How things change

I’ve been searching high and low for a simple rain jacket. Do you think I can find one anywhere? What is up with that – I live in VANCOUVER – it’s the rain city for crying out loud! And I can’t find a simple light rain jacket to save my life.

Anyway…

Had Andrew’s great aunt and uncle over for a visit tonight – that was fun! He slept through most of it but entertained them for a little while =)

In other news…

It’s interesting how things can change over time. My very best friend throughout grade 12 started going out with my brother about a year after we became friends. As soon as they were a couple, she dropped me like a hot potato. They moved to the mainland at the same time I did – my brother was going to UBC and she and I were going to SFU. I moved into residence, they moved into an apartment together. They stayed together for over 4 years. In that time, it became increasingly difficult to have a relationship with my brother because she didn’t want me to be a part of his life. It was nutso. She and I were so close before and then suddenly I wasn’t supposed to exist. It got so bad that whenever I would call their place, she would answer and just hang up on me and tell my brother it was a wrong number. He obviously knew what was going on to some degree, but for whatever reason the space he was in at the time made him accept her behaviour and he chose to pretty much have nothing to do with his family for a period of time.

It was really sad. And awful, some of the things she did to me. Very childish and hurtful things. I’m not going to detail any of it but lets just say it happened time and time again and eventually I snapped we had a major falling out. I pretty much had no contact with my brother for a period of time – the duration of their relationship – because it was impossible. She admitted to me at the end of their relationship that she saw me as a threat, that she didn’t like this ‘other woman’ being a part of her boyfriend’s life. I reminded her that I am his SISTER, not some ‘other woman.’ Obviously my brother and I would never be a couple, just the mere thought of that is disgusting! I love my brother as a brother only!! So why she had to see me as a threat was beyond me. It’s not like I was calling all the time and always wanting to get together with him or something. I’d call him once a week if that and we got together only once in a while given we had different schedules, lived a bit of a distance apart, and had our own things going on.

But anyway…it was so bad in the end, some of the things that she did to me, that I absolutely hated her. And I don’t hate people easily. She made me hate her so much with her meanness and I thought she was completely insane, to tell the truth. I vowed that I would never, ever trust her again for a second. I was pretty adamant that I would always hold onto my hatred for her, too, it was that strong.

Now we have been in touch on a regular basis. Which is totally weird, right? I do feel a tad bit uneasy about it. Just because of our history. I don’t WANT to let her into my life on the one hand, because how could I – what if she did something to hurt me again?! I know she is the type of person who, if she decides to hurt you, she will dig up any little things she can that she knows will make you feel bad and you’d better be sure she WILL use them to hurt you.

But on the other hand, I realize that people do change. And I would never consider her a best friend. But…we have a lot in common right now and we’ve been a good support to each other considering our situations. She gave birth to her baby girl just 4 days before Andrew was born, so in a lot of ways we’re living the same life right now (although very different at the same time!) She is married – thankfully not to my brother! It would be wonderful to have a niece or nephew the same age as Andrew, how FUN would that be?! It would be wonderful BUT given our history, I am truly glad my brother is with the woman he is with now (even though she for sure never wants to have children, so a niece or nephew EVER is out!) and not with her. I am glad her daughter is with another man because I think our relationship, whatever it is or is meant to be or will be, is best one kept at a distance, with no strings attached!

It’s just interesting and strange at the same time because I never thought I would ever speak to her again – what I went through with her was really hard on me and something that affected me very deeply. It affected my whole family, really. And all of this is also complicated by the fact that I haven’t even mentioned to my parents, for example, that we’re even speaking at all because my mom still holds onto her resentment and would probably be totally annoyed to think I had forgiven her on any level (which is an unspoken forgiveness by the way, because she and I haven’t talked AT ALL about our past!)

It’s a very weird set up. My brother still talks to her occasionally, and I know he knows I’m in touch with her, though I don’t know to what degree. (She contacted me first, for the record - and it took two tries before I responded at all because I was apprehensive to do so). I do see my brother semi-regularly but we haven’t really discussed it. It’s not like I think about it often, it just is what it is.

I guess what to take from all of this is that it’s important to keep an open mind, because you just never know how a situation might change!

Comments

Chandra said…
clothing never seems to be in the right season when you need it!

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