Showing posts from June, 2010

My bestest boy

I love every single thing about my boy.

From the way he thinks it's funny to attempt colouring using his toes (while multi-tasking and changing the channel on the TV):
To hogging the toy vacuum cleaner at tots gym play time because he's OBSESSED with cleaning:
To the way he lounges on a lazy afternoon watching his Wiggles DVD for the millionth time:
To his beautifully lit up face, the sweetest smile that makes everything in the world seem OK for that moment:
To those seemingly few and far between precious moments of watching him nap:To the way he monkey's around at the playground:
There is nothing I love more than holding my boy in my arms!XOXOXO

Bimbo alert

As Andrew and I were walking home from the playground this morning, I noticed this woman walking in our direction. It was hard not to notice her, as she was the type of person who stood out…but not in a good way.

I can understand it when a person wants to stand out because they have an edgy-style and the personality to match. I’m thinking maybe a spunky, punky sort of look. But I’m always a bit astounded (and saddened, truthfully) when I see the type of woman I saw today.

It’s the plastic look that seems to be a plague to North American society. She had the fake long blond hair. Work done to the face, most especially the lips. Huge sunglasses but I bet if she took them off there’d be a LOT of eye makeup happening. Teensy tiny body with giant bazoobies that COULD be real but it’s very highly unlikely. You get the drift.

I just don’t get that look. It’s the cheap, tarty, I’llsuckyourdickifyou’llbuymedinner look. I’m sorry, but somebody had to say it.

I am totally put off by this t…

One of those days...

I took Andrew to the mall this morning as I had to get some pictures developed. What a time we had there…Usually they just take the memory card and all I have to do is tell them how many prints I want and with matte finish. This time, the woman told me to use the machine and do it all myself…which is fine when you don’t have a toddler there with you. I told her I didn’t know if I’d be able to get through it without him freaking out because he wouldn’t want to be stuck in his stroller while I clicked on each individual picture to tell the machine how many of each to print etc. Call me lazy, but I miss the good ol’ days of just dropping off the film and picking up the pictures! (Not really, I mean I prefer digital over film, but I find the process of getting pictures developed much more of a hassle nowadays). Anyway, sure enough, I clicked on the very first image (of 62 to go through) and Andrew started fussing. Crying, screaming, throwing his head back in a rage, you name it. O…

It's better to have loved and lost but that doesn't mean losing isn't hard

Ugh grr blah spit.

I feel like crap right now. Just really emotionally drained. Trying not to dwell because I know it’s not healthy but I can’t seem to help it at the moment. Mostly I was doing well going about (once again) organizing pictures for printing and all happy happy looking at cute pictures of my baby boy…When I start seeing pictures of Tessa, and in particular the very last pictures ever taken of her (that I took just over a week before she died). The night she died I found some comfort in looking at her pictures, most especially older ones but even the last ones of her. But tonight? I just felt sick and sad looking at them. I felt and feel desperate, maybe it sounds ridiculous, but to feel the soft fur on her ears again. I used to sometimes play with her long floppy ears, when her fur was longer I could even sometimes tie them up on top of her head and it would stay like that for long enough that I could get a good laugh. I loved how soft her fur was, and how if sh…

Energy's back!

Even though I still wasn’t feeling great last night, I tagged along to the playground with James and Andrew. I sat on a bench and watched the kids play and also read a book while James kept watch on Andrew. It was good to get out for some fresh air and sunshine. And Andrew had a field day! He met some new friends, older boys about 8 and 5. It was so cute the way they took to him. He loves playing with the older kids.

I had the mother of all stomach aches last night and seriously thought if it kept up I was going to have to go to the hospital. But I managed to fall asleep…and it would have been a great long sleep if not for a )@&$&@^!! CAT waking me up in the middle of the night beating at the door. She rarely ever does that anymore, so I don’t know why last night was one of her chosen nights to do it. SO. FRUSTRATING. Andrew slept through from about 9:30-6:30 but because of Moorka scratching her way through the carpet around our bedroom door, I was awake for over an h…


I’m sick, but I don’t know what with. Some sort of stomach bug or something is my guess. Nothing totally major I don’t think, but enough to leave me feeling exhausted and totally unmotivated. I hate feeling this way because I feel like I should be getting Andrew out, especially when it’s a sunny day (rare in these parts this season, or so it has seemed so far). He is so full of energy and is always up for a new adventure, but I feel like such a slug and I can’t muster the energy to do anything at all. Just putting a load of laundry in the washer had me out of breath, and I had to think a lot about it before I managed to get it from the washer into the dryer. It just felt like way. too. much. effort.

So annoying.

So it’s an indoor day, which in itself is tiring. I managed to fake enough energy to read a bunch of books with Andrew, and we watched some of his videos together and puttered about as much as possible. He’s eaten pretty well today, which is good, because it tells me h…

From my kitchen to yours

I was so happy with how dinner turned out tonight, that I’ve decided to share what I made with you! Let me rephrase that…it sounds as if I saved you a bowl of Pesto Linguini with a side of (a variation of) Greek Salad. Sorry, but the food was so good there were no leftovers! Instead, here are the recipes:

Pesto Sauce:

2/3 cup packed coarsely chopped basil leaves*
1/3 cup grated Parmesan cheese
1/3 cup olive or vegetable oil (I use olive)
2 tbsp pine nuts or walnuts**
½ tsp salt
1/8 tsp pepper
1 clove garlic

Place all ingred’s in blender. Cover and blend on high speed till mixture is uniform constistency. Cook pasta as directed, drain. Toss pasta with pesto mixture. Serve with additional Parmesan cheese if desired.
*2 tbsp crushed dried basil can be subbed for the fresh basil. I usually use dried since the fresh stuff is a bit pricey, but went with fresh this time and omg was it ever delish!
**Unless you’re rich, go with the walnuts over the pine nuts. James went grocery shopping for me …

Baby Nala

I don’t feel like dwelling tonight on sad things, but I do want to mention about Nala, the baby beluga who died last night at the Vancouver Aquarium. I just found out about it tonight, despite having taken Andrew to the aquarium early this afternoon. We went over to the beluga area, and there was someone from the news there conducting an interview. I did find it strange that there was so many employees there listening, but didn’t think a whole lot of it. I just figured they were talking about research or something. I didn’t stick around to listen to what they were saying because Andrew was a tad fussy and I didn’t want him being disruptive to a taped interview.

So it was pretty shocking to find out that the one year old calf had passed away. What I want to know is how it affects Aurora, her mother, because little Nala was still nursing even. It tears at my heart strings to think that she is grieving, not understanding where her little one went.

I know there are a lot of people w…


Last year in around this time (I think it was end of June/early July) we took Andrew to the Petting Zoo at Beacon Hill Park in Victoria. He enjoyed it, but being only 6 months old, he didn’t get a whole lot out of it. So when we decided to take him there yesterday as a little Father’s Day outing, it was amazing to see how much he took it all in!
Last year:
Last year he was carried around because at that point he was only just crawling. This year he enjoyed being carried for part of the time, but he also loved running around and trying to climb the fences to get to the animals!
This year:
The goats are by far the most entertaining part of the Petting Zoo (essentially the only animals there that actually let you pet them!)
Last year:
Last year, even despite his small size and inability to walk, Andrew grabbed at a poor baby goat that was perched on a rock and it fell to the ground. So I was a little concerned what kind of damage he might do this time around, especially knowing what he’s l…

It's hard to believe that a week has gone by...

We’re back from the island. We were gone for nearly a week, so it’s good to be home. Bittersweet I guess you could say. It’s nice to get back to having all our stuff and back to our usual routine, but I am still feeling really sad about losing Tessa and the issues that continue on over there. I think I’ve been bottling up my emotions over the course of the week and I’m going to have to deal with those soon. Although I don’t see how I can really cry and just feel better anyway. Nothing is going to bring Tessa back.

I don’t think I’ll do a recap of the past week. There were good moments in it, but nothing I necessarily have to hold onto forever in my memory box.

Although I will do a post soon about our adventures at the Beacon Hill Park Petting Zoo in Victoria on Father’s Day! Just as soon as I get the pics sorted on my computer.

Stay tuned!

Moments in time


Deep sigh

I haven’t much felt like writing the past few days. Part of me still doesn’t. Andrew and I are at my parents’ place till Saturday, then we head to James’ dad’s place for the weekend. We’ve been doing well at keeping busy and Andrew of course helps keep our minds off our grief but it’s still tough.

I haven’t cried since Sunday, the day Tessa died. I got choked up when I called my grandma on Monday to tell her what happened, and I even felt tears well into my eyes when I wrote the words in an email to my aunt. But I haven’t outright cried since I got here. And I can’t explain exactly why that is. Maybe I am a person who tends to bottle things. It’s true that I don’t like other people to see me cry if I can help it, so maybe crying in front of my family makes me feel vulnerable or something. Which is silly because I don’t think there’s anything wrong with crying, I just have my way of handling things I guess. I don’t even tend to like crying in front of James, although of course…

Our perfect Spanny

I feel so lost right now. Lost with grief. I miss Tessa terribly, just knowing I will never, ever get to see her again. It hurts SO much.

Poor Tessa. I hate thinking about her being dead. I hate thinking about how her brain and her life, all her little memories and likes and dislikes are all just GONE. It feels so wrong, it feels SO wrong.

She had such a presence and she was just THERE for so long, always there. I hate knowing she’s not anymore. I hate this I hate this I hate this.

I feel overcome with grief. It’s not a feeling I’m used to and it’s really bugging me. I can’t make it go away because this all just happened and I have no choice but to feel it.

I feel depressed often enough, but just that sort of surface depression where you sort of feel glum or concerned about something but you know deep down it’s something you can push to the side and move away from. No big deal, at least not life or death. But this very much is death, and it means Tessa is no longer with us, an…

It is so hard to say goodbye

Today is a very sad day here.

Tessa passed away around 5:00pm, just a few hours ago. I’m still in shock because it all happened so fast. But the denial is slowly wearing away and every few minutes I feel as though I can’t quite breathe properly somehow. I keep saying over and over, ‘Oh Tessa…This just isn’t right.’ Because it feels so wrong.
How can I never see her again? She was always so happy to see me come over for a visit. She was a special girl, that’s for darn sure. She will be missed so much by all of us that knew and loved her.

Tessa was 15 ½ years old. She was born on December 23rd, 1995 in Ladysmith, BC. (A little trivia: although he wasn’t born on that day, Andrew’s due date was December 23rd, which I found to be a special little link between him and Tessa).
Tessa was an alpha female, she had her special ways about her for sure! She knew what she wanted and wasn’t afraid to go for it. But she was also loving and affectionate. Up until the past few years when her he…

It hasn't hit me yet

Tessa is dying. I’m still kind of in shock because while she’s been on a steady decline for a while, it’s easy to deny that the end is ever right around the corner. Only this time, it is.

I only just found out last night how poorly she’s been doing. If my parents don’t call the vet today as an emergency, she will have to go in tomorrow.

It was my last chance to see her again but I have chosen not to go over. I feel terrible not being there, but I also think I’ve made the right choice. I do feel really, really badly that I’m not going, but…I’d have to take Andrew, and I don’t want him to have to witness it all. Especially the state that my mom is in. It’s not a good situation over there, and she’s going to be totally freaking out and for him to have to deal with that would be hard. For me to have to try to shelter him from it would be impossible. I just don’t know what I can really do, what’s happening is happening whether I’m there or not.

I’ve said my goodbyes to Tessa, I’ve …

Me time...for the moment!

James has taken Andrew out to run around so I can have a bit of a break. When they first left I had a nice hot bubble bath and even used a special facial cleanser that made my skin sooo soft and I put lovely smelling lotion on after and I feel so refreshed now. It was a nice treat after a long day, given that I was awake around 5:30 this morning.

I’m listening to Matthew Good’s Vancouver album and I can’t believe how much I forgot how PERFECT his voice is. OK, I never really forgot, but while I do put ‘my’ music on from time to time, the usual circulation around here is The Wiggles, Raffi, more Wiggles, more Raffi. Throw in a little Bobs & Lolo and music from Yo Gabba Gabba, and…well, you get the drift.

For the record (no pun intended!) we do play our music for Andrew, we don’t keep him reserved to just kid-friendly stuff. He loves to dance to all sorts of songs and doesn’t mind hearing different types of music. We’ve played our own playlists since day one of his life (literal…

Play time fun

I’m so tired of this rain. Enough already! Summer only lasts for so long, we should be out enjoying it right this second. But while it isn’t cold, the rain is keeping us indoors.

We did get out this morning to Andrew’s play group. It was fun, he really enjoyed the sing-a-long. He’s the oldest kid at this particular group so while all the moms and their little babies sit in a circle, he goes into the center of the circle and looks at everyone as they sing. Then when we all clap and cheer at the end of each song, he grins and either screams a little (out of happiness) or claps with us. He’s quite the (vegetarian) ham!

He’s almost too old for this group now, so we’re probably going to start going to one that is ages 0-5, with most kids apparently being in the 1-4 age group. Because of how interactive Andrew likes to be, the woman leading our current group recommended we try out this other one. So next week that will be our new thing to try.

Its been good lately, despite the weather…

Row, row, row your boat...

I guess it’s sort of true that since becoming a mother, I really haven’t ever done much, if anything, for myself. I’m not talking about occasionally going out and buying some new clothes, or getting together with someone for a meal or drinks (although that, too, happens only once in a blue moon these days).

It’s been a really long time since I took a class or did something that was just for me out of personal interest. Time and money have been issues for a long time. Both are still issues, although there’s no reason why I can’t get a few hours to myself, especially on the weekend. Money will probably always be an issue, or at least until we are making a dual income again.

But when I saw people taking a rowing class during one of our walks along the sea wall and mentioned to James that trying rowing is on my ‘Bucket List,’ he said I should look into it. Hearing the price scared me off a bit, but we talked about it and I’ve decided to sign up for a weekend class this summer.


An off day

Today all of a sudden I got super sick. It could have been something I ate. I don’t know. But I was so sick, I sort of became delirious. When I started feeling dizzy and really out of it, I let James know what was going on and he was able to come home a bit early. Thank gawd. It was tough because it happened to be a day where Andrew decided he didn’t want to nap, and he didn’t understand what I was saying when I told him repeatedly, ‘Mommy’s not feeling well and needs to lay down.’ He sobbed outside the bathroom door when I closed it on him to go throw up (but I thought it was a better alternative to having him watching over my shoulder!)

I knew things were pretty bad when I ran a bath but couldn’t for the life of me remember how to stop it running. Seriously, I just stood there for a few seconds staring at the bathtub with no clue as to how to stop it. That was a little scary!

But after throwing up 3 more times I started feeling better and now I think it has passed. Not sure …

Boy's first haircut!

Today we took Andrew for his VERY FIRST HAIRCUT.

I kept putting it off because to me he’s still a little baby and how could he possibly be such a big boy ALREADY as to need a haircut?! Not to mention that every single lock of his gorgeous blond hair is precious to his Momma!

But a few people told me it looked like he had a little baby-mullet. And yesterday when he was on the swing at the park, as adorable as he is no matter what, I realized I could no longer deny that the baby-mullet was indeed what he was sporting. No offence meant to anyone here, but I personally am not a big fan of the mullet. A baby can get away with it for a while but I think being mullet-free is a better alternative for anyone.

So I ran my hands through his hair this morning one last time, and off we went to the Lonsdale Quay in North Van to get his first trim.
They have one of those kid salons where they sit in a little car or train to have their hair done. It’s obviously a novelty – who knew it would cost TW…