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Showing posts from November, 2009

The mothers

I am so tired.

So tired of dealing with other people’s problems.

I feel like I sound selfish saying that.

Especially when one of the people I am talking about is one of the most important people in my life.

But depression is difficult not just for the person going through it, but those around them.

I am extremely affected by my mom’s illness.

She has suffered from depression her whole life. How do you fight a 57 year battle and come out on top?

I feel I am at a loss. The situation has become quite dire. Something has to happen, and fast. I have talked myself in circles for so long now and I can’t sit on the side lines anymore, watching her spiral further and further out of control.

Before I had a child of my own, I looked at the world differently than I do now. It’s hard to explain, but something changed in me when he came along. Seeing the world differently means also seeing those around me from a different perspective. I sometimes feel as though my mom is reverting back to a chil…

Getting into the Christmas spirit early

Yesterday I decorated for Christmas. Early, I know. It goes against my ‘not till December 1st’ rule. Although I am sort of looking at it that November 25th is OK because it’s exactly one month till Xmas. AND given that we won’t even be here for a week at Xmas time, it makes sense to enjoy our decorations for a bit longer!

I’m just so excited with it being Andrew’s first Christmas. I didn’t go overboard with decorating though – since I can only really put things high up what with his curious grabbing hands and all! We got a 2.5 ft fibre optic tree (to replace our old one which I LOVED but had had the bun) and it’s up and away from baby’s grasp. It was fun decorating it, putting the various ornaments on that we’ve collected over the years, as well as a few from our childhoods. It was also special putting Andrew’s first ornament on – a little snowman over a bell with his name on it. It’ll be so much fun once Andrew can be a part of the decorating, making it a tradition the way we…

Say Cheese!

Today is what memories are made of…Andrew met Santa Claus for the first time in his life! And he smiled when he had his picture taken with him =)

It was so cute. We weren’t going to get his pic done this early but we went to Park Royal to get our Xmas shopping on the go, and lo and behold Sanny Claus was already there. It seems earlier and earlier every year, but practically speaking it made sense for Andrew to get his picture done today. Once he’s old enough to know what’s going on, I want to wait till at least Dec 1st before doing such things, but for his first year, well, we just couldn’t contain ourselves!!

It wasn’t busy so Santa was just sort of hanging around so he talked to Andrew while we got him out of his stroller. Andrew was staring at him intently and started smiling at him right off the bat. He sort of furrowed his brow and looked serious for a moment, as if he was trying to figure him out. But mostly he was smiling, and once Santa was holding him on his lap for the…

Time is of the essence

So much to do, so little time.

Isn`t that just the age old sob story?!

Today I got my cedar chest out of the closet and set it back up where it used to be, by the window in our bedroom. Our place is so freaking small, it really irks me sometimes how little space we have.

I decided to organize the closet better, got all our games and things out of the cedar chest and stacked them into the closet. Now the chest can be used as another toy box for Andrew! Lets face it – he’s going to want to open it because it has a lid and it’s going to entice my curious little boy! So it has to have kid friendly stuff in it, unless I want to put a latch on it like I have on everything else (I so don’t want to have to do that!!) He’s getting a bunch of new toys for Xmas/his birthday so it’s going to make sense to have more space available. He is slowly but surely taking this place over! (Oh, alright, he already has!!)

My boy’s not the least bit spoiled.

Ha!

Anyhoo…

I was in a bit of a ‘mood’ tonigh…

Little by little, getting things done

Sometimes I make weekly lists – I make all sorts of lists, really. But I find I am most effective if I write a daily list. This, of course, doesn’t happen often – who has the time to write a list every day for what needs to be done that particular day? Especially when you’ve got a baby with grabby little hands fighting to steal the pen and paper from you!

But today I wrote a list in the morning of things I wanted to accomplish and there is only one thing left on the list of 6. Not bad when a few of the items were rather time consuming ones!

One of the things on my list was, once again, sorting and posting pictures – on FB but more importantly (for the family) on flickr. It’s such a lengthy process when you have several hundred pics to go through and when you upload them onto flickr half of them for some reason are sideways and have to be rotated and blah blah blah…

BUT…and no this isn’t ideal and not something I’d make a habit of, but it worked – I was able to multitask and read And…

Followers...

I noticed a new person is following my blog...with the initials JP. I'm curious why you've chosen to follow me since I've never received a comment from you or anything?...I'm not upset about it, I just thought I would say 'hi' and ask what brought you to my blog! :)

Kitty hair cuts

Our Tuesday mom/baby group at the community centre has been stopped ‘due to H1N1.’ As a precaution they’ve shut it down for the rest of the year, and then the centre is closed as of Jan 1 till the end of March because of the stupid Olympics. I’m really upset – I had no idea that when we went to the meet up 3 weeks ago (haven’t been since due to being in Nanaimo and having colds) it was our last time ever - because babies over a year generally don’t go to those meet-ups, since they’re for newer moms and babes. I wish I could have said goodbye to the nurses and volunteer that were always there – we kind of got to know them. And I was so excited this week because I was planning on showing off how Andrew is walking!

Ho-hum.

So yesterday morning the kitty cats were scheduled for grooming. It was an adventure for me because I had to get the two cats to the groomer, about a 10 minute walk from our apartment. Doesn’t sound like much but of course I also had to bring Andrew. Luckily it …

Table scraps

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Tonight I finally got all my scrapbook supplies out and into the dining room. Which means the table is functional for nothing else at the moment – although I’m working on getting all the supplies set up on this tray thing that used to go in the bathroom (which can’t anymore since Andrew would knock it over). That way my scrap stuff can still be in the dining room, but sort of kind of not really out of the way (hey, at least it won’t be covering the table top when I’m not using it!) It’s not ideal but it’ll be better than having to haul everything out from the cupboard thing in the bedroom every time I want to use it.

I’m so good at finding space where there shouldn’t be any left. My parents brought over all our Xmas stuff (well, most of it) since we’ll be decorating in a couple of weeks. Three banker boxes of stuff, plus our tree (thank goodness it’s a tiny one!) I honestly didn’t think it would be possible but I managed to store it all into our hall closet and it fits nice and n…

ABC's

This morning my parents looked after Andrew while James and I took a Child and Infant First Aid course. We learned how to do cpr on children and infants, as well as adults, and got first aid certified in just 3 hours. I’m glad we did it because while I hope to never have to use the skills they taught us, I feel better prepared in case of an emergency.

Andrew was so good for Gramma and Grampa. I wasn’t able to pump milk – only one ounce despite that I tried sooo many times to get more in the bottle! But interestingly, my mom said he didn’t seem interested in the bottle at all. If he’d been able to nurse at one point she thinks he would have loved to have, but the bottle doesn’t offer him the same comfort as his momma’s nipple, so he didn’t want it! It puts my mind at ease that he was good with eating some banana and having some juice and wasn’t fussing and fighting for momma’s milk the whole time. Back in the day, there is NO WAY I’d even CONSIDER going out longer than maybe even…

Here come the dramatics

So my worst nightmare (or at least one of them) has come true.

The m-i-l has booked a ticket out here. Without even discussing with us first how we actually felt about that. Without actually discussing the dates with us to make sure it is going to be at a time that works for us.

It’s 2 weeks away. And am I ready for it?

No.

Not even close.

I feel sick to my stomach. Literally. I have been pacing and stressing ever since I read her email. Which was to James – she has yet to respond to my message, despite that we sent them at the same time. I wish she’d responded to both of us in the same manner so I wouldn’t be left waiting and wondering what she’d have to say to me. I am sick of her, her issues, and every last bit of tension/stress/disappointment/sadness/anger she has caused.

I can’t ‘let bygones be bygones’ at this point in time. They aren’t really bygones at this stage. And even though you can let things that were in the past stay in the past, they’re still a part of what make…

It feels like time to cut your breaks

Not even going to bother getting into the nitty gritty of the in-law issues. I will make a long story short. James’ mother and brother are cut from the same cloth, so why would I be surprised that things have gone sour with both of them?

It’s just sad that my attempts at letting them know I care enough to want to strengthen our relationship get shot down. They are both so defensive that even saying nice things are taken as bad things and put back in my face as if I am some horrible monster. A thorn in their sides.

It really doesn’t make any sense. But I guess some people can’t handle being called on things that they seem to enjoy doing so much. My b-i-l has a habit of calling up and freaking out at us out of the blue, for ridiculous reasons. Apparently him hanging up on James after telling him to eff off even though he didn’t do anything wrong is not supposed to rub off on me. Okaaaaay. Apparently I am the bad guy. And referred to as ‘James’ wife.’ My attempt to remind him th…

So much to do, so little time

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I don’t even remember where I left off. Andrew and I were in Nanaimo till Tuesday night, now we’re back home.

Still getting over our colds – they have lasted far longer than what a cold should. Andrew has the sniffles but I think part of the reason he’s not getting rid of them is because he doesn’t know how to blow his nose! So it just stays clogged. I clean it out as best I can but it just has to run its course - it's definitely far better than it was. As for me, I keep thinking I’m on the mend, then I just seem to feel worse. It’s most likely lack of sleep that keeps me from getting better. That damn sleep issue, rearing its ugly head again…

On Monday my mom and I went to a great party supply store in Nanaimo and I’ve got the theme going for Andrew’s first birthday party! I’m excited about it, naturally. I’m going to keep it a surprise for now but I’m trying to come up with fun party ideas. My little New Years Eve baby! I know it’s a while away yet but I don’t know wh…

For days on end

I am still sick – no H1N1 here, ‘just’ a cold. But it hit me SO hard Wednesday night last week and hasn’t let up since. It just got progressively worse each day, though I think I am starting to get better now. I still have a headache and a stuffed nose and now a cough has started but that’s (sadly) ‘better’ than it’s been!

Andrew is still suffering from the sniffles as well but not nearly as bad as he was so I’d say he’ll be all better in a day or two (I hope).

Thursday Andrew and I came over to Nanaimo. I suddenly can’t remember what happened after that…I think we just hung around?! I wasn’t really up to much and if I recall correctly it was extremely stormy Thursday night. Yes, thinking about it more, it certainly was – on the ferry over they even came on the loud speaker and said it was going to be such a rocky ride that if you could stay seated the entire trip, do so. They weren’t kidding – people walking around were literally falling into the laps of those sitting in isle se…

I need rest

I thought I was fine – no sore throat today, no aches or anything. Then BAM all of a sudden tonight my nose is completely stuffed up and I clearly (or not so clearly, depending how you look at it) have a head cold. I guess I should thank my lucky stars it’s a cold and not the H1N1 flu that I’m ‘sick’ (ha) of hearing about!

But it’s super annoying since I obviously can’t have any down time, and to add insult to injury have to travel tomorrow.

But anyway, what can ya do. Oh just one more little whine about that and I’m done: It sucks that I can’t take anything for a cold. Normally I’d drug myself up with some sort of night time cold relief but since I’m breastfeeding I can’t. And even if I wasn’t breast feeding I don’t think I’d want to do it anyway because ultimately I don’t want a drug forcing me to be drowsy when I need to be ‘on’ in case my baby needs me. Gone are the days of taking pills without really thinking about it! Not that I was ever slamming back random pills but I’d e…

A huge milestone! and other tidbits

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Meet our little devilled egg :)

Andrew is full-fledged walking. Of course he still crawls most of the time, but I think that’s going to change soon enough! He took a few stumbling type steps on Halloween night and then the next day he walked 6 steps on his own before falling down. But yesterday felt like his true ‘first steps’ because he walked 10 steps into the kitchen (yes, I counted as I watched him go!) and he just stopped and stood there looking around, rather pleased with himself. He crawled around a bit, then walked back from the kitchen into the living room – that one was caught on video. It was great because James was home from work yesterday so he witnessed the whole thing. We were so excited, and I loved James’ reaction – he wanted to shout it out to the whole world that his baby boy was on the move =)

Andrew seems to have started doing a lot of things just in the past week. It’s as if his strength suddenly went up a few notches. He was already strong, but all of a su…