Showing posts from March, 2010

Mr Cheesie Head

On Friday, James brought home some Cheesies as a treat.

Andy had a field day with his little bowl full!
He'd take them however he could get them!Nom Nom Nom!All gone!He loved his Cheesies but he must have got his fill of them, because yesterday he couldn't even look at the bag!

(Note: No, Andrew's main source of food does not come from junk such as Cheesies, it's an occasionally treat. Just clarifying so you don't think we're going to end up on Maury when Andrew's 2 because he's ballooned to 75 pounds or something...He's a healthy boy!)

Creative endeavours

I got quite sick today, I don’t know if it’s because I’ve got more than a cold or just that I’m really run down. But since getting sick I think I might be starting to feel a bit better. My throat is starting to feel itchy and I usually take that as a sign that things are mending. I sure hope so, I’m tired enough without also fighting a stupid bug.

We still probably won’t be going to Andrew’s swim lesson tomorrow though, I don’t think I’m up for it and it isn’t good to spread those germs around at the pool if I’m still contagious. BUT my mom’s coming over in a few days and she’ll be staying at a hotel so we can use the pool there once I’m a bit better. I love taking Andrew to the pool!

I’ve been making Easter cards on the computer and got pictures printed for some friends and family. It’s so fun writing the cards as if they’re from Andrew. In them he gives little glimpses into his life, what he’s been up to, what his current favourite things are, that sort of thing. I love it, it…

I'm sorry, but I think you have the wrong number...

Wrong numbers are really bizarre. I just had someone call my cell phone and he was determined to get through to ‘Hawthorne.’ Okaaaay. I told him, ‘Sorry, you must have the wrong number’ but he was certain he did not. I told him that my name is Elizabeth and I’ve never heard of ‘Hawthorne’. He repeated the number to me that he was trying to reach, and sure enough it was mine. ‘I’m trying to reach him up there…um…err, where is it where you’re at?’ I told him Vancouver and he sounded shocked. He didn’t tell me where Hawthorne was supposed to be at, and I didn’t care to ask, but I could gather from his tone of voice it was nowhere near ‘Elizabeth in Vancouver’! He repeated my phone number again and I once again told him, yes, that was the number, but it wasn’t leading him to Hawthorne. ‘I’m sorry,’ I said, ‘But I really think you have the wrong number!’ He mumbled a bit and was about to protest again that I must be hiding Hawthorne somewhere but thought better of it and just hu…

It's Saturday

While Andrew is napping with his Daddy, I have a little time to myself. Aaaahhh =)

I’m so glad that we opted not to travel to the island this weekend. Yesterday I felt pretty awful with the cold coming on, and today it has hit me pretty strong. So I know we did the right thing not going.

We watched a movie last night with Larry David called ‘Whatever Works’- it was good. Too lazy to post the link but it’s worth checking out (if you like Woody Allen movies, that is!) It was quirky and silly, with a lot of funny moments.

Andrew went to bed (his crib) but woke up a few minutes after James and I went to bed, so instead of bringing him to us we both got up again and watched some 30 Rock (season 3) while I nursed the boy back to sleep. We’re really trying to cut out the sleeping with us all night thing. Especially with me being sick, I don’t think it’s good for him to be wedged in between us, me breathing on him all night. Not to mention I sleep horribly when I have about 4 inches of b…

It's never a good time for a cold

I’m supposed to be napping right now. James came home at noon and has taken Andrew out to get some groceries and spend some time away so I can have quiet sleep time. Only I lay down and my chest gets this horrible feeling and I can’t function even to sleep so I have to get up again =( I’m getting a cold most likely, it’s not actually in my lungs. But for some reason whenever I’m getting sick I get this weird indescribable feeling in my chest at the beginning. The only way I can put it is that it feels like my body is fighting the virus and what I am feeling is the war taking place. It’s not pretty, nor fun.

We were supposed to be heading to Victoria tonight to spend the weekend at James’ dad’s house. We were looking forward to it, I was especially excited to see Andrew spending time with his Papa and Grandma B, who he hasn’t seen since his birthday on new year’s eve. But there’s no way I could travel feeling this way, nor would it be fair to be spreading the germs around to e…

On death and dying

I’m terrified of spiders and cringe at the mere thought of rats. But nothing in this world frightens me more than death.

The permanence of death is so scary to me. If you make a mistake (unless it’s a fatal one), you have the opportunity to try again. If you have an off day, you can hope for a better tomorrow.

But what happens if and when that tomorrow never comes? It scares me so much when I think about how one day every single one of us will be dead. Death does not discriminate, it gets us all in the end.

Other people’s deaths or the thought of loved ones dying is really hard for me to think about. I have lost a few people in my life who I was really close to and it was extremely hard. I wish I could safely say I’d never have to go through that again, but I know that unless I die first (which isn’t a good scenario either!), I will have to face it numerous times over.

I had never given death TOO much thought, till one day my dad and I were talking about something and he said how c…

Just a little bit of time for me would be nice...

More than ever I am finding myself wishing I had more time just for ME, to myself. I don’t know what it is, am I burning out? I just feel so tired, both physically AND mentally. I need a break but it seems to me that there’s no such thing as a break when you’re a mom.

I love Andrew so much and have tons of fun with him and at the end of every day I smile because he is so beautiful and precious and amazing. But I can’t deny that I am struggling in some ways, just in trying to keep up with the amount of energy he has and the amount of attention he demands. I sometimes find myself getting short fused and it’s not at him but just because I want to sit down and close my eyes or just BE and not have to deal with the whining and crying for this that and the other ALL THE TIME. Most of the time I’m pretty good at taking it all on, (and luckily Andrew is a fairly easy going baby so he’s not super fussy!) it’s just occasionally that I find myself getting this burnt out feeling where I get …

Andrew's first busker sighting...and other stories

Last night the washer stopped draining. I couldn’t take the clothes out sopping wet and put them into the dryer so I had to just leave them soaking in the machine. We have an online system with our building, so I logged on and put in a request for maintenance. That was probably around 9pm last night. By 2:30 this afternoon, the washer was fixed! (A sock had got lodged in the drain, an easy fix for someone with know-how). I love that about our building – they are really on top of making sure things are working and things that aren’t are fixed in a timely manner. In my opinion, they really go above and beyond.

Today Andrew and I went to Black’s and got a bunch of pictures developed. Some for his new album (his first year album is of course full!) and some to send to family. Andrew loves to look at pictures and point at people he recognizes in the photos as we say their names (and his, since let’s face it, he’s in 99% of the pictures!!) It’s a great learning tool because you c…

oh, what i could with another hundred square feet (or so)!

Last night I was feeling sort of blah. When I get in that type of mood, one of my favourite things to do is clean and rearrange.

It’s hard to do much differently in our apartment in terms of furniture layout since it’s such a small space. I miss the roominess of our first apartment together (2 apartments ago) because I had a lot of space to work with in the living room AND both bedrooms. Yes, it had 2 bedrooms! AND 3 full sized closets AND a big storage closet all in the unit. Sigh. I love living downtown, and I know the perks we have (location, in suite laundry, fairly new building) are trade-offs. One day in the not-so-distant future we’ll be venturing back to the ‘burbs to seek out larger accommodations. But I do love our place despite the smallness of it…so I have to work around that when I get that urge to rearrange.

I put the couch against the window and it opens the room up a bit, although it doesn’t work super well with the tv unit – which can’t be moved…I’ve decided to …

Doing stuff

I don’t know how much time I have before the boy is up. He’s been napping for 2 hours now! I expect he’ll be up any minute. He had the first of his next set of swim lessons this morning and didn’t nap on the way home as he usually would, so it’s no wonder he’s so tuckered out!

We’ve been getting out and doing stuff and I’ve been meaning to write it all down but every time I sat down with a new Word document open, I’d start a sentence and then close the program. I guess I just haven’t been in the mood to write.

On Friday we went to a mom and tots swim meet up. At the pool where we go for lessons, I just thought it’d be fun to go when it was a scheduled group. Sometimes in the lessons people don’t talk to each other a whole lot, whereas if the reason you’re going is to meet up with other moms and babies, it makes sense the people there would be a little more chatty. I saw some moms and babes who I’d met months and months back at our community centre meet ups so it was fun to see ho…

Back from the island once again

(Written last night)

I’m beyond tired. I hate it when it gets to this point and it’s late evening but Andrew is still wired and wanting more play time.

We just got back from visiting my parents for a few days, so I’ve left the room, James can deal with the boy for a while. He had a few nights to himself so it’s only fair!

Taking Andrew on the ferry on my own is E-X-H-A-U-S-T-I-N-G! We sat, tops, for 5 minutes during the whole trip (till the bus ride home, that is). He is go go go from the moment we park the stroller till the moment I force him back into it to get off the ship.

At least with the weather being nicer (we had sunshine going over and coming back), we were able to spend a lot of time outside on the outer deck. Andrew loves it out there. And I like it better than walking around inside because it’s more spacious, and it’s different than our usual. Plus, chasing him around makes me sweat but when we go outside (since it’s still a little on the cool side) my body temperature…

It's amazing the difference a year makes!

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

It's hard to believe it was a whole year ago that my little munchkin experienced his first St. Patty's Day.

Here he was then:
And this was Andrew today:
It was fun looking back on his pictures from a year ago. I remember that day like it was yesterday. It's hard to believe he was only a few months old then, barely able to sit up in his Exersaucer. And this year he spent the day running around the house getting into everything he could!

He might be bigger now, but he's still my baby =)
I wonder if I'll be able to convince him to wear his little green hat again next year?!

An early spring

Instead of wallowing in the bit of blah I'm feeling tonight, I decided to look at some recent pictures I took during some of our outings. Here are a few of my faves:
We live in such a beautiful area, I feel so lucky to have this scenery so close to my fingertips.And of course I am delighted to have this boy at my fingertips!We discovered this cool mirror thing that makes everything near it seem enlarged. Andrew was taken by it, but even more so loved how the medal grate under his feet made so much noise when he walked on it!He was very upset when we forced him to leave that to cheer him up again, we took him to the playground nearby.He absolutely LOVES the swings, and had fun swinging alongside this cute little boy who kept smiling at us. He was just as pleased as Andrew to swing away the afternoon!Andrew was so into swinging that when Daddy tried to lift him out to give another toddler a go at it, he gripped the handles with all his might in resistance!

I might feel gl…

Some time to relax

So where did I leave off last night? Oh yeah, James and I got to go on a date yesterday! We left at the perfect time too, right after Andrew had nursies and went down for his afternoon nap. We figured he’d be out for an hour, since that would be his usual routine (although fairly often lately he’s been napping a little longer than that in the afternoon).

Off we went to Voda at the Loden Hotel on Melville. Gawd, that hotel is amazing. I’ve never seen one of the rooms but the lobby is so posh and the hotel staff are super friendly. The bathrooms are also very classy. I love it! I think it’s a very pricey hotel and obviously we’d never stay there since we live in the area but still, it’s fun to go to the lounge for drinks and appies once in a while. Which is also quite pricey BUT we got a $100 gift certificate from my bro and s-i-l for Christmas, so we were there to use that up.

The drinks are to die for, seriously such good cocktails. My favourite was the Glassy Junction, whic…

It’s 11:11, make a wish.

Dang, I just remembered we lose an hour tonight. Just what I need, when I was just saying how there aren’t enough hours in the day. Oh well, getting more sunlight is always nice, once we adjust to the time change. Which I don’t see being such a big deal for those of us who understand it but I’m a bit concerned what this is going to mean for Andrew…Going to bed an hour later and getting up an hour earlier doesn’t really work for me….

Last night James took the ‘3am shift’. Totally unusual that James gets up with Andrew in the night, its only happened a handful of times in his life. He had told me through the day that since we’re really trying to not let Andy into our bed till at least 5-6am, he would take the 3am shift if I wanted, thinking it might help get the ball rolling on Andrew sleeping in the crib better if Momma isn’t always the one going to him. Anyone watch Modern Family? I am Cam, always wanting to run to my baby at the first sound of a cry! lol

Anyway…we’d already bee…

I wish I could just live in my own little bubble world for a while

I’m going to try to convince my bro and s-i-l to look after the boy for a while sometime this weekend so James and I can have a little date. For some reason it’s really feeling as if it’s catching up to me that we rarely have time to ourselves.

I think I’m really getting bogged down by everything that’s going on around me. I wish so much that even just for a little while I could just be looking after myself, Andrew, and James without having stress from other people added into the mix. I know that’s not possible, and I know that everyone has issues in their families or what have you…But I also know it has got to be natural to feel a tad resentful about it once in a while.

It’s enough trying to deal with V dying, which I know anyone who reads this regularly is probably sick of hearing about. But it’s just so hard to accept. I know James is feeling it more than he lets on but there just isn’t time to deal with it. When he talks about work, all I can think about is V and how he’s gone…

I can't think of an appropriate title for this post

(Written last night)

I’m going to start reading ‘The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society’ next. I got it for my birthday. I’ve read a few pages and I’m finding it interesting already.

I want to try to make more of a habit of going to bed a bit earlier than I normally would and read a bit before going to sleep. I feel better when I’ve read than if I just zoned out watching some lame show on tv. And even though I’m exhausted when I go to bed, not being a great sleeper ever in my life I do find it hard to drift off. Reading helps to shut down my usual thought process and I find I fall asleep MUCH faster. I’ve been creating this new pattern over the past week and so far I’ve stuck with it most nights so I’m pretty happy about that. Baby steps, but hey, whatever it takes!

I have other motivations as well, but I think James’ boss dying really kind of slapped me in the face and reminded me that time is of the essence. If I’m going to do things, there is no time like the pre…

Motivated, but to do what?

There are so many things that I want to do, I just have to find the time to do it all. We all feel that way, I know! There just aren’t enough hours in the day, at least not enough where we’ve got the energy to do all the things our minds desire.

I finally finished reading The Time Traveler’s Wife. Gawd, what’d it take me, like a year?! Not quite, but I think I bought the book last September and that’s a long time to get through a book. I kept putting it down and not going back to it for a long time. It’s not a good book to do that with, because it’s so all over the place with the dates and (obviously) time travels, so if you haven’t read it and are going to, I’d recommend sticking with it and reading it in a much shorter amount of time than me! Of course, I’d pretty much say the same for any book…but still.

It’s hard to find the time to read around here, unless of course it’s a board book. I read plenty of those every day! Andrew’s current fave is a pull-the-flap book about Spo…

A mixed bag

It’s so hard for me to sneak time away. And I mean literally ‘sneak’ as I have to try to get into the bedroom and close the door before Andrew hears or sees that I am going. I started using my laptop and it sounded like he was still enthralled with a show so all was well…then all of a sudden he seemed to notice Momma was gone and now he’s just wailing and won’t stop no matter what James does to try to distract him. I love that he loves his Momma but it’s hard not ever getting a break (without feeling totally guilty for upsetting him!)

I feel like issues are arising with the m-i-l again, which right now is truly the last thing I need. There is enough stress given my own family issues, James’ boss dying and the implications of that on his job…We don’t need to go down this road again where his mom isn’t happy with us.

Here’s the deal: She’s planning a trip out in May because she wants to see Andrew (the last time she was here was November and that was when she met him for the first …

Rest in Peace, V. You will be missed.

James is home from San Francisco. He didn’t get back till after 2am and had to go into work this morning but at least he’s back.

The memorial went as memorials go…sad, but what can you do. James of course knew V as his boss, so he said it was interesting getting more of a sense of who he was outside of that role. They did spend some time hanging out during the times when James was in California for work, but of course the majority of their time was spent doing work related things and talking shop. V was a kind and generous soul though, and it sounds to me like that really came across in what people were saying about him at his funeral.

It was an open casket funeral though…which totally freaks me out more than I could ever express. So glad I didn’t have to see that. James wasn’t particularly happy to have seen it, I think it was quite disturbing for him. There was a great blown-up picture of V beside the casket and I think that would have been nicer to focus on than the body.

I k…

Kids say the darndest things!

Still very blah, especially knowing that right this minute (11:15am) V’s memorial is taking place. I’ve been doing my best to keep busy with cleaning and playing with Andrew. If I sit idle for any length of time, I just get fixated on the fact that V is dead and I can’t focus on anything else. I am constantly shaking my head, asking why. I still can’t believe it.

But anyway, I know I have to mush on and so I will.

On a lighter note, here are a few tidbits of Andrew’s cuteness:

Yesterday James and I were sitting on our bed talking about stuff and Andrew was playing with some of his toys that I put in my cedar chest in the bedroom. He pulled out a Christmas box (not a toy, but was in amongst his things) and I was watching him play as James and I talked. He was babbling away to the box, then he pointed at Santa Claus and said, ‘Ho Ho Ho!’ It was SO cute! My mom had taught him to say Ho Ho Ho when asked what Santa says, but she hadn’t shown him a picture of Santa or anything. So I h…

It feels like our world is turned upside down

It has been tough around here the past few days. This morning we got out for a bit of a walk, picked James up the world’s smallest tube of toothpaste so he wouldn’t have to check his bag for his trip. We’re still in total disbelief. If you’d told me a week ago that James would be flying to California for his boss’ funeral this weekend, I wouldn’t have believed it for a second.

I am totally in denial, I keep thinking he’s going to call and everything will go back to normal. James spent many a day on the phone to him, hours and hours talking to him. It’s so hard to believe they will never speak again.

It’s the lack of closure in not ever getting the chance to say goodbye. One minute chatting about what work needs done for when, then never hearing from him again. It’s SO SAD. There’s no way around that, or this feeling of loss and mourning.

I wish I could have gone with James, just to be his moral support. If I feel this sad, I can only imagine how it is for him, since he was so …

A little bit of 'us' time

My bro and s-i-l did a great job looking after the boy last night so James and I could go out. We were out for 2 hours, maybe slightly longer. Doesn’t sound like a long time but when you’re not used to looking after a toddler, it can seem long. They had a good time though and Andrew was very well behaved for them. In fact, anyone who ever looks after him says he’s a little gem who, if he’s doing something wrong and they say no in a gentle voice, he stops doing it. We’re beginning to wonder who this little Tasmanian devil is that WE see and why he isn’t that way when we’re not around?! Because gentle or yelling or anything in between – he doesn’t listen when WE say no!

James and I were in a very sombre mood but we made the most of our time to just sit and reflect together. We just can’t think about anything other than V. Still reeling. HOW CAN HE BE DEAD? It just isn’t right, it doesn’t make sense, it can’t be. But it is, and we’re trying to deal with it however we can. I ho…