Sunday, November 20, 2011

Tomorrow....


Andrew is sleeping over at my parents’ place tonight.  I just remembered he’s not actually asleep in his bed right now!  I’m so used to him being so close by.  I’m hoping to get somewhat of a decent sleep tonight, though the insomnia was terrible last night so I’m not holding my breath.  Also, I just remembered a few hours ago that my counselling appointment was bumped up to tomorrow…EEEEK!!!!  I am totally freaking out about it.  Which I know is ridiculous.  I booked the appointment of my own free will.  I am ‘willingly’ parting with $125 smackers for an hour long session.  Which seems crazy.  But if I wasn’t crazy, I wouldn’t be needing the help, so….  Ha!

I don’t even want to get into the anxiety I’m feeling around the appointment tomorrow.  Suffice it to say, I am a bit of a wreck, even though I know I’ll feel better once I get the ball rolling on this.  I just have anxiety around starting over talking about the whole thing.

I know I need to though.  Case in point: this morning my parents drove me out to a place in New West to get more firewood, and we happened to drive past Royal Columbian Hospital.  When I realized where we were, and saw the sign pointing toward Emergency, I had to look away.  I felt like I could barely breathe for a moment, I had to just try to think about something else.  It was pretty hard for me to be even remotely close to that place again.  I hope I never have to step foot inside those doors ever again in my life.

In other news, I scored a MAJOR deal on the firewood today.  I don’t know if the woman was feeling generous or what, but it cost $20 to pretty much fill the entire trunk of my parents’ car, and their car has a pretty big trunk.  Score!  I was so pleased about it.  I LOVE our fire place and knowing that we have a good amount – and can easily get more without it costing a fortune – pleases me to no end.  Seriously, I am somewhat obsessed with our fireplace (although I have been good about rationing the wood to SOME degree…maybe, sorta, kinda, a little bit!! 

That’s all I’ve got for right now…Check back after my appointment tomorrow, I’m sure I’ll have a lot more to say then.  I kind of already spent tonight talking James’ ear off about, once again, the same issue that’s always on my mind.  He’s such a good sport about it, thankfully.  I hope the counsellor can help me figure out how to come to terms with what happened, so at least I can focus on other things for longer than 5 minutes.  It will be 6 weeks on Tuesday and it still feels like it just happened yesterday…

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