Showing posts from February, 2010

It's hard to believe it's already over

Way to go, Canada! It was an exciting hockey game today, with Canada taking the Olympic gold medal in overtime. Even though it was such a close game, I was sure we had it when there was less than a minute left in the game and the score was 2-1. I couldn’t BELIEVE it when the US team scored a goal in the last 30 seconds! I found myself literally biting my knuckles during overtime but thank goodness for Bobby Lou’s saves and Sid the Kid’s winning goal! It was an intense game, but great to see Team Canada receiving their gold medals.

We could hear a lot of cheering and horn honking going on outside, so we got Andrew sorted and went out for a walk along the sea wall. It was buzzing out there, and we weren’t anywhere near where all the main action was! We took Andrew to the little park nearby and he had fun playing on the swings, slide and checking out the rest of the playground.

We didn’t stay out long because we wanted to get home in time to get some stuff done and have an early s…

Pillow talk

Today we went out in search of new pillows and a new comforter. We found the pillows but the blanket will have to wait. It was way too insane downtown. We tried going into The Bay, but then I remembered that the elevators are in the Olympic store zone – which if you ask me wasn’t very well thought out. We’d be able to bypass the line up to get to the elevator but just to get to the spot to do that would have taken forever. Stupid, stupid! I am kind of looking forward to getting our city back.

I like the new pillows, though I’m wondering if they might be a bit too ‘soft.’ They really sink in when you put your head down on them but maybe that’s a good thing as my last one was too firm and I was starting to get slight headaches. I’m blaming them on the pillow, but really who knows. It’s difficult picking out a new pillow because it’s not like you can really test it out in the store. Yet it’s something you’re going to rely on quite a bit. I don’t like to spend a lot of money on …

Olympic fervour

Tonight we went out to have a look at the cauldron at night. It’s all lit up blue and looks blue-tiful! lol Seriously, I love it. Not enough to stand in line for HOURS to get up to the level above it to look down, but enough to want to stand there in the pouring rain and just stare. It really is breathtaking. I love the sound it makes, the burning of the flame. Even in the rain it gives me a cozy feeling that’s hard to explain.
I am really surprised by how into the Olympics I actually got. I was so dead set against it, seriously I was all over the idea of protesting – not that I was planning to do so myself, because, well, I just wasn’t going to do that. But I was very negative about the whole thing. Till the day of the Opening Ceremonies arrived and I just felt the excitement. It’s almost as if you could smell it in the air! I watched more Olympic television this past few weeks than I’d like to admit. I couldn’t help myself!
And Canada has done so amazingly well, I’m proud…

Finding perspective

I love my mom. She’s a wonderful person, so kind, caring, gentle, generous. She is such a giving person, she has a big heart. Never once in my life have I felt unloved because she always reminds me how much I mean to her. She has always been a best friend in my life. We’ve always been very close.

I think that makes it all the more difficult dealing with the fact that she is severely depressed. It’s hard watching her go through this, the issues of self-hatred and absolute sadness. It’s hard because I know how deserving she is of happiness, and yet she can’t seem to see it.

Her depression isn’t a new thing. She’s suffered from it her whole life. It really came to a head when her father died and a lot of things from the past seemed to come to the forefront. That was 1994, and the next couple of years would prove to be very difficult ones. In 1996 her grandmother (who she was very close to – as was I) died and that was also a hard time. A hard time when things were already sti…

Our small space

I’m so tired, the boy is really exhausting me. He’s so high energy it’s ridiculous.

Since I’ve been at my parents’ house, he’s been sleeping in the bed with me. His internal clock always goes off between 7-8am…I of course would prefer the latter end of that but it’s usually closer to 7. He sits bolt upright and makes a little noise to wake me up. I open my eyes and he grins at me and starts whipping his head around to look at everything. What can I get into first, is what I figure he’s thinking. Then he starts standing on the bed, then flips himself down, and starts the process over.

He gets a diaper change and then plays around with the cupboards in the bathroom while I use the washroom, put my contacts in, etc. In some ways I wish we had a bigger space at home but in others I want to remind myself that a small space can be good for containing a baby. He gets into everything and of course wants to run around everywhere…at least at home I know where he is no matter where he go…

Ballet update

I decided to scan some old photos while visiting my parents and going through old things.Interestingly, given the post I wrote recently about my experience with ballet , I found pictures from those performances.
I asked my mom if I ever mentioned to her how upset I was that I was chosen to be a spider instead of Little Miss Muffet.Apparently that’s all my parents heard about from the time I found out till the time our performance was complete.I was both angry and upset that I had to play a spider and it only added insult to injury when my spider legs fell apart just as I was going on stage.
Oh well…it was an experience nonetheless!
I was a spider when I was 5, Strawberry Shortcake when I was 4:
Here is the group shot of all of us spiders and Miss Muffets. I blacked out the other girls' faces for their privacy...but hopefully you can still get a sense for the prim and properness of the girls in front, most especially the twins in the middle. Even my mom mentioned when I was discussi…

A wish for your life

Dear Andrew,

I hope so much that you are able to find peace and happiness in your life.

When your father and I were contemplating whether or not to have children, we had to weigh the pros and cons of bringing another person into the world. It can be difficult out there, bad things do happen. We had to decide whether or not we thought the good times would outweigh the bad – otherwise, what’s the point, right?

Obviously we decided it was (and is) worth it to live, that the good times should and can be plentiful beyond the bad (and I will do everything in my power to help make sure it is that way for you). Yes, you will face hardships. It’s guaranteed as part of living. But you can look at those times as challenges. Things you have to face for whatever reason (and I personally believe there generally is a reason for things) but that can help to build your character and make you stronger.

Please always remember how much you are loved. Remember that it takes less muscles to smile than…

So much weight

I’m feeling trapped and a whole slew of emotions right now. But very, very trapped.

I feel like so much is put on my shoulders that probably shouldn’t be. I feel like so much is expected of me and I have to take on way more than I can handle. I feel like I’m going to explode in the present, though I am remaining as calm as I can.

I just about called 911 and I was going to do it, too. It wasn’t just a threat, I would have done it. But she insisted that I not. However I feel torn because moments before she convinced me not to, she told me that she’s going to kill herself, that IS what’s going to happen and that’s just the way it’s going to be.

So what am I supposed to do? Have such threats been uttered before? Yes. More than a couple of times. But does that make this any less serious to me? No. You know why? Because the situation has only escalated over the years and it’s worse now than it ever has been.

I yelled to her as she was on her way out the door that something has to c…

It's time to purge

I feel blah.

In some ways good, just kind of emotional(ly drained).

I’ve been going through old stuff in my closet at my parents’ house. Since I’m spending a bit of time here (a week-ish), I’ve decided to finally take this opportunity to do a purge of my old stuff. I’ve gone through my junk and treasures numerous times and scaled back but it was always a rushed job and I never properly organized anything. I don’t have much, other than a box of stuffed animals (that Andrew can play with when he’s here) it’s just one big bin that I have to go through. It might not sound very daunting, but to me it is. It’s pretty much all papers – old journals, school work, report cards, letters, greeting cards, pictures and so on. It’s all stuff that brings back memories, good and bad. A lot of the stuff is like, awww I remember when…But there are other things that cause my chest to feel heavy. I am getting rid of those things. Why hold onto things that harbour bad feelings?

Sometimes I resist …

Will you be mine?

On Sunday (Valentine’s Day) we took Andrew to the playground to run around. He absolutely loved it. He went on the swings and did lots of giggling the higher we pushed him. He went on the slide and ran around, curiously watching the other kids play.From there we walked along to Stanley’s Pub & Grill and we were able to sit outside (that’s how mild it was, sitting outside in February to eat at a restaurant that doesn’t have outdoor heat lamps!) It was great, James and I shared a veggie burger and Andrew had some fries (and banana that we brought for him, oh yes and goldfish cheese crackers).
He likes to mimic us so he wanted to dip his fries in ketchup, but the ketchup happened to be very vinegary (even we were having a hard time with it). So he screwed up his face and then had to dip the fries in SOMETHING so we let him dip them in a glass of water. He was quite pleased with himself each time he dipped. I told him when we’re sitting outside that’s one thing but he’s not dip…

What could have been

Sometimes I wonder what I would have done in life if I’d been pushed more when I was younger. Not to say that I can’t still do things that interest me – it’s not too late for everything – but there are some things that, let’s face it, just aren’t going to happen now.

Some kids are thrown into every ‘extra curricular’ imaginable as a young child. They’re in gymnastic, learning to play the piano, t-ball, soccer, other sports, dance. The list goes on.

When I was four years old, my parents put me in ballet lessons. At the end of the first year, we did a performance as Strawberry Shortcake. (Yes, I was around when Strawberry Shortcake first came out). We have the performance on VHS (to date myself a little further – I can just hear Andrew asking one day not all that long from now, What’s VHS?!) and it’s so pathetic it’s cute. None of us really knew what we were doing, and forgive me for having forgotten every ballet term besides maybe the pirouette but we all just kind of stood ther…

Action in the city

We had a big day today, lots of walking around, checking out the excitement in the city. It started off when we looked out the window to see W Georgia all blocked off with police cars, police getting their shields on. Suddenly hundreds of protesters came down the street, intermixed with lines of officers. A lot of the protesters were dressed completely in black, including masks for anonymity. It was really creepy to me. A line of them were carrying a ladder, which they would use to fend off the officers if it came down to it. I’d never seen anything like it so close up!

We were getting ready to head out to see the cauldron lit at the convention centre, so we decided to boot it and go check out the action. It was crazy. Police with shot guns drawn, people getting arrested, a lot of yelling. It all made me very angry. Angry at the protesters, not because of the Olympics. As it turns out, they also vandalized The Bay downtown by breaking windows.

These people are protesting th…

Olympic Fever

OK, not really. I don’t have Olympic Fever. But I definitely enjoyed the Opening Ceremonies. In fact, after getting home from seeing Arnold in the Torch Relay in the morning, I was really feeling the whole Olympic vibe. I put CTV on and watched more of the relay and listened to the news about all the goings on in the city. An impromptu Barenaked Ladies concert, a zipline running over Robson Square, thousands of people milling about on the streets. It was an exciting lead up to the Opening Ceremonies, I must say.

It was sad to hear about the tragic death of luger Nodar Kumaritashvili. What I found terribly disturbing was that they actually broadcast his last run at it, and his crash. There was a warning that the video would contain disturbing images but I honestly didn’t expect to see the actual accident taking place. Not only is it completely unnecessary for the public to see that, but imagine how awful it would be to be a friend or family member of the young man and to foreve…

Vancouver 2010

Despite the fact that I knew the Olympics were coming to Vancouver, I haven’t really posted anything about it (till now). Mostly because I’ve been bitter about it, a believer that the billions of dollars spent on this 2 week event could have been put to much better use in the city. If I’d had a vote, I most definitely would have given it a big fat NO.

But the Olympics are here, whether good or bad. I know people who are sticking to their guns, arms crossed over their chests, blinds closed, not venturing out to get a taste for what it’s all about. I thought all along I would be one of those people, but when all is said and done the way I see it is, it’s happening and we’re paying for it, so why not embrace it at least to some degree? Andrew and I will still escape to the island in a few days to get away from it all for a while, since we don’t really need to be here for the entire duration. But I must say, it doesn’t hurt to get out there and feel like you’re a part of something. …

What's under YOUR fridge?

How often do you clean underneath your fridge? Or take everything out of your fridge, do a proper wipe-down of the interior, before putting everything back (that’s deserving of it)?

I feel like I don’t do this nearly often enough. Occasionally I’ll do a good clean of the inside of the fridge but very rarely do I pull the fridge out and clean underneath it. Out of sight, out of mind, right?

When we were moving from our last apartment, I had to do this job as part of the checklist of what needs cleaned before you hand in your keys. It was pretty grotesque what I found under there. I’m not even going to describe it here, it was that bad. I vowed that in our new place, I’d be more diligent about the cleanliness of our fridge and surrounding area.

But about two weeks after we moved, I got pregnant! And it wasn’t long after that I was faced with severe morning sickness and other pregnancy issues (not handling smells well, tiredness, etc) that kept me from the chore of cleaning under t…

My clever monkey

I’m on the lookout for some sort of small, plush toddler chair. I had Andrew’s old high chair (the one that’s just a seat meant to be attached to a regular chair) on the floor and he immediately went and sat on it to watch tv! Since then he has taken to sitting on a cardboard box (that the GD Tass order came in!)
If I put his umbrella stroller in the living room while I get things sorted for an outing, he sits on that.
He’s obviously telling me something. Mommy, I want a chair that’s my size! I looked at Sears, The Bay, and went to Toys R Us online.

Why is it always the way that when you decide you want something, you can’t find it anywhere? I even tried Craigslist and there’s nothing! Oh well, the cardboard box will do for now…I’ll keep my eyes peeled for something more plush and aesthetically pleasing! lol
Andrew is cuter than ever. Each and every day he gets cuter, just when I think it’s not possible for him to be any more amazing than he is now. His newest thing is ‘baby yoga…

New template

I found this awesome blog template online...Still working on tweaking it to my liking but I am loving it! Why didn't I do this before?!

Anyway, stay tuned, I still want to work on it but have to find the time to do so!

Out enjoying the sunshine

My life is in a total rut right now. But how can it not be, right? I can’t exactly ‘mix things up’ – the boy needs routine!

I wouldn’t trade having a baby for ANYTHING in this world, but I will say to those of you who don’t have kids and have absolute freedom – don’t take it for granted! Enjoy it while you’ve got it! Relish in the fact that you only have to look out for yourself and can do whatever you feel like, to some extent at least. Once you have a child, all of that changes.

That being said, I do love my routines with Andrew. Its been sunny the past few days so I’ve been taking him to the park and he’s loving it so much, I can hardly wait till spring and summer when it’ll be warmer for being outside longer.

Yesterday, after being at the park for a while, we went to the aquarium. Andrew walked most of the way there from the park, which for a boy with such short little legs, was quite a feat (feet – haha!) We saw a seal show and Andrew enjoyed playing in the kid’s area.

Today …

A birthday recap

My birthday was nice – my mom took Andrew and me to White Spot for lunch. Boy was fussy till he caught sight of 2 kids at a table nearby – from there on in he was mesmerized by them! It’s so cute how babies/kids flock to each other, like they just know they’re part of this secret club.

The afternoon was fairly uneventful, but then James and I got to have our date night. I had SO been looking forward to going out just the two of us. We decided to try out a new restaurant that opened up a few blocks away. Every time we walked past it we would comment on how funky it looked. We went a few days before my birthday to take a look at the menu and make a reservation.

So when we arrived on my birthday, I was a little surprised when they asked us what kind of table we’d like. If you make an advanced reservation for 2, wouldn’t you think they’d have a table in mind, and for that matter ready for your arrival?! We said we wanted a booth. We thought the whole restaurant was what you could s…

First day as a 30-something

My mom came over for my birthday. I didn’t want to go to the island because we’ll be going over in a little over a week and travelling with Andrew on the ferry is SO exhausting so I didn’t want to do it so much in a row. I had told my mom not to worry about coming over, that we could do a birthday celebration once we’re on the island, but she insisted on being here for my big day.

She’s never not seen me on my actual birthday, and with turning 30 she really wanted to see me. Which now, being a mom myself, I can understand. Having birthed Andrew and now having it in my mind and heart how absolutely beautiful and special his birthday is, it will be a sad day when he no longer spends it with his Momma! Which undoubtedly I know will happen…Daughters probably tend to see their moms more on their birthdays than sons…although I could be totally wrong on that. But in my family that seems to be the way of it – my brother doesn’t tend to see my mom on his birthday anymore.

So I’m 30…as of 7…

30 years young

So I’m turning 30 in 2 days.

No longer a twenty-something!

Not quite sure where all those years went. But, looking at it with optimism, I’ve still got plenty of years left to enjoy. I’m happy with where I’m at turning 30. I could look at it as some huge crisis that I’m ‘getting old’ or whatever but seriously?! There’s always going to be someone who’s older than me! And 30 isn’t very old when you look at the average human life span =)

In fact, I’d like to think my 30s will be my best years yet. I have pretty well accomplished everything I had wanted to by the time I was 30. I found the love of my life while I was still in my teens (18), got my degree in Criminology in my 20s (26), got married to the love of my life shortly after (27), and was adamant that I wanted to start a family by the time I was 30 – preferably with baby being born by the time I was 29. Well, Andrew was born just a little over a month before my 29th birthday.

In my twenties I moved a couple of times (Burnaby …

One tired Momma

I am never too thrilled when the monitor goes off, Andrew in full fledged cry mode. But it’s not as bad on nights when he has a quick feed, drifts back to sleep, and willingly goes back to his crib. This is not one of those nights unfortunately.

No, this is instead one of the all-too-frequent nights of him feeding, falling back to sleep, but as soon as I put him down in his crib he wakes with a start, sits up, freaks out if I don’t pick him up again.

Then he’ll fall asleep immediately in my arms, but if I try to put him down again, all hell breaks loose.

He’ll sleep on the couch beside me (as he’s doing now) but in the crib on his own? Noddachance.

It’s so frustrating for me because I end up feeling so beat by mid-morning/early afternoon. Yesterday we had swimming in the morning and while he napped when we got home I felt sooooo draaaaiiiiiined physically, I couldn’t do a damn thing. I napped for about 20 minutes but the problem is I have a hard time sleeping during the day, even tho…

A peace building approach

As I know I’ve mentioned before, it’s hard to find the time to both write about Andrew and his daily activities/cuteness AND write about the goings on in my own brain – other interests and tidbits of info that don’t totally involve the boy.

But I’m going to do what I can to make the effort to show the world that I am still ME, Elizabeth, a woman with interests, thoughts, concerns, desires ALL HER OWN…not just regarding the wee babe. He is always going to be tied to me and my decisions and a lot of my interests will naturally be linked to him. Which is fine, the way it should be. But I don’t want people to think that I have completely lost myself.

It’s easy to get lost behind ones own child, as it feels natural to not only put them first but just plunk them there on a pedestal and make everything all about them! And for me it was impossible NOT to do that for Andrew’s first year. And most days still for that matter (hey, cut me some slack, he only just turned 13 months yesterday!)


Me time!

(Written yesterday)

This weekend I not only had 3 hours of ‘me’ time, but also a date with my husband! Both totally rare events, and much needed.

After a big grocery shop on Saturday, James took Andrew out for a couple of hours. I was going to stay home, get a few chores done, putter about, maybe do some writing. Then I thought, NO WAY, I’ve GOT to get out of the house. If I’m at home I get into these ruts of the things I end up doing and I knew I’d do silly things like steam mop the floors and start some laundry – all things that needed doing, yes, but also things that could wait.

So I got in touch with my bro and s-i-l and we went out for drinks. I pretty much never see them anymore sans Andrew so it was nice to go out and have more ‘adult’ conversations. Not that I don’t love getting together with them and the babe, since I want them to have a strong relationship. But it sort of felt more like old times, where we used to just hang out and chat and have a little fun.

I ended up s…