Doctor update (not much of one)

James finally got a hold of the doctor’s office for me today after calling repeatedly with no answer.  So frustrating! 

What’s worse is the message he got from the receptionist when he finally DID get through.

She told him that she was waiting to hear back from a gynaecologist on Thursday to find out when I might be able to get in for an appointment.  James said that’s fine, but what about my therapy appointment? 

She said she knew nothing about that – that as far as she knew, the gynaecology appointment and the counselling appointment were one and the same.

Yes, that’s right, a MEDICAL RECEPTIONIST believes that a gynaecologist also offers therapy.

I’m not quite sure how that would work.  Somehow I don’t see myself reiterating my painful experience of losing my baby while he inserts a speculum to assess the status of my vajayjay.

It really angers me that she even holds the position that she does.  I always thought receptionists at medical clinics had to get training for the position?  I’m beginning to wonder. 

It would probably be a good thing to have the gynaecology exam just for peace of mind sake.  It would be nice to know that my body is functioning as it should so I am assured that I SHOULD be able to carry another pregnancy to term.  However, as much as I DO still partially blame myself for the loss – which I think is only a natural reaction – I also doubt very much that there’s anything wrong with me in that sense.  I get regular paps done and I’ve never had anything abnormal show up.  I had a perfect first pregnancy/child.  Something went awry with baby#2, obviously, and I’ll never know what…but that’s the thing – I don’t think a gynaecologist is going to be able to tell me what happened, so what’s the point?  And they certainly are not going to provide me with a therapy session!

I would really prefer to not spend the money, because it’s basically $100 for 50 minute appointments with a therapist.  There’s some major OUCH factor there considering that I ultimately don’t think we can afford that.  But I’m being told by more than a couple of people that it’s a good idea for me to talk to someone, and even though I have reservations about it, I also agree.  I think I do need that extra bit of help in working towards overcoming this pain.  Especially when it has been 4 weeks today and I’m still quite weepy, constantly wondering WHY, and easily rattled over the littlest thing.  That’s telling that I’m not doing a great job compartmentalizing on my own what happened.

I’m leaning towards calling someone that my old midwife recommended after looking up her website and getting a really positive vibe from it.  I’ve been thinking more about the idea of the receptionist at my doctor’s office looking into a counsellor for me (should she ever decide to actually DO that) and quite frankly, I’m concerned with who she might set me up with.  Maybe there’s a reason why it costs so much to get good emotional help – I’d rather pick someone who feels like a right fit for me based on my own personal needs rather than be placed with someone I might not feel comfortable with, then have to go through the motions of talking with them only to start over after finding someone myself.  So I think I’ve made my decision there, it’s time for me to act on it and get that underway so I can start making some changes in how I feel.


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