maybe.

I’m looking forward to Saturday because we get to babysit a cutie pie baby for some friends of ours.  And I’m looking forward to Sunday because Andrew is most likely sleeping over at his Nana’s, which means James and I get to go on a date AND have a quiet night to ourselves, which means no 3.5 year old beating on our bedroom door in the middle of the night.  We had SO hoped to curb that before the twins’ arrival, and I suppose there’s still time, but it has been a long haul of trying already and nothing seems to work so I feel as if it’s just never going to happen.  It’s a tough one.  He makes his way to our door around 2am most nights and just beats on the door till James gets up and basically at this point yells at him.  It’s so frustrating.  It generally takes me an hour or more to fall asleep due to the babies movements (last night Baby A got the hiccups AS SOON AS MY HEAD HIT THE PILLOW and it lasted 45 minutes!  I can’t fall asleep with hiccups inside my belly!  She is SO proving to be like her big brother, it’s not even funny – he did the same thing to me ALL THE TIME!!)  Then it seems not long after I finally get to sleep, Andrew wakes us up.  Then it takes me another hour or so to fall asleep.  Then I toss and turn and feel restless most of the night because I just can’t sleep anyway.  James tells me to go to bed early and try to get more sleep, but I don’t see the point in lying in bed early only to feel uncomfortable for even longer.  I just CAN’T.SLEEP.

BUT at least it’s almost the long weekend, which means I’ll get the chance for a little extra resting time with James being home.  Only one more night till TGIF!!

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Sleep deprivation, and cute things the boy said

I’m slowing down more and more each DAY, it’s not even a weekly thing anymore.  So frustrating!  I’m doing my best to just pace myself, but doing NOTHING even seems tiresome lately.

Last night was horrendous.  I had TERRIBLE heartburn that wouldn’t quit no matter how many Tums I popped.  I tried to go to bed but I couldn’t lay down because the heartburn would be unbearable, so I tried sleeping sitting up and realized that’s not possible either!  I finally got up for another hour or so, and didn’t end up getting to sleep till at least 3 in the morning.  The heartburn finally let up for the most part, but then the babies didn’t like any of the positions I chose.  I just get relatively comfy and then I feel little baby nudges, and they don’t stop till I move!  I feel guilty trying to stay in a position that works for me but obviously doesn’t for one or both of them.  Which of course ends up not working for me anyway, since the nudges are too distracting for sleep.  I always feel as if I’m squishing one of the babies, but I don’t know how else I’m supposed to lay in bed since they say laying on your back is bad for circulation.  Not to mention that my lungs feel completely crushed if I lay on my back, since the weight of two babies rests on them!

So this morning I was running on VERY little sleep.  Amazingly, Andrew was pretty good about it.  I explained that I hadn’t got much sleep because of the babies and REALLY needed to just lay and rest for a while.  I put a Sesame Street DVD on (Best Of, with all the classic bits that I remember from my childhood) and he ACTUALLY let me lay in bed for a little while (which normally he downright refuses).  It wasn’t very restful since I feel compelled to be listening for him with one ear, and he ran in after every few segments of the show to talk about it, but just laying there felt better than trying to focus on anything else.  Luckily I was able to take him to my mom’s again for the afternoon so I could come home and sleep.  I REALLY wish it didn’t have to be that way because I want to be able to look after Andrew on my own, but I was so desperate, there’s no way I could have got through the whole day without collapsing.  Andrew’s fine with it, and so is my mom, since they love to spend time together.  And the boy and I DID do quite a few crafts before I drove him over.  He’s totally back into doing crafts all the time lately, and also playing and using his imagination big time.  It’s awesome!

Today he told me that when he grows up he’s going to be a Dentist!  I have no idea why he chose that profession since it’s like pulling teeth (pun intended!) getting him to brush properly (although he does love his new Iron Man electric toothbrush he got a few weeks ago).  He said he’s going to be a Dentist, he wants me to be a Doctor ‘when I grow up’, and Daddy can be a Deep Sea Diver!  LOL  Not sure where he came up with that one.  I asked him, What about the babies?  He replied, ‘They can just be bugs, because they’ll just be crawling around.’  LOL  So funny the things kids come up with!

Tonight I was reading him a book called Big Words for Little People (Jamie Lee Curtis is one of the authors) and when I got to the page about Love, he added in, ‘And I love the babies!’ which I thought was super cute.  He really can’t possibly know what he’s in for, but it is going to be SO sweet in those moments when I get to witness him loving his sisters.  He’s been talking about how he’ll get to give them hugs and kisses, and he seems really excited about being able to feed them a bottle of pumped milk!  We’re doing what we can to get him excited about how helpful he can be, so he knows what an important role he’ll be playing in their lives.  It’s still going to be such a shock to the system, but hopefully the transition won’t be too difficult!

Monday, August 27, 2012


The babies’ movements are getting SO strong, sometimes it makes me jump when they move suddenly!  It really feels like an alien (or two) is trying to push its way through to escape my belly!  So weird.

Baby B definitely had hiccups today, the first time I’m sure it was her with them.  I was feeling a bit worried that she’d turned breech because I could feel the hiccups coming through way at the top of my belly, as in literally right under my breasts – that high up.  But I listened on the Doppler a few hours later and her heart is still quite low down, so who knows how that happened.  I’m guessing they’re both still head down because their heartbeats are always heard in the same spots.  Fingers crossed they stay that way…It will theoretically make things so much easier when it comes time for birth!

I took Andrew over to my mom’s today and I was planning on staying there with him, but I became SO tired that my mom suggested I go home and rest.  So I did.  As soon as I got in the door I went to bed, and I didn’t wake up for nearly an hour and a half.  I was dreaming for that entire time (or at least it felt like it), but at the same time it was a deep sleep, as when I woke up I felt sort of disoriented.  Unfortunately I don’t feel any less tired, but the rest had to have done me some good at least.  The boy is on his way home soon for dinner, which my mom made for us so I won’t have to worry about that other than maybe throwing together a salad to go with.

I’m going to stock up on frozen foods soon so we have a lot of ‘convenience’ foods available.  I foresee many nights of not being up to doing much cooking.  For the next loooong while.  Ugh!  I have no idea when I’ll find the time for cooking once I have 2 babies added to my life!  It seems like so many things are going to be impossible.  I know that’s not actually the case, I WILL get into a routine that works, but it’s just hard to envision it.  James says I have to be careful not to automatically write things off, as I’m making things impossible in my head that don’t have to be that way.  I just think logistically sometimes things feel like they’ll be out of reach.  Things you do when you have one baby can sometimes (often) be made much more complicated with another baby!  For example, I was thinking about how to pass the time in the day, I started taking Andrew to ‘swim lessons’ when he was about 5 ½ months old.  Yes, we could do something like this on the weekend when James is available to help out, but realistically I wouldn’t be able to take the babies on my own to any sort of swim lesson, because I wouldn’t be able to hold 2 babies in the water like I was able to do with Andrew.  These are just facts.  I get that, like I said, we can still do these things – if James was watching Andrew and had one baby, I could alternate the 2 babies in the lesson.  But, what about us passing the hours during weekdays?  That’s more of something that I’ll be wanting to figure out than what we’re going to be doing on the weekends.  I know I’m getting ahead of myself here as ultimately it’ll be a while before we’re doing stuff like that  anyway, especially assuming the babies will be much smaller than Andrew at birth (it’s pretty well a guarantee given he was heading up to 9lbs!) – the twins won’t be ready for things as early as what Andrew was.

I’m slowly but surely getting all the babies’ stuff organized and ready for their arrival.  The crib is properly set up, and I think we have the room organized how it will work best.  I’m working on washing all their clothes and then I need to organize them into sizes since of course they’ll only fit the teensiest stuff at first.  When I’m folding their clothes from the laundry I get excited about dressing them up into all their cute little outfits, and taking pictures of them.  How cute are they going to be?! 

29 weeks and counting...

I wrote this first part yesterday (Sunday):
Yesterday Andrew went to his friend’s Iron Man themed 4th birthday party.  James took him, and I stayed home.  I had hoped to go, but it was all the way at Stanley Park and I was concerned about the amount of walking I’d inevitably have to do, and then sitting at an uncomfortable picnic table for 3 hours.  Sadly, I can’t walk too far but I can’t really sit in an uncomfortable type of chair for any length of time either!

I did go out for a little while when the boys were at the party, but mostly I just took it easy and got a bit of rest.  Because I was mostly inside on my own yesterday, I really wanted us to get out and do something today.  We ended up taking Andrew to the little train at Confederation Park, and this time he and James had a train ride while I waited – because it’s such a small train, I don’t think it would be a good idea for me to go on it now!  I did a few months back and it was fun, but James had never been on so it was his turn anyway.  Then we took Andrew to the Eileen Daily Pool, which is basically right next to the park.  We had only been once before, but Andrew had loved it, and really seemed to enjoy it again.  I floated in the deeper end for a while and I did enjoy how ‘weightless’ I was able to feel at times, but ultimately I feel like the swimming really did me in.  I feel absolutely exhausted now, and my belly’s kind of sore.  I just feel achy, and I had a period-like cramp a little while ago which felt like a very mild contraction.  It could be Braxton Hicks or maybe it’s just a growing sort of pain, I’m not quite sure.  It was very mild and not something I’m worried about, but it’s still not a good thing.

I feel like I really can’t do much of anything for the next few months, truthfully.  I don’t want to go to the pool again.  It was fun, but not worth it to me for the way I feel now.

It’s now Monday morning and I feel ‘better’, whatever that means.  I’m tired, but a normal tired.  I can’t sleep well at night now no matter what I do, because I’m too big and the babies are too active.  Although I must say, lately they have been SO active during the day that I seem to get a little reprieve through the night.  When I wake up to roll myself over (which is a sight to behold, I’m sure) I feel them move, adjusting to their new position – and they quickly let me know if they’re going to ‘allow’ me to stay positioned that way! – but for the past few nights they maybe haven’t been AS active till all hours.

Baby A has hiccups again.  Yesterday I thought for a minute that possibly both babies had the hiccups at the same time.  But mostly I’ve just noticed Baby A gets them nearly every day, whereas Baby B tends to be quieter that way.  She’s still the roller!  And kicker…Baby A throws a really good punch!

I don’t want to be wishing this pregnancy away, but I talked to the women in my multiples group and at least I know I’m not alone in feeling overwhelmed – less so by the fact that ‘we’re having twins’ and more so by the fact that I’m this big and uncomfortable already, but still have such a ways to go.  I’m not sure what the rate of growth is right now, but in about a week the rate of growth is about half a pound per week…and that’s PER baby!  So a pound a week of extra girth, for 7-8 weeks!  That seems a tad on the crazy side!  I’m starting to feel like I’m housebound at 29 weeks…

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