Friday, March 02, 2012

Feeling better about things

I’ve started the course I enrolled in for coping with depression, and so far so good.  It runs all the way into May.  I can’t really talk about it much, since whatever anyone says is meant to be confidential.  But suffice it to say, I think it’s going to be beneficial.  It puts me out of my comfort zone by forcing me to be in a social situation I otherwise wouldn’t put myself in.  Only good can come from that, I would think!

The first class made me realize a few things.  One, that anyone could benefit from the course, regardless of their level of depression.  It made me realize that while I definitely do exhibit some signs of depression, it could certainly be a whole lot worse.  I have bouts of feeling down and unsure of myself and beating myself up over things I shouldn’t, overthinking.  But I wouldn’t say I’m depressed all the time.  As I know from personal experience with people close to me in my life, some people are depressed pretty much all the time.  They just can’t seem to get out of it.  Whereas for me, I’ll have my moments where I think, I must be depressed, I AM!  Usually it will happen later in the day or late at night when I’m tired and it starts to make my mind anxious.  In fact, another thing I learned is that I likely suffer more from some form of anxiety, as opposed to depression.  Not surprisingly, the two most often go hand in hand.

I suppose I should consider myself ‘lucky’ that my ‘depression’ occurred as a result of an isolated incident (my miscarriage).  I’m not saying I’ve never in the past before that incident wondered if something wasn’t quite right with me, but that's what caused the feelings to spiral.  I’d say I’m prone to depression given how close it is to me in my family.  But I also think that as much as I can be down on myself at times, questioning things too much, I’m generally able to focus on other things and realize all the good things around me, too.  Still, if there’s anything whatsoever underlying, it’s a good idea to work at it.  So that’s what I’m doing.

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