Tuesday, November 22, 2011

I am umbrellaless


Yesterday the counsellor told me that it can be helpful when I find myself thinking about my loss, to just make statements about it.  To say things like,

‘I lost my baby. 

My baby died. 

I never thought I would go through something so horrible as the loss of a child.

There is nothing worse than losing one’s own child.

I can’t believe how HORRIBLY I was treated at Royal Columbian Hospital.

I HATE Royal Columbian Hospital!

After going through what I did, I can’t believe how silent most people are about miscarriage. 

I want to shout out to the whole world that it happened to me!

I will never get over the loss of my 11 week gestated baby.

My baby was REAL, my baby was not ‘just’ a fetus.

I can’t believe I have given birth to two babies, but I only have one child.

I never in a million years thought this would be my life.’

I don’t know if I went about that right, because honestly, it doesn’t seem to help me.  I ‘get’ the idea that making statements as plain ol’ facts can be helpful, because ultimately it’s confirming what happened but in a general sense.  Not in a woe is me don’t I ever feel like shit sort of way.  But woe IS me and DO I EVER FEEL LIKE SHIT!

I can’t help it, sorry.  I’m working on it, truly I am!  It’s boggling my mind how unable I seem to be to push past this.  It’s like this giant depression cloud is raining on me and I can’t escape it.

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