It helps me not to feel so alone
Tomorrow (Monday) would have been my family dog Emma’s 14th birthday. Her first birthday since she’s been gone. And Tuesday is one week since my baby was taken from me. I don’t have high hopes that this will be a good week.
Since I posted the Note about my miscarriage on Facebook, I have had an outpouring of messages from so many friends. Some to share their condolences for our loss, and many to share their own stories of miscarriage. Some shared their stories openly on my wall, while others sent private messages to tell me about their experiences.
I am floored by the response. As I put in the note, I wasn’t asking for sympathy, I just felt I really needed to let people know what I was going through since it’s a big part of my life right now. As well, I really do want to raise awareness about miscarriage because I had NO IDEA how prevalent it was (is) till it happened to me. I just feel that a lot of people might misunderstand it, or not quite ‘get’ the magnitude of it. I’m both shocked and horrified by the stories of some of my friends, of the miscarriages – sometimes multiple – that they’ve had to go through. Some getting to the point of not even telling people at all anymore because it happens so often. It makes me SO SAD to know that women are going through this, and sometimes alone. I don’t know what I would do without the support I have, especially from James and my parents, but also from all my friends – some of you who read my blog, and so many people on Facebook. It’s amazing how supportive people have been, and how much they truly seem to care. While it wasn’t my intention to gain attention from people over this, it really has helped so much to have that support, and know that my baby isn’t a secret to the world.
I can’t really get over how many women I know who have been through this. Basically all the friends who came forward with their stories aren’t ‘close’ friends of mine, so I wouldn’t have expected them to tell me about their miscarriages had I not been so open about mine. But it’s incredible how much closer it makes me feel to each and every one of them. Similar in a way to how once you’ve had a child you feel you have something in common with other mothers even if you don’t know them personally, going through an event like this brings people together. It’s in a very sad way, but in a compassionate and caring one. It really makes me realize SO MUCH how important it is to always keep in mind that you never know what a person might be dealing with. And it blows me away how strong some of my friends are, having gone through miscarriage after miscarriage but persevering – it is truly incredible their resiliency. I hope I never have to face what they have, despite not being the slightest bit religious, I find myself praying silently all the time that I will get pregnant again, and the next time that I do I will have a healthy baby. Out loud, I ask for my baby back. I know the chances of that are…well, I don’t even want to talk about it, but I can still wish for it.
I know I share so much of myself very openly on my blog, but in ‘real life’ I am one of the most private people you will ever meet! So it was a pretty big deal for me to share my experience on Facebook. It was a big deal to share it on here, too, but no one who is a part of my ‘every day life’ knows about my blog, so it wasn’t like any family or friends who’ve known me since I was little would be reading it. Although it’s funny I should put it that way, because those of you who read my blog regularly ARE essentially a big part of my every day life – you READ about it all the time! You know a hell of a lot more about me than most people do.
It’s a strange phenomenon, but hey, it works for some people, and I guess I am one of them. I found it somewhat liberating to be so open to so many people, though. As private a person as I am, I guess I don’t feel comfortable hiding the biggest moments of my life, whether they happen to be good or bad. I just hope the next big thing I share is a happy one, and that it stays that way.