Saturday, November 19, 2011

Eternally Loved

Even though I lost my baby before I ever got the chance to hold him or her in my arms, I felt this overwhelming sense of having lost a real child as soon as it happened.  I guess because the baby had been growing inside of me, I always knew they were with me, and I could touch my belly as a means of affection.  With the baby no longer there, I still felt a strong urge to reach out to them in some way – but how?  What would make sense as ‘something to hold onto’ with regards to a baby that I never even got the chance to know?

It was something that I found very difficult, in particular during those first few days/weeks after the loss.  I desperately longed for the baby that was no longer there, and I NEEDED something to hold onto.  I knew that I not only wanted, but NEEDED something that could symbolize the baby for me.

Some people suggested planting a tree, and this is an idea I still really like and perhaps next spring or summer (or whenever the best time is to plant a tree?!) I would still consider this as an option.  The difficulty I have with it is that I honestly don’t have anyone close to me who has a yard, as crazy as that might sound.  And while we DO currently have a yard space, we’re renting and probably won’t live here longer than a couple more years at most.  (Even though I love it here so much, it won’t be practical if we DO ever have another child…and besides that, our landlord might decide to sell and then we’d have no choice but to move).  I don’t want to plant a very important tree that is symbolizing my lost child in a yard that one day will belong to someone else, at least not for a very long time.  I’d want it to be in a place where I could visit it, but I don’t think you can just randomly plant a tree wherever you feel like it!

I ended up looking up ideas online, and I gravitated toward the idea of getting a necklace to wear.  The idea being that I could wear the necklace as a symbol of the baby, and when I’m thinking about them or just need something to hold onto, I can touch it.  I also liked the idea that it’s something that can always be with me.  Of course, there might be times when I choose not to wear it because I’m wearing something else or whatever – it doesn’t mean that I’m not wanting to be close to my baby when that happens, of course!  But it just felt like the right choice for something to find some comfort in.

I went online and ended up finding the perfect necklace on an Etsy site called The Whimsy.   The necklace is meant to be a remembrance of a lost child, and in fact was made by the artist after she lost her son Jack at just 9 weeks old.  I loved how it is interpreted as two arms protecting something precious.  Like a mother’s arms, forever wrapped around her baby.
 Picture borrowed from TheWhimsy website - the necklace I got has a different gemstone in the middle, but this gives an idea.
 
I had my choice of any birthstone for the gemstone in the middle.  I never got the chance to find out if our due date was in April or May, so I didn’t know which month to choose.  I ended up going with the birthstone for October, since ultimately my baby was born in that month.  Essentially, while I don’t ever see myself ‘celebrating’ it, I will forever remember October 11th as my second child’s ‘birthday.’  I will grieve it rather than celebrate it, but I certainly will never forget it. 

The October birthstone is Opal, and with this particular gemstone it shows as a very, very light pink colour.  Against my skin, you’d never know there is a pinkish hue to it, it shows as almost clear.  I absolutely love it, and while it certainly doesn’t make me long for my baby any less, it does lend me some amount of comfort.  I do love knowing, even if most people think it’s ‘just’ a necklace, that it’s something that for me helps keep my baby’s spirit close.  I just needed something to hold onto, to have with me, and I couldn’t have picked a better necklace than this one.  I also like that part of the proceeds goes toward a Children’s Hospital.

I would definitely recommend TheWhimsy to others, not just for the Eternally Loved necklace, but all of her pieces are really, really beautiful.

3 comments:

Smelly Danielly said...

That necklace is beautiful and it is such a good idea. Something meaningful to you that you will always have close by.

Lojo said...

Love it.

tristadawn said...

Wow, that is absolutely beautiful. I'm so glad you got it. :)



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