Thursday, June 30, 2011

Going with the flow

This morning I sold our dining table and chairs.  We’re inheriting one of my parents’ dining sets – to arrive on Monday – because we figured it was time we got a proper ‘family’ table as opposed to the bar table and stools.  I loved that set, we got it as my birthday present about 4 or so years ago.  I remember obsessing over it till I got it!  It really does make more sense to have a proper sit down table, especially for Andrew since while he’s gotten the hang of the stools over time, they’re really not that safe for a little one.  And the table we’re getting is from Ikea and is awesome and will go great with our stuff. 

I just get sentimental over every little thing!  I thought about how that was Andrew’s ‘first’ dining table – I know, ridiculous, right?!  But still, everything is special when I can somehow find a way to link it to Andrew!  I can’t help it.  But, I did fine with parting with the table, and it was awesome to get 150 smackers in exchange for it!  Sweet!  That pays for our new patio set and then some!  Part of the ‘and then some’ being pizza that I just ordered ;D

Today was my last real chance to organize things before the big move happens and I have at least 20 boxes to unpack…So I think I’ve got everything done that I wanted to.  I’ve actually created a lot of space in the closets, which is awesome.  I still think it’s going to be overwhelming when the stuff actually arrives and I truly have to deal with it all.  Thank gawd we have storage in the basement as well…I’m definitely going to be using it.  I don’t want to be a total clutter bug but I think it’s going to be hard to part with a lot of stuff.  There was also a lot that I know my mom would have wanted to keep but one day was just like, ‘Get rid of it all, I don’t care’ so I ended up taking some of it thinking I could fit it somewhere…It’s going to be interesting next week, that’s all I can say!  Andy is going to have a field day helping me unpack.

Happy Canada Day tomorrow!  I found a pack of Canada tattoos that I got for Andrew’s first Canada Day, and he wore some for his second also.  Sticking with tradition, he’ll wear some tomorrow, only it will be the first year where he really ‘gets’ tattoos and he’ll probably want to have them all up and down his arms and legs!  LOL

Should be interesting not having a table to eat at for the next few days.  Although I just realized I can bring our patio furniture inside!  Sweet!  Haha, that’s so cool, it was a light bulb moment where I suddenly realized I could do that.  We’re having a little party on Saturday night (don’t get too excited…it’s for my mil’s bday…grumble grumble…j/k…or am I?!  Ha) and I was worrying about how we were supposed to put food out without a table, but now that problem is solved!

I’m feeling pretty happy today.  Maybe it’s because I had some time to myself to just relax (and organize…!) or maybe it’s just because I actually AM trying to focus on being happy!  It’s so easy to get bogged down with the crap we face, and trust me, I get bogged down easily.  But it’s also so important to remember all the good things we DO have in our lives, and all the fun moments we can create, and will create.  I really want to work on being a little more laid back and easy going and just go along with whatever’s dealt to me.  Easy to say, I know…But I’m working on it!

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Thinking about an old friend of mine

I don’t know what got me thinking about him, but tonight my mind drifted for a moment to a friend of mine who died in high school. 

I was in grade 11 and he was in grade 12.  His sister delivered the newspaper to our house, and somehow I got to know him through her.  We lived a street or so away from each other, so once in a while he and I walked home from school together.  I really barely knew him.  We didn’t hang out together other than our occasional walk home, and we’d only just recently started doing that before he was gone.  But it was enough of a friendship that I felt quite devastated when I heard the news that he had died.

He drowned in the Nanaimo River, in an area of the river where kids seem to drown every single year.  Somehow, despite it happening year after year, it continues to be a horrific cycle that continues.  At least one person dies there every summer.  I’ll tell you one thing - there is absolutely no way you would ever in a million years find me swimming in that river!  I don’t know how anyone can step foot in there knowing how many people have died in there.

My mom was the one who told me of his passing away.  I think she heard about it on the news or something.  She mentioned it to me, obviously with sadness knowing someone in my age group had died, but nonchalantly in the sense that she didn’t know I knew him at all.  It had never come up in conversation that we walked home together sometimes, so she felt bad having told me so abruptly when I reacted a lot harsher than she’d anticipated.

I actually ran out of the room, and didn’t know what to do with myself.  I ended up running out into the front yard and sat at the top of the driveway and cried.  My boyfriend at the time was over, and he tried to console me, but I just wanted to be left alone.

He was such a nice person, even though I didn’t know him really well I knew with 100% certainty that he was a genuinely kind and caring individual.  Our last walk home has always stuck out in my mind because of something in particular he told me.  Prom time was coming up, and since he was in grade 12 he was getting ready for it.  We were chatting about prom and he mentioned the suit he would be wearing.  He seemed quite pleased about it because instead of renting a suit for one night, he had decided to purchase one because that way he’d get more value for the dollar by being able to wear it again.

I was overcome with sadness for a long time whenever I thought about that conversation we had, because it really punched me in the face how you can be thinking ahead like that, but then never get there.  It haunted me the thought that his parents would have to decide what to do with the suit that he had got for prom and beyond, that as it happens he really would only wear the one time.  Maybe they buried him in it, or maybe they got rid of it.  Either way, it’s something that saddened me to think about (and still does, really) – just to think of the potential that was there, the life that was lost, the hope for the future gone. 

Something that seemed sort of chilling to find out was that his girlfriend was pregnant when he died.  I hope that he knew about the baby before he passed away.  I like to think that he did.  I have a feeling he and his girlfriend, given they were still in high school and I don’t know about her family but his was quite religious – they would have been in A LOT of trouble if their parents knew!  But given that he had died, I’m sure that changed their perspectives in a big way, in particular for his family.  I guess his child (if I remember correctly I believe they had a boy) was born probably 7 or 8 months after his death.  It’s sad that he never got the chance to meet his child, and that his child never got the chance to know him.  But it’s sort of heart-warming to think he lives on through his child.  It’s hard to believe his baby is now about 14 years old!  Almost as old as he lived to be.

I wish he hadn’t made the decision to swim in that death trap of a river that day, but I guess that’s what was meant to happen.  Regardless, this is a shout out to him.  I think we would have become better friends if we’d had more time, but I appreciated the few conversations we had.  It’s so sad when such good people, with so much potential, are taken from us so early.  It really doesn’t seem fair.

Want to know something really weird about all of this??  At the end of the school year, shortly before all of this happened, we signed each others yearbooks.  I very vividly remember standing there with him while he wrote in my yearbook, and then passed it back to me, and I read the message before we parted ways for the last time.  It said something about how he was happy we were friends and hoped we could stay in touch with each other.  The weird part, the part the creeps me out and I have no answer for, is that after I found out that he had died, after my initial reaction, I ran to my yearbook for comfort, to read his message.  I went through every single page of that yearbook at least 100 times, but his message is nowhere to be found.  I’m not sure what that means, or why that happened.  I don’t usually believe in that sort of thing, and ultimately I doubt he’d want to take away a nice message he left for me!  But…it’s a fact that he wrote in my yearbook, and it’s a fact that the message is not there now.  I can’t explain it, I guess it will always be a mystery.

Television Smelevision

We’ve had cable for a week and I don’t even think I’ve watched one full episode of anything.  I feel like there is just no need for it.  The only reason we got it is because getting the ‘promotional offer’ meant adding cable to our bundle…taking $30 off our total bill each month.  I still don’t understand how that’s supposed to work…Does the company get it that they’re actually losing money?!  I mean, I’m thrilled to be paying less for more, I certainly wasn’t about to look a gift horse in the mouth!  But they would have been getting $30 per month more from us each month for the next 6 months.  I guess their hope is that we’ll get hooked on cable again and after the promotion is up we’ll start paying an arm and a leg again.  But the reality is, I can guarantee we’re not going to get hooked and want to keep it. 

We already went close to 7 years without, we can do the same again and more!  The only reason we had cable there for about 2 years was because I liked having something to watch when I was nursing Andrew in his early stages.  I was up in the middle of the night a lot, and having not had cable for so long it felt kind of nice for a while to have shows to watch.  But now…I feel as though having had cable for those 2 years was enough for a lifetime.  And I didn’t even watch it all that much then, other than the Treehouse channel, which Andrew has pretty much outgrown already!

I don’t know…I just find cable so…boring.  There are tons of channels and yet 99% of the time I’ll say, ‘There’s nothing on.’  I used to enjoy a couple of the programs on there but now even if those are on I feel like yawning in boredom.  I think I’m just totally disinterested in tv!  Which is a good thing, I know.

Especially now with things like Netflix.  It’s so cheap to have access to a lot of shows.  Although I have to be honest, the selection on there is pretty terrible in Canada.  There is a lot they don’t offer.  But for $8 a month for all that IS available, I feel like I can’t complain!  I’ve watched several movies on there when I can’t sleep late at night and some have been really good, others just OK – but I think it’s pretty cool to be able to sample so many different titles and if something sucks, you can stop a few minutes in and not feel like you have to keep watching because you’ve paid for it.  I think I prefer being able to watch a show ‘on demand’ like that, rather than flicking through channels till the cows come home – which is how long it takes to find anything decent to watch on cable television.

Monday, June 27, 2011

A new patio set

Today my mom looked after Andrew for a short while so my dad and I could go to Canadian Tire to pick up a patio set that James and I picked out when we were there getting Andrew’s bike seat yesterday.  We had no way of taking it with us, obviously, but my dad has a truck so we took advantage of that.  It was an awesome deal, we got the table and 3 chairs for under $100!  Which after doing some research on patio furniture, I’ve come to realize is an AMAZING deal.  And it looks really nice too.  Pictures to come, I haven’t taken any yet!  (Oh and I am certainly not meaning to promote Canadian Tire by name dropping the past few days that we’ve made purchases there.  I have to say, while the prices were right and that’s why we shopped there – the customer service at every single location I have ever been to, and I’ve been to many, is the absolute PITS and makes me want to never step foot inside any of their stores ever again!)

But anyway…

I was going to get just 2 chairs but then I thought if there are times when we went to eat ‘alfresco’, it would make sense for Andrew to have his own chair.  I know 4 chairs would be ideal since then you’ve got the whole set, but I didn’t want our outdoor space being totally crowded by the table and chairs.  I still want there to be room for Andrew to play, so this way the table can be pushed up against the house with the 3 chairs around it.  I’m so happy with it!

My parents had given us their patio set but since they’ll have a balcony in their new place, which they weren’t expecting, I wanted them to have their set back.  They’re too nice and of course said no way, that they gave it to us so they would have to make do.  But that didn’t sit well with me.  They already lost so much, and I know how much they liked this particular set when they had it in the side yard of their house.  So it makes me happy to know they will have it again, and I think the set we got will make more sense for us because there is proper seating for all 3 of us.

Now I just have to deal with the issue of mosquitoes, because there seems to be a big problem with them here.  There’s some stagnant water near our suite that I’m thinking might be the culprit, so I am going to have to take matters into my own hands and deal with that somehow!  Mosquitoes fall madly in love with me wherever I go – so whoever I’m with is totally safe, but I don’t particularly enjoy feeling like live bait when I want to be sitting outside relaxing, so something’s gotta give!  Ew, I’m feeling itchy just thinking about it!

Andrew picked up a slug in the yard today and it was the most disgusting thing ever.  Gross gross gross, serious grossness!  He dropped it immediately and was also grossed out (not upset, he handled it well – but he knew it was yucky!)  Basically the slug left behind this sludge on his hand that was an orangey sort of colour.  It was yucky and slimy and it WOULD NOT COME OFF.  I scrubbed and scrubbed at his hand with warm soapy water and it was so stubborn.  I finally got the rest of it off with rubbing alcohol!  It was the only thing I could think of to try when soap wouldn’t work.  So nasty.  I told him it wasn’t a good idea to pick up a slug because the salt on his hands could hurt it – but now I think there are worse things that can happen!  Yuck.  At least he learned his lesson on that one pretty quickly.  He told me he’ll stick to just picking up worms and I told him that’s probably a good plan.

The incessant need for being told stories is getting slightly annoying…I love that the boy is interested in exploring our imaginations but come on!  It becomes exhausting telling story after story.  And often times he gets fixated on one particular story and nothing else will do so you have to tell it in every variation you can come up with.  Andrew’s current obsession is Archie.  I bought 2 episodes of a really old Archie cartoon off itunes and he loves them, so then he wanted me to start telling him Archie stories and Reggie stories and Jughead stories and aaaaaaahhhhhh!  I decided to just let the comics speak for themselves and we went to the grocery and picked up a few Archie’s Digests.  I love how that’s one staple of ALL grocery stores.  You can pretty reliably find Archie comics at the grocery store, no matter which one you go to.  I don’t know why that makes me happy, but I find comfort in that somehow!  Even though it had been literally years and years since I’d bought one myself, I just love the predictability of it or something.

Sunday, June 26, 2011

A weekend of firsts for the boy

It felt like a weekend of firsts for Andrew! Not that they were spectacular ones, maybe, but they still seemed like special ones to me. Starting off with his first carousel ride yesterday, which has totally given him a taste for amusement parks, which is AWESOME!

Today was an even specialer (I know that’s not really a word, but it should be, don’t you think?!) one – he experienced his very first bike ride! He has a tricycle and can sort of ride that (although he still needs a bit of help because his feet barely hit the pedals!) but what I’m talking about is riding on the back of his Daddy’s bike in his very own child bike seat!

We went to Canadian Tire today and picked one up, because we’ve been talking about it for A YEAR and it was about time we made it a reality. We actually did buy one last year but it was for the front of the bike and it didn’t work with the bikes we have so we returned it and then got discouraged. But I’m so glad we decided to go on a little adventure today to pick up a seat.

Because Andy was getting bored of all the traveling, we decided to hit up the playground by Science World before heading to the store. So glad we did – Andrew had a blast running around the park. We let him go on the playground without us, we were watching him of course, but from our picnic blanket. It was a little kids park and we were confident in his ability to navigate it on his own. It was kind of funny because he was the youngest kid there, yet we were the only parents not right there hovering over our child! LOL I thought for a while that the other parents might think we were ‘those’ parents – the kind that are careless and let their kids run wild. I am not like that at all, and of course neither is James! But then I just told myself to let it roll off me if people were thinking that, because I know that Andrew is fully capable of climbing and playing on a playground designed for kids in his age group. As it happens, we did end up playing on the equipment with him as time went on, just because we wanted to be playing with him, but he didn’t actually NEED us! He was having fun with the other kids, I was so proud of him – he even got up and sat with other kids and didn’t try to bully them at all! A little later on he pushed one little boy to the ground but then immediately started saying sorry. It’s like he realized he’d got caught up in the moment and he regretted it instantly! LOL He’s getting there ;D


After he tuckered himself out – he actually came up to me and said, ‘Andrew go home!’ – and we’d had our picnic lunch that I had packed, we headed to Canadian Tire.  After stopping at Tim Horton’s for Iced Cappuccinos and Timbits for the road, Andrew fell asleep (with a half-eaten Timbit in hand, might I add – and of course a few swigs of Iced Cap in him!) and he slept the whole time we were at the store and didn’t wake up till we got home!  We took the big stroller and I couldn’t believe that I was out of sync with it – I got so used to using it all the time that it became second nature having it with me but I rarely ever use even the small stroller now, so it felt weird pushing it around.  Our plan had been to use it as our ‘shopping cart’ for transporting the giant box home with the bike seat in it, but since Anders fell asleep in it, we (James mostly!) had to just lug the box home.  But it all worked out fine, and having the stroller seemed to give us preferential treatment for getting on the bus, which was kind of nice!

So when we got home James (with Andrew’s ‘help’) installed the new bike seat, and after a yummy pasta supper that I made, we headed out on the road.  Andrew LOVED it.  We’d told him what the seat was for and that it was his and he liked the idea of it, but I don’t think he truly understood how fun it was going to be.  He even put his helmet on without any fuss, got strapped into the new seat, and off we went.  It was a blast!  He grinned at me as I rode alongside and I could tell he was pretty pleased with himself.  We rode to his favourite park in our neighbourhood and then around a few trails – he didn’t want to come home when we did!  We’re already planning to go out for another family ride in a couple of days after James is home from work if the weather’s nice.  James and I were (and are) so excited about this bike seat, because it’s something we always imagined doing as a family and finally we are able to do it! 

When we got home I felt so sweaty and gross so I went to take a quick shower to cool down and wash my hair.  Andrew has always HATED the shower – he loves a bath whether it be in the tub or the sink, but a shower, no way no how!  Well, tonight was yet another first for him, because he was freaking out about me being in the shower and away from him so James said, ‘Well if it’s alright with Mommy, do you want to get in the shower with her?’  It was fine by me, although I was certain it would last 2 seconds if he decided to get in at all…But lo and behold, he got in and quickly realized that he loves himself a warm shower!  He was grinning ear to ear, enjoying the water rolling off his back, and he said to me, ‘Andrew’s first shower!  Getting to be a big boy!’  Seriously, how cute can one boy be?!  He was so proud of himself for conquering his fear of the shower.  He didn’t want to get out of it!  I, on the other hand, only like very short showers, but he didn’t want me to get out without him.  So finally I said, ‘It’s nice to have a shower isn’t it, but it does use up a lot of water.  So I’m going to turn it off in a minute OK?  And you can have another one tomorrow.’  He seemed satisfied with that. 

So it might just be a carousel ride, a bike ride, and a shower to some.  Simple things that we tend not to think a whole lot about.  But to me it’s special thinking how these were the first times he ever experienced those things, and he enjoyed them all.  It just got me thinking about all the wonderful things he has to look forward to experiencing in the future, and it makes me happy to know there is so much waiting for him around every corner. 
But for now, he sleeps - and that's fine by me, too!

Let the creative juices flow

I’m working on writing a story, incorporating some aspects of my own life into a fictional ‘novel.’  I say ‘novel’ because I’ve only written a few pages, and I can’t say yet if it’s actually going to go anywhere.  But the point is, I’m working on something creative, and I’m feeling good about that just as a process. 

When I was in grade 2 we had to write stories as an assignment, and even learned how to make them into little books.  We would have days where we’d invite parents to come and listen as we read our books aloud, and there was even a Reader’s Comments section at the back of the books, so people could jot down a few thoughts after hearing our stories.  With one of the books, we had little bios put in to give insight into the ‘author’ and one of the questions we had to answer in it was what we wanted to be when we grew up.  I was 7, and I remember sitting down and thinking about this for at least several minutes (which, at 7, is a long time to think about something like that!)  I thought maybe I’d like to be a teacher, or maybe a doctor or nurse…but then the idea hit me that I could be an actual ‘real’ published author, and that excited me to no end.  I immediately wrote down ‘writer’ because I knew deep in my heart and soul that nothing would satisfy me more than having written published works.

I still feel that way, I know that it’s something I would love to accomplish, and would feel ‘accomplished’ if I did it successfully.  It hasn’t happened yet, other than a few things in newspapers over the years.  Back when I was 7 I’m sure I expected that by 31 I’d have made headway on this.  And I’m sure all my teachers did too over the years, because even into high school I was constantly writing stories.  In grade 7 I remember our writing teacher told me at the end of the year she was positive I would be the writer I wanted to be, and my regular grade 7 teacher likened me to Stephen King!

It saddens me that the creative part of me that thought up so many stories for so many years stopped so abruptly and didn’t make an active effort to keep up with it for so long.  While writing is similar to riding a bike in that you don’t totally forget how to do it, it’s also true that it’s possible to feel a bit (or a lot) shaky when starting up again after such a long hiatus.  I don’t feel like my creative writing is very polished, and I have to admit I struggle to form ideas in a way that used to come so naturally to me in the past.  I’m sure that with time, as long as I stick with it, I’ll improve and regain my confidence.  But it’s definitely going to take time and much effort.

I still want to strive to meet this dream of mine.  I know it’s something that would make me happy, give me confidence, feel like I was putting myself out there in the one way I’ve always felt comfortable doing so.  I think every day about how we never know how much time we have, so I should be living with that knowledge in the best way possible.  There is no time like the present, so I have to be doing the things I want to do in life NOW, and not keep putting them off for sometime in the future.

I feel even more accountable to myself now that I’ve written this post, because if I’m telling people ‘I’m writing creatively’ then I better live up to my own words.  You might not be reading the writing I’m working on any time soon, but rest assured I will be making progress on it.  It’s time I did this for myself.  No more excuses!

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Saturday at Burnaby Village

Even though it was raining this morning (damn you, rain!) we decided to go check out the Saturday Farmer’s Market at Deer Lake Park.  We (well, probably mostly I) miss going to the Saturday market in the West End, so we wanted to check out what this market has to offer.  There weren’t nearly as many vendors as the west end market, but it was still a pretty good selection of stuff.  We got strawberries, which are finally in season and ohmygawd are they ever delicious when they’re ripe, organic, and the way a strawberry truly should be!  We also got some hot mango salsa, a half dozen cookies, and…maybe that was all?!  It seemed like we got more but mostly we were just looking.  It’s so easy to end up spending a small fortune at a Farmer’s Market, I think that’s the only down side.  But on the other hand, it’s great to be supporting local products and to meet new people, since a lot of the vendors tend to be super friendly individuals!

 The absolute highlight wasn’t the Farmer’s Market, but rather the Carousel at the Burnaby Village Museum, which is basically where the market was set up.  Andrew experienced his first (and second, and third, and FOURTH!) carousel ride today!  Needless to say, he LOVED it!  He was the only kid crying, ‘More, MORE!’ after the ride was over.  He is soooo going to think he’s died and gone to heaven when we go to Disneyland in 5 years =)
Luckily we were able to score 2 free tickets for the carousel, since it’s $2.50 per ride otherwise.  James did a little survey and got the 2 free tickets, so Andy was a lucky boy to get to ride 2 extra times for free!  He went on it once, then we did the market, then he went on 3 times in a row.  What a lucky boy!  He kept smiling while he was on it and it was SO SWEET seeing him so happy there.
We did a little walk through the BVM, although we didn’t really spend a lot of time there because for one thing it was raining, and for another it wasn’t something that would hold Andy’s attention too well at his age.  We did go into the little coffee shop there and got Andrew some Tiger ice cream, which as it turns out James and I both loved also!  Then we headed for home since the boy would otherwise drain our entire bank account riding the carousel all day long!

Andrew fell asleep on the bus ride home.  It was all too much for him!  Such a fun way to spend a couple of hours on a Saturday, even if it WAS raining. 

Friday, June 24, 2011

Rain, rain, go away

James and Andrew are on their way home.  James called to let me know when they’d be here, and then he put Andy on the phone to say hi.  It’s so cute talking to him on the phone!  I asked him some questions to which he replied, ‘Yeah’ to everything.  Then I told him I got Fudgsicles today and he said, ‘Treat?’ and I said, ‘Yeah, remember I got one when we went to Hume Park?’ and he said, ‘Fudgsicle?’  He can’t wait to have one when he gets home!  At the end of the conversation he said, ‘Of Mommy’ which means ‘love Mommy’ – awww =)

I did a grocery shop this morning and felt like I got quite a wake-up call during a conversation I had with someone at the store.  Basically the woman was telling me about how she’s had 10 children, 6 of which have passed away, and how she literally didn’t have a single day to herself AT ALL for 23 years because of all her responsibilities and the fact that she didn’t have any family to help her out.  It made me feel sad for her, since obviously she has come to see how detrimental it was to her own wellbeing to never have any time to herself in all those years.  And here I complain sometimes having just ONE child!  When I said that, she did say it’s all relative…but still…I was kind of floored.  As she put it, it’s amazing how different people’s life stories are.  And it’s so true, isn’t it?  I never, ever would have guessed that her life story went in that direction.  We’ve only had minor chit chat before, nothing heavy.  It’s crazy to think what she’s been through, I can’t even imagine it.

And here I hum and haw about having a SECOND child!  There is absolutely no way 10 children are a part of my destiny – unless the next one turns out to be a litter of 9!!!!!  And if that happens, I honestly don’t think I’d survive it.  Maybe some people are just better equipped for dealing with certain situations and that’s why they are put in them and others aren’t?  I know different people’s choices (or lack there of) are very different and some people are just far luckier than others.  But, wow.  I found the conversation both depressing and enlightening.  I am a bit more confident now that I can handle the pressure of two children.  It’s going to be very difficult, mostly trying on my patience I think, but I do believe I’ll be able to manage it! 

I ended up watching a movie on Netflix today, called The Other Woman with Natalie Portman.  It was a good movie, a bit on the sad side but also sort of heart-warming in another way.  While I watched it I mostly relaxed, but then I also multi-tasked and made Carrot Snack Sticks from a recipe at  I’m hoping Andrew likes them, they’d be a relatively healthy snack for him to enjoy.

I also cleaned the house, but didn’t do as much organizing as I’d planned.  Everything heads over here next week from Nanaimo so I’ll have my work cut out for me then, but I think it will be manageable.  Actually, even though in some ways I’m dreading getting all the stuff because it really WILL be a lot of work figuring out how to pack it all in here without it being Clutter City.  But on the other hand, I’m looking forward to having a lot of the stuff from the house here, sort of as a comfort thing.  Although as much as I want the stuff, I think it will also come with another wave of sadness and grief because it’s all a reminder of what has been lost.  I still think about it every day, losing Emma, the house…It was a tragedy, what can I say.  I’m still in a bit of shock that we’re never going back to that house.  I think it’s going to take a while yet before I can wrap my head around that one.  But it’ll get easier the more time that passes, I know.  I keep telling myself that!

I also had a short visit with my parents today, and then ended up taking a bit of a nap.  It was so quiet here today without the boy!  I can’t wait till he runs in the door to give his Momma a big hug and kiss.

We were supposed to go to Victoria this weekend to visit James’ dad, but his significant other has the flu so it got cancelled.  We were looking forward to going over there, so it’s a bit disappointing that it got cancelled, but given how long of a trip it is to get there, part of us is looking forward to having the weekend at home.  We have some fun plans for tomorrow, somewhat weather depending…Hopefully it will clear up and not pour buckets like it did today…Come on summer, it’d be nice if you stuck around longer than one day here or there…

The day is young

Andrew is off to his Nana’s for the day.  Usually on a day to myself I would sleep in as late as I felt I could without wasting the whole entire day.  But it still often felt like a fairly big waste because by the time I got myself ready to actually DO anything, it would be heading for afternoon.  Then the hours would fly by and my time would be up!

So this morning I decided to get up early.  Truth be told, I was having a hard time falling back to sleep, so it made sense to just get up.  I have to be perfectly honest, I get some anxiety issues when Andrew is going to his Nana’s for the day, and for good reason.  My mind drifts to things like how she left him on a trail by himself to go pee in the woods, or how she let him play at a school playground while the school kids were on their lunch break and the boys were trampling him but even that didn’t deter her from staying (isn’t it illegal, anyway, to be on school grounds like that when you don’t attend the school?!)…She does these sorts of things as far as I can tell on a regular basis (not peeing in the woods or playing on school grounds – I just mean she does similar such things often enough based on what she tells me).  As one person put it who I told about this stuff – these are things that should never happen in the first place, but if they DO happen, she certainly shouldn’t be telling HIS MOTHER about it!

So when the boy is whisked out of bed after giving me a few kisses and I know where he’s off to for the whole entire day, I can’t help but feel ever-so-slightly on edge.  I do appreciate the time to myself, but I also feel that it comes at a fairly high cost…

Anyway…it’s something I have to try not to focus on, because if I think about it too much my mind starts to loop on crazy!

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Such a life force

One of Andrew’s current ‘favourite things’ is building forts.  More specifically, having Mommy or Daddy build the fort for him to destroy.  Then he likes to ‘hunker down’ and have as many blankets and pillows as possible toppled over him, and then he escapes, laughs gleefully, and wants the whole thing repeated.  Preferably a hundred million times, times infinity.

It’s fun, and I love to see him having a good time with it.  But boy is it ever exhausting!  Today in between organizing his bedroom a little more (I’m working on making room for the ten million things that will be coming my way from storage in Nanaimo soon), I made forts and covered him in blankets for close to 2 hours straight!  It was a good work out, but whoa was I tired afterwards.
He has been eating like it’s going out of style lately.  I think the thing I hear most throughout the day some days is, ‘Andrew hungy!’  I’ll say, ‘What would you like now?’ and he’ll say, ‘Ummm…’ like he’s thinking about it…and then something like, ‘Crackers cheese!’ or ‘Fraggle soup!’ (which is lentil soup), or more vaguely, ‘Something fridge!’  Have I mentioned that he knows how to open the fridge on his own now and is constantly in there looking for SOMETHING.  A few days ago I was drying my hair and I happened to look down the hall and saw him carrying a bottle of sparkling juice (that he thought was champagne because it’s in a champagne bottle!)  If he’d dropped it, it would have shattered everywhere.  Luckily he didn’t drop it, but still…We need a lock on that fridge door!!!!!

His other obsession is hearing stories CONSTANTLY.  It never stops, from the moment we wake up in the morning.  Some mornings I wake up to him pulling my face toward him to say, ‘Story’ (although he says it more like ‘tory’).  Often he wants a very specific story, such as, ‘Batman tory’ or ‘Playing soccer tory’ or whatever his current favourite is.  Sometimes it becomes so difficult to even come up with something creative, so the stories end up being totally ridiculous.  But he LOVES them! 

He is such a sweet boy, I can’t say enough how much I adore him.  A few minutes ago James came into the bedroom to tell me something and Andy jumped up on the bed, came right over to me and planted a big kiss right on my lips.  His ‘thing’ is when he gives a kiss, a hug must follow, but his version of a hug after a kiss is a quick pat of his cheek on yours.  It’s so freaking cute!  He’s the love of my life (sorry James!) =)

We (Andrew and I!) made tacos for supper tonight and he actually ate a whole entire taco with all the fixin’s.  Which is pretty amazing, considering he’d just had a snack about an hour earlier!  I think tacos are one of his absolute favourite foods, which isn’t surprising since it’s James and my favourite thing to make!

His current nail polish is silver, which at least seems a little more ‘boyish’ if nail polish can be considered boyish!!  He never goes without polish these days.  It was green before it was silver.  My boy loves himself some polish!!  I’m totally OK with it.  I don’t encourage it, but I’m not going to tell him it’s wrong – despite that a few people have given us rude looks over it in public.  GET OVER YOURSELVES, PEOPLE!  It’s a little colour on his nails, my gawd there are much worse things!  Yesterday an Adam Lambert song came on the radio and Andrew immediately started rocking out to it, and I told him hey, Adam Lambert likes to wear nail polish too!  LOL  Oh yeah, speaking of Andrew ‘rocking out’ – his dancing sort of reminds me of Elaine from Seinfeld.  It’s pretty funny!  He’s quite the little entertainer.

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