We may as well just clear the air
I got a cold 3 weeks ago, after we took Andrew to the indoor play centre – AKA germ central. It developed into a cough that hasn’t quit, and even the stuffy nose never fully went away. It was close though, so close, until today when the cold decided to smack me in the face all over again! So 3 weeks in, and now it’s getting worse again. SO annoying. I seriously hope after this I’ll be in the clear at least until next winter. This is ridiculous – I’ve had a cold off and on (sadly, mostly on) since early December. Something’s gotta give!
I have a feeling I know why I have such a weakened immune system. I’ve been thinking of ways to avoid talking about it on here, because I’d like to just keep it private for now. But at the same time, I’ve gone on and on and on…and on…about the topic SO MUCH, whining about it when it comes right down to it…So the longer I don’t say anything, the more suspicious you regular readers are going to get!! So I might as well just come right out and say it.
It happened for us! I’m pregnant!!!!!
I can’t believe I’m actually able to say that, but it’s true. I’m about 6 weeks along, and just being as positive as I possibly can be about the whole thing. I’m so so so so SO SO hopeful that everything will go smoothly this time and currently, if you can believe it, our due date is…Halloween day! LOL We are so awesome at timing. If you think about it, this is kind of perfect, because neither kid will feel like the other has it that much better. Sure, Andrew’s assured fireworks on his birthday every single year, but that also means that people aren’t really celebrating him as the life of the party…It’s New Year’s Eve to the majority, not ‘Andrew’s Birthday’ (as it is to me!) So why not have the same issue with Halloween. Put another way, both kids can complain equally as to why we had to make their birthdays be other holidays that people celebrate.
James laughed when I told him the due date, saying, ‘Way to take Andrew’s favourite holiday of the entire year right out from under his feet!’ LOL It’s true…Halloween is tops on his list. Well, this will just make it more interesting ;) I’m actually suspecting that it’s possible the due date will be bumped up by at least a few days, so more like early November, of course I have no idea for sure. And let’s face it, Andy was due Dec 23rd and came 8 days later…And we won’t even discuss how off Baby#2 was =(
It’s going to be a very challenging process, being pregnant again after what happened last time. Every little twinge or ache makes me feel like I could quite easily freak out. I do worry that something could go wrong, and I’m so afraid of what that would do to me. But I’m really doing a great job so far of focusing all my energy, or at least as much as humanly possible, on being POSITIVE about this pregnancy. I want this baby SO BADLY and I will do everything within my power to ensure its healthy arrival in a little under 8 months time.
We’ve only told my parents, so it seems strange to be blogging it, but as I’ve said with many of the things I write about, as far as I know our families don't have a clue about this blog. So hopefully no one finds out this way! It’s not something I would post on FB till the 12 week mark, so it’s strange to be posting here, but I guess I look at my blog differently. And like I said before, how could I not write about it here when it’s all I’ve been able to think (and therefore write) about for what feels like way too long now?
I know I am SO blessed (in a non-religious sense, if it’s possible to be blessed non-religiously!) to be pregnant again. And ‘so soon.’ It feels like forever to me, any longer and I’d have possibly gone clinically insane, and I’m not even exaggerating really. But I know in the grand scheme of things, it didn’t take that long after what happened (we’re a little under 5 months since losing the last baby right now). I really hope this one is meant to be. I truly feel that it is.
I was looking back on journal entries from when I was 5ish weeks last time around, and I was so bloated and uncomfortable already and none of my non-pregnancy clothes fit. Looking back, I wonder if that was a sign from early on that something wasn’t right. My theory, and I know it’s nothing more than that, is that the baby was somehow not positioned correctly. I have no idea how it would have been positioned, but I just wonder if maybe it wasn’t quite in the right place. He or she was obviously able to flourish to the 11 week mark, but it wasn’t sustainable, and maybe it wasn’t because there was any defect with the baby itself but rather with where it stuck. Thinking this actually makes me in some ways feel like there’s that much more hope for this time around, because it would mean it was a totally fluke thing and really truly is so unlikely to happen again.
As you can tell, I still feel sad about that loss. I always will. And it’s going to factor heavily into my pregnancy this time, because I’m scared. I’m not going to deny that I’m just a little bit terrified. But I’m also totally over the moon, and so excited. It’s a weird feeling to be all those things at once! But I’m just going with it, and hoping for the best.
So far, I DO NOT feel overly bloated or uncomfortable or strangely further along than I should be, so I feel relieved about that. I’ve been experiencing heartburn, sore breasts (getting worse each day), EXTREME EXHAUSTION way beyond my usual exhaustion, some moodiness, occasional uterus cramping up feelings (particularly because I’ve been coughing so much). Probably a few other things here and there, but nothing too major. I threw up all my dinner the other night and then ended up eating leftovers of that same dish the next afternoon, which is something that became a very regular thing during my pregnancy with Andrew, so it felt like my ‘first morning sickness’! I definitely feel pregnant in my uterus, which is hard to explain unless you are or have been pregnant. There are definitely some discomforts creeping up, and then I think, UH OH!, because having been through pregnancy before I KNOW it only gets ‘worse’ in terms of dealing with issues cropping up! However, I really don’t want to complain about any of those things, because honestly, those symptoms mean I’m pregnant, and that my baby is thriving inside of me, and that is ultimately all that I want.
We’re not telling Andrew till we’re ready to tell all our friends and family, because once he knows, he’ll shout it out to the world. I’m so excited that he’s going to have a little brother or sister! Beyond words excited! I feel like a weight has lifted from me, and I want to relish every moment that I can.