I need more energy

I am currently in the process of making Smelly Danielly’s Veggie Casserole.   I’m in the beginning stages, as I’m just slow roasting the tomatoes now.  I think I’ll make the rest and finish the process tomorrow (or later tonight if I feel so inclined).  I’m proud of myself for actually doing this – even though it seems like an easy enough recipe to follow, it’s the fact that it’s time consuming that tends to turn me away.  But when you really think about it the parts where you’re actually having to PREPARE it is minimal – you can do whatever you want to in the 8 hours that the tomatoes are roasting!  I actually went out for a little while…At first I thought I shouldn't go anywhere when the oven’s on, but when it’s at 225 degrees it’s barely on so I didn’t feel bad about it.  I’m about 6 ½ hours in so not much longer till they’re prepared!  They look and smell delicious.

I have the day to myself while Andrew is with his Nana.  I was hoping to really use the day to get a lot done and feel productive but it hasn’t really happened.  I haven’t done nothing, but I just don’t have the get up and go that I usually do when it comes to cleaning and organizing.  In fact, I am really very tired and have a sort of ‘don’t feel good’ feeling but I can’t quite explain what it is.  I’d say I haven’t been getting enough sleep, and that’s probably true in the sense that I really SHOULD sleep more than I do, but I’ve actually been making an effort to get to bed slightly earlier than my usual lately.  I’ve found that reading in bed for a little while zonks me right out and I fall asleep so much faster because I’m not thinking about everyday things, I’m just focusing on the book, which relaxes my brain.  I used to do that all the time but for quite a while now I’d forgotten the relaxation effect of reading in bed.  I’ve made a vow to myself to keep it up, because I’ve been annoyed with myself for a while now for not reading as much as I used to.  It’s a bonus that it’s also a sleep aid!!!

When I DO find a bit of energy, I want to go through Andy’s bedroom and weed through his toys.  That boy is spoiled rotten and has way too many toys.  A lot of toys he never even plays with and ones I don’t REALLY feel we need to keep for child #2.  I can’t get rid of anything when he’s here and can see me going through it because it pains him to think of letting go of absolutely anything.  But my dad is more than willing to take a load of stuff to good will for me, so I can take advantage of the trunk of their car and put some things in when Andrew’s not looking…I just have to find the energy to do it, and be choosey about what goes because I’ve actually found the very few times I’ve got rid of stuff, he suddenly asks about a toy that I was thinking of getting rid of!  So far I’ve had a strange intuition that I can’t explain where I didn’t end up getting rid of those particular items, and thank goodness for that.  But seriously, it’s not good to clutter up his room with TOO many toys, in particular ones he doesn’t even play with anyway.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me lately.  I really want to write, and I feel like I have things I want to say that aren’t just this everyday stuff…I’m just so ridiculously tired and when I have the chance to write it just doesn’t come.  I’m sorry – not that you’re obligated to read anything here, anyway, but I’m not wanting to turn people away because the stuff I’m saying is Boring City!  I’m going to try to make a real effort to buck up and get with it.  I’m not depressed or anything, sure I have my moments but it’s not like there’s a particular thing plaguing me that makes me not want to be productive.  I can’t explain what’s happening, but hopefully it will sort itself out soon!

In the meantime, I’m going to check on the tomatoes and just contemplate what to do next =)


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