Sunday, April 22, 2012

11 weeks with twins


In contrast to being out for almost 7 hours yesterday, today we stayed home.  Sometimes on a weekend day I’ll feel a bit disappointed if we don’t really do much, but today I was relieved to not have any plans.  I was still feeling pretty tired from yesterday.  Last night we started watching Sherlock on Netflix (It’s kind of different, but I think I like it – we’re half an episode in) and I couldn’t even watch it all, I was so tired.  I started feeling as though I had flu symptoms, very achy and exhausted and my head even felt a bit warm, but I think I was just out of sorts, not actually sick.  Those symptoms were gone by morning, but I think I just have to take it easy as much as possible.  I KNOW that in weeks/months to come I’ll look back and think I couldn’t have POSSIBLY been so tired at this earlier stage, or uncomfortable, or what have you…but I am!

Since James gets up with the boy in the mornings on weekends so I can sleep in (it keeps me from throwing up as much through the day, which is sooo helpful…in fact, I didn’t throw up at all this weekend, yay!) he was pretty tired by after breakfast time.  So he went off to rest while the boy and I spent time together.  First we read at least 10 books, and he’s liking slightly longer story ones these days, so that was fun.  Then we did some painting.  Andrew decided he wanted me to paint his feet so we could do footprints, then hand prints, then he decided he also wanted a belly print!  It was funny, he seemed to get a kick out of seeing where his belly button is (the only spot on the paper where there was no paint!)  Then he had to have his second tubby of the day, to wash off all the paint.  He was a really good boy, totally cooperative and not the least bit whiny.  After we had done a bunch of things he wanted to watch a show, so I put something on for him and then I made some homemade buttermilk biscuits.  Then my mom texted to see if they could pop by after dinner, because they wanted to give James his bday present since they didn’t see him on the actual day, so I decided to make a Lemon Meringue Pie so we could offer them dessert.  Both things turned out really yummy!

I didn’t feel nearly as sick the past few days as I’ve been the past…few months, I guess it’s been.  Which is not to say there wasn’t nausea involved.  Oh, there was nausea!  In fact, there IS nausea – since it tends to get quite bad later at night.  But nothing compared to how it ‘usually’ seems to be, so maybe, hopefully it tapers off.  One can always hope!!  Although I do think a big part of it is the extra sleep I get when James is home to look after Andrew in the mornings.  Yes, theoretically I could go to bed way earlier and get that extra sleep on weeknights, but I seriously have SUCH a difficult time falling asleep at night that it’s so difficult for me, and just doesn’t seem to happen.  So…it is what it is, right?!

Today I am 11 weeks pregnant.  Tomorrow feels like a ‘milestone’ day for me.  I was 11 weeks +1 day when my last pregnancy ended.  It’s very vivid in my mind, and so hard to believe, on so many levels.  And to think that I’m right at that place again, 11 weeks +1 day tomorrow, only this time with twins.  And this time with not a single drop of blood the entire pregnancy so far (and hopefully it will continue to be that way till delivery day when I’m as close to full term as possible!)  I have very severe pregnancy symptoms, whereas within a few days of losing the last pregnancy, I had all but lost most of my symptoms.  A lot was different than what’s happening now, and I want to take that as a sign that things are going well now so I shouldn’t worry so much.  But it’s hard not to…And it’s also hard not to think about what my babies look like inside me right now.  Two babies that look just like the little baby I lost.  It’s weird thinking about it, because I’m so sure that baby truly was 11 weeks along when it came out, so I feel like I can perfectly picture what my two little ones look like inside me RIGHT NOW.  It’s so strange, yet so amazing.  Part of me thinks there was some sort of power in that little baby I lost, and that he or she either came back to me, or somehow helped to make it so these twins would be here with me now.  That might sound silly…When people said after that loss, that it’s possible their little spirit could come back ‘when it was ready’ I wasn’t sure what I thought of that.  It felt comforting, but at the same time the loss felt so absolute, like there was nothing more true on this earth than the fact that they were gone.  And maybe it is that way, but it just seems beyond coincidence to me that things happened the way they did, that I’m pregnant with twins, which puts a whole different spin on the entire thing.

I’ve been wishing the weeks away so I could get over this hurdle, of getting further along in this pregnancy than I got in the last one.  Tomorrow will mark that day, and now we’re that much closer to our next ultrasound, which I’m hoping will REALLY put my mind at ease.  So we’re getting there!  And it feels really good to be getting there, and in all honesty, to really be feeling the life that’s growing inside me.

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