Friday, September 24, 2010

Not a second to myself...

Some days Andrew naps. I welcome his nap time with arms wide open, obviously. It gives me time to get a few chores done and hopefully either grab a bite to eat or use my computer for a bit.

Lately it seems to be that if he has a nap (usually for about 1 ½ to 2 hours), regardless of what time of day he has it, he doesn’t want to go to bed till 11pm (sometimes midnight or 1am). If he doesn’t nap at all, he usually goes to sleep between 9-10 (generally closer to 9, but not always).

I love nap days because, selfishly, I really do need that bit of time to myself to just sort of ‘be’ if that makes sense. Or if I’m feeling especially tired that day myself due to lack of sleep or whatever, I can try to catch a few zzz’s myself. It’s not often I do that, but there are times when it’s absolutely necessary in order to get through the rest of the day with our insanely energetic little monkey.

But I don’t really enjoy being up with him till midnight or later. Because then James and I get zero time to ourselves or to connect as a couple. And I end up going to bed suuuper late because I need a bit of time to myself to zone out/write/read WHATEVER to feel sane in being an individual and not just a mom…So then of course I’m even more tired in the morning than I could have been if I’d had no ‘me time’ and on and on it goes.

If he doesn’t nap all day, he goes to sleep early (usually) and obviously that’s great because then James and I can watch a show or two, or whatever, or have separate time to ourselves. It’s nice to have that wind-down time at night but not be going to bed super duper late ourselves, since inevitably we don’t get the luxury EVER of a lie-in. James usually gets up with Andrew first, but I only sleep an extra hour maybe, and given I’m generally awake through the night (and the one up late to begin with), he still usually gets a lot more sleep than I do!

The thing is, it’s REALLY hard on me to go 12 hours without literally ONE SECOND to myself, which is what ends up happening if Andrew doesn’t nap at all through the day.

Today James got home from work and I told him it was a no nap day and his response?

‘Oh good!’ (because he just sees the potential for Andrew to nod off early!)

Whereas for me it means I’M GOING MENTAL AND NEED A BREAK!!

Don’t get me wrong, I have a lot of fun during the day with the boy. I’m teaching him to do I’m a Little Tea Pot, and he’s sort of getting Peace Out (not really but kinda!) and we sing and dance and cuddle and he gives me kisses without me asking for them. We colour and he tries to help me cook…he helped me make a butter spread for some bread to go with our pasta! Which wasn’t necessarily easy but you have to have major patience and remind yourself constantly that THIS IS FUN FOR HIM, IT’S SOMETHING NEW AND EXCITING, GO WITH IT!! We have an absolute blast a lot of the time and I love him to absolute bits. But my gawd is he exhausting, and when I get to that point of extreme tired but I’m still pulling every last thing out of the hat to entertain him and make him feel loved and happy…and then he proceeds to go on a bully spree and pull my hair, pinch my cheeks so hard I want to cry, laugh at sticking toys right in my eyes, hits and slaps me for fun…well you could say I just start to lose my esteem and I want to run away crying.

That feeling passes and I don’t take it personally when he’s doing that stuff to me because I know he’s just pushing the limits to see how far he can go. He doesn’t understand about hurting people and all of that yet, it’s a normal phase. But seriously…no time whatsoever to collect one’s self takes its toll, and I didn’t ever realize the severity of that till Andrew came along! Or should I say till he became mobile and crazy with energy and the need to explore and bounce himself off the walls and across the room repeatedly all day.

So needless to say I’ve shut myself in the bedroom ever since James finished eating his dinner.

I’m tempted to just stay in here till he comes to get me but…maybe I’ll go spend a few minutes with both my boys till the little tyke is ready to go nite nite!

If he DOES go to bed early, there just might be time to get a couple more things done!

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