Monday, November 30, 2009

The mothers

I am so tired.

So tired of dealing with other people’s problems.

I feel like I sound selfish saying that.

Especially when one of the people I am talking about is one of the most important people in my life.

But depression is difficult not just for the person going through it, but those around them.

I am extremely affected by my mom’s illness.

She has suffered from depression her whole life. How do you fight a 57 year battle and come out on top?

I feel I am at a loss. The situation has become quite dire. Something has to happen, and fast. I have talked myself in circles for so long now and I can’t sit on the side lines anymore, watching her spiral further and further out of control.

Before I had a child of my own, I looked at the world differently than I do now. It’s hard to explain, but something changed in me when he came along. Seeing the world differently means also seeing those around me from a different perspective. I sometimes feel as though my mom is reverting back to a child herself and I find it difficult to deal with. I was always very defensive of her before but now…I don’t know what it is. It’s not like I’m not defensive of her to some degree. I don’t blame her for her illness. I know she’s not doing it on purpose. But eventually, enough is enough. None of us can take it anymore. But more importantly, her body can only take it so much longer.

I hate to air this type of ‘dirty laundry’ in such a public place (not that many people frequent my blog, but still). I know she wouldn’t like to have this sort of thing discussed so openly. But I’m just at a loss and I have to put it out there because this whole situation is so devastating to me.

She acts like it wouldn’t be that big a deal for us if she died. We’d just get over it. It’s not that simple though. Do you honestly think I would ever recover from her death? Most especially if she died from sadness? I would/will never recover from that.

This is not the first time it has been this bad. Although I am beginning to think this time is starting to get worse than before. When I was 14 she started going through a major meltdown, when my grandfather was dying. When I was 15 she was suicidal and one night left the house, telling me on her way out that she was going to drive away and hopefully get killed by wild animals or whatever it took. She left and I was certain I was never going to see her again. I don’t want to go down that road a second time. I fear that it would truly be the last time if it were to happen again. Not that she’d be eaten by wild animals, but put enough pills in a person and it does the same trick.

I feel so sad that it has come to this, and selfishly upset that the major spiralling began shortly after Andrew was born. Which is not to say that she isn’t in love with her grandson. And it’s not to say she doesn’t have good intentions sometimes. She loves us, but the fact that she doesn’t love herself is starting to make it so her love for us just isn’t enough anymore. If she can’t love herself, I am getting to the point that it would probably be better if she didn’t love us either. That sounds harsh but when your mom is truly one of your best friends and someone you’re used to talking to literally every day and then suddenly depression sucks the life out of them and they’re no longer then person they’ve been to you for so long…It can become too much for one person to handle. Too much for a daughter to take on.

I love my mom and I would do just about anything to help her get the help she needs. But how do you force a person to get help when they resist so often? Which is where the reverting back to a child thing comes in. It seems to me as though when I bring all of this up (and believe me, I have told her exactly how I feel – no holds barred) she becomes like a child and can’t or won’t talk about it and acts like it’s no big deal and let’s talk about it some other time or never please and thank you. It’s sad but it can also be annoying. And I hate being annoyed with my mom. It makes me feel sad.

I am just having an increasingly difficult time with all of this, what with also having Andrew to care for and the fact that I want to be positive for him (and for me) and enjoy this time we have together. I feel sad when I am having such a fun time with him and then I will get a text or email from my mom and it’s such a downer that I feel helpless and worried about her. I hate it when I call her up and get ‘the voice.’ She is so far gone that she doesn’t want to face reality and that scares me too. She doesn’t want to have to face her problems, admit to having maybe made a few mistakes along the way, even though that is perfectly normal and no one is blaming her for it. She just wants to hide her head in the sand and in turn that causes the spiralling out of control to continue on.

Literally every time the phone rings these days I wonder, is this the call telling me my mom has had a stroke or heart attack? Or is dead?

That’s the reality.

And I find it SO hard having ‘light’ conversations with her these days, talking about Andrew and what we’re up to etc. I feel like screaming sometimes. It doesn’t make sense to ‘pretend’ at all anymore.

I’m supposed to head over the next day or two and help with putting their Christmas decorations up. That feels like a farce to me. I don’t want to go and do that right now. Before I thought it was a good idea but now the idea of it makes me feel stifled. I don’t even know what to think, let alone what to do at this point. It’s all very sad.

As for the m-i-l visit. The only glitch for me is that I was told she was leaving today and it turns out she’s not leaving till Wednesday. Although if I do go to the island we’ll be saying our goodbyes to her tonight anyway. The visit all went really well and I was thinking yeah, this can work. She drives me nuts still in some ways but it’s just who she is, she can’t help it. She isn’t doing anything wrong per se, just being herself!

But last night the shit hit the fan once again between her and N (James’ brother). In a very similar fashion to what happened last Christmas. This time we handled it differently. I wasn’t involved at all and want to remain uninvolved, although I don’t know how realistic that actually is. In fact the more I think about it the more unrealistic that becomes. James has spent a bit of time with her since the blow up (which had nothing to do with him, either) and his mom was calm with him and seemed to handle things pretty well. So perhaps we can go on and pretend like it didn’t happen. But his brother totally freaked even at James, just for speaking to his mom, and that’s not cool with me. So I don’t know how long I can bite my tongue with him. Oh and he and his fiancé also used me to get to the m-i-l when I didn’t know what was going on and if I really think about that I’m pissed off about that one too!

I basically have concluded that the m-i-l can’t come out here without some sort of blow up happening and what I wish she realized and N realized as well is that their freak outs DO transfer onto us, that’s just the way it is. And where my concern lies is with Andrew. What if he was 5 years old and his Nana was supposed to be coming over for a visit (as was the plan last night) and then lo and behold she and N have their big tiff and she doesn’t show up due to those issues (as what happened last night). Andrew would be confused and sad and wondering why, once again, Nana reneged her promise of coming over to play with him. I don’t give a flying eff if she spends time with me. I don’t need her here for my benefit! But if she has the potential to hurt Andrew, she very much has the potential to get under my skin and I can’t let her disappoint my boy time and time again as I feel is going to be the case if things continue on the way they are.

But you know what? Just as my mom’s issues stem so deep and have roots in her entire history, so do the m-i-l’s. So how do you expect major change for the better when it is likely to take much intensive therapy and very hard work and a desire to change on their side to make this all work???

Oh the conundrum of it all.

I just want to live life and be happy and enjoy what I have. But it’s hard when I’m up late at night unable to get back to sleep after Andrew’s night feeds because I’m so worried about everything that’s going on around me. Something’s got to give here! And fast.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Getting into the Christmas spirit early

Yesterday I decorated for Christmas. Early, I know. It goes against my ‘not till December 1st’ rule. Although I am sort of looking at it that November 25th is OK because it’s exactly one month till Xmas. AND given that we won’t even be here for a week at Xmas time, it makes sense to enjoy our decorations for a bit longer!

I’m just so excited with it being Andrew’s first Christmas. I didn’t go overboard with decorating though – since I can only really put things high up what with his curious grabbing hands and all! We got a 2.5 ft fibre optic tree (to replace our old one which I LOVED but had had the bun) and it’s up and away from baby’s grasp. It was fun decorating it, putting the various ornaments on that we’ve collected over the years, as well as a few from our childhoods. It was also special putting Andrew’s first ornament on – a little snowman over a bell with his name on it. It’ll be so much fun once Andrew can be a part of the decorating, making it a tradition the way we put everything up together as a family. This year it was just me, taking up on the opportunity while baby slept and James was at work (since he doesn’t seem to care about being involved – although I know he will in the future when Andrew is excited about it!)

I’m wondering if Andrew is going to get too many presents this year, but…it can’t be avoided! I know his Gramma and Grampa have quite a few gifts for him already…And even though I wasn’t going to get him anything else, I found something today when we were out that I just couldn’t resist. What’s cool about it is that it folds up for travel – although the way I look at it is that it folds up for easier storage! It’ll be his very first Tonka toy! I’m so excited! I think we’ll put all his toys on a sort of ‘rotation’ so some of the things will be put away till a rainy day when he ‘needs’ something new (or, Momma needs a break so she gives him something different to play with! LOL) I know Xmas isn’t all about the presents and I DO want to teach Andrew that it’s more about spending time with loved ones, but lets face it, it’s fun to give kids prezzies! Although I do realize that Andrew’s a little young this year to really get overly excited. It’s more for us at this stage!

I just can’t believe we’re heading up to ONE YEAR since Andrew was born. Christmas is extra exciting with baby’s birthday right around the corner from it. It’s almost TOO much but we’ll figure out a way to make both occasions special in their own separate ways! It’s so funny because I remember when James and I decided we wanted to try to start a family. The only thing I was adamant about was that we not have a Christmas baby. Then I got pregnant immediately, and his due date was December 23rd! LOL But my little New Year’s Eve baby arrived and I wouldn’t trade him or his special day for any other baby or day, so it all worked out just the way it was supposed to ;)

I feel happy right now and surprisingly clear-headed. Maybe because the sun was shining for a couple of hours and it is much brighter today than it has been for a while. We’ve had so much rain lately and the days have just dragged on.

I guess I’m surprised by how good I feel because there IS a black cloud hanging very close to my head. She’s called the m-i-l and she’s in Victoria RIGHT NOW. Which is far too close for comfort. She arrives here tomorrow night and thinking about it makes me feel slightly sick with worry. OK, a little more than slightly. I’m going to be a wreck tomorrow. Luckily we’ve planned a visit with my aunt in the afternoon so she can help keep me from going insane thinking about this weekend ahead. A weekend of visiting with a person who I have nothing to say to but will have to talk to regardless. It’s going to be difficult, trying, a definite challenge. I don’t feel ready for it and I don’t think it was fair of her not to give more time. But maybe it’ll be good to get this out of the way. I guess I just have little faith that she won’t pull one of her usuals and make everyone stressed out…but I guess only time will tell, and what will be will be!

Monday, November 23, 2009

Say Cheese!

Today is what memories are made of…Andrew met Santa Claus for the first time in his life! And he smiled when he had his picture taken with him =)

It was so cute. We weren’t going to get his pic done this early but we went to Park Royal to get our Xmas shopping on the go, and lo and behold Sanny Claus was already there. It seems earlier and earlier every year, but practically speaking it made sense for Andrew to get his picture done today. Once he’s old enough to know what’s going on, I want to wait till at least Dec 1st before doing such things, but for his first year, well, we just couldn’t contain ourselves!!

It wasn’t busy so Santa was just sort of hanging around so he talked to Andrew while we got him out of his stroller. Andrew was staring at him intently and started smiling at him right off the bat. He sort of furrowed his brow and looked serious for a moment, as if he was trying to figure him out. But mostly he was smiling, and once Santa was holding him on his lap for the picture, he seemed quite content to be there with him. Awww! My little baby boy’s first picture with Santa! If I thought about it too much, I could get all choked up. I just love these firsts. I love thinking how one day he’ll look back on his pictures with Santa and smile because he looks so darn cute in them!

He’s such a good boy. We were out for about 4 hours and he didn’t cry for a second that entire time. We went through a few stores, then he nursed and fell fast asleep and slept nearly the whole rest of the time we were out. We even stopped at Milestones for lunch and he slept through it! When he woke up he was content to just look around, he didn’t make a peep on the bus ride home. He’s such a good boy to go out with. He’s so content and enjoys taking in the sights…and snoozing when it suits him! I love my darling little monkey.

In line with the spirit of Christmas (even if it IS a tad early for it!) - he is sweeter than a gingerbread house and an eggnog latte combined! =D

Friday, November 20, 2009

Time is of the essence

So much to do, so little time.

Isn`t that just the age old sob story?!

Today I got my cedar chest out of the closet and set it back up where it used to be, by the window in our bedroom. Our place is so freaking small, it really irks me sometimes how little space we have.

I decided to organize the closet better, got all our games and things out of the cedar chest and stacked them into the closet. Now the chest can be used as another toy box for Andrew! Lets face it – he’s going to want to open it because it has a lid and it’s going to entice my curious little boy! So it has to have kid friendly stuff in it, unless I want to put a latch on it like I have on everything else (I so don’t want to have to do that!!) He’s getting a bunch of new toys for Xmas/his birthday so it’s going to make sense to have more space available. He is slowly but surely taking this place over! (Oh, alright, he already has!!)

My boy’s not the least bit spoiled.

Ha!

Anyhoo…

I was in a bit of a ‘mood’ tonight. Sometimes I just get SO EXHAUSTED and I can’t find a moment’s peace. I went and had a bubble bath and I was so looking forward to it because I was using really lovely scented bubbles and the temperature was nice and hot and I got in, aaaaahhhhhhh…And then Andrew started crying outside the door and even though James was trying to play with him and keep him occupied, apparently all he could think about was how he was abandoned by his Momma. And there’s nothing worse than Momma abandoning baby to go have a bath…Because Andrew’s favourite thing is that tub! How dare I relax in there WITHOUT HIM!

I love my boy so much but sometimes I need a bit of a breather. I feel like I just want to get ONE THING done, actually FINISHED not just partially done, but it’s impossible while he’s awake. And he goes to bed so late (lately he’s not asleep till between 9-10pm) so by the time he’s out, I’m too tired to accomplish much. Or I end up staying up later than I should to have a bit of time to myself. I feel like James and I aren’t spending nearly as much time together as we should because we’re struggling to get our own stuff done in the teensy amount of time we have. We still spend time together, but it could be a bit more quality than it has been lately. It’s just the biggest challenge, this whole ‘time management’ thing.

BUT tonight Andrew went to sleep and as soon as he was relaxed and sleeping in my arms, my feeling of being overwhelmed drifted away and I just held him for a few minutes and stared at him with adoration before transferring him to his crib. He is such a sweet little boy (she says as he sleeps!) lol No really, he IS!

So after putting him to bed I managed to get our bedroom the rest of the way tidied to my liking. Got all our clothes put away and organized a few things. Still a bit to do but ‘it’ll keep’ – and it’ll have to, because I need a bit of time to relax and not think about all the chores on my to do list…

James is going to give me a foot rub now…Lets hope the boy doesn’t wake up before it happens!!

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Little by little, getting things done

Sometimes I make weekly lists – I make all sorts of lists, really. But I find I am most effective if I write a daily list. This, of course, doesn’t happen often – who has the time to write a list every day for what needs to be done that particular day? Especially when you’ve got a baby with grabby little hands fighting to steal the pen and paper from you!

But today I wrote a list in the morning of things I wanted to accomplish and there is only one thing left on the list of 6. Not bad when a few of the items were rather time consuming ones!

One of the things on my list was, once again, sorting and posting pictures – on FB but more importantly (for the family) on flickr. It’s such a lengthy process when you have several hundred pics to go through and when you upload them onto flickr half of them for some reason are sideways and have to be rotated and blah blah blah…

BUT…and no this isn’t ideal and not something I’d make a habit of, but it worked – I was able to multitask and read Andrew a few books (about 10 times each – he loves the repetition!) while simultaneously getting the pictures posted and organized! LOL It worked because they’re baby board books and don’t have a whole lot of words in them – so I’ve memorized them. He knows what’s coming as soon as I open to the first page and he grins with anticipation for the words I will say. He flips the page and I say what’s on the next page – all while I’m looking at the computer screen and occasionally at him. Again, obviously not ideal and I usually have 100% focus on him, but hey, when you’ve got to get something done!...And he was totally happy, otherwise I wouldn’t have got away with it! His favourite book is called Moo, Baa, La La La. The other (Baby Beluga) I sang to him. It’s so funny because he likes the first book the best so he would take Baby Beluga away and toss it on the floor, then pick up the other book and hand it over to me!

It’s so cute what he does now: I will say to him, ‘Andrew, go get your book. Bring it to Momma!’ and I’ll point a few times at a particular book laying on the floor away from him. He’ll look at me, then my finger, then to where it’s pointing, and in a matter of seconds he is over at the book, picking it up, and bringing it to me! He grins when he hands it to me. He’ll do this with other objects as well. Such as my cell phone – I’m teaching him to fetch it for me when I need it! LOL Yup, puttin’ the boy to work early on ;) It just seems so amazing to me that he’s getting the concept of things so quickly. I’ve actually asked him to go get something without pointing, and he’s gone and gotten the right thing. My clever little monkey!

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Followers...

I noticed a new person is following my blog...with the initials JP. I'm curious why you've chosen to follow me since I've never received a comment from you or anything?...I'm not upset about it, I just thought I would say 'hi' and ask what brought you to my blog! :)

Kitty hair cuts

Our Tuesday mom/baby group at the community centre has been stopped ‘due to H1N1.’ As a precaution they’ve shut it down for the rest of the year, and then the centre is closed as of Jan 1 till the end of March because of the stupid Olympics. I’m really upset – I had no idea that when we went to the meet up 3 weeks ago (haven’t been since due to being in Nanaimo and having colds) it was our last time ever - because babies over a year generally don’t go to those meet-ups, since they’re for newer moms and babes. I wish I could have said goodbye to the nurses and volunteer that were always there – we kind of got to know them. And I was so excited this week because I was planning on showing off how Andrew is walking!

Ho-hum.

So yesterday morning the kitty cats were scheduled for grooming. It was an adventure for me because I had to get the two cats to the groomer, about a 10 minute walk from our apartment. Doesn’t sound like much but of course I also had to bring Andrew. Luckily it wasn’t pouring like it was on Monday. I actually managed it all quite well. The scariest part is getting them out of the apartment since we’re not actually supposed to have them here – and the fact that the managers live on our floor doesn’t help matters. Add to the stress the way Fiona meows when she’s being transferred from our suite to the elevator and omg I was sweat city! But luckily we got out with only one person seeing us and she’s a cat lover and her lips were sealed so all was well.

I was a sight to behold though – with Andrew strapped into the stroller, Fiona in a carrier in the basket area underneath Andrew, and Moorka in another carrier propped on top of the front of the stroller (to help distribute her girth a little so my arms wouldn’t fall off on the way to and from the groomers!)

Got them there and checked in, then took Andrew for a walk around Denman to a few stores and then a walk through the neighbourhood there to pass the time. I also took him to Safeway when he got restless and let him walk around by the flower department. He was so taken with the poinsettias! I kept saying, ‘Look at the pretty flowers, Andrew!’ and he would rush toward them with a big grin. Of course I would sweep him up off the floor and move him away before he got too close =) It was fun for a little while, then we wandered some more outside. It was cold but sunny and Andrew was so snug under his blanket that he fell fast asleep.

When I went back to pick up the cats, I found Fiona to be perfectly shaved lion’s-cut style. She is the perfect cat for such ventures – she’ll just go with the flow and take whatever! Whereas Moorka. Well, she’s a whole other story. Unfortunately, the groomer (who’s been grooming her for a few years now, so I know it’s not her, but rather Moorka becoming more set in her ways) wasn’t even able to clip her nails. She managed to shave half her back but that was it. It was her nails that needed done more than anything because not only is she shredding the carpet, but she scratches Andrew pretty much on a daily basis now and draws blood pretty much every time – obviously a major concern. Especially given that on a few occasions she’s just narrowly escaped hitting his eye. I try so hard to keep them separated – and unfortunately that means Moorka is locked in our bedroom for part of the day each day. But it’s inevitable that they’ll be around each other at times so I can’t prevent these attacks.

Anyway, I stopped by a vet clinic and made an appointment for her nails to be clipped – hopefully – on the weekend. If they’re not able to clip her nails then we are going to have to have a serious talk about what the next step is. I hate the idea of having to find someone else to take her, but the reality is that she is not the least bit good with children. And I don’t see her warming up to Andrew over time! Yes, eventually he will stop bugging at her and thinking they’re playing, but that’ll take quite a long time for him to learn. Not to mention the fact that it’s kind of difficult to have a house cat that can’t ever have their nails clipped. Her nails are already so brutally long that they catch when she walks on the carpet, and if she happens to step over your bare feet while she’s sauntering along, god help you – her nails dig right in. And that’s after maybe 4 months of not being clipped!

So let’s just hope it all works out. I’m still a tad concerned though. When we got Moorka the woman at the shelter told us she would not ever be good in a home with children. That was almost 5 years ago and we weren’t even thinking about the prospect of one day being parents, it just never crossed our minds not to take her. I couldn’t imagine not having had her all this time either, I feel like we’ve really helped her in a big way to trust and open up compared to how she was before we got her. But…if she’s not the least bit good with Andrew, I can’t help it – there’s going to be a problem.

Anyway…I figure we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. At least one cat behaved! She even has the pompom tail this time – pictures to come!!

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Table scraps


Tonight I finally got all my scrapbook supplies out and into the dining room. Which means the table is functional for nothing else at the moment – although I’m working on getting all the supplies set up on this tray thing that used to go in the bathroom (which can’t anymore since Andrew would knock it over). That way my scrap stuff can still be in the dining room, but sort of kind of not really out of the way (hey, at least it won’t be covering the table top when I’m not using it!) It’s not ideal but it’ll be better than having to haul everything out from the cupboard thing in the bedroom every time I want to use it.

I’m so good at finding space where there shouldn’t be any left. My parents brought over all our Xmas stuff (well, most of it) since we’ll be decorating in a couple of weeks. Three banker boxes of stuff, plus our tree (thank goodness it’s a tiny one!) I honestly didn’t think it would be possible but I managed to store it all into our hall closet and it fits nice and neat. Can’t fit a single other thing in there but that’s OK because we don’t have anything else that needs squeezing in! I know, I know…give me time! But seriously, I’m good at packing it in without things seeming too messy. Not that I wouldn’t kill for more space…not so I could fill it with more stuff either – I wish we had more than 2 closets just so things didn’t have to be quite so crammed. But at least I’ve got things working for the most part.

We had a date night tonight after all. My parents were more than happy to look after Andrew again – this time we took him to their hotel room. They had brought over a bunch of his ‘island toys’ so he was happy to play with stuff he doesn’t have on a regular basis. And my bro and s-i-l joined us so they dropped their bulldog off and she and Andrew had some play time together =) So gramma and grampa had both their grandbabies tonight!

It was fun going out, I had a Cosmopolitan and then coffee. Really living it up, I know. But I’m just not used to drinking much these days so a little goes a long way!

Andrew had a great time with gramma and grampa – lots of play time by the sounds of things. And he was fast asleep when we went up to the room to collect him. I feel so good about this because it means occasionally I can go out without worrying that he’s going to be a total fuss budget. It’s still going to be a rarity that I get to go out, but even just once in a while is such a treat.

It’s almost midnight and here’s my dilemma: I want to do some scrapping because if I don’t get going on it, even if it’s organized on the tray in the dining room it doesn’t mean the pages are going to fill themselves! BUT the issue is that it’s late which means I have to be up soon because let’s face it, Andrew will demand my attention in the wee hours of the night…so staying up doesn’t seem like the most responsible idea. I used to be a night owl but it just isn’t practical anymore. Oh, what to do??!

ABC's

This morning my parents looked after Andrew while James and I took a Child and Infant First Aid course. We learned how to do cpr on children and infants, as well as adults, and got first aid certified in just 3 hours. I’m glad we did it because while I hope to never have to use the skills they taught us, I feel better prepared in case of an emergency.

Andrew was so good for Gramma and Grampa. I wasn’t able to pump milk – only one ounce despite that I tried sooo many times to get more in the bottle! But interestingly, my mom said he didn’t seem interested in the bottle at all. If he’d been able to nurse at one point she thinks he would have loved to have, but the bottle doesn’t offer him the same comfort as his momma’s nipple, so he didn’t want it! It puts my mind at ease that he was good with eating some banana and having some juice and wasn’t fussing and fighting for momma’s milk the whole time. Back in the day, there is NO WAY I’d even CONSIDER going out longer than maybe even half an hour without many ounces pumped ‘just in case.’ So it’s nice to know I can have a little more freedom time without fear that he won’t be able to handle it! I think my days of pumping milk for Andrew are over.

My parents are here till Monday so I’m thinking I might ask them to watch Andrew for a little while again so James and I can maybe go out for a drink together or something. They absolutely love having that time with him, and I would love to have a bit of time just as a twosome with James! Although I must say, even just after that 3 hour class this morning, I was really missing my boy =) James was laughing because I seemed to be so antsy to get home for baby cuddles. It’s true though – James is used to going off to work and spending the majority of the day away but for me, 3 hours away is a very long time. It’s good for me to get out though, and I think it’s also good for Andrew to realize he doesn’t have to depend on me ALL the time. I love that he depends on me and it’ll be a sad day when he really no longer does (years and year from now!) but it’s still good for us to have SOME time apart.

I’m trying not to focus too much energy on the m-i-l and the fact that she’s coming out here despite that I don’t want to see her for a single second. Instead, I am trying to focus on the fact that she’ll be here for a very short time, won’t be staying with us, and soon enough she will leave and we won’t have to see her again for a good chunk of time. Thank goodness she lives on the other side of the country! Instead I want to focus my energy on the exciting times coming up – Andrew’s first Christmas season and first birthday! I will definitely be waiting till December 1st because that’s just how I roll with it, but I’m looking forward to singing him Christmas songs and getting into the holiday spirit with him. I was thinking last night how he’ll have to get his picture taken with Santa in early December and I’m so excited by that! How cute will that be?!

Friday, November 13, 2009

Here come the dramatics

So my worst nightmare (or at least one of them) has come true.

The m-i-l has booked a ticket out here. Without even discussing with us first how we actually felt about that. Without actually discussing the dates with us to make sure it is going to be at a time that works for us.

It’s 2 weeks away. And am I ready for it?

No.

Not even close.

I feel sick to my stomach. Literally. I have been pacing and stressing ever since I read her email. Which was to James – she has yet to respond to my message, despite that we sent them at the same time. I wish she’d responded to both of us in the same manner so I wouldn’t be left waiting and wondering what she’d have to say to me. I am sick of her, her issues, and every last bit of tension/stress/disappointment/sadness/anger she has caused.

I can’t ‘let bygones be bygones’ at this point in time. They aren’t really bygones at this stage. And even though you can let things that were in the past stay in the past, they’re still a part of what makes up your relationship. There are always shadows lurking when K is in town.

And I just can’t take it. Not now, not with everything else that’s going on. Not with the way I feel about her lack of ability to work at making change. I just feel like it’s going to be her acting all flighty and as if nothing is wrong and me having to sit there and pretend like everything is ok when it certainly isn’t. I’m sure she’s going to try things that I’m not going to be able to let her get away with. I just don’t trust her right now, plain and simple. Nor should I be expected to.

She hurt us and she is STILL acting as if she is the one who was hurt and that we still should have been doing more for her. She really has a very thick skull because absolutely nothing seems to be getting through to her brain.

I am upset and that’s a severe understatement. I am so not ready to have to see her. I really had hoped to not have to deal with her AT ALL for a good long while. She’s the one who had no contact and now it’s just, surprise, I’m coming out and there’s nothing you can do about it.

So not impressed.

It feels like time to cut your breaks

Not even going to bother getting into the nitty gritty of the in-law issues. I will make a long story short. James’ mother and brother are cut from the same cloth, so why would I be surprised that things have gone sour with both of them?

It’s just sad that my attempts at letting them know I care enough to want to strengthen our relationship get shot down. They are both so defensive that even saying nice things are taken as bad things and put back in my face as if I am some horrible monster. A thorn in their sides.

It really doesn’t make any sense. But I guess some people can’t handle being called on things that they seem to enjoy doing so much. My b-i-l has a habit of calling up and freaking out at us out of the blue, for ridiculous reasons. Apparently him hanging up on James after telling him to eff off even though he didn’t do anything wrong is not supposed to rub off on me. Okaaaaay. Apparently I am the bad guy. And referred to as ‘James’ wife.’ My attempt to remind him that I’m not just his brother’s wife but also his sister in law had no effect whatsoever. I really do feel as though James’ mom and brother would be happy if James told them we were breaking up. Which will never happen, so it sucks to be them!

But how sad is that, really? James and I have been together nearly 11 years. We have been totally in love that entire time. Literally our only arguments EVER have been about…you guessed it! His mom and brother. Well, mostly his mom, actually. We have never had any major arguments about anything else (only normal couple ‘tiffs’ here and there, although even those are few and far between) – we really get along and have such a strong, healthy relationship. Neither one of us could imagine being with anyone but each other. AND now we have a child – which don’t you think would really hit the nail on the head for the family that we are a solid unit?? That if they’re going to think of Andrew as their grandson/nephew, they would think of me as their d-i-l/s-i-l?

Am I really that awful a person that they want nothing (seemingly) to do with me??!

Grrr. Did I mention the m-i-l has been talking of wanting to come out here – as in, within the next few weeks? If she does so, I just might have a heart attack. So not ready to see her. We (James and I) wrote her emails (our only form of communication with her at the moment) and she responded basically the same as always – a refusal to take accountability for herself. All fingers point to us – apparently we just didn’t think enough about HER and HER NEEDS while I was giving birth to Andrew. Awww, poor baby. And I’m not talking about Andrew here, but her – because she appears to be a bigger baby than any actual baby I know.

It’s unbelievable how this just continues on and on…and on and on and on. I am so sick of it. The antics, the dramatics. The need for re-hashing it all. Never knowing when we’ll hear from her but knowing when we do it probably won’t be anything good. The constant stirring of the pot. I don’t see how we’ll ever get past this because I want a real, honest apology and an acknowledgement that she could, no she SHOULD, have been all-about-us-and-the-baby and not her usual self-centered self. I want her to acknowledge how self-centered she can be and how horrible the situation was for US, not HER, during the most important time of James and my life (bringing our baby into the world). I don’t think I will ever fully get over the fact that instead of congratulating us for a job well done, she was bitching and moaning because we weren’t catering to HER. Heaven forbid our wee one should come first.

Gaaaawd!

Anyway. Said I wasn’t going to get into it all and here I am, ranting and raving. But she just really gets to me. The b-i-l gets to me too, but mostly he just makes me feel disappointed because there’s no reason for us not to all get along, but he’s just the type of person who’s fair-weather. He will love us all sweet and syrupy one day and the next stab us in the back with the sharpest knife around. That’s just how he is, how he’s always been. Likes to talk the talk but I haven’t really seen him walk the walk. It saddens me that he doesn’t make more of an effort to spend time with us for the sole reason that he should be wanting to spend time with his nephew, to get to know him. I have such fond memories of spending time with my aunts and uncles growing up. I just want the same for my boy.

But I guess fair-weather people are like that, and perhaps it’s best that I just realize it and deal with it now, because ultimately I’m going to have to protect Andrew from the disappointment he’ll be facing in the future. When he’s so looking forward to that visit his uncle promised, only to have said uncle bail on him at the last second. He does it to us, he will do it to Andrew too.

Siiiiiigh.

But for some reason the m-i-l just cuts far deeper. I guess because ‘Nana’ should be an important part of Andrew’s life, but the fact is she won’t be. She isn’t capable of being. She proves that to us time and time again. She is only happy when it’s all about her, and I’m afraid it just can’t work that way anymore. It never DID work that way…not for anyone but her! And what’s uber annoying is that she is now asking for a ‘list’ of all these wrongdoings we mention without going into detail about, in our effort to remind her of why we always have to be on guard when she’s around. She actually said she has no recollection of ever having been spoken to about any issues in the past. WTF?!!!!! We have had huge blow outs, on many occasions, and have been very clear as to why we felt the way we did, etc. She really seems to believe that we’ll just give up and give in and say oh, yes, K, you’re so right, we were in the wrong, what can we do to make it up to you, *kissing her feet* We’re soooooo sorry. But that’ll never happen, not in an infinity of years. In my mind, if she really so desperately wants a relationship with her grandson – wouldn’t she do whatever it takes to have that? If literally everyone is saying the same thing about her freak out behaviour and how it affects us, wouldn’t she start to thinking hey, maybe I AM causing problems? And ask herself what she can do to make things better?

Nope, just more pot stirring. Lets conjure up whatever we can so everyone can be miserable like me (as in, her). James says he doesn’t think she does all this stuff deliberately, but I have to wonder when it happens time and time again, literally each and every time we see her.

She’s sick in the head but she still has to take responsibility for herself.

Well, one little rant down! I needed to get this out, even though I’ve pretty much said it all before. I’m so looking forward to a time when I’m not constantly at battle with other people’s issues…if that’s even a possibility!

Thursday, November 12, 2009

So much to do, so little time


I don’t even remember where I left off. Andrew and I were in Nanaimo till Tuesday night, now we’re back home.

Still getting over our colds – they have lasted far longer than what a cold should. Andrew has the sniffles but I think part of the reason he’s not getting rid of them is because he doesn’t know how to blow his nose! So it just stays clogged. I clean it out as best I can but it just has to run its course - it's definitely far better than it was. As for me, I keep thinking I’m on the mend, then I just seem to feel worse. It’s most likely lack of sleep that keeps me from getting better. That damn sleep issue, rearing its ugly head again…

On Monday my mom and I went to a great party supply store in Nanaimo and I’ve got the theme going for Andrew’s first birthday party! I’m excited about it, naturally. I’m going to keep it a surprise for now but I’m trying to come up with fun party ideas. My little New Years Eve baby! I know it’s a while away yet but I don’t know when I’ll be in Nanaimo next and I knew I wanted to get supplies at the store I like there, so I thought shopping early was a good idea.

So Tuesday night Andrew and I headed for home on the ferry. We always take the main car deck when exiting as opposed to the overhead walkway because I want to get us to the bus as quickly as possible and that’s the best route. I’ve done it a million times and with Andrew in tow. It was a bit before the doors would be opening (they open up when we’re a couple of minutes away from docking). I had Andrew bundled in his fleece blankets (and he was wearing a warm outfit, complete with socks AND shoes – which he is finally getting used to wearing more often so he doesn’t pull them off all the time!) I of course have a ‘system’ for what I do when preparing him for whatever we’re doing, such as getting off the ferry. I know what the weather conditions are, and that when you take a later ferry in the cold weather when it’s dark, it’s going to be cold when the doors open up before we dock. My plan was at the last minute I would encase the stroller in plastic – the big cover thing that protects Andrew from the rain, since it was pouring that night. But I didn’t see the point in covering him up prematurely, because he’ll only grump at being hidden behind the plastic cover. I know my boy!

But everyone’s got to have an opinion…and before I had got Andrew’s prep for departing the ferry completed, this woman comes over and starts ranting to me about how cold it’s going to be when the doors open. How my baby is going to be frozen because I’ve got him facing right into where the wind is going to blow through. I said, ‘We’ll be fine, thanks.’ But she persisted. ‘You don’t even CARE? YOU DON’T CARE, DO YOU, about your child?’ She actually said this to me. I was so pissed off!

I told her, ‘I’m his mother, I can take care of him myself, thanks.’ I said it in quite a harsh tone and she retreated back to where she’d been standing before. I was really steamed. How dare someone come up and tell me I’m not looking after my baby? I know what I’m doing! And he obviously wasn’t that upset by the elements because as soon as the doors opened up, I had to recline his seat for him because he had fallen fast asleep! I got his plastic cover on, he was all snug as a bug in a rug in his stroller. So eff you to the woman who thought she needed to step in and protect my little guy. That’s MY job, thank you very much! And while I don’t know everything and will take advice when I see fit, if there is one thing I am confident about it’s in my ability to make sure my baby is taken care of.

Now if she’d come up and was nice about it and went about it in a different way, I may not have been so peeved. But she was treating me like I was an unfit mother and while there may be areas of my life in which I lack confidence, this is not one of them. I’m not perfect – no one is – but if there’s anything I’m doing, it’s always looking out for Andrew and his needs and best interests.

But anyway, that’s enough ranting on that topic.

Yesterday was Remembrance Day so James was home with us. We both had high hopes for all that we wanted to get done but not as much ended up getting accomplished. We did a grocery shop, which was good, but Andrew didn’t nap and was go go go all day long. So we took turns as best we could looking after him while the other got a thing or two done that they wanted to do. I think one of the most difficult things to get accustomed to is that it’s rare we really get our own time to do anything anymore. I really want to work on my scrap booking, for example. My goal is to have Andrew’s first year DONE in terms of scrapping by the time he is a year old (with one or two pages left to do after his birthday, of course). But I haven’t had time to scrap for I’m guessing close to 6 months now. Which is RIDICULOUS, but other things have always taken priority on the rare occasions when I do have time to get stuff done.

And the thing with scrap booking is, I don’t actually have a space for it so I have to haul out all the supplies and take up the dining room table, which means then we can’t eat in there, which is a problem given Andrew needs his high chair (which can get messy on the carpet in the living room so that’s not really an option). Yeah, the logistics of it make it a bigger production than it needs to be.

I did manage to get a bit done on a picture project that I’m working on for Xmas gifts. And I do feel good about what I accomplished, but there is always so much more on the list of things that need doing. It’s mind boggling, and every day I feel a little further behind somehow.

And sometimes James and I both get frustrated with our lack of ‘time to ourselves’ because it just isn’t part of our current reality it seems. More on this topic later because it’s definitely something that’s on my mind, but I think this post is long enough so I’ll end it here.

I keep saying I have all these topics I want to write about, but case in point – finding the time is a challenge!

Monday, November 09, 2009

For days on end

I am still sick – no H1N1 here, ‘just’ a cold. But it hit me SO hard Wednesday night last week and hasn’t let up since. It just got progressively worse each day, though I think I am starting to get better now. I still have a headache and a stuffed nose and now a cough has started but that’s (sadly) ‘better’ than it’s been!

Andrew is still suffering from the sniffles as well but not nearly as bad as he was so I’d say he’ll be all better in a day or two (I hope).

Thursday Andrew and I came over to Nanaimo. I suddenly can’t remember what happened after that…I think we just hung around?! I wasn’t really up to much and if I recall correctly it was extremely stormy Thursday night. Yes, thinking about it more, it certainly was – on the ferry over they even came on the loud speaker and said it was going to be such a rocky ride that if you could stay seated the entire trip, do so. They weren’t kidding – people walking around were literally falling into the laps of those sitting in isle seats, it was that choppy. It made for a long trip for us because of course Andrew wanted to be moving around. I couldn’t take him into the kids play area due to our colds but I couldn’t even let him crawl (or walk!) in around the seats where we had all our stuff. But we managed. I bought him a little toy from the gift shop to distract him and we had a little snack from the bistro. He threw up several times though so I’m wondering if he’s going to suffer from motion sickness like his mama. I sure hope not – it will make for some unpleasant travelling in the future when we go on family vacations! (Luckily it takes a lot more for me to get sick travelling now, but it was pretty bad up till just a few years ago).

Friday, more hanging around. My dad and I went out for a quick trip to Canadian Tire and I got a new fiber optic tree since the one James and I bought when we first moved in together (1999) had sort of bit the dust. It’s just a tiny thing – just over 2 feet tall. Perfect for putting up high and away from curious little baby hands! Then my mom and I went out and did a bit of shopping in the early evening while ‘Grampa’ stayed home with Andrew. I got a little ornament for baby’s first Christmas, it’s a little snowman on top of a red bell and it has Andrew’s name on it. I am the first person to say how ANNOYING it is that Christmas stuff is brought out in the stores so freaking early – it seems like it’s earlier and earlier each year. But I guess I got a bit caught up in it this year. I’m thinking it’s because Xmas is going to be so special this year with it being Andrew’s first!

James arrived Friday night and Saturday we headed off for Victoria for my cousin J’s wedding. We stayed at the Magnolia Hotel, which was really quite nice and we even got a crib in the room for Andrew!

The wedding was nice, good to see some family that we pretty much never get together with. As soon as the ceremony started up, Andrew started fussing and making noise so James took him out of the room and stood out in the hall with him. They were still able to see parts of the service though. About 2 minutes later, another of my cousins (and a sister of the groom) had a crying baby in her arms – her baby boy is 4 months younger than Andrew. So I offered to take him out so she wouldn’t miss her brother’s ceremony. It was so sweet carrying baby B around, he is just a little guy compared to Andrew and so cuddly! Andrew cuddles but only when it’s convenient for him (which is generally only when he’s getting really tired or is asleep!) Baby B, on the other hand, just sunk right into me and was basically burrowed into my shoulder, content as could be. Even though he’s only met me once before and it was months ago! So it was sweet to have that little moment with him. It was cute too how at times Andrew would look over and smile but then furrow his brow, as if he was thinking, hey, why is Mommy holding another baby when she’s supposed to be with ME?!

After the ceremony there were chats in the lobby (the wedding was at the art gallery) and then we went into another room for food. It was nibblies and sooo delicious, really good food. We just hung around – at first we were at the ‘cousins’ table and over time things got switched up. At one point I took Andrew away to a more private area to nurse him, he fell fast asleep, and we put him in his stroller. He woke up when everyone was clapping during the slideshow but when the clapping stopped he would go back to sleep instantly. Even though after the slideshow they had Rock Band set up and it was insanely loud and people were talking all around him as well, he slept through the whole rest of the reception! He didn’t wake up till we had to get him into the car to go back to the hotel – that’s when he bawled because he wanted to nurse but of course couldn’t. But I fed him as soon as we got to the room and we got him into his jammies and he fell fast asleep and was happy to be in his crib.

I forgot to mention, he looked SUPER adorable in his little suit and I will post pictures as soon as I transfer them from my camera!

But omigod did my husband ever look HOT in his suit! He cleans up nice, let me tell you. I seriously couldn’t get over how sexy he looked. Not that I am not attracted to him in his every day clothes (or no clothes, obviously! lol) but in his suit? I couldn’t take my eyes off him and I just kept thinking how lucky I am that he is mine all mine! WOW. I can’t even find the words to describe how hot he looks when he’s all done up like that.

Someone open a window, it’s getting hot in here!

Anyway…

I started feeling really awful through the night and barely slept – probably got about 3 hours total the whole night and felt even more wretched in the morning. I don’t think it was good for me to be at that wedding when I should have been resting and getting better, but obviously it was important for me to be there. Yesterday morning we got ourselves sorted and went down for the free breakfast and met up with my s-i-l and eventually my bro and dad joined us, while my mom had a bit of a lie in. After breaky we went for a bit of a walk to Munroe’s book store and I got Andrew 2 new books. One is going to be for Xmas, called The Mitten, but one is ‘just because’ and it’s a book of the song ‘Hush little baby’ – so James and I can sing it without forgetting the lyrics and coming up with ridiculous things that end up not rhyming all that well!

We went back to the hotel since we had to check out, then sat in the lobby for a while. M and N had to leave as they were going home earlier than us, so we went and had a bite to eat then my parents dropped us off at James’ dad’s house so we could visit with him and B. They were really taken with Andrew and we had a great visit – despite that I wasn’t feeling very well and they didn’t want to go near me for fear of catching my cold! As it was, when my parents came to pick me up it turned out my dad was getting the cold and it was coming on strong. James was going home via Schwartz Bay (Victoria side) so we said our goodbyes and off the rest of us went to Nanaimo. Andrew bawled the entire way back. We even stopped part way so I could feed him but he didn’t want that either. He just sobbed like he has literally never sobbed before – he has NEVER in his life got that worked up. It was awful and even worse given I already had a headache and wasn’t feeling great myself. There was nothing I could do to calm him down. He ended up vomiting 3 times because he was so worked up, it was not a pleasant hour and a half. It felt more like 5 hours at least!

Got home and fed him and gave him a bath and he was all smiles. He was very energetic too, for someone who was up past their bedtime AND should have been exhausted from crying so hard. He raced around and even figured out how to go up the stairs and at a great clip…He’s walking so much now – still crawls a lot (and fast) but loves to walk – especially when he’s on a mission to get to something, he prefers to walk than to crawl. He’s also waving a lot (although toward himself, not the person he’s meaning to wave at!)

Anyway, I had some soup and ended up getting a terrible stomach ache after, to the point I thought I could die it was so bad. So as soon as Andrew was asleep (just after 10:30) I got him into his crib and went straight to sleep. I would have probably got a lot of sleep last night had my cough not woken me up at 3:30…and of course then Andrew was up as well…but we did get back to sleep after that and after a few feedings here and there we weren’t up till just after 8am, so it was definitely a better amount of sleep than the usual, even if it was still all broken up bits of sleep rather than one glorious long sleep (which is what I would LOVE but never seem to actually get!)

Which brings us to today…And I just coughed and woke Andrew from his nap so I guess that’s my cue to end this here! It was getting a little long anyway…although I must say, given my issues with a certain someone and the fact that she now wants a ‘list of proof’ of at least some of the crap she’s put us through over the years, I’m realizing just how important it is to include little details in my journaling whenever I can. Because it’s so much easier to open up a Word document to find said ‘proof’ in a ranting journal entry than to pinpoint it all through memory. Which reminds me, I have some ‘issues’ to write about…I will do that soon =P

Wednesday, November 04, 2009

I need rest

I thought I was fine – no sore throat today, no aches or anything. Then BAM all of a sudden tonight my nose is completely stuffed up and I clearly (or not so clearly, depending how you look at it) have a head cold. I guess I should thank my lucky stars it’s a cold and not the H1N1 flu that I’m ‘sick’ (ha) of hearing about!

But it’s super annoying since I obviously can’t have any down time, and to add insult to injury have to travel tomorrow.

But anyway, what can ya do. Oh just one more little whine about that and I’m done: It sucks that I can’t take anything for a cold. Normally I’d drug myself up with some sort of night time cold relief but since I’m breastfeeding I can’t. And even if I wasn’t breast feeding I don’t think I’d want to do it anyway because ultimately I don’t want a drug forcing me to be drowsy when I need to be ‘on’ in case my baby needs me. Gone are the days of taking pills without really thinking about it! Not that I was ever slamming back random pills but I’d even hesitate to take a Gravol (once no longer breast feeding) nowadays. I barely even take advil and I can only have regular strength. But honestly, even tho this was originally a whine about not getting to take something to ease the cold symptoms, I have to say I actually like not taking any medications for the most part. I like that I’m not putting those chemicals into my system – and for the most part it’s not like I’ve needed them for anything.

Andrew has never even had infant Tylenol, although the past few days once a day I’ve given him this little herbal medication that I got at Capers (a health food type store). It’s for cold symptoms but all natural and just looks like a little bit of water that he drinks. I put it in with a few sips of water and he just drinks it down in a few gulps and I have to say it has actually seemed to make a bit of a difference for making his nose not drip so badly for a while after taking it.

It’s only for 6-36 months or I’d try some myself! LOL

OK, this post really wasn’t intended to be about medications, herbal or otherwise, so…

Today I had ‘me’ time – first time in I can’t remember how long. Me time consisted of getting my hair cut and coloured. My aunt lives just a few blocks now from where I get my hair done so I dropped Andrew off with her. Had a bit of a visit before my appt and showed her how Andrew is walking. It is SO CUTE watching those little legs walk around, he is the sweetest thing EVER! I love the big grin he gets because he’s so excited to be walking. He was even walking, then would drop his toy, lean down and pick it up and walk some more – all without falling over! It’s amazing how all of this happened in just a few days.

Getting my hair done was nice and relaxing. I got the same cut – just needed a bit of a touch up since it wasn’t long ago I had it done. I mainly needed colour since its been a long time since I got the colour done. I wasn’t sure what to do so my awesome hair dresser gave me her suggestion and I went with it. I had blond highlights for so long and now there is no blond in my hair, it’s more of a reddish/burgundyish I don’t know exactly what colour but it’s dark and I like it! It feels like the change that I needed.

Went back to my aunts’ to find Andrew napping. Such a good little boy! He had a bit of a fussy time but it was short-lived – he ended up crashing and didn’t wake up for a while after I got there. My aunt and I were able to have some tea and I had a snack and we chatted before Andrew emerged from his dreams. He was happy after his nap and did more walking around before we left.

We stopped by James’ office to say hi and he surprised me by saying if we just waited about 10 minutes, he’d leave with us. So we walked home and got a coupon we had for money off a dinner and we went out for some supper. Andrew had some mac n’ cheese although he seemed to only be interested in French fries =S He did have some Cheerios though, and apple juice. It was nice to go out and not have to cook. I just didn’t have the energy – probably because I was coming down hard with this cold, although I didn’t know it yet, as I wouldn’t have gone out with the germs if I’d known I had them.

Anyway…here we are. The b-i-l is really stirring the pot and I could get into it and rant and rave but he’s not worth it. I can’t do it. I’m doing my best to take the high road so to speak and not let him get the better of me. So much I wish I could say to him but at the same time, why bother, right? We all know he’s not going to change.

A lot happening over the next few days. I just hope we’re all healthy for the wedding on Saturday. And this weekend in general.

But right now I’m longing for a decent sleep…

Tuesday, November 03, 2009

A huge milestone! and other tidbits

Meet our little devilled egg :)

Andrew is full-fledged walking. Of course he still crawls most of the time, but I think that’s going to change soon enough! He took a few stumbling type steps on Halloween night and then the next day he walked 6 steps on his own before falling down. But yesterday felt like his true ‘first steps’ because he walked 10 steps into the kitchen (yes, I counted as I watched him go!) and he just stopped and stood there looking around, rather pleased with himself. He crawled around a bit, then walked back from the kitchen into the living room – that one was caught on video. It was great because James was home from work yesterday so he witnessed the whole thing. We were so excited, and I loved James’ reaction – he wanted to shout it out to the whole world that his baby boy was on the move =)

Andrew seems to have started doing a lot of things just in the past week. It’s as if his strength suddenly went up a few notches. He was already strong, but all of a sudden he’s figuring out so many things! He can take the shapes from his house toy and put them back in the slots where they belong. He lifts the toilet seat all the way up (we have a clip we need to install so he won’t be able to anymore!), he flushes the toilet (LOL), he tries to mimic words – the other day saying what sounded just like, ‘All gone!’ when he and James finished off a lollipop! (No we don’t habitually feed him sugar, but it was Halloween, give us a break!) He dances a lot, even when I sing him things like Baby Beluga, he will start dancing now. When he’s not walking on his own, he uses his toy walker – which up till just the other day he wasn’t very sturdy using but now he walks with it with great gusto! It’s just incredible seeing how much he changes so quickly. It warms my heart to see him developing new skills and understand how things work.

He also loves to pass things back and forth. If he takes a drink from his sippy cup, he then wants me to take a sip before I pass it back to him. Last night we played a game where I would put a plastic bowl on his head, he would take it off, I’d put it back on. Then, despite that he kept wanting to take the bowl OFF his head, he started putting it on his OWN head after taking it off! Then he wanted to put it on MY head! It is SO FUN playing with him, he’s such a hoot.

Anyway…some other random tidbits…

On Sunday we got together with P, L, and P’s parents for a walk along the sea wall. It was fun, such a nice late afternoon for a stroll to Lost Lagoon.

Unfortunately Andrew started coming down with a cold Halloween night and has had the sniffles ever since. Through the night last night I got a really bad sore throat and haven’t been feeling so great myself since. I feel whoozy in my head and just out of it. Uuugh, so not fun getting a cold. I feel terrible for Andrew, I HATE thinking my baby is going through this when I know how annoying it is for me. At least I know what it is, he just gets frustrated, not understanding why his nose is so stuffed and then dripping. Poor little guy. I’m SO hoping we’re better for this weekend and that James doesn’t get it too – because we’re going to a wedding on Saturday that we’ve been looking forward to for months. We HAVE to be better for it!

I was going to write a bunch of randoms…but I’m too tired. I think instead I will spend this time resting while Andrew naps.


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