Tuesday, April 26, 2011

32 years young

In some ways it's hard to believe James is 32 years 'old'.  I met him when he was just a 'boy' at 19!  (On the other hand, I can't believe I've ONLY known him for 13 years!  How did I go about my life to that point oblivious that he was out there?!)

Anyway, I'm getting away from my point...which is that James is 32 years young, as of one week ago.  Nothing like waiting a week for the celebratory post of his birth-day anniversary!

(I may have posted already about how I'd built his birthday up in my mind only to have it somewhat dashed since he got home from work not feeling great, barely ate his dinner/dessert as a result, and it just didn't feel all that 'birthday-ish'...But in this post I am going to focus on the good parts of the day!

Andy and I decorated the mantle with James' prezzies, and I 'helped' Andrew make a 'Happy Birthday Daddy' sign...because I remembered when it was too late to go to the store that Andrew had ripped apart our store-bought Happy Birthday sign a few months back!

We (I!) got the balloons blown up...So where's the party?!
To save some $$, I decided to use up some of our 'old' birthday stock...So we made it partially a Wiggles party with the hats...and the '+2' addition to the '30' napkins finished off the non-theme theme!
On his OWN birthday, Andrew refused to wear his Wiggles party hat.  But on Daddy's birthday, he was hoarding them all!

Since James isn't really a cake kind of guy (he's crazy, I know!), Andrew and I made him a lemon meringue pie for his dessert.  It was my first time making one - I think next time I would double up on the meringue to make it seem more 'mile high' and extravagant.  But this was good, nonetheless (despite how unimpressive it looks here!)  Andy put all the candles in :)
My handsome birthday man!  Making an effort to enjoy despite not feeling great.  (The gross looking blob on his plate was anything but gross!  It was a delicious rice dish, that went alongside the enchiladas that I apparently didn't get a picture of).

The only 'family shot' I was able to get.  Andy's head looks bigger than mine!  LOL
Happy Birthday Jet!  xoxo

Monday, April 25, 2011

Easter 2011

We had a great Easter dinner last night at my aunt and uncle’s house.  Also present were my bro and sil (who we have barely seen AT ALL in the past few months) and my cousins, so it was a great visit with everyone.  My cousin’s significant other LOVES children and has babysat Andrew for us before so she was pretty thrilled to spend time with him.  She offered up her babysitting services to us so I think we will be taking her up on that VERY soon ;)  Yay!

Andrew did really well, he hadn’t napped at all yesterday and had a big day of going to the fair at Lougheed Mall with his dad, and coming home to an Easter egg hunt (because the Easter bunny showed up while they were out having dad and boy time!)  He went on a Choo Choo train ride several times at the fair, and won a few prizes fishing for sharks (no sharks were harmed – haha).  I would have liked to have been at the fair with them, but I had to stay home…to let the Easter bunny in ;)  And also it’s nice for James to have some fun times like that on his own with Andrew, since I get to do fun stuff with him through the days usually. 

It was SO CUTE watching Andrew go around the house on his egg hunt.  Every time he spotted an egg he would make this noise like Haaaa! There’s one!  He was so excited!  He had a little tin bucket thing with a chick on it that my mom had got him for his first Easter, so he took that around and filled it up with all his goodies.  He also got a stuffed animal bunny – it’s funny though, he actually got it as a gift from someone when he was a baby, but he’d forgot about it and it had been put away with other stuff, so I got it out and put it by the fireplace and he came running in and said, ‘Easter Bunny!’ – so it is possible to recycle toys within your own house, and with the same child even!! 

He loved the tea set that Mr Bunny brought him, so we’ll probably be having a tea party with all his toys soon =)  It was a lot of fun, and I know next year will be even more thrilling for him when it comes to collecting up his chocolates.  He kept talking about the Easter bunny later in the day, about what he brought for him, and then he pointed to himself and in a very enthusiastic voice said, ‘Lucky boy!’  He is such a sweetheart.  We also decorated eggs (his first egg decorating experience!) after FINALLY finding a decorating kit (they were so hard to find this year for some reason?!) 

I thought with all the excitement but not napping he’d be a tad fussy by the time we got to my aunt and uncle’s, since it takes an hour to get to their place.  But he did so well, he loooooves his great aunt and uncle, and in particular playing silly games with his great uncle, so he was thrilled to bits we were going there for dinner. 

The way home went really smoothly.  Sometimes travelling late at night (it was after 10pm when we left – which is quite late for a 2 year old!) can be quite challenging, but he didn’t wake up for me to get him ready to leave (he’d fallen asleep before dessert!) and he didn’t wake up at all during our 3 transfers to get home.  On one skytrain ride he popped his head up long enough to say, ‘Andrew, sleep!’ then burrowed himself back into cuddling me and that was it!  We got home and I took his coat off and laid him down on the couch and he looked up to say, ‘Nit nit!’ (Night night!) and then rolled over and was fast asleep!  Too cute.

The mil is coming over for dinner tonight.  And wants to ‘talk’ about things – though I really don’t have much to say so I’m hoping it doesn’t get too complicated…Cross your fingers for me!!

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Caught off guard

I was completely on my own with the boy today, James went to his brother’s after work to watch the hockey game (too bad, since the Canucks sadly lost 5-0…)  I wasn’t thrilled to be on my own day and night (as in for all of Andrew’s waking hours!) since I’m so beat as it is and really need some down time in the evenings.  But, on the other hand, I know it’s only fair that James get to do other things once in a while.  Besides, since he got the night to himself tonight, I should get a little extra me time this weekend ;)

I was caught off guard this morning by a call from my mil.  I want my cell bill to be as cheap as possible, and I’ve currently got it down to just under $40 per month.  I’d LOVE to have call display but I can’t justify the extra $8 per month when, honestly, sad as it sounds it’s VERY rare for me to get an incoming call!  I really use my phone for texting I’d say 95% of the time.  When someone does call it, 9 times out of 10 it’s James.

So I just figured it would be him and I answered it.  And then I heard HER voice on the other end.

The call went fine, it’s just that I was caught completely off guard and don’t feel like I really said things the way I would have if I’d been more prepared.  I did let her know that I wasn’t OK with being lied to, and that it’s a major issue of trust, and that I’m not really cool with her being involved in the decisions James and I make with regards to what we are or are not doing at any given time.  She was respectful enough and did admit that she made a huge mistake and said she learned from it.  I still don’t trust her, but it’s hard because I’m basically stuck between a rock and a hard place.  I would go on avoiding her, but how do I do that realistically when James wants her to have a relationship with Andrew?

Anyway…She asked if we could get together one evening (with James present) to discuss things so I could ‘air my grievances’ and ‘set my boundaries’…blah blah.  I said I guess we should probably do that and I’d call her back after talking with James about when would be a good time.  I was feeling really torn about the whole thing…I’m obviously still mad at her and don’t really want to keep ‘trying’ at a relationship when we’ve basically been breaking up ever since we met!  But I also feel like I have no choice in some ways. 

I think it really bugs me the way she’ll say something as if it holds so much merit – she’s really good at talking the talk.  She was going on about how only in the very beginning did she voice ‘concerns’ about me as if I wasn’t right for James, but went on about how her kids are more important than anything to her and she just wants them to be happy, and once she saw how committed and happy James was she thought of me as family and has treated me as such ever since.  It’s so easy to say that – but if your kids mean the world to you, why have you caused so many problems for them over the years?  WHY DID YOU DO WHAT YOU DID WHEN YOUR GRANDSON WAS BEING BORN?  The thing is, because of the magnitude of that particular one, I don’t see how I could ever possibly fully just move on.  No way could I ever forget.

And it’s one thing to ‘say’ you’ve been accepting of me as part of your family for 10 years, but…what about the countless times she’s said right in front of me that she wishes she could just spend time alone with her sons without their spouses having to spoil the dynamic?  That’s not very accepting-into-the-family if you ask me.

And it’s complicated now by the fact that I don’t WANT to be a part of her ‘inner circle.’  I don’t trust her and we are like oil and water and it just doesn’t make any sense to put the effort in.  And here is what really solidified that thought for me…

DESPITE all these things I feel and know in my heart are true and that the best thing for me really is to keep some distance, I started thinking irrationally and while talking to James said I didn’t want to have some ‘heavy’ talk with her when it wasn’t going to make a difference anyway so let’s just have a stupid visit and get it over with and move on as best we can…I was going to invite her to an Easter outing we’re planning to take the boy on this weekend!  How insane is that?!  I actually made an attempt to CALL HER BACK MYSELF and that might sound like a basic thing to do but when it comes to the mil I never answer the phone if I can help it, and I certainly would never EVER call her. 

So I called her…she answered, and just as I’m about to stupidly ask her to join us on this outing that I’ve been looking forward to ever since I heard about it almost 2 months ago – and you know what she did?  She cut me off to say she was on the other line and could she call me back later!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And that was the clincher, people.  Because when you’re trying to repair a seriously damaged relationship, I don’t care if you’re talking to the fucking Queen of England – you tell her you’ll have to call HER back because you have to fix this.  But, no, as it turns out the other person was more important.  Sigh.  Some people just don’t learn.

I guess that’s the difference between me and her.  I think long and hard about things and I also ‘get’ at least the basics of social etiquette…or perhaps more like how to treat others in a sensitive situation.  I don’t know.  But regardless, she fails the test time and time again and totally has no idea she’s doing it because it’s just WHO SHE IS.  She’s just impossible, what more can I say.

What I will say, just to clarify, is that I rescinded the offer of her attendance at the Easter event before she even got the invite.  She is NOT invited, because she ruined it for herself, and that’s just the way it is.  She won’t know any different.  At this point I can’t even decide when a ‘good time’ is for a get together with her, as I told James – I really don’t think there ever WILL be a good time, so I’m not sure what to do about that.

I think part of it is that I also have sooo much going on right now with my own family, I really don’t need this crap right now.  I have actually started grieving I guess, or I don’t know, maybe something close.  I have been crying more than I usually do in a year, and I feel on the verge of something terrible, like a mini crisis breakdown sort of feeling.  I am agitated, for sure, and I can’t seem to shake it.  I started outright sobbing at one point today, I just couldn’t control it.  It only lasted a minute because it was worrying Andrew.  He shook his head and his finger at me and said ‘No Mommy, not sad, happy.  Yes, Mommy happy.’  And I said I would feel better if he gave me a hug and he ran over and gave me a hug and a kiss twice over!  So how could I not wipe the tears away and get on with the day.  It’s just going to be a process getting used to all the changes taking place.  I know we’ll get through it all, but it just isn’t going to be easy.

We did some rearranging this afternoon though.  I tidied Andy’s bedroom and we took all his million stuffed animals off his shelves and he threw them one by one onto his bed, then jumped on there with them and pretended to be stuck so I had to save him!  Then we rearranged ever so slightly the dining room furniture.  2 months living here and already I’m itching to rearrange!  I really should be a millionaire so I could have a big enough place to do some serious rearranging whenever I felt like it!  LOL  I love this place and it’s definitely more spacious than our last few apartments, but layouts are always such that there’s really only so much you can do to change things around.  What I did made me happy enough for now though.  There’s nothing like a little decorating therapy to get one’s mind off other things!

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Another photoless post...I want to change that!!

I always have the best of intentions for pictures to go along with my posts, and I used to be pretty good about it.  But it’s so hard to find the time to get my pictures onto the computer, sorted, and posted.  For example, I took a few cute ones of Andrew today at the fair at Lougheed Mall (it wasn’t open yet but they let us walk through it while they were setting things up) but I don’t feel like leaving the bedroom to get my camera etc to do it all.  Mainly because I need a break from The Boy so badly that I don’t even want to open up the door and have to deal with him.

That sounds harsh, but so will this: today is a day where I really question having a second child.  I honestly don’t know if I can handle it, the idea of being even more sleep deprived than I already am and having 2 kids to take care of?  And the potential for the behaviour he exhibited tonight (imagine a lot of hitting, kicking, pinching – me being the victim of it, obviously! – and tears…not fun…Even sending him to his bedroom had no effect (he sobbed while in there but started up the same meanness as soon as he was back out).

I’m just very tired, very VERY tired.  More so than my usual.  I think the combo of him not sleeping through the night (it’s hard to transition him to his own bedroom because then we go back to the island to help my parents out with stuff and then we come home…I need us to be AT HOME for a good chunk of time to ‘train’ him but that’s not going to happen for quite a few more weeks…), so waking me up every few hours, me going to bed later than I probably should because I desperately need some time to collect myself at the end of the day and just be alone for a little while, and all that’s going on with my family making me fret sometimes in the middle of the night…It’s just not a combo that works for getting a decent night’s sleep.  Even, like, 3 hours in a row would suffice at this point, but I know that’s just asking for WAY too much……..

Anyway, we had a good day up to the point where he became abusive, so that’s a positive at least!  We went to the library and returned everything and got some new books, then we went to the mall to the kids play area for a bit.  Andrew actually played amazingly well alongside about 4 other kids, I didn’t have to remind him to be nice, it was great!  Then this one kid came in that for whatever reason he felt the need to pick on, so we left and walked around for a while.  Then we checked out the fair and he obsessed over this really scary zombie character at one of the rides.  He noticed the younger kid’s rides but this scary one captured his attention and even though he was clutching onto me like he was scared, he got upset if I walked us away from it!  I think he’s inherited my love for horror – lol.  I told him it was a machine, like a robot, not real, because at first he really seemed to believe it was an actual person and that could give him serious nightmares!

It turns out it’s ok that the fair wasn’t actually open yet, because he’s too short for all but one of the rides!  The only ride he qualifies for is ‘Charlie’s Choo Choo’ and that’s because it’s for absolutely everyone…But all the other rides require being at least 36 inches tall and he’s got a fair ways to go (no pun intended!) before he gets there!

After the fair we went to catch the bus and literally JUST missed it so I ran while carrying Andrew and a heavy bag of books and groceries (we also stopped by Safeway) trying to catch it at the next stop and we JUST missed it there too…So we skytrained and waited for another bus…That’s one thing I miss about downtown – not having to take a bus because we were close to all the places we went.  But other than that I prefer where we are now, and I guess I’m getting used to bussing everywhere again.

I’m so tired and I have so much to do and I just want to sleep but I know that even though I’m THAT TIRED my mind would race if I tried to sleep because of the million things I have to take care of.  Sigh.

Oh well.  It is what it is!  I hate to be such a complainer, I try not to because I know I have it pretty darn good.  I blame it all on the tiredness, it’s killing me!  I don’t think with a clear mind when I’m zombiefied.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

It's HIS party but I'll cry if I want to!

Today was (and still is for a little over an hour!) James’ birthday.  He is officially 32.

I really had his birthday hyped up in my mind, and I don’t know why that is.  Well, of course it’s because I love him and his birthday is special to me.  But…I had it all built up that our evening was going to go a particular way and, well, you can probably guess that it didn’t!

Not that it was totally bad, it just wasn’t exactly amazing. 

I decided to ‘go all out’ and try a new recipe for his birthday dinner.  He loves tacos and Mexican food in general so I decided to try making Enchiladas.  As well as a black bean rice dish, although I admit that was made using a package, but it was sooo good that I don’t think it’s a bad thing to use it, in fact I will buy it again for sure!)  The enchiladas…I won’t say they were difficult to make, just somewhat time consuming.  So worth the effort though and I definitely will make them again – they’d be a perfect meal for having a few people over (if they don’t mind a little bit of spice).

So it’s not that the meal didn’t turn out, because it did.  The problem was that James came home from work with a stomach ache and he didn’t feel like eating.  Where I’d expected he’d probably wolf down at least 3 enchiladas, he had maybe 3 bites.  I don’t begrudge him for having a stomach ache but it was kind of a sucky time, not that there’s ever a good time.  I don’t tend to venture out and make new things super often, and take the effort to make sure I follow a recipe just so.  (Although I will say my addition to the sauce part of fresh cilantro was a very good decision on my part!)  And then the food doesn’t get eaten…Blargh!

Andrew and I also made a homemade lemon meringue pie for James’ bday dessert, since he’s not really much of a cake person.  He enjoyed it but had the tiniest slice of pie I have ever seen cut.  Ho hum.  Oh well, I know he’ll feel better tomorrow and will want some, I know it was the thought that counts, but still I think of the effort we put in and then it just sort of got dashed.

But it’s all good, I did enjoy doing it, and I personally enjoyed my fair share of it all!  AND James did like all his prezzies…I got him a video game for his Mac (totally against my usual policy of no-way-would-I-promote-video-gaming but he hasn’t played any video games for a very long time so it’s not an issue for me these days!), and a bottle of Scotch, and some lottery tickets (please let him win, it means I win too!!!!!)  And Andrew got him a remote control car, which I thought would be cool because it’s something they can do together. 

All in all it was an OK day and I think James was happy with it despite his sore stomach.  I think I’m mostly blah due to lack of sleep, the boy being somewhat of a fuss ball today, and all the million things I have on my mind with regards to my parents moving etc.  There’s so much going on right now and I feel like there isn’t much time to just stop and breathe.

Monday, April 18, 2011

The day flew by

So my ‘me day’ turned out to be quite successful.  As far as I know, my boys are on their way home from downtown, but I still have a little bit of time till they walk through the door.

I went to Ikea – first time bussing there from our new place.  I looked up the route and had things all mapped out, but then the bus ended up not going at all where it was supposed to according to the translink website (and I know I was on the right bus according to the directions given!)  So I had to make a detour and walk a ways.  Something got in my eye and I thought my contact was going to fall out and I was a little worried that my entire outing was going to be jinxed.  But once I got inside the doors, everything went according to plan!

I decided to get some lunch there since it’s cheaper to eat at Ikea than if I made myself a meal at home!  As it turned out, I had one of the best salads EVER and it was only $3.99.  The exact same salad would go for over $10 at a restaurant for sure.  It was SO delish – salad greens with goat’s feta, walnuts, and dried blueberries, with a balsamic dressing.  Totally hit the spot and was just the right amount.

For Andrew’s Easter present I didn’t just want to get him huge amounts of chocolates (although he is getting little chocolate eggs that he’ll go on his hunt around the house for!)  Lately he loves to talk about having ‘tea parties’ with Spidey (Spiderman), Buzz, Woody, Jessie (from Toy Story) and a few of his other toys.  Yesterday we had a tea party with them and he was quite excited about it, but the mugs we used of course were our adult-sized mugs.  So I decided to get him the little kids tea cup set from Ikea!  He is going to LOVE it.  It says for ages 8 and up but that’s most likely because they’re breakable!  But he won’t play with them unsupervised.  I think he’s going to be thrilled to bits to get that present.  I know it’s a ‘girly’ gift, or at least a lot of people would think so, but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a little boy wanting to play tea party!  I also got him some little plastic eggs that are filled with Toy Story stickers.  I mean, the Easter bunny is bringing these gifts for him =)

I got everything on my list and a little bit more (but not much more!)  I got 2 sets of curtains for our living room and dining room.  I’d had my heart set on 2 sets of curtains from my parents’ house that my mom said I could have once the house sold, but unfortunately one of the things the new owners requested was to keep all window coverings.  So I couldn’t very well take the curtains that sold with the house!  It’s too bad because I really loved them and think they’d have looked perfect – and wouldn’t have cost me a penny.  But c’est la vie.  The ones I got, as it happens, look great.  I think I made a good choice.  They’re off-white, so very neutral and essentially timeless so we shouldn’t need to get something new for a long time!  I ended up hemming them all (the ‘cheat’ hem with the adhesive thing you iron on) when I got home and it took me a few HOURS to get both sets done and while I was at it a set we already had for the bedroom.  Exhausting but worth it to have it all done!

I also got a temporary light fixture for the dining room till the one we have at my parents’ house makes its way over, because we HATED the giant one that was there when we moved in and we just couldn’t live with it any longer!  The one I got was only $11.99 LOL so who knows how well it will perform but it’ll be fine as an in-between till we get our nice one back from a few apartments ago!

I also got some candles for the fireplace – I decided to make a little candle display in there and we’ve had them lit the past few nights.  You know what?  I get pretty much the same ‘cozy’ vibe from the candles in there as I do from a fire log!  Awesome, because it’s a fraction of the cost to go that route. 

And the other thing I got was a wall decal for the hallway – it’s of trees and hummingbirds and I think it looks great (yes, before I hemmed the curtains I put that on the wall!)  Hopefully Andy doesn’t try to peel it off…But I think I’ll only have to tell him once that it’s not OK, so it should be fine!

I feel like the day flew by and there were a lot more things I’d have liked to have gotten done.  BUT I’m kind of proud of myself because USUALLY with a ‘me day’ (not that I’ve had many…to say I’ve had a handful in the past few years would even be stretching it!) I would spend the majority of it doing chores around the house.  I had hoped to do some of that today – the floors could use a sweep/wash, the kitchen could use a slight overhaul, blah blah…But I decided NO.  Hemming the curtains was chore enough, but needed to be done in order to hang the darn things!  They were so long they dragged way along the floor.  But the other chores can wait.  Most of it I can do with Andrew around so why bother spending the time I have to myself doing that stuff, right?

So I’ve made the most of my day.  It’s sad that in less than half an hour I’ll be back to being a responsible parent, although that’s not really true because in all honesty I’ve really missed my boy today!  I’m not used to spending this many hours apart.  I thoroughly enjoyed the quiet and solitude for sure, but there’s something about that boy!!

A day to myself

I have a ‘me day’ today.  It’s bittersweet, since it’s the mil who’s looking after the boy, and we’re of course still having ‘issues.’  (But we’ll always have issues, so who am I kidding…Right now just not speaking with her at all is probably the best way for us to (not)interact!)  BUT I didn’t ask for her to be looking after him, James decided it, and so I go with the flow and take this time because I can have it guilt free.  I didn’t ask anyone for it!  (Most of the time people would agree that parents SHOULD ‘ask’ people to help them out, and normally that would be the case…no one else has ever let it come back to haunt me when I’ve asked them to help me with Andrew so I could have a bit of time.  But the mil has!  And even though I didn’t ask for this day to myself, I wouldn’t put it past her to make a jab at me for it!)

Anyway.  Can you tell I’m forever bitter about the mil?!  Old story, and boring at this point, so I’ll take a deep breath and say GOOD RIDDANCE.

I am heading out on the town soon.  Well, the Burnaby and Coquitlam towns, which perhaps doesn’t sound quite as classy as if I was strolling the Big City Of Vancouver.  But I’m a suburban gal through n’ through, I’ve come to realize it after all these years.  I grew up in Nanaimo, which was still somewhat small-townish back in the day when I was a youngin’ (the 1980s…lol)  It’s been growing ever since and while I think if you live there you can still see it as holding onto some of the old-town-ways, for the most part I’d say it’s heading more toward ‘big city’ now.  That is, as big as a city can get on the island!!  I guess what I mean is, I could go to the mall there and not see anyone I know there anymore, and that’s saying something. 

Anyway…So I grew up in a smaller city, a place where you’d walk down the street and greet the strangers you were passing with a smile and a sincere hello. 

Then I moved to Burnaby and thought people were totally Unfriendly in comparison to what I was used to in Nanaimo (averting eyes when passing each other on the street).  But I came to accept this and now I actually find there’s a mix.  Living downtown was ‘worse’ for that, and I find now living back out in the ‘burbs people are friendlier somehow.

I enjoyed our 5 year stint living downtown, don’t get me wrong.  I loved it, more than I thought I ever could.  When we lived in Burnaby for 7 years I thought I’d be completely out of place downtown and resisted the move, but once we got ourselves set up there I felt that I was home.  I guess ‘home’ is where the heart is, and wherever you nest.  I certainly nested as well in the big city as I did out here in ‘sleepy Burnaby’! 

But when it comes right down to it, the hustle and the bustle of downtown living, I just don’t think it’s for me.  I don’t take full advantage of it.  I’m not a night-life kind of gal.  Back in the day, while we did hit up a number of clubs in our university days, James and I both would prefer to create a little dance space in our living room, have a few drinks (ok, a lot), crank up the tunes, and dance till we crashed.  Now, my night-life consists of cuddling with The Boy and making sure he’s content.  When we rock out, we rock out to The Wiggles!

Actually, that’s not entirely true.  For one thing, we haven’t watched The Wiggles more than maybe twice in the past month.  And last night I got Andrew to sleep not by reading or telling him stories, because that just made him think and want to talk and hear more…No, I got the boy to sleep by playing music LOUD.  He fell asleep to Everlong by the Foo Fighters (one of my personal favourites), and stayed asleep very soundly while I cranked up some classic Guns n’ Roses tunes.  GNR was my FAVOURITE band when I was 13, I listened to them so much back then, and after so long of it I just got completely turned off from listening to them.  Putting them on last night I thought my gawd, I’ve got to download more of this!  It wouldn’t be every day listening for me, but it definitely could be on the rotation!

Anyway, since I went back to sleep for 2 hours after the boys left this morning, I’m an hour off my ‘schedule’ for what I wanted to do today.  LOL  I know, I know, it’s all supposed to be leisurely, and so far it has been, I swear!  But if I want to totally veg a little later on, I’ve got to go do the things I want to do that require a couple of bus transfers…

Saturday, April 16, 2011

No reward today

Today we told Andrew he could get a treat at the mall IF, and ONLY if, he played nicely at the kids play area.  He agreed.  He was super stoked, already thinking about what he wanted to get.  Of course, his one track mind immediately thought, BUZZ LIGHTYEAR but then we suggested he branch out to his other interests.  So he settled on Spiderman.  LOL  Such a little boy.

I know it sounds grossly (and I mean it, it’s GROSS!) consumerist and therefore disgusting.  We’re baiting our child with the ‘reward’ of us buying some toy or whatever (although in our defence it was a book he was wanting!  And books are good!  lol)  It’s not that we do this sort of thing all the time but…we’re really working on our anti-bullying campaign with him and sometimes you’ve just got to do these things.

I may as well fess up and let you know right off the bat – he failed the test and did not come home with any new book or toy.  BUT I will add that he did VERY well until eventually he just couldn’t control himself and he pulled a little girl’s hair.  But honestly, he played really well for I’d say close to half and hour and for him, that’s amazing.  Usually the first thing he’d do is mark his territory (and apparently any and all territory is HIS) by either hitting/kicking/slapping whichever target he chose.  This time, because of the long talk we had before he went into the play area, he just ran in and started playing.  Alongside other children.  No hits, no nothing.  In fact, while I went off to do a bit of shopping (it’s James’ birthday on Tuesday), James said that Andrew was giving out hugs and kisses to the other kids!

I think he just got overwhelmed, and he does have a hair fetish so it’s hard.  My hair is his security blanket, literally, so I just don’t think he fully grasps that the hair pulling actually HURTS and isn’t a nice thing to do.  Though that sounds like an excuse, doesn’t it, and I really don’t want to make up excuses for his bad behaviour.  Which is why he had to leave the play area immediately after he did that.  He really has to learn that he can’t get away with that.

On the way home he was upset because he suddenly realized he was at the mall, but he didn’t get the toy or book that he was talking about.  So we had another talk about what he did, and how there has to be a consequence to his actions.  He agreed, but only time will tell how he does the next time we go there.

At least he’s showing progress, I can’t ask for much else.

In lighter news, he’s an absolutely sweetheart when he’s just with us!!  LOL  And he charms so many people it’s not even funny.  When we were on the ferry yesterday (a hellish ride as it was an HOUR late and waiting around an extra hour, unexpectedly, with a toddler, is NEVER fun…but that’s beside the point) Andy had his Canucks jersey on (that GG bought him last year) and randomly he’d just yell out, Go ‘nucks Go!’ and throw his hands in the air.  People loved it!! 

Another cute thing he did, totally unrelated: this morning James said, ‘Do you want me to change your diaper, Andrew?’  And he replied, ‘No thanks!’  LOL  He is sooo funny.

My mom has always asked him when he wakes up from a nap, ‘What did you dream about Andrew?  Did you dream about Tonkas, or racing cars, or fire trucks?’  It’s a little thing she did with my brother when he was little.  Well, after his nap this afternoon I asked him what he dreamt about and he thought for a second, then said, ‘Tonkas, racing cars, fire trucks!!’  It was sooo cute.

He’s talking more and more, loving hearing stories about when we were his age, and then tries to retell the stories to us.  A much longer story about my childhood, when I jumped out of a swing and lost my two front teeth goes like this (when he reiterates it):  Mommy, terrible fall, swings, hit pavement, hospital, dentist, teeth envelope, pillow, night night, tooth fairy, money!  LOL  It’s the funniest thing ever.

I’m getting him into brushing his teeth now that he understands about the tooth fairy.  I told him she’s not going to want to buy his teeth if they’re all stained yellow and yucky!  LOL  After I told him that, he let me brush them longer than ever.

He’s at the park with his dad but they could get home any minute – so I’d better go run my bubble bath before they get here!!!  Aaaaahhhhh, me time =)

This is happening, this is real

So my parents’ house is sold.

They were over here last weekend, Andrew and I headed back to the island with them on Monday.  They were given an offer that night, accepted it just after 9pm, and signed the papers on Tuesday afternoon. 

Wow.  So my family home where I grew up is now owned by someone else. 

It’s a lot to digest.  I guess I feel a slew of emotions, somewhere deep inside.  But I’m also very busy just living in the moment of it and thinking about all that needs to be done, now, to prepare for my parents’ big move to the mainland.

If I think too hard about it all, it’s very overwhelming.  A lot is changing, and fast.  They have to be out before the end of next month.  So what’s that, 5 ½ weeks?!  That’s insane.  It’s like a part of my life – and the majority of theirs – is going to be completely uprooted.  A part of the past. 

My parents have only ever lived in detached houses.  They have never moved from the city they’re in now – born and raised, basically.  The one move we made in my childhood was literally from one street to another that connects to that same street!  So this is going to be MAJOR for them.  To move completely away from their roots, from a detached house to an apartment.  INSANE.  It’s hard for me to wrap my head around, so you can imagine what it’s like for them.

BUT the good news is, they will be closer to us.  It won’t be a major headache and a half to get together.  I am picturing just heading over to their place for tea and a visit before heading back home.  I look forward to the convenience of these things, and the sort of peace of mind I think I’ll have knowing they’re not so far away.  Ever since my dad’s heart attack, it worried me the thought of them being the ocean’s distance away because if anything happens, it would be so much better to be able to get to each other quickly and not have to worry about a stupid ferry schedule.

But another part of me really is going to have to grieve, because like I said, I’m losing the place I grew up in.  I’m losing my connection to the island, essentially, or at least that part of the island.  It’s also strange to think that we won’t spend the same time with my parents anymore.  I mean, sure, Andy and I might head over to their place (or them to our place) for a visit through the day – but realistically there would be no room to (nor no real reason to) spend the night, since we have our own place here to go to.  So we won’t be ‘staying’ with my parents anymore.  And I guess that seems so strange to me because for the past 13 years that I’ve lived on my own, I’ve become quite used to going over and staying for a few days here and there.  I won’t miss the trip to and from but the being there part…It’s just going to be different now.

I think in part I still have to wrap my head around what’s happening.  It keeps getting more and more ‘real’ but…I don’t know what to think of the fact that it’s all happening NOW and in just a matter of a few short weeks, it’s a new beginning.

Part of me wants to go throw up at the thought of it…

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Mr Joe Cool

Mr Joe Cool takes a spring stroll to the park.

Friday, April 08, 2011

Yummy food and a side of...sleep?

I’ve been making an effort to cook new dishes and do more baking – and make things from scratch. There are times when I still use ‘convenience’ foods, such as frozen side dishes and that sort of thing, but for the most part I’m trying to do everything home made. It really doesn’t take THAT long to cook most things I find. And now that Andrew loves to ‘help’ so much in the kitchen, it’s not so much a chore to make meals as it is a time for us to get creative!

Tonight we were having leftover lasagna that I had made for our family dinner last night with James’ dad and brother (sil-2-b was a no show). So there was plenty enough for the 3 of us (Andy loves the lasagna I make!) and there was still some French bread to go with it…But I felt like it needed a side and I didn’t feel like scrounging a salad together…So I decided to try out the Italian Green Beans recipe that Smelly Danielly posted recently.

I sometimes hesitate to make something new, even if it seems ‘simple’ enough a recipe…Sometimes things just don’t quite turn out for me the way it sounds like they should and I get discouraged. But I have to say, the green beans were absolutely DELICIOUS! So much flavour. James loved them too, in fact he raved about them! Andrew even ate a bean without even being coerced, and he probably would have eaten more if he hadn’t already stuffed his face full of lasagna! lol I highly recommend trying this recipe out. I used yellow onion instead of white since it’s what I had on hand, and it was super yummy – not sure what the difference would be using white, maybe a little sweeter?

Anyway, I’m quite pleased about the cooking I’ve been doing lately, not because I’m bragging thinking I’m an amazing cook, because I’M NOT. I’m not the worst, but I’m not the best either. BUT I’m getting better, and that’s what counts! And Anders and I have so much fun putting meals together, for the most part =)

I have also pulled recipes from a website called Weelicious which I recommend checking out. There are healthy recipes on there for anyone and everyone, but particularly great for getting little ones interested in food. Check it out!

I wrote the above yesterday – aside from the beans, we also made another banana loaf/cake (in the bundt pan) with chocolate chips sprinkled on top. Homemade banana bread is THE BEST. I think I could eat it every day. I probably shouldn’t. But I just might!! Today we made orange muffins, and they are sooo yummy and SO easy to make. Andrew wolfed down half a muffin before crashing for a nap.

ACTUALLY…I struggled somewhat to get him to sleep. We’re having my aunt and uncle over after dinner so while normally I try to prevent naps so he’ll go to bed early, when we’re having company a nap is good so he’ll be in a better mood in the evening! I was feeling exhausted myself (what else is new) so I read him books, sang to him, tried every trick I could think of to get him in the mood for a snooze. Nothing was working till FINALLY I got him tucked into our bed with me and suddenly he just dozed off. I did too, which was glorious – but then less than 10 minutes later they start leaf blowing RIGHT OUTSIDE THE BEDROOM WINDOW and then when that moved farther along, I could hear voices nearby. I got up to see and the guys cleaning up the leaves were chatting away. Not an issue except for when you’re wanting to have an afternoon nap. I swear, it’s like as soon as I fall asleep the world says MAKE NOISE, LIZZIE’S TRYING TO SLEEP! MUUUUST WAAAAAKE LIIIIIZZIIIIIE UUUUUP! It must be the case, because seriously, more often than not when I go to sleep something wakes me up. Last night was another night of the person above us watching tv all night long…And getting up at 3am to move some stuff around the room, or at least that’s what it sounded like. Everyone else sleeps through it all – I could hear James snoring off and on, Andrew didn’t even stir when the leaf blowing started up a little while ago! But me? Forget about it, I am a light sleeper most especially ever since Andrew came along, so anything I can hear above the sound of the fan that I use to TRY to drown out other noises, is going to keep me up.

Oh well. One day I’ll sleep again. For now, I’ll just enjoy my cup of tea and a muffin and relax before Mr. Energy gets up and it’s time to make dinner!

Wednesday, April 06, 2011

A family dinner

I have a feeling this is going to be one of those posts about nothing really, just a post for the sake of posting.  I’ve got a few minutes to spare before James gets home from work, tagged along by his dad, bro, and our sil-2-b.  Andrew fell asleep at 5pm, which would be an absolute no go if not for the fact that we’re having people over.  He’d be Mr. Grumpy Pants if I didn’t let him have some rest before they got here, so this way he’ll be Happy As A Clam instead!  Hopefully he’ll still go to bed at a decent hour – only time will tell…

We went to the library today, exchanged the books we got last week for some new ones and also took out a bunch of dvd’s.  I love the library – Andrew gets the sense of getting something ‘new’ but we don’t have to pay for it.  Brilliant!!  Although I did spend $11 at the dollar store getting him a few goodies along the way…

We had a crazy hail storm this morning.  Just all of a sudden it was pelting down, I opened the back door to take a picture of it and it wasn’t pleasant getting hit by it.  I was under cover in our yard space but was still getting smacked with it – so glad we hadn’t ventured out earlier and been caught in the thick of it!

Tonight’s ‘menu’ consists of a veggie lasagna (home made), Caesar salad (with home made dressing – vegetarian of course!), French bread, and for dessert So Good soy-based ice cream (we eat real ice cream too but have you ever tasted So Good – if you have you’ll know why we’ve taken to purchasing it instead of ‘real’ ice cream!  It really is SO GOOD!!) with peach slices.  OR I might make caramelized bananas for it instead, I haven’t decided yet.

Should be a good visit!  Guess I should go make sure the lasagna is heating up nicely before everyone arrives. 

Monday, April 04, 2011

No sleep, no motivation

Sleep deprivation does nasty things.  I just hate the way I feel when I haven’t got nearly enough sleep.

Last night I’m going to estimate I got 3 hours in total.  NOT COOL. 

I couldn’t fall asleep till super late because I had a headache, then that finally subsided but I woke up when Andrew came to our bed before 2, and then I could hear the tv in our upstairs neighbours’ bedroom.  SO FRUSTRATING.  I love it here and over all can’t complain about much noise, but this is the 3rd time I’ve had a terrible night’s sleep in large part due to that particular noise.  I think I’d sleep through it if I was already asleep when it started, but waking up and hearing it makes it soooo hard for me to finally drift off again.  I did fall asleep for a little while, then woke up before 5 and didn’t fall back asleep till after 7.  Then James had to leave for work at 8 and Andrew wanted me to get up so…needless to say, it has been a major challenge to get going today.

BUT James is home now, it’s after dinner, and he is kind enough to take over parent-duty so I can have a bit of time to relax.  I’ve been looking forward to this time aaaaaall day, anticipating it – which is not to say the boy and I didn’t have fun together today!  We made a lasagna to freeze for Wednesday when James’ dad is coming over for dinner, and we made a taco bake for dinner tonight.  And we played (Andrew’s new fave game with me is ‘Chase Mommy’ which is essentially Tag!), read books (we went to the library the other day – Andy has his very own library card now!), watched shows, danced, had a bath (he nearly flooded the bathroom, I wasn’t too impressed with that)…We did a lot considering I was completely wiped from the moment I got up, but that’s kind of the point – I’m forced to keep going because I don’t have the option of just ‘resting.’  If I lay down thinking Andrew will just play amongst himself while I snooze, he will actually come up to me and lift my chin up and say, ‘Mommy UP!’  ;D

So anyway, as we all know – lack of sleep creates all sorts of problems.  Feeling down in the dumps is definitely one of them.  I feel so blah when I’ve had such a rotten night’s sleep.  Even though deep down I KNOW it’s because I didn’t sleep and there isn’t ACTUALLY something wrong with me – but tell that to the part of me that’s dwelling on feeling the blahs.  I feel short-fused, sad, with a side of lackofmotivation.  Sucks to be me, I know, I know! 

I really WANT to feel motivated because there’s so much I want to do.  Beyond just keeping up with Andrew and the maintenance of our household.  I want to do creative things for me, things that I want to be a part of who I am.  I have always wanted to be a writer, for example, but beyond blog writing as a journal, it has been a while since I seriously did any writing.  I need to get back into that.  I HAVE to.  I’ve been contemplating writing a children’s story, since obviously that’s very much my realm these days.  I know a lot of people claim they’re going to write a children’s book though so I don’t want to sound like a total cliché, like that’s going to be my claim to fame.  Maybe I’m just stuck in a rut and I need to somehow dig myself out.  I don’t know, I need to stop procrastinating doing the things that I know I want to accomplish in life.  I’m pretty sure the majority of us feels that way.  But I’m 31 – eventually I really do have to get myself out of my rut and into my…Idon’tknowwhat!

But first, I have to FORCE myself to go to bed at a decent hour so as to catch up on sleep and then I might start thinking clearly enough to figure it all out.

New friends

As I write this, Andrew is cuddled right up against my left side, watching Curious George. How cute is that?! He’s content to watch the show, but wants to be close to his Momma. I can’t complain!

Last night we had friends over, a really nice couple. James used to work with the guy and it just so happens that he and his wife are totally awesome. I was a bit nervous about having them over just because I’m not generally the super outgoing social type and what if we didn’t get along or have much in common? Well, as it turned out, the moment they walked in the door we were all talking with ease and totally got along. Andrew hit it off with them as well and they were really comfortable around him and thought he was cute and funny – so how could I not like them?!!

We don’t tend to have people over super often, every once in a while but hanging out last night made me realize how important it is to have these get togethers more often. We are actually in the beginning planning stages now of having a little party with a few other couples we think would all be a good mix together!

This particular couple lives really close to us so it shouldn’t be difficult getting together more often. That’s the problem with some of our other friends or family we used to get together a bit more frequently – they all live downtown or close to downtown, and it’s a headache for them to travel out to us, or us to them. Not that it can’t or won’t be done, but there’s always that apprehension, knowing the longish trek home at the end of the night…More so for us than for them, if I dare say it – because Andrew gets fussy when it’s late and he’s not in the comforts of his own home.

Anyway, it was nice to hang out with some like-minded people, and in our cozy new space that is totally entertainable! So happy we moved here and have the room to have people over comfortably! No excuses not to socialize now, none at all.

Sunday, April 03, 2011


OK well my Snoopy Sunday question comes from Trista again! I think at this point she and I are playing Snoopy-Sunday-tag and that’s totally rad, but yeah, c’mon people – don’t be shy to ask questions!!

BTW it’s almost midnight so I don’t have much time to answer this question before it would have to be changed to Snoopy MONDAY and that just doesn’t have the same ring to it (almost, but not quite!) So it’ll be a quick answer for now…We had friends over for dinner, I had a touch too much wine perhaps and I think I need to go sleep it off before you-know-who is awake and raring to start another day!!

Zee question is:

What was your favourite game to play as a child? (Barbies, hide and seek, 'house', etc.)

I loved to play all of the above – Barbies (my favourite was my Skipper doll, she was the teenaged Barbie and I wanted to be as cool as her!!), hide and seek (always a classic!) and yes yes YES I LOVED to play House!! I had a friend who always made me be the ‘husband’ and I didn’t particularly enjoy that – haha! I do remember playing with my dolls a lot though and pretending to be a mama. My parents kept the buggy that we used as babies (which was soooo old school thinking back on it, omg!) I loved this one particular doll I had that was more like a life sized baby. It was probably really small but when you’re a little kid things seem bigger, and it felt like I was carrying a real baby around! I had a diaper that I got from a joke shop that had fake poo in it and I used to put it on the doll and then pretend she had to be changed! LOL So funny since now, as much as I don’t mind it cuz it’s just a part of life, I don’t change Andy’s diapers just for the fun of it!! So silly I was.

I also absolutely LOVED playing with Lego. Me and my friends used to build houses and we’d use the Lego people like Barbies and they’d be little families in their houses. I still love Lego, we kept all of it and Andrew is for sure going to inherit it all as soon as he is old enough to play with it! I can’t wait to build Lego stuff with him.

I also loved playing board type games, I remember loving Hungry Hungry Hippo, and also Snakes and Ladders – but I loved games in general.

There was also a time when I was really into My Little Pony, Strawberry Shortcake, Rainbow Brite, Care Bears. All the classics of that era!

But ultimately Barbies and dolls were my favourite I’d say. Cabbage Patch Kids! I even still have the ‘adoption papers’ for a few of my Cabbage Patches! I got a CPK when they were first all the rage, my grandparents I think drove to Victoria to get one for me because they didn’t even have them in Nanaimo yet!

I also just loved riding bikes with my friends and in general being outside. From age 0-8 we had a gigantic backyard with a cool climbing tree and a fort that my dad built for us. I loved playing on the swing set and running around in the grass. Oh to be a carefree child again just hanging out like that!!

It’s fun reminiscing on the toys I used to play with and the games I enjoyed. I also love to think about what toys Andrew likes and how he’ll one day look back and remember fondly all the fun adventures he had as a child whether it be playing with his toys or in the yard or playing in the neighbourhood with his friends…

Thanks for the question, Trista!

More soon!!

All about the boy

This morning I was tidying up in the kitchen while Andrew watched his Buzz Lightyear cartoon. He called out, ‘Mommy!’ then, ‘Peanut butter sammich pease!’ How CUTE is that?! I know it’s such a simple thing, and if James asked me to make him a sandwich I would have no problem obliging but I certainly wouldn’t think it was ‘cute’ that he asked!! With Andrew though, it’s because he’s only just starting to ask for things like that and I find it absolutely ADORABLE that he’s thinking in his little head about what he’d like to have for lunch.

As for the sleeping arrangements, he’s still sleeping with us for the time being. BUT that will be changing soon! Let me explain…Given he’s been addicted to drinking YOP through the night, I realized that I can’t really get him sleeping in his own room all night if he’s needing a dose of YOP every so many hours…SO I decided first we’ll cut out the YOPping and THEN we’ll transition to big-boy-bed.

So far it’s going amazingly well! Just as he ended up weaning from breast feeding super easily when we finally took that plunge at 18 ½ months, he’s proving to wean from the YOP without as much fuss as expected! We usually had a full stock of the stuff in our fridge at all times for fear we’d run out and he’d be in desperation (LOL) but now we’ve got 2 left and we’re not planning on buying any more. Basically what I did was when he finished one the other day, I washed out the bottle for it and put regular yogurt in there with some milk to make it more like a yogurt drink like YOP. He didn’t like it as much as the real deal but drank it…And I think part of why he’s not wanting to bother with it as much now is not liking it as much. I told him that the company changed the recipe and this is what the new YOP tastes like!! LOL Hey, a parent’s gotta do what they’ve gotta do! So I think it’ll be just a few more days till that phase is over and done with – we’ve gone from seriously about 3 YOPs a day (sometimes FOUR if you can believe – and they’re nearly $1.50 EACH so it really adds up)…Now we’re down to one, well yesterday was just over half. So that’s AWESOME!!! Ridiculous that a 2 year old had a yogurt addiction in the first place…But still. It’s OK for him to have yogurt, we just don’t want to have to buy ten million expensive ones all the time, plus middle of the night yogurt has to be a no go.

Hopefully the sleeping transition goes well…It’s tough. He LOVED his crib when he had that, and only got up in the night for his nursies, which was only natural he’d need to do that before he was on solids. But once he was able to jump out of his crib and had to be transitioned to a toddler bed waaaay too early (I think he was only just over a year when he did that) – it went downhill from there. It’s hard to keep a child in one spot (especially with a personality like Andrew’s) when they’re not forcibly confined! BUT we’ll get there. I’m going to set up the couch cushions beside his bed so I’ll have my own ‘mattress’ and sleep in there for a few nights to get him used to it. Not totally looking forward to it, but it should be OK.

He’s just so darn CUTE, I can’t get over it! I gave him a haircut last week and at first kept some hair on the top so we could ‘style’ it but realized it would be better to just shave his entire head for a ‘new’ look and let it grow back. I love it when he has more hair because that’s cute too, but omg he is so adorable with his head shaved! It makes his cheeks look pudgier and I love seeing the shape of his head more and oooooh I just love that boy so much!!!!! James took him to get some groceries a little while ago and off he went in his little corduroy bomber jacket and I just wanted to run out after him and eat him right up!

Saturday, April 02, 2011

It's not worth it

My mil is back in town. She’s been back for just over a week, all her stuff was shipped from Halifax and she is officially living in Vancouver. So watch out Vancouverites, you’ve got yourselves a live wire!! Thank goodness we have the buffer zone between us, so happy we moved out to the ‘burbs.

Although the fact that she never even apologized to me after she lied to me last time I saw her means that even if we lived 12 blocks from each other like we did there for a few months, I wouldn’t be seeing her much (read: AT ALL).

She apparently has decided that I should have called HER up to talk about what had happened if I had such a problem with it. The thing is, James urged me NOT to talk to her because he knew if I did she wouldn’t like what I would have to say. So I resisted (although I did write her a note about it, not that I actually sent it to her but just to get it off my chest…I will post it below). I know she knew right away that I was upset, though, because I was present the very next night when James was on the phone with her and told her so. At that point she just didn’t want to talk about it, turning it around that, ‘Well, Liz wasn’t grateful enough to me for babysitting Andrew’ and blah blah BLARGH WHY CAN’T THIS WOMAN EVER TAKE ACCOUNTABILITY FOR HERSELF??!

It’s so frustrating because instead of apologizing, she has now decided that it’s basically MY fault, because AFTER EVERYTHING SHE HAS DONE FOR US, I LET THIS OOOOONE LIIIIIITTLE THIIIIING RUIN EVERYTHING. SO WHY EVEN BOTHER.

The only part I agree with is, WHY EVEN BOTHER. But everything she did for us?! Oh my gawd woman, yes, please, take off your shoes and socks and let me kiss those feet for you looking after your grandchild. It wasn’t even THAT often, especially given she’d only even met him twice in his life before he turned 2! She could have looked at it as ‘making up for lost time’ but no, she would much prefer the praise she SHOULD have got for ‘doing us a favour.’ Other than that, what else did she do for us?! Give me several headaches?! That’s about all I can think of!! (Oh and as an aside, I thought I’d mention that one time to show my appreciation for her looking after Andrew, I bought her a nice soap and bath stuff as a gift – so to then say I didn’t do enough to show my appreciation??! WHAT???!) But that’s beside the point, isn’t it…

And this was far from ‘one little thing.’ Perhaps it would be ‘easier’ to let it go to some degree if it wasn’t pretty much ALWAYS the case that eventually she’d do something like this to screw things up. But the thing is, this is a regular occurrence with her. Not so much the performance she came up with to lie to me, but the end result of alienating herself, making others feel bad, and then blaming them when truly she is the one at fault – it’s what she seems to do best (she’s had a lot of practice).

Anyway, today she was renting a car and wanted to drop a few things off at our place. Which if she hadn’t done what she did, would have been fine. But because she did do what she did, it didn’t sit well with me at all the thought of her coming over. My bil was dropping by with her, the idea being they’d drop the stuff off then head to Ikea and run some errands they needed to do.

I weighed my options. I didn’t want to deal with a confrontation, but at the same time I thought maybe it would be good to just ‘clear the air’ and get it over with. I told James what I inevitably would say to her, and he said if I said that (even though it’s the truth and not even mean or rude sounding), she would freak out. So basically we’d have a big blow out fight and she and my bil would leave and I know that things could then get bad between the two of them since it takes nothing more than a pin dropping for them to be on the outs (they’re on again now, but gawd only knows how long for!)

So I decided to hide out in the bedroom with the door locked and James could tell her whatever he wanted as to where I was. There just seemed to be no point in having a big fight. It’s just going to make everyone upset and then I’d be fuming (even more than I do just from thinking about her) and for what? It’s not going to change the end result. Because what it comes down to is: I can’t trust her, nor should I be expected to. And she can’t take responsibility for her actions, so any attempt at an apology would just be her lame usual thing of, ‘I’m sorry…but YOU did this…and YOU did that…’ which ultimately isn’t an apology at all.

I seriously can’t stand her, and why should I?

Anyway – here is the note I wrote to her but never gave her…

I’m really disappointed (and hurt) that you lied to me. It’s not something I can easily get over, because there really was no reason for it. I feel betrayed by you. The thing is, I felt like things were going really well between us. I felt it was a big (and positive) step for me to be inviting you over for a visit at our new place. We had tea together, chatted – I was really feeling like if things were to continue on like that, I’d finally be able to lay to rest our issues from the past. Then you lied to me.

The thing is, it wasn’t even a spur of the moment little white lie. You had obviously thought it out ahead of time, because you even wrote the note to James as if it was from S, and you wrote that it wasn’t a real joint but rather the ‘healthy legal stuff’ – which, as it happens, it was not. You went so far as to spin a tale about how you should have put her phone number on the envelope so he could call her to thank her for it – all of which you made up! I find it shocking, and at this point unforgivable, that you did that. There was no reason for you to lie to me. I don’t see how you can explain yourself out of it because it’s just too bizarre.

I really REALLY want you to understand the severity of this. You have apparently expressed that it was just this ‘one little thing’ but it’s not so little. You were invited over to our new home for a visit and all the while you have plotted out a lie – and for what? To try to get drugs to your son?! I don’t understand that at all. First of all, thanks a lot – it’s really nice to know that you care so much about me that, knowing how I’d feel about it, you tried to go behind my back and get it to him anyway. Although it wasn’t really behind my back at all, but rather right there in my face. It makes me feel as though you wanted this to happen, because if you’d wanted to ‘secretly’ give him drugs, wouldn’t you have waited till you saw him again without me to give it to him!? Rather than spinning a whole web of lies to do it?! It just doesn’t make any sense.

If James wants to smoke pot or do whatever else, he can make that decision on his own, you don’t need to push it on him. Further, whether you find me ‘rigid’ in my ways or whatever else – the decisions James and I make ultimately are none of your business. If he wanted to be out smoking a joint in the new neighbourhood so badly, he’d be able to do that without you having to pass a joint along to him. However, we would sort of prefer to explore our new surroundings together, as a family, WITH ANDREW. We have a 2 year old, and perhaps you think differently, but personally I would prefer not to be doing drugs around him, or have them in the house where he could potentially find them. It’s just not cool, not a part of our lifestyle right now. It hurts me that you would try to go behind my back to get drugs to James like that because it makes me think that you believe James would do something like that without telling me. We’re very honest and open in our relationship, we have very good communication, and I can’t see him going off to get high while I’m at home with Andrew. If he was going to, he certainly wouldn’t do it in secret! It bothers me a lot that you would not only encourage that, but think it OK. To me, that is not the sign of a healthy, strong relationship and it upsets me greatly that as his mother you would promote that.

I just don’t get this, K, because things were going really, really well and now I feel like we’re right back to square one. I feel very similar now to how I did in around the time Andrew was being born when things got really bad between us. How can I trust you when you lied right to my face? How do I know you’re not going to do it again? It’s really sad to me that this happened. It was totally unnecessary and hurtful. And even worse, when James told you that you DID lie to me so naturally I’d be upset, you tried to turn it around to somehow be my fault. That I apparently haven’t been grateful enough to you for looking after Andrew before our move, for example. Which has absolutely NOTHING to do with this matter. But for the record, I’d like you to know that this only makes matters worse. Because then you’re making it sound as if it was a chore to look after Andrew and I should have been thanking you profusely. Instead, you should be happy to have had so much time with your one and only grandchild, it shouldn’t be about how much thanks you get for it! You didn’t HAVE to look after him at all, you were asking to! But for the record, I DID thank you, I always said something along the lines of, ‘Thanks for taking him today so I could get stuff done!’ or ‘I really appreciate the time, I couldn’t have done all this otherwise.’ Is that seriously not enough?! What more were you hoping for?! I even suggested numerous times that you stay for supper when you were dropping him off later in the day.

It astounds me, your inability to accept that your actions can hurt other people. And that you should then take accountability for what you did. I did not do anything wrong here, and there is nothing you can say to make me think otherwise. I had you over for the afternoon, and you deliberately lied to me. What more can I say? Things were going so well, but for whatever reason I guess you weren’t happy with that. Because the way I feel is that if you’d been happy with that, why would you have done ANYTHING that could jeopardize it?!

You can blame me as much as you want to behind my back, that is your choice. But you must realize deep down that you messed this up. I am not going to accept blame for something I didn’t do. I am so shocked that you did this, and disappointed. I’m not some kind of horrible person, I do not deserve to be lied to or disrespected like that.

I’m sorry that this happened, because I truly thought things were working toward getting so much better between us, and now this has put a major wedge between us. It takes a long time to regain a person’s trust, and right now I just don’t know what to even say to you beyond this.


What would you do in this situation??

I think it’s bizarre for nothing to be said whatsoever. In some ways, I’m thinking I’d like to add a few things to the note I wrote her (a few additions based on some things James told me she said since I wrote it) and give it to her to read. If I have to have a conversation with her face to face or on the phone, it’s likely it will just escalate because she can’t handle hearing ANYTHING that might sound like she’s in the wrong. I just don’t think I’d be able to properly get my point across without her interrupting, freaking out, storming off, or all 3 combined.

On the other hand, I feel like what’s the use? She should have reached out to me right away to try to make amends…Although honestly the way I see it is that whatever her reasoning was for what she did, it’s not going to be a good enough explanation for me to accept. Because there IS no ‘good’ explanation for what she did. And there is no ‘good’ explanation for a shit load of stuff she has done in the past. This is her pattern, this is who she is. If she wanted a better relationship with me, she would have been focused on that fact – not on sneaking drugs to James and lying about it!!!

It’s ridiculous that it even happened, and pathetic on her part. And very, very sad because to me it proves that she doesn’t even care as much about Andrew as she likes to tell other people that she does. If she wanted to maximize her time with him, she would be sickly sweet with me if that’s what it took – because I am her ‘in’ to seeing him just about as often as she would like. So doing what she did and, once again, true to her form, shutting me out as if I’VE done something wrong – it sends the message loud and clear to me that she is more interested in playing her stupid completely overdone idiotic ‘victim card’. Even though ultimately she is the victimIZER every single time!!! She is seriously the most annoying person I have ever known.

It’s sad to me, because life would be soooo much easier if we could all just get along. But I tried that, and felt I was putting in a real effort, and look where it got me? Lied to my face, stabbed in my back – yeah, I’m pretty much done with that shite. Not interested. So where does that leave us? With a really complicated issue of when James and/or Andrew get to see her and how it impacts me, and not wanting her at our house (at least not when I’m here)…It’s a bit of a mess, and I wish that it could be simpler and we could be civil and even ‘get along’ as I thought we were starting to do there before she royally effed it all up. But she did what she did, she made her bed, so she can go tuck herself into it. I don’t want to waste any more time on her toxicity, and that’s just the truth of the matter.

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