Today Andrew and I went downtown – again – and met up with my parents. It’s weird frequenting our old neighbourhood again! For old times sake – and because I COULD – I picked up some lunch for us at Baguette Time. We used to go so often that the owner was like, ‘Where have you been, I haven’t seen you in a few months!’ ‘Yeah, we moved to Burnaby!’ I assured him it had nothing to do with his baguettes. Actually, I didn’t say it that way at all, because that sounds kind of nasty. LOL Baguette Time was the first thing I ate after Andrew was born. I just realized it is unlikely to be the first thing I eat after baby #2 is born, because baby #2 will be born in Burnaby, not Vancouver. (Although I’m sure someone in my family would be kind enough to bring some Baguette Time to me, there are several people living in that area who could get me my fix!!) Yes, it appears as though I am firming up plans to have a second child. Some days I am still on the fence…and I have a friend who’s r…
On Friday early evening, we headed downtown to meet up with James and to see my parents when they first arrived to begin their new life in Vancouver.
I couldn't help but take a picture of the cauldron. It's not quite the same, of course, when it's not lit up, but there is something magical about this cauldron that I can't explain. I love it, it's so peaceful to me.
And now for a series of the boy, posing and just acting like himself - basically humouring Mommy, who kept snapping pictures of him all.day.long.!!
He looks like such a tough guy with his tattooed arms...Even if the tattoos ARE peeling off! Something I love about him is how expressive he is with his hands! Has been since day one. He often holds his hands out like this, especially when he's excited!
It was a relatively decent day this past Friday, so Andrew and I made the most of a trip to the grocery store by stopping off at the park on the way home. GG bought these new sunglasses for Andrew last month. As soon as I gave them to him he took one look at them and said, 'Too big!' and tossed them on the floor. I kid you not, he did! But then I said, 'But they're Superman's sunglasses!' Well, you should see the way he struts around in them now! When we were at the grocery store the ladies who work there were gushing over him and one of them said, 'Look at those sunglasses!' His reply was, 'Andrew's Superman!'
I was pretending to chase him up to the slide and he was laughing hysterically! Oh yeah, he happens to be wearing his Superman t-shirt under his sweater. It really is a Superman t-shirt, I didn't fib to him about that, just the glasses!! Crazy Superboy face =) 'OK, ONE more time down the slide, then we're going home!!!…
Andrew is obsessed with Transformers, his favourite being Optimus Prime.He calls him ‘Nockum Pime’.So imagine his delight when his dad showed him a t-shirt that Uncle N had given him as a gift a few years ago!Not something James would typically wear, but he put it on to show Andrew – who in turn said HE wanted to wear it.And wear it he did!He wore it to bed that night, and for the morning the next day.Then, as much as he was loving being Nockum Pime, he agreed with me that it was too big.He kept tripping on the bottom of it.He willingly took it off, but with the promise that one day he might have an Optimus Prime shirt of his own, Andrew-sized.
I told him to stand by the fireplace and smile for the camera. He probably couldn't have given me a more fake smile than that, but it's cute nonetheless! Oh yeah, he's also obsessed with Batman, hence the shirt underneath the Optimus one! It looks like there's yet another shirt under that...What can I say, he loves all his shir…
The obvious response to what I’m about to say would be, ‘Well, then, don’t think about it.’ But ‘not letting my mind go there’ is easier said than done.
I keep thinking about how other people have moved into our house. Our house that’s not actually our house at all anymore. Our old house. No one else but us has EVER lived there so I feel like the walls of the house will be wondering who’s in there. Strangers. They don’t belong there. Yet they DO, because they bought the house and are as deserving as anyone to be there. In fact, because they own it now, they are more deserving than anyone to be in there!
But the thought of their furniture taking up the living room and family room and all the bedrooms. Their furniture, not OURS. It’s killing me to think about!
I know the walls of the house don’t discriminate. And, no, I’m not crazy – I KNOW the walls of the house aren’t alive, and don’t even know they exist! But it just feels eerie to think of a new family being in there a…
I feel the strong need to have something to hold onto. A life preserver, perhaps? Something to make me feel secure. I really don’t feel I have that right now and it’s suffocating me.
I’ve been looking out the living room window at the pretty colours of the trees and flowers in our little yard space. I love the colour out there so much that instead of just enjoying it while it’s here, I find myself fretting about how soon it will be that they will be changed back to colourless (or, green I should say). I’m a bit of a mess inside my head right now.
Tomorrow I want to make a real effort to take a series of pictures. Of ‘things’, maybe stuff around the house that mean something to me. And of Andrew, my favourite subject when it comes to taking pictures! If the weather improves we might actually get a chance to play outside on the patio. He has his basketball hoop here now and some of his other toys from Nanaimo, so it should be fun for him.
This is my 1000th post on this blog. I wonder how many posts I’d be at if I’d stuck with the same blog since I first started in around 2005? It still bums me out when I think about how I deleted my second blog and then 2 weeks later my computer crashed and I lost all the journaling that could have been saved if I hadn’t deleted my blog! Little did I know it was actually recoverable for up to 90 days, but of course I didn’t find that out until much later.
Rather than dwell on all the negatives, for my 1000th post I should do something cheery. Unfortunately, I am not feeling cheery, so that is going to be difficult to do using words. I was going to post some pictures of my ultimate happiness (Andrew, of course!) but I’ve barely taken any pictures at all in the past few weeks. Which is very telling that things haven’t been going well, if I felt that there wasn’t much worth recording through pictures. There were times when I thought to bring my camera out, but then I thought, nah, …
Well, it happened. We left the house yesterday. Unfortunately it seems nowhere near over – there are some issues that I won’t get into here, but suffice it to say it seems as soon as we are over one hurdle, another one presents itself. It’s getting beyond a joke at this point. You’re definitely not going to hear any of us laughing.
But without getting into the details of the glitches being caused by SOMEONE’S stupidity – we just can’t get to the bottom of whose because they’re all trying to pass the buck it would seem…All I can say is…
I don’t even know what to say.
What can I say??
It felt strange when I was in the house for the last time and I knew it would be the last time. I got up yesterday morning and popped two advil because I had a headache. And I had to keep telling myself not to throw up for several hours because my stupid nerves were trying to get the better of me and I couldn’t let them. I got on with things because that’s what I had to do, but it all felt very stra…
For the past couple of nights I’ve been sleeping on an air mattress. There are some swank air mattresses out there, but I didn’t want to spend money on a ‘good’ one when it’s not something we actually need or really want to have to store when not in use (which would be 99% of the time). So instead, think $3.99 air mattress that you take to the beach. Comfortable? Not really, but it’s at least half a step up from sleeping directly on the floor. I guess!!
James was here for the weekend but left early this morning because he has to work overtime hours for his new job. Not the greatest timing for them to tell him he has to put in an extra 16 hours…But on the other hand, he does get paid (not time and a half, too bad!) so that’s a plus. It’s just bad timing given everything else that’s going on.
Ahh, ‘everything else’ is about to change in a big way. It’s not over yet, but one portion of it is going to be, if you can call it that. Tomorrow is move out day, so we say goodbye to the…
At each different stage with a young child, it’s so easy to say, ‘This is such a cute age!’ I thought it was adorable when all Andrew could do was sit up on his own and grab at things, I loved his pudgy little cheeks and bowl legs. Then it was amazing when he could crawl and pull himself up, exploring everything in his path. Then (all too soon!) he started running. It was cute when he could say a couple of words but still babbled in baby talk. Now he’s starting to say full sentences, he understands more than I ever thought possible at under 2 ½, and he knows how to express himself not just with gestures and body language but with his words. For example, last week at my parents’ house he was playing soccer in the yard with my dad. My dad kicked the ball to him and it was about a foot away, but Andrew decided he wasn’t getting it himself. He said, ‘Papa get it!’ (which sounds more like ‘geh-tit!’) My dad said, ‘It’s right there, you get it!’ ‘Papa geh-tit!’ So my dad said, ‘No, A…
It’s time to head back to the island…for the last time. Well, not really for the last time. But going to Nanaimo isn’t going to ever be the same. I guess in a lot of ways it already isn’t ‘the same’, but it’s going to be a strange week. I can’t believe we’re down to the wire now.
My parents came over today with a truck load of stuff, mainly outdoor furniture and plants from their garden that my dad potted so we could have them in our outdoor space. So our patio is finally starting to look like it should! When I get back next week, one of the first things I will no doubt want to do is get it all organized and looking ‘homey’ =)
Hopefully the weather will be half decent so we can enjoy some time in the yard at my parents’ house before it’s no longer ours. A lot of great memories from spending time in that yard.
I got my little ‘time capsule’ note written to leave behind in the house. I’m going to put it in an obscure place so it’s likely no one will find it for a very long time.…
It’s amazing how one thing can change so much of how you view things.
I feel as though I have to be vague here on this. In some ways I just want to expose this person for the ugliness they’ve portrayed but I won’t. Although I probably should.
I’m really upset because this particular thing came to my attention very recently. I feel like SO MUCH IS GOING ON RIGHT NOW and this particular thing is one of the last things I possibly could have needed right now.
I do try to be an optimistic person. I really want to believe that things are good before evil, that there is a reason to have trust in others and to even have a little faith (not religious faith, but just faith in humankind, maybe). Well, at the moment for me, that has sort of all gone by the wayside.
I’m shocked. It’s never a nice thing to find out you’ve been lied to for a verrrry long time, but when it’s someone you thought was possibly the last person on earth that could do that to you?! It might sound dramatic to sa…
This post was written late at night on Thursday, May 12th. The day my Spanny sister, our sweet black n' white Emma Dilemma, passed away at age 13.
I desperately need sleep and I’m absolutely exhausted, but my stupid racing mind and broken heart won’t let me drift off.
I hate grieving, there is no pain that could be worse.
I am not much of a crier and I am very uncomfortable sharing my emotions around others. But I can’t stop sobbing over Emma. I haven’t cried this hard since…probably when Tessa died just over a year ago. Though I think with her I was able to keep myself in the denial stage far longer, because I wasn’t actually here when it happened. I was able to tell myself no, she’s still there, it’s all okay…But with Emma, I know in my heart that she is gone. And it makes me feel SO SAD.
I hate having to grieve. I know that as time passes it won’t be this painful, right now it has literally only been several hours since she passed, but that does little to ease my mind …
I feel like I need something to look forward to. Something to take me away from everything that’s been going on. Not until the worst of it is over, of course, because I honestly don’t think I could really relax right now even if I was whisked away to some sort of paradise! But…it’s always nice to have something to look forward to.
I don’t know what this ‘something’ should be though. I think a couple of nights away somewhere would be nice, and of course it would be AMAZING for James and I to have even just one night to ourselves (since it literally hasn’t happened in as long as Andrew’s been with us!) but…I’m thinking a mini family holiday – the 3 of us – would be nice. Maybe not relaxing or paradise-like, but fun and different. I always enjoy showing Andrew new things and experiencing places through his eyes.
I don’t know where though, or even when for that matter. I also don’t know how great an idea it even is – because anywhere we could afford to go would be pretty much the…
This morning I got up, had a shower, and was greeted by my 2 favourite boys when I was done. I loved how as soon as I went into the bathroom to get ready, I heard Andrew’s little voice say to his Daddy, ‘Mommy up?’ Thankfully, Daddy was kind enough to distract him so he wouldn’t rush to the bathroom door and beat on it sobbing till I opened it – lol – but it was nice to know that there was excitement around the fact that I was up for the day!
James toasted some croissants for our breakfast and we sat at the table for quite a while chatting and playing with Andrew. Andy was so hell bent on having a cup of coffee to himself, so we made him a cup of decaf! LOL He loved it, possibly a little too much.
James said, ‘Andrew do you want to give Mommy her present?’ and Andy was sooo eager to give it to me! He seemed so proud about it. I got a cute card that he ‘wrote’ in and some soaps that are in the shape of fruits. Basically for putting on display, and they smell soooo nice. That m…
I am actually streaming the Stanley Cup Playoffs on my computer – who knew I would ever get into hockey?! But I totally have, I’m a Canucks fan through and through, and actually enjoy watching the games now. I don’t know if I’d get totally into it when it’s not playoffs, but these are intense games! GO CANUCKS GO, we MUST beat out the Predators! It’s our year, I can feel it =)
I feel tired today, somewhat lacking in the motivation department. We went and did a grocery shop, and I actually feel like I got a lot of stuff for relatively cheap. James took Andrew to the mall after we got back from getting the groceries, so I made a triple batch of Pesto to put in the freezer. I find it a life saver sometimes to have stuff like that homemade but on the ready for when I don’t feel like cooking. And Andrew LOVES Pesto so that’s a bonus! Last night I wanted to make a tomato sauce for our pasta but he actually thought to say, ‘No, Pesto!’
Before having a child I was adamant that I would not treat my boy or girl too gender-specific. I didn’t want to socialize my child so strictly in one direction, but instead give them the freedom to be whoever they are. I still feel that way to a large extent – the pictures speak for themselves! Most boys don’t walk around with pink nail polish on their fingers and toes. (Andrew doesn’t usually either, but has recently discovered he’s not afraid to!) I wasn’t the one who put the polish on his nails – it was my mom. I’d had the polish out to do my toes and he saw it there and decided he just HAD to wear it so my mother obliged him and put it on. At first when I saw it I thought omgmotherwhathaveyoudone! Then I thought it was funny and even a little bit cute. I did, however, convince him to let me remove it before he and I went for an afternoon outing together. I wasn’t comfortable with him wearing it in public. As soon as we got home from that outing, he wanted the polish put back …
Well, we’re back home in Burnaby. It feels weird to be back, we were in Nanaimo for so long that when we walked in the door here it felt like it was brand new again!
I’ve spent the day cleaning and getting the condo back to my standards. LOL Not that James didn’t tidy while I was gone, because he did…but he just doesn’t do things the way I do and he doesn’t do everything that needs to be done. I don’t understand how after several months of things ALWAYS BEING IN THE SAME SPOT he doesn’t quite remember where things actually go and just sticks them wherever he decides it's appropriate. I keep opening a cupboard or drawer and going WHY IS THAT THEEEERRRRRE?! Ahhhh.
We’ve had a really good day here today so far. Andrew’s been napping for almost 2 hours now, which is probably a bad thing in terms of how our night’s going to go. BUT the peace and quiet is nice, and I was the one who initiated the nap, truth be told, because I felt I needed one. I got about an hour, which was …
Given that we built this house and we have been the sole inhabitants of it (until 3 weeks from now), I really want to put something somewhere in the house to sort of leave our family’s mark.I was considering writing something, maybe with a picture or two, basically just saying who lived here and when. But I’m having a hard time thinking of exactly what to say, or what might be too much to say.I don’t know how to approach it.Anyone have any ideas??I also don’t know exactly where to put it – should it be somewhere likely to be found (in an obscure spot but still likely found ‘easily’) or should it be somewhere that no one would probably think to look or do renovations – and then it probably would remain a mystery either forever or for years and years. Any ideas would be greatly appreciated!I think my creativity is being stunted by the whirlwind of thoughts constantly racing through my mind these days.That’s my excuse anyway, and I’m sticking to it!
We were busy this weekend at my parents’ house – we had a garage sale on both Saturday and Sunday. I don’t particularly enjoy doing garage sales, but this weekend it went really well and we raked in a fair bit of money, which helps my parents out as much as all the decluttering does. It was hard to see some of the things go – my mom’s cedar chest, a wicker bench we used to sit on all the time, a lot of the pictures we had on the walls for years. I’m very sentimental about ‘stuff’ and I love all our things, but ultimately I do know it is just stuff and doesn’t matter when it comes right down to it. We still have a lot we’re holding on to! In fact, as hard as it has been to let go of things, it’s also a huge relief to be purging so much.
We’ve set some plans in motion and have things marked on the calendar so things will come together. They have to. I feel like I permanently have butterflies in my stomach right now, at least till the worst of this is over.