Saturday, October 01, 2011

Exhausted

Last night couldn’t have been much worse.  Andrew basically had me up ALL NIGHT, I think I slept for 15 minutes (but not all in a row!) all night through till about 5:30am.  I was having a hard time falling asleep because of all my uterine expansion issues…I was getting so tired, it felt like my uterus was a buzzing beehive (which seems to happen often late at night, actually – particularly when I’m at the point of being in dire need of sleep).  I kept telling Andrew how growing a baby is hard work and makes Mommy tired and I really REALLY need to start getting more sleep at night.  Especially if he doesn’t want me to be grumpy with him through the day.  I NEED REST!  But he just wouldn’t let me sleep.  HE wouldn’t sleep, or if I thought he was out so crept back to bed, he’d be awake hollering for me to come back.  Thing is, if I don’t go back he just sobs and freaks out and will come into our room.  I can’t just have him screaming his head off in the middle of the night for any length of time – our neighbours would start to complain.

So it was a hellish night.  James got up at 6 and Andy apparently was up shortly after that.  I slept for almost 5 hours and then got up only because I felt like I should.  Andrew was whining and I figured he would be getting on James’ nerves…well he was getting on mine too and I had been up all of 2 seconds.  He just would NOT stop whining and bitching and moaning about everything and yet nothing.  SO ANNOYING. 

I started to feel really down in the dumps and negative, which is not good, but I couldn’t help it.  Constant crying and NOTHING going right can have that effect.  My parents were picking Andrew and I up at 2 to go run a few errands so I had no choice but to get ready and go out.  Luckily Andrew was pretty good while we were out, and he fell asleep in the car…Which on the one hand is bad because it could mean he’ll be up really late tonight.  But on the other hand, he obviously needed the sleep, the Mr. Grumpy Pants that he is today.  He was whining still when he woke up so my mom suggested dropping me off at home and taking him to their place till after dinner.  Andrew seemed to like that plan almost as much as I did, and he was saying goodbye to me before we’d even pulled up to our building!  Fine by me!!

(I told my parents that James and I were wondering this morning what we were thinking, to be doing this all over again having another child.  They practically in unison said, 'Oh, you'll wonder that MANY more times!  Trust us!  LOL)

I really don’t know what to do about this sleeping or lack thereof issue.  It’s really getting me down, and with being pregnant I’m having a particularly difficult time falling asleep as it is – already – so it’s even more of a challenge to be woken up through the night.  It really would be nice to get a bit of decent sleep in the months leading up to having another baby and more chaos ensuing with a newborn.  If only Andrew understood it from my point of view!

I’ve been spotting a little bit, really hardly anything but even the tiniest amount freaks me out.  In my first pregnancy that happened to me one time only, and sorry for the bluntness factor here, but it was after sex.  Which is quite normal (although obviously something to avoid if possible).  I totally freaked out when it happened that time, but I got info on it and knew that’s what caused it so I knew not to worry.  I’ve had it happen 3 times now and perhaps one time was due to some goings on (lol) but otherwise it’s just happening on it’s own – which is what concerns me.  I don’t know what to think when that happens.  Again, it’s miniscule – but even the tiniest bit is alarming when you’re not supposed to be bleeding at all during pregnancy.  From looking it up online, it sounds more common than you’d think, but it’s freaking me out that it’s happening to me.  Then I start to worry that the teeniest tiniest twinge is some sort of problem, or what if there’s something wrong with the baby?  Usually they do the first ultrasound before the 3 month mark but my doctor didn’t book it early enough and now I don’t go for several more weeks – I think I’ll be about 13-14 weeks at the first ultrasound.  I worry – what if something’s wrong with the baby?  I just want to know that everything is moving along normally.  I don’t care how many times a person is pregnant, personally I think I’d worry like this even if I was onto my 10th one!  I just feel like so much is at stake with what’s growing in me and I want my baby to be healthy and developing normally.  I need that reassurance for peace of mind’s sake.  I wasn’t going to write about the spotting issue since it seems so personal…but maybe someone will read this who might have gone through something similar.  Any reassurance or just understanding what it’s like to deal with this stuff would be awesome!!

No comments:



blogger template by lovebird