Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Sometimes a post doesn't need a title

I miss Moorka.  There were a bunch of things about today that seemed to stress me out, but most of the day I focused on other things and didn’t obsess over Moogy.  We weren’t home for most of the day so it wasn’t as blatantly in front of my face that she isn’t here.  But just now I went to get my sweater from the bedroom, and when I opened the door I could have SWORN I saw her laying at the edge of my side of the bed.  I honestly swear with almost 100% certainty she was there, even though I know it’s not possible.  It really hit me when I thought I saw her.  I felt a pang in my heart.  It aches because I want to hold her so badly.

Then I have stupid thoughts, like what if it was the wrong thing to let her go when we did?  What if we’d kept her at home?  My brain wants to believe that she could have miraculously got better.  Maybe she would have lived on for years longer.  I know in my heart that’s the furthest thing from the truth, and I also know we wouldn’t have been doing her any favours to keep her here any longer, given the state she was in.  But how can my Moogy be gone??  That’s what I don’t understand.  How can she not be here anymore, when she was here a week ago?  A week ago today I didn’t know how long she had – I didn’t think we were right at the very end.  And now I’m grieving for her?  I don’t like it one bit.

One thing I want to do is go through all the hundreds (possibly thousand!) pictures I have of her, and pick one to put in a frame on the mantle.  I think it would make me feel a little teensy bit better if I had her in the room with us like that.  She is a part of this family, and I need her to be here in some way with us.  She did love to sit by the fire, so being by the fireplace would make sense.  OR another cool idea would be to get a funkier picture done of her on a stretched canvas and put it up in the bathroom!  That sounds weird maybe, but she LOVED hanging out by the bathtub.  For now I’ll go with the mantle picture since I can do that quicker, but I kind of like the idea of doing a more artsy picture.  Although the more I think about it, the more I like the idea of an artsy picture that would include Fifi, since I think of them together.  Definitely something I want to work on…

There’s been a change of plans…Due to some kid sneezing in Andrew’s face at Crash Crawley’s on Sunday (James only just informed me of this tonight, not that it would have made a difference to find out sooner), Andrew has come down with a bad cold, so he won’t be going to his nana’s for the day tomorrow.  I have some mild symptoms of it (though it started out with me feeling flu like symptoms and getting quite sick the other night/morning) but poor Andrew is so stuffed up.  He’s had several colds in his life, but this is the first time he’s been complaining about the symptoms.  I feel so bad for him.  When I told him he had a cold, he hunched his shoulders and looked so dejected.  Like he was hearing some truly horrible news!  Poor little guy.  Hopefully he manages to get some rest tonight and isn’t too miserable in the morning.  Looks like it will be an indoors jammy wearing movie watching day tomorrow!

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