Sunday, July 29, 2012

A (somewhat) peaceful Sunday

This morning James and I went to De Dutch for breakfast.  We reminisced a bit on our trip to Holland, I can’t believe it was 11 years ago that we were there!  It really doesn’t seem that long ago.  After breakfast we did a bit of a grocery shop, then headed home and sat outside in the yard.   

The building gardeners butchered our garden on Friday – I’m now calling the grounds ‘Butchered Gardens’, a play on Victoria’s Butchart Gardens!  Seriously, they went right into our yard space, hacked away at the shrubbery, and then left big piles of cut shrubs and plants all over the place.  I have yet to clean it up because 1. I’m still in shock they did it in the first place and 2. It hurts my back and belly to do all the leaning I’ll need to do to get the job done.  Soooo annoying.  My dad helped prune the plants in the spring when it was actually an appropriate time to do so, so I’m not sure why they felt the need to whack everything way down.  Some of the plants outside our living room window had their pretty summer red blooms across the top, and I actually love to sit and look out at those blooms specifically because they only last a few weeks.  They’ve all been hacked off!  I was pretty shocked to say the least, when I got home on Friday evening and saw all that had been done.  We talked to the building manager about it and we’re not the only ones who feel it was a hack-job, so obviously everyone on the ground floor had their garden violated. 

Anyway…that’s my rant about that, I have to try to move on now.  I’ve made a sign that I’m going to laminate that kindly asks the gardeners to keep out of our yard space, so hopefully this won’t happen again – although I feel gypped because we’re not going to live here for another summer, so I’m never going to see those pretty blooms again that they cut away =(

Anyway…after we sat out in the yard for a while, we got some chores done and then relaxed some more before the boy got home this evening from his double sleepover.  He had a great time at my parents’ place, so great that he was M-I-S-E-R-A- B-L-E about having to come home!  It was a rough evening for all of us as a result.  Unfortunately it sort of made it feel like we hadn’t had a break at all, but oh well…Hopefully he’ll be in better spirits tomorrow so we can have some fun!

Lunch in White Rock

(I wrote this on Saturday but never got around to posting it...)

Technically I should have had a great sleep through the night last night since Andrew wasn’t here, but for some reason I had a really terrible headache through the night that kept me awake.  Luckily, though, it was gone by morning.  James and I sat and had tea/coffee together and chatted, listened to music (of our choice, no boy requesting (read: demanding) certain songs only!) and we had a leisurely breakfast.   Then we got ready and headed out to White Rock.
 I’d been there before (once, for a wedding), but not for several years.  We checked out the beach and then walked along the main strip and decided on a restaurant called Pearl Bistro.  I had a yummy Arugula and Brie Eggs Benedict and James had a Portobello Mushroom Burger that looked really good.  I wanted to devour my entire brunch dish but my stomach just won’t hold as much as I want to eat.  I have to eat much smaller meals more frequently now, which doesn’t work great when eating out, but I ate what I could and James finished the rest!
We bought this cute thing for our garden, I would liken it to a wind chime but it doesn’t actually have any chimes, instead it has feathers that whirl around and the feathers are tails on these cute little buffalo.  Sounds weird but it’s really cute, I’ll have to take a picture of it once we have it up outside!  I liked that we got a cute little keepsake of our outing.  And I just realized it’s made out of wood, which is quite fitting since the gift for 5 years of marriage is supposed to be wood.
 We were going to get some ice cream but our parking was up and we decided to hit the road and check out a place called Crescent Beach.  Only we got there and discovered everyone else already had the same idea – it was packed and there was literally no parking to be found ANYWHERE.  It looked like a nice spot, so one day we’ll definitely go back to check it out.  It was probably for the best that we didn’t stick around, anyway, because by that time I was already starting to get hungry again, and I’d no doubt need to go to the bathroom again fairly soon if I started walking around.  I have zero bladder capacity these days!

I enjoyed the drive there and back because James was my chauffer.  It was so nice to get out and enjoy some sunshine in a ‘new’ place, White Rock felt so far removed from every day life somehow, and I liked that. 

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Five years of wedded bliss

It’s July 26, 2012.  Five years ago today was the day before James and my wedding.  FIVE whole years!  I can’t believe it’s been that long.  In some ways it feels like it should be longer, not in the sense that my marriage to James has felt endless or like it’s just dragging on (it’s not that way at all!), but because we’ve actually been together for 14 years.  And given we met living side by side in residence, and moved in together less than a year later, it feels like we’ve essentially been married all this time.  However, our wedding was hugely ceremonious and it really felt like it sealed the deal in such a special way.  I have nothing but happy memories from that day.

Five years ago today, it was still 24 hours away, and I was beyond nervous.  I enjoyed a girls trip to the spa for pedicures and some relaxation time to keep my mind off all the anxiety that afternoon, but I was still fairly anxious in anticipation of being the center of attention the next day.  Public speaking isn’t a strength of mine, and here I was preparing to stand in front of everyone I love the most to profess my love and commitment to the one I love the absolute-most!  Talk about scary!
Yet when the time came, everything happened so naturally.  It turns out that it’s not so hard to speak up in front of the people who mean the most to you in the whole wide world, and it actually feels pretty amazing to have brought everyone together for the occasion.  James and I did a pretty good job, if we do say so ourselves, of sharing our vows during the ceremony, and I wonder now why I thought anything could have gone wrong.  When you love someone as truly and as deeply as what we love each other, there’s no way it wouldn’t all fall into place.  I remember standing at the altar on the yacht in the beautifully sunny Vancouver harbour, literally beaming with love.  It was truly magical, and fitting that the yacht was called the ‘Magic Moment.’  I will never forget holding James’ hands, looking into his eyes, hearing his loving words and knowing deep within my heart that our love is real, and it’s forever.  It felt so good to be sharing it with the world, and what better way than to throw an awesome party on a yacht in the summer sun!
There were hugs, there was champagne, speeches, delicious food, laughs, scenic picture-taking, and LOTS of music and dancing.  People I thought I knew so well, I saw dancing like I never knew they could!  It was an incredible night, and to this day people continue to tell us it was hands down the best wedding they’ve ever been to – and some of them have been to a LOT of weddings.

I can’t say it was the best day of my entire life, because I’ve had one of them since, and will be experiencing another in the not so distant future – the birth of our beautiful babies!  But our wedding day is definitely up there, tops on my list of ‘favourite days’, a day that led to us deciding to start a family, and we just so happened to have the most precious baby boy in the universe, fancy that!  And soon our twin girls will be here – it just keeps getting better and better!

There aren’t many things in this world that I’m sure about.  But two things that are for sure are my love for James, and his love for me.  I really couldn’t ask for a better husband, who is also my best friend, and the most devoted and loving father I could imagine for my children.  I’m not just saying this because it’s going to be our anniversary and that’s what people do on that day each year.  This is something I think about – and feel – often.  All the time.  I never forget how lucky I am to have found my soul mate at 18, to feel even more in love with him now than I did then, and to be able to say with confidence that he is the one, MY one and only, forever and always.

To quote our song, James, You’re My Everything!

Happy 5 year anniversary of wedded bliss on Friday!


Love, Elizabeth

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Outing to Belcarra

Finally a post about our outing to Belcarra last weekend!
On Saturday we decided to drive up to Belcarra, which is in Port Moody off Ioco.  We’ve been to Buntzen Lake but we wanted to try somewhere different, so we ended up at White Pines Beach.  We found a nice spot by the lake and set up our little picnic area.  Andrew was being all weird at first about going somewhere new and said he just wanted to go to a park he’d been to a hundred times already, but once we got there he was loving it right away.  We brought his bucket and shovel and a bunch of outside toys and he had so much fun just scooping up sand with his shovel and throwing it into the water.  He was pretty self-sufficient with his play time, which was awesome.   He even ventured a little ways away from us (but not too far) and played with some other kids’ beach toys, too.
We had a yummy picnic and mostly James and I sat while Andrew played.  Then I decided to help Andrew make a sand castle, so we went to work on that, and eventually James got in on it too, because I couldn’t keep bending down to work on it.  I love making sand castles, but it’s a little tough for me this year!

James hadn’t brought a swim suit but he was wearing shorts so he decided to go for a little swim, as the water warmed up because the sun finally decided to poke through the clouds.  Actually, it started getting sunny just as we arrived so the timing couldn’t have been more perfect.  Andrew was a bit hesitant to go swimming, but James took him in slowly and eventually he was even wading in all by himself, and seemed so pleased with his accomplishment.  I think if we were to go to the beach more often, he would warm up to the water really quickly.

All in all it was a nice relaxing outing, although when we were getting toward the end of the afternoon, things went a bit awry when Andrew decided to start throwing handfuls of sand at some geese that were trying to sleep on the beach.  We told him not to, but he did it again – then James said, ‘One more time and we’re going home.’  Of course he just HAD to test the waters and did it again…so we packed up and headed for home.  Andrew fell asleep pretty quickly along the way, so we went for a bit of a drive and checked out a picnic area nearby, as well as another park that we’ll probably picnic at in the coming weeks.
I’m glad we got to go for an afternoon picnic, and caught some much needed rays.  Definitely something I want to do more regularly!

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

This is really happening, isn't it?

The past few nights I’ve noticed I become really anxious in the evenings.  Maybe anxious isn’t the right word, more…agitated, maybe?  Emotional?  Not till later at night, when most people would probably just say enough’s enough and go to bed and try to sleep it off.  The problem I’m having is that sleep is harder than ever for me.  I’m never good at sleeping, but with my giant belly, I have to be so conscious each time I roll over, and the babies kick up a fuss every time I move, as well as when I don’t move, the heart burn kicks up a notch when I’m laying down…Nothing seems conducive to sleep.  So even more than my usual, I procrastinate going to bed and stay up late and become my own worst enemy!

It’s actually not nearly as bad as it sounds.  I was just a bit weepy a couple of nights ago later in the evening, and since crying isn’t my ‘thing’, it felt like I was on a crazy emotional rollercoaster when really it was probably a lot less bumpy than that.  Then last night I got a case of the blahs later on, and tonight I’m feeling it again.  I wonder if it’s hormones or what?

I had a sudden realization today that is an obvious one, but nonetheless one that hit me in the face HARD.  We are going to have twin baby girls in 16 weeks or less.  Most likely less, possibly in around 12 weeks.  THAT FREAKS ME OUT.  I am sooooo excited about having our twins and so happy and in some ways can’t wait to welcome them into the world and get to know them and start our new life together.  BUT…at the same time?  Soooooooooooooooo not ready.  Like as in not in the least bit ready.  I am getting high anxiety at the mere thought of having 2 babies and Andrew to look after.  Did I already say IT’S FREAKING ME RIGHT OUT???!!!  Well, it is.

I know it’s what I want, and even though it’s INSANE, I think having twins is going to be such an incredible experience.  Like I’ve said numerous times, I feel SO LUCKY that I get to have 2 more babies at the same time!  Wow!  But…I’M GOING TO HAVE 2 BABIES AT THE SAME TIME!!!!!!!!  That’s scary, right?!  Everyone says, ‘I’m glad I’m not them’ when they hear about someone having twins – and they say it for a reason!  One baby is A LOT to handle…Two?  I’m going to need to grow at least 2 extra arms, preferably more.  It’s going to be crazy!  I’M going to be crazy!

Any amount of freedom I have gained through Andrew being a little older and getting slightly more self-sufficient in little ways – all of that freedom goes out the window as soon as I go into labour with these twins.  I am gaining so much and it’s TOTALLY ALL GOING TO BE WORTH IT – and I know that – but there’s that little part of me, that anxious part, that’s nagging at me late at night saying that I am also losing stuff, and it’s mostly free time…I know that sounds totally selfish and awful I’m sure.  I wanted to have another baby MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE IN THE WORLD – after losing our last baby, all I did was obsess over getting pregnant again, and it seems only fitting now that I ended up getting more than I bargained for with TWINS!  But it’s still overwhelming me in some ways, and I can’t help it.  I think it’s normal, I imagine even if it was ‘just’ one more baby, I’d be feeling it to a certain extent, because even ONE more baby would create enough chaos (good chaos, but still chaos!) to take away any ounce of freedom I’ve become used to over the past little while.  It’s just the way it goes when you have a new baby.

I just have concerns over how much more difficult it will be with twins.  We will have 3 children.  No one’s ever going to want to help us out and look after ALL THREE KIDS AT ONCE so we can have a moment of peace.  I feel like I will never spend time alone with James again, because logistically it won’t work out!  At least not for years.  I’m worried about stupid little things that I KNOW we will figure out somehow, but I just get my head bogged down by these thoughts of OMG WHAT ARE WE GETTING OURSELVES INTO.

On the other hand, I know I have to remember what’s most important.  If I wasn’t having twins, I wouldn’t be experiencing this amazing feeling of having two babies grow inside of me.  I love my baby girls so much already!  And if I wasn’t pregnant, I’d be wishing I was.  If we chose to only have one child, I’d always regret not having had another.  When we have our girls, our lives will be turned upside down, but then it will go right side up faster than we can blink because it will be our new sense of reality and we will make it work.  And I love that James and I are going to be parents to our sweet boy AND 2 girls, WOW, we really ARE very lucky!  I know it’s going to be amazing, despite the challenging aspects of it.  We will get into a routine in time.  I don’t know what I’d really be doing with my time, anyway, I mean – what could possibly be better than being in the thick of raising my beautiful babies?  It’s going to be the most memorable time of my life, and I want to just enjoy that.  It’s just a lot to absorb I guess…How such a short time from now, my life is going to change more than I could have thought imaginable.  How could that NOT seem overwhelming at times?!

24 week check-up

Yesterday I had my 24 week OB appointment.  I’m measuring 32 weeks, which is normal with twins.  But at this rate, by my next appointment at 28 weeks, I will most likely be measuring at least 40 weeks, possibly farther.  So, at full term or over for a singleton pregnancy.  Yikes!!

I already feel as if I am full term, I don’t remember getting much bigger than this with Andrew.  But I think it’s because I’m also a lot wider in the belly, since it’s accommodating 2 babies instead of one, and they’re essentially side by side.  It’s really hard for me to imagine how I’m going to be feeling in the coming weeks.

Despite how much bigger the babies are getting and how much my belly is expanding, I actually lost weight since my last appointment.  When you get to the clinic you give a urine sample and they weigh you, before you go in to see the doctor.  When I was weighed I saw that my weight was down – not by much, maybe a couple of pounds.  But I was taken aback since obviously I feel like I’ve put on a lot, not shed some!  I meant to ask the OB about it but completely forgot.  She’s never once mentioned my weight, so I would say there’s nothing to be concerned about.  My guess is that I’m eating pretty well, but since there are 2 babies taking all the nutrients from me, they just strip me bare and it’s impossible to eat enough for all 3 of us.  I’m finding lately that while I WANT to keep eating and sometimes still feel hungry after I eat, I can’t fit any more into my stomach, I guess because it’s squished by babies!

Both babies heart rates were in the 160 range, as per usual.  The OB liked that both babies were head down during the 3D u/s we had, and she said that while at this stage it’s still totally possible for one or both babies to change positions, given that Baby A has always been head down, there’s a really good chance we’ll be able to have a vaginal birth.  She said even by this stage, although it CAN change, the babies sometimes don’t bother trying to switch positions too much because they’re already getting fairly squished in there together.  So fingers crossed they stay in a head down positions, particularly Baby A. 

I asked her more about the epidural that they seem to want to push on me…I felt better about it because she said that they can insert the catheter thing for it, but not administer any drug until the very last minute (before pushing) if that’s what I want.  (Assuming, of course, that all is going well).  She said they can also do a low dose epidural, called a ‘walking’ epidural, which means I’d still be able to feel my legs and move around if I wanted, I would just be more comfortable in terms of the pain.  I felt better about it because even though they would STRONGLY discourage not getting any epidural at all (which honestly would be my ideal), I do feel like I have a say in when it happens, and what the level is.  I was in touch with my midwife from when I had Andrew for her advice, and while she’s obviously a strong advocate against epidurals, she said she’s never been present for a twin pregnancy where an epidural wasn’t given, and she actually said in this case she DOES recommend getting it.  She said she doesn’t believe an epidural alone is enough to interfere with breastfeeding, and because I successfully breastfed Andrew for as long as I did, there’s no reason to believe I won’t be able to this time around.  So…I feel a lot better about that whole issue.  As well, BC Women’s sounds so progressive – since twins have to be heart rate monitored during labour, they’ve actually just installed wireless monitors in all the rooms, so I don’t have to be strapped to a machine that prevents me from being able to move, which is pretty cool.

I asked her about ‘doing too much’ and she said in her opinion it’s totally fine to go about my regular daily routine, whatever I can handle since obviously I’m too tired to do a lot, which she said is totally normal in a twin pregnancy by this stage.  She said that it’s not realistic, especially when you have a child already, to have your feet up constantly, and it’s not something I should have to worry about unless there are signs of preterm labour, which at this point there aren’t.  What I liked though is that she said, ‘However, if you need a doctor’s note for getting out of laundry and cooking dinner, I can get that for you easily!’  LOL  Awesome!!

I’m feeling pretty good about how everything is going.  The lack of energy definitely gets me down at times, but over all everything is going so well, so I really can’t complain.  Two baby girls!!  I’m getting more excited (and slightly freaked out!) all the time =)