Wednesday, September 21, 2011

So much for being such a grand day...


It’s amazing the difference an hour makes.  Or, one text message.

For the record, I really don’t particularly enjoy receiving bad news through text.  I think it warrants a phone call.  But that’s just me…

So after receiving said text, I have been down in the dumps.  I didn’t even SHOW James my new clothes, let alone do the ‘fashion show’ I was all hyped up about in my last post.  (Not that I was going to be strutting on a fake cat walk or something, obviously NOT!)  But still, I was excited about the day I had, happy, walking on at least a partial cloud just for 5 minutes.  Is it really so much to ask that the cloud walking could last an entire evening??  Rather than bursting into heavy rain right under my feet?

Yes, I’m being dramatic, but I feel my situation warrants it!!

I don’t want to get into what the news was.  No one has died, so I should just be happy and relieved that it could actually be a lot worse, right?  But bad news is still bad news, and has to be taken accordingly.  So I feel like crap, end of.

I just wonder why, when things have just begun some showing of IMPROVEMENT, like maybe 2011 doesn’t have to be a year of constant shit storms, we are hit with another wave.  WHY, WHY, WHY, WHY…

WHY?????

I know I have being pregnant to be happy about.  The conception of our second child is something to delight in and celebrate.  Therefore it’s impossible to say that 2011 is the worst year since the last terrible, awful, no-good year we had (in which I’m sure a few awesome things were thrown into the mix then, too).

But…I just wonder sometimes WHY things have to happen as they do.  WHY CAN’T WE GET A BREAK.

Anyway…In between writing this, I went to say goodnight to James and ended up letting out a lot of my feelings, along with a few tears.  I don’t really feel ‘better’ in the sense that still nothing has changed, but I know sometimes it’s a good thing just to talk about what’s on my mind and not be bottling it up so much.  Even if ultimately the situation is no different afterward.  I honestly don’t know what I’d do without James as my sounding board, he really is my rock and I appreciate so much that we communicate as we do and can be there for each other like we are.  (He doesn’t read my blog so this is not a means for me to score brownie points with him, btw, it really is true!)

I still feel crummy, sad, blah, just shocked really.  And annoyed that I didn’t just get to bask in the glory of having a fun afternoon.  I feel like it’s all tainted now.

But oh well, at least there WAS some fun, SOMEWHERE in the day…

And to end this on a more positive, light, and very CUTE note…

After dinner Andrew and I were sitting on the couch talking about what he did today at Nana’s, when he reached over, played with my hair a bit and said, ‘I like your hair!’ 

I said, ‘Aww, thank you, Andrew!’ and he said, ‘Cleaned it?’  LOL  I said, ‘Yes, I washed it this morning!’  He said, ‘Yes!  In bath, put soap in it.  Very nice.’  He also came up to me and gave me a kiss and cheek hug and just looked me in the eye as if to say, ‘I love you, Mommy!’  Needless to say, I don’t know what I’d do without him either! 

I have to just stay focused on what’s positive, and we’ll work through the negative stuff just as we always do.  Right?


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