Thursday, May 28, 2009

Just a blank canvas

I feel this urgency to get creative, I just have to figure out in what way!

Andrew’s 2 teeth are coming in quickly and he’s been a lot more needy as a result. For the most part he forgets they’re bothering him but he’ll have an hour here and an hour there where they seem to be torturing him. A lot of cold cloths, teething rings, bites on my fingers, cold milk from the bottle, and of course lots of cuddles and he’s ok again for a little while.

Something I absolutely LOVE is when I get him up in the night and when I pick him up he flops his head down on my shoulder and burrows into me. If he’s really hungry he won’t do that but if he’s content just to have cuddles before his snack, he’ll do this. I love the way he relaxes as soon as he’s in mommy’s arms. He is just so precious! For some reason he always seems littler in the night time. I wonder why that is?!

Oh, last night he had some rice cereal and while he wasn’t happy and clasped his gums closed a lot so we couldn’t get the spoon in, he ate more than he has before. We just kept trying and encouraging him and he ate some. He would gag a bit and then make a face because of the texture, but I put very little rice cereal per milk so it wasn’t quite so much of an adjustment for him. We’re going to keep trying every night for the next while till he gets used to it and we can make it a regular thing without being a source of aggravation for him!! It’s so messy tho – I’m not looking forward to the days when he’s throwing his food at me and on the floor as if it’s some sort of game! We think things are a challenge now but I have to keep reminding myself how much easier it is when we have as much control as we do now!

Time to go entertain the boy =)

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

Jokes can be fun motivators, if that makes sense. There’s nothing like a good joke or pun (I especially love puns!) to get the ball rolling!

Here's some randomness...(Partially written last night, the rest today).

I hate cooking rice. I don’t know what it is about it, since it’s easy to do. We even have a rice cooker but I despise the thing and it pretty much only comes out of the cupboard when James uses it (which is next to never). I’ve burnt rice a few times but I don’t think that’s why I hate cooking it, I just do. As a result, we rarely eat rice. Could I say rice a few more times in one paragraph?! Rice, rice, rice! Oh, we’re working on feeding Andrew his RICE cereal but so far he’s having none of it!

Speaking of Andrew’s eating beyond Momma’s milk, we gave him a teensy bit of mashed banana with milk tonight and he didn’t cry OR spit up! He ate probably a few teaspoons of it, which seems like nothing to an adult but is actually quite a lot for a first-time-ever eater. The community health nurse recommended trying mashed banana if he wasn’t liking the rice cereal. Then later tonight I read in a baby book that it’s not recommended giving fruit as a first food since it’s so sweet and babies who get used to sweet foods early tend not to want to eat anything that ISN’T sweet. Do I go by what the book says, or the nurse? I hate conflicting advice! I think we’ll go back to trying the rice cereal since ultimately it does have more in it that will benefit him I think, but I’m not opposed to giving him banana too if he enjoys it.

I wonder sometimes about the different ways Andrew will learn things in relation to how I learned things as a child. I actually had to crack books open and look things up. Imagine, an actual PAPER dictionary! Or, heaven forbid, an encyclopedia where you had to pick out the right alphabetical VOLUME to look something up! Now it’s all click clack click on google and Bob’s your uncle. I guess it all gets the same result in the end – or does it? Is there something to be said about the old-school way of things, or is the present/future way better and more efficient? Is it as trustworthy? So many questions.

I found a discman in the garage at my parents’ house when I was there last week and it looked so huge and ancient. Now iPods are getting so small you practically need a magnifying glass just to see them! It’s crazy how far we’ve come with technology.

Moorka (our grey and white fluffy kitty) loves to lay on Andrew’s things – blankets, his playmat…BUT she knows she’s not actually allowed to so you know what she does?? She lays right at the edge of whatever it is so maybe a tiny bit of her back or her paws might be touching the objects but she’s not ACTUALLY on it. I find that quite cute and clever. While I still have my moments of thinking it would be far easier if we had the baby but no pets, I am loving the kitties again. I don’t have a lot of attention to give them but I do my best to give what I can and I am definitely getting more affectionate toward them again. I don’t think I want to have any other pets for a really long time but at least I am better about our two than I was through pregnancy and Andrew’s newborn phase!

I can’t believe Andrew isn’t technically considered a newborn anymore. He’s an ‘infant’ apparently! Where does the time go?! Remember how I was counting down the seconds before I’d be giving birth and that whole time of being pregnant and morning sick and so forth felt like an absolute eternity because it was a giant waiting game? Time was at a stand still around Christmas since I was so sure he’d be earlier and then the little scamp decided to show up over a whole week late. But now…it’s like a blink of an eye and he’ll be 5 months old this coming Sunday. How did that happen?!

My wrists, arms, back, even pelvis gets sore a lot these days. It’s all the lifting of my nearly 20 pound baby, for sure! The lifting, the packing, the laying in uncomfortable positions to feed him – basically always accommodating his needs and not necessarily looking after myself all the time! Oh well…what can you do?!!

I find the topic of body image quite interesting right now especially, given that my body has changed since giving birth. I am more comfortable now with my body than I was before, even though to a lot of people’s standards it probably looked better before. I still have my moments and am not always comfortable in my skin but for the most part I look at it that it is what it is and if you don’t like it, don’t look. I am not one to go belly baring so it’s not really an issue for me, although I doubt I’d wear a bikini any time soon. Not that I couldn’t but I do like the one piece I got during pregnancy (which is not a pregnancy bathing suit btw, just gives more coverage!) I have stretch marks and I guess I could let them bother me but they don’t really. I feel as though I earned them! My body shape is different than it was, for sure, but it's supposed to be. I've lost most of my pregnancy weight tho, probably about 5 pounds is just wanting to hold on but so what? What's 5 pounds in the grand scheme of things? And to have lost it all so quickly without dieting at all is pretty amazing! Sometimes when I go clothes shopping I get frustrated trying to find things that fit though - expect a post about this soon...Just about the sizing issue in general.

I think there should be clothing stores for nursing mothers. I know they sell some nursing stuff at maternity shops, but once you’ve given birth you don’t want to go into those stores anymore. Plus they really have pretty much no selection, and in downtown Vancouver, for example, there aren’t any maternity shops anyway! There literally isn’t one anywhere near where I live as far as I know. Why is that?

I tried on my skirts from pre-pregnancy – basically all my skirts from the past few years that I wore. THEY FIT!! Maybe not QUITE like they used to but for the most part. I was thrilled to bits to find that out. I actually have a summer wardrobe now! And 2 of my dresses will be workable because they’re made of super stretchy material, so I can easily pop a breast out for feeding Andrew no problem =) I was envisioning having to reef the entire dress up over my chest to feed him, which of course would mean not being able to wear a dress in public, but this method of just being able to whip it out as discreetly as a breast can be whipped out means more clothing options! Given I love to wear dresses in the summer, this is good news to me.

I haven’t slept longer than 4 hours in a row in almost 5 months! And usually it’s 2-3 hours at a time. I am feeling it at the moment. I could definitely use a nap, but whether or not I’ll end up getting one tonight once James is home is another story. It would be nice but there’s never a guarantee. Not because James wouldn’t look after Andrew because he would, and I do have milk pumped, but I have so much I want to do and so little time to accomplish anything so we’ll just have to see...Plus the evening is the only time I get to spend with James around so it sucks to spend it all napping and have him go to bed for the night once I get up! Not to mention how hard it is for me to fall asleep later at night when I’ve had a nap in the early evening.

I just found out at the moms/babies group we go to that Andrew is 18lbs! I love my big boy!!

OK maybe I could just close my eyes for 5 minutes…

Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!

I feel like my blog has been lacking creativity for a while. I should start posting pictures more often again. I guess because I put them up on flickr for family and facebook for friends, I get lazy about adding them to the blog. Not that I don’t have ‘friends’ reading my blog, but you know what I mean!

And in general I’d like to be more creative with this outlet but lets face it, baby is my life and that’s just the way it is right now.

I am having such a wonderful time. Truly, nothing in this world could top being a mom for me! I love it. Andrew is so amazing and wonderful and huggable and kissable and LOVEABLE. He has 2 teeth sprouting already, can you believe it?! His 2 bottom front teeth are coming in. We just noticed the buds Sunday morning and already on Monday morning they were through further so I’m wondering if it won’t be very long before they come in. It can take months so who knows, but the way he’s working them (biting everything – he even bit my finger today and YOW did it hurt because of the teeth) (my poor, poor nipples, might I add!!!) I have a feeling it won’t take long for them to come in.

He just let out a cry (I heard it on the monitor) but by the time I went in to check on him he’d fallen back to sleep. Isn’t it the saddest thing ever that little babies that have barely experienced life could possibly have nightmares already?! Poor little guy! I went in and gave him a little pat on his head and rubbed his cheek softly and he didn’t stir so I guess he’s back to being content!

So far he hasn’t been too fussy with the teeth coming in, luckily – although he’s had more fussy moments than his usual. Which isn’t much so it still isn’t too bad!

I am feeling quite sleep deprived but haven’t been able to get many zzz’s. Because of Andrew’s night time feedings, because I like to stay up after he’s gone to bed so I can have time to myself or time with James if he stays up a bit later than usual. But mostly because of a family member’s depression creeping its way into my thoughts all the time…

It’s gotten to a really bad state and I’m quite concerned. This is a person I am very close to and one who I couldn’t imagine living without. I am not so much concerned they will purposely kill themselves as I am that they will inevitably suffer from a stroke or heart attack because of the excessive anxiety and other issues that ail them. I worry so much that they won’t get to be a part of Andrew’s life or mine for as long as they should because of this depression. And while I don’t want to blame the person since it’s not their fault they’re feeling this way, I do wish they could do more to help their own situation. I feel like I’ve been a sort of crutch for a long time and while I am happy to be there as a support, I am also starting to feel hopeless. I don’t know what more I can do and listening to the depressiveness every day is really affecting me. I don’t mean in any way to sound selfish, I’ve done sooo much to try to help this person but nothing works and if anything I see them spiralling further and further out of control. This is not the first time they’ve been this way, it has happened over the years from time to time. But I think they are getting to the really bad state they were in just once before and that’s why it is so worrisome to me. I don’t think they or anyone else can go down that road again.

And with having Andrew it’s especially hard for me to take so much on myself with this because I have him to deal with, and I want to be happy for his sake. Plus I just want to be happy. It makes me feel very sad to think how this is supposed to be the best time of my life – at least it feels like it’s the best time, because I have my husband and my little baby and I am family-focused, which is something I’ve always wanted to be, really. I feel so complete on so many levels and then there’s this. I feel bad that this person is feeling so low when things could be viewed in a much more positive light.

I want to write more about it but I feel so drained just from sitting up thinking about it. I couldn’t sleep last night at all because I kept worrying about the situation, the funk, the hopelessness. I just kept feeling sad and it’s NOT FUN letting yourself sink into those thoughts when you’re running on about 2 hours sleep. Your mind gets really nasty when you’re that over tired! I just wish there was an easy solution, or not even an easy one necessarily but one at all…I wish this person was ready to make major changes in their life – which in my opinion is the only way they are going to feel better.

On an unrelated note, I have slowly been working on my ‘to do’ list, which each day just seems to get longer and longer…and longer.

But right now I think I need to hit the hay before Andrew’s next feed, which is probably going to be within the next 2 hours, tops.

I’ll work on doing something a bit more interesting with my blog posts soon though…I need to put my thinking cap on.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Say cheese!

Yesterday we took Andrew for his first professional photo shoot! We did family portraits and got lots of cute pics of him on his own. I thought he would have been grinning and happy the whole time, given how much he loves MY camera. If he’s crying, I can sometimes get him into a good mood just with the point and click! BUT with the brightness of the flash for the professional photos (which even I was surprised by), he got grumpy fast. We got great pics for sure, but he didn’t give a single full smile! Still, it was fun, and I can’t wait to get the reflections picture we ordered. It has a bigger picture of Andrew in a wooden wagon in one corner, and then in the opposite top corner there’s a ‘reflection’ shot of him with his apple toy – which basically will look like a shadowy drawing. It’s hard to explain but will look soooo cute! It wasn’t cheap – the whole experience was actually insanely expensive. Just to get the cd with all the pictures on it was $200! How crazy is that?! With the package we got it was waaaay cheaper than if we’d bought all the stuff separately, of course, so they make it SOUND like you’re getting a deal, but whoa. Not something we’d do often. It’s worth it though, especially for the reflections photo as a keepsake. In a few months when Andrew can easily sit up on his own, I’d like to take him back for a few more professional shots. It’s cute to use props that we don’t have at home and get ‘clean’ shots with the backdrops they have. But otherwise, honestly, I think I can take a pretty good pic with my cheap camera, all considered!

Not sure what the plan is for today. James went for a bike ride around all of Stanley Park this morning, while Andrew and I slept! We just got up a little while ago. Mind you, it’s not like we slept through the night by any means =S James was reading this morning about getting baby to sleep through the night…I read about it a few months ago. I just don’t like the idea of letting Andrew cry and cry when he would usually get his middle of the night snack. While I know inevitably if he doesn’t start wanting to sleep through on his own I’ll HAVE to give some tough love, I’m just not ready to do that yet! He’s just a baby and if he’s hungry I want to feed him. Plus, even though I WOULD like longer sleeps myself, I absolutely love our cuddle time in the night. So I’m not quite there yet in terms of making him do things that will cause lots of tears…Am I spoiling him too much by always being close and not letting him fuss long before I give him whatever it is he needs? Maybe by some people’s standards but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it at this stage!

In other news, I got Ocean Breeze scent for my Lampe Berger and I am LOVING it. It smells so fresh and clean. Lily of the Valley is also a good choice =)

We’re watching Superman III on Teletoon. It’s my favourite Superman movie! Andrew is in his Jolly Jumper. I think we’ll go out soon and enjoy this beautiful day.

Friday, May 22, 2009

My boy is going to be swimming in no time!

We went grocery shopping tonight. My mom looked after Andrew so James and I could easily take her car to the store and load up on stuff. We got lots of juices and heavier items and we’re well stocked with food. Now I just have to get to the cooking part of it all!! At least I know we are not without options.

I went in the outdoor pool with Andrew today at the hotel. He loved it, except for the sun that was in his eyes. He hates the sun in his eyes. I tried putting his summer hat on him but he hated that even more than the sun in his eyes. Oh, and pool time makes a boy hungry and he had to feed immediately upon getting out! He’s a funny boy. I can always laugh about it after the fact…when trying to latch him to my breast while he’s flailing and crying and causing a scene and I’m trying to cover my breast but still feel exposed, it’s not quite so hilarious…I think I handle it well but it’s trying at times!! But once he’s fed he sleeeeeps so all is well =) He’s such a good boy. Has his moments but what baby doesn’t? I just know we really lucked out because he’s such a happy-go-lucky sort of guy! And flirtatious! My, my, he’s going to be quite the ladies man! Women just look at him and he starts grinning and doing his shy little smile face that is enough to melt anyone’s heart. He’s such a cutie!

After the grocery shop tonight we went back to the hotel and James collected Andrew and all his things and brought him home so my mom and I could go have a bite to eat together. Apparently Andrew fussed quite a bit when they got home. He finally did drink from the bottle I’d pumped and went to sleep but he wasn’t happy. I honestly think it’s because I had been away from him for most of the night and of course that’s not his usual routine. He can drink from the bottle but he loves to be latched onto me, even if just for comfort and not for eating. We cuddle a certain way that doesn’t happen with anyone else. I love that about our bond – and while it has to do with breast feeding, we also have it just from being mother and child. I’m not saying other people can’t calm him or soothe him or share a strong bond with him. But there’s something about our relationship that is extra special (if I do say so myself!) I love having that with him. A mother DESERVES that most special bond after going through pregnancy and labour!! And that’s all part of it too – we’ve been attached forever. And of course there’s the fact that he spends more time with me than anyone else. We have our routine of cuddles and I just know how to read him. I love how I’m getting to know him so well. Sure there are times when there’s just nothing I can do to calm him and he has to just cry it out while I try everything I can think of to make things right. But more and more I am able to say, “Let’s try this…it usually works” and whatever it is does the trick pretty quick. I love knowing him so well, his likes and dislikes. I know things are still fairly ‘simple’ in his life in terms of what he could possibly need or want but it’s still a wonderful process of getting to know this new person and have a sense for his personality.

Anyway, I got home and he was asleep but I got him up a little while ago when he was stirring a bit just to give him a top up and some cuddles so hopefully he’ll sleep a little longer till he needs a full feed. I just couldn’t go without holding him for a few since I’d been away from him for over 4 hours! (Yes, that seems like a loooong time to be away from my munchkin!) I love holding him and having him fall asleep while we cuddle. He is the sweetest cuddle bug ever!! Having him in my life brightens everything.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

It's important to keep a positive outlook

I love my baby boy more than anything else in the world. There is no love like the love a mother feels for her child. Or at least that’s the way it is for me, and the way it SHOULD be for everyone!

I need to start carrying a little pad of paper around with me so when Andrew does new things I can jot them down. He does so much in a day that I want to record! He is just so cute and wonderful. He’s been learning to sit on his own more (he still falls over but it takes longer before that happens the more he practices!) He reaches out for things a lot more, grasps toys, loves to play with his toys…He bites pretty much everything, thinks everything should go in his mouth. He loves his Hey Diddle Diddle toy that sings – he smiles when I play it for him! He is working on getting his laugh going. He doesn’t do it all the time but more and more he’ll look at you when you call him by name. He loves certain noises I make and is almost guaranteed to smile when I make them. He loves to cuddle with his Momma and while he is comfortable with other people and obviously loves them too (such as his Dad and his Gramma and Grampa!) he definitely loves to curl up with me, and that melts my heart!

He is just the cutest little guy on earth. I can’t stop gushing over how much I love him and how perfectly wonderful he is.

We’ve been in Nanaimo for the past week. I should have been keeping a journal all this time because a lot has happened in the past week but I just haven’t had the time or energy to sit down and type. It’s not that we did an absolute ton or that I have huge news or anything but I feel like a lot happens in a day even when we’re not up to much. I guess it’s just because it feels like go-go-go all the time with Andrew to care for! Not that he’s difficult to take care of because that’s not it at all, but every little thing is time consuming for sure!

I got him some new clothes at Joe Fresh =) And a high chair, although it’s one that straps to a chair, not a full-fledged high chair, since we really don’t have the space for how humungous they are. We actually don’t have a chair for the non-high-chair-high-chair we got either…BUT it is going to work anyway, I am sure of it.

We visited with my Grandma and also saw my Nana and both, of course, were smitten with their great grandson – as always! And my parents have been loving spending lots of time with their favourite grandbaby. He is just so happy and they are delighted to see him smile and spend time with him. He is such a source of light for everyone!

I just checked my blog to see what I last wrote and I can’t believe I haven’t updated since before Andrew went for his second round of immunizations a week ago!

So much to write about but no time right now…He did well, suffice it to say. But he did have some fussies as a result of the shots. A temperature (which was remedied with cold cloths!), and general upset, which caused a lot of crying, which is so rare for him. He’s been fussier than usual this whole past week, although really it hasn’t been all that bad. I want to write about our experience with the shots tho, at some point when I’m not so tired…

For now I have to go to sleep, as he’ll probably be ready for his next feed within the hour and I haven’t gone to bed yet. Things are good though. There are a few areas of stress in my life right now but I’ll get to those later…

The May long weekend wasn’t what I’d hoped it would be, although it was okay. It went by too fast though and I felt like part of it was wasted and I feel sad that it’s over and James had to leave and goes back to work tomorrow…At least it’s a short week though, and we DO have some exciting plans for this coming weekend!

I am doing my best to be positive, even though sometimes it’s hard due to certain circumstances that are beyond my control…I think for the most part I do a good job of keeping myself grounded, although I’ve had a few moments lately of feeling on the verge of snapping…Again, more on this later. But really, for the most part all is well. And my gem of a baby keeps me sane, he is just the sweetest boy in the entire universe!

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Good Night!

Haven’t had much time for journaling lately. The days go by so fast! And I’m usually too tired to sit down and write most evenings when I technically have the time. Right now I want to be sleeping but I have to wait for the dryer to stop. Our place is so small and Andrew’s nursery doesn’t have a door so the clothes spinning in the dryer is enough to make the monitor make noise…So of course I can’t sleep when it keeps clicking on. A mother’s work truly is never done!! There is always something to be taken care of…But just a few more minutes and I can hit the hay – folding of laundry can wait till morning!

Andrew goes for his second round of immunizations tomorrow and I am NOT looking forward to it…I feel so bad putting him through it even though I know the pros outweigh the cons! I keep trying to remind myself that I had those immunizations too and I don’t remember it at all so he won’t be permanently traumatized…but it doesn’t make me feel better in the moment! I hope he doesn't fever too badly or have any lasting effects from the shots over the next few days.

I had my very first Mother’s Day this Sunday! It felt like a special day. I woke up and Andrew got breakfast in bed, not me (lol) BUT James did make me pancakes for when I got up – and he knows I love pancakes but only have them occasionally as a treat so it was a special breakfast to me. He put Just Right cereal in them and that might sound strange but it added a certain sweetness to them and I think they were some of the best pancakes I’ve ever had!

He (and Andrew!) got me a really beautiful card and James wrote really sweet things in it and I got chocolates and some bubble bath. James' dad AND his brother both called me to say Happy Mother's Day, which I was surprised by but very pleasantly! They are not usually ones to recognize such things - only twice have either one of them acknowledged my birthday in the over 10 years James and I have been together, so it was very sweet of them to remember me on this day! I was definitely made to feel special by many people (you know who you are - and Thank You!! XO)

We got together with my mom after having a GD Tass together and lounging a bit (and getting Andrew fed and ready!) I got my mom a gift box thing filled with pear/peony scented goodies from Fruits & Passion, and of course a card…and also her first ‘Grandma’ card from Andrew for Mother’s Day =) She got me a really lovely card and a gift certificate to get some new tops – which I REALLY need!!

Mainly it was just nice spending time together – I’m not a huge fan of the commercial aspect of the day. I just mentioned ‘what I got and gave’ to remember it and have it recorded! But yeah we had some visit time for quite a while, then my mom went to have a nap and James, Andrew and I went for a walk into Stanley Park. We went near the aquarium and discovered you can see the belugas and some sea lions without actually having to pay to get in. Andrew, who had just gone in a pool for the very first time the night before, saw a beluga and his eyes bulged a bit – I figured he was probably thinking, ‘I hope one of THOSE wasn’t in the pool with me last night!!’ I can’t wait till he’s old enough to go to the aquarium and really enjoy it and understand what’s going on!

We had a great little family outing. Andrew got a bit fussy along the way so his dad carried him (all 18lbs, or whatever he’s up to now – I’ll find out tomorrow!) It was so nice to just have a leisurely walk together and enjoy the nice weather and be together as a family.

We went home, rested a bit, then met up with my mom at the hotel. I had pumped milk so James took Andrew home and my mom and I went to the hotel lounge for dinner and drinks. Well, I still just had one alcoholic drink. I just can’t handle more than that! One martini lasted me probably 2 hours (probably more, truthfully) and I felt buzzed by it the entire time! LOL It was nice being out celebrating mom’s day with my mom and being able to talk with her about what it’s like being a mom! I’m glad we were able to celebrate together. And my dad called on my cell while we were there to say Happy Mother's Day too!

After that I went home in the pouring rain since the weather had taken a turn for the worse (thank goodness for hotel umbrellas!!) I had a bath with my new bubble bath (Juniper scent - I am loving it!), fed and cuddled Andrew, got a back massage AND leg/foot massage from my wonderful husband, and went to bed. All in all, it was a perfect mother’s day!

Tonight we took Andrew to the hotel pool again. He looks so adorable in his little swimsuit (with diaper on underneath, of course!) He really took to the water. The first time we took him in he was a bit iffy about it at first and cried because some kids were in the pool and splashed him. But once they left he relaxed a little and seemed ok being in there. But tonight when we went into the pool with him, right away he seemed comfortable with it. Like, oh yeah, this is old hat to me, Mom! He was so cute. He wouldn’t smile, it was as if he had to concentrate on the water, but he seemed far more relaxed than the first time and boy can he ever float!! We didn’t ever take our hands right off him, of course – he’s too little for that still. BUT one of us would just barely hold his neck up and he was completely floating on his own – we probably COULD have let go and he’d have been ok on his own, although I would have been a nervous wreck!! I think we’ll wait till we start him in swim lessons before we go that extra step BUT I do believe our little guy is going to enjoy the water and swimming, which makes us both happy since James and I both love to swim ourselves! I didn't learn to swim till I was about 8 or 9 years old but I want to start Andrew really young, maybe even when he's just a year old or so. I think it's something he'd really enjoy!

What a sweet little boy we have. We are so lucky. The odd fussy time, sure, but mostly he is just happy as a clam. He is so content and alert and interested in everything around him. He’s changing so much every day, I never cease to be amazed by him!

We’re off to the island soon for a week. Not sure how often I’ll be able to update but I will when I can.

Thursday, May 07, 2009

So many firsts...and this is just the beginning!

Andrew slept through the night last night in his crib. Midnight to just after 7am, then James changed him (twice – he did a big poop shortly after the first change!) and I fed him and we went back to sleep till just after 10am! I got 5 hrs in a row, was awake about an hour, then got another 2 hours sleep. That is seriously the MOST sleep I have had in over 4 months in one night like that. I don’t know why I felt so tired today, it should have rejuvenated me but I didn’t actually notice much difference. BUT if he starts sleeping like this regularly, I will be able to start getting better sleep too…That is the hope!!

Last night when I was going to bed (around 1) I went and looked in on him and I was sooo tempted to pick him up just to cuddle him. I cuddle him so much through the day and yet I just had this urge to feel that closeness. BUT I resisted because I KNOW how important it is to try to encourage a routine of sleeping for hours on end through the night! And it’s a good thing I did that because he did sleep so well. He loves his crib. I do feel sad that he’s outgrown the bassinet but the fact that he loves the crib so much makes up for it. I miss having him in the room with us but at the same time I think it’s good for him to be in his nursery. I’m going to have serious separation anxiety when he starts school in the future…and I can’t even imagine him moving out! LOL Thank gawd I still have many years before that happens. I will do my best to be good about him having his independence and whatnot but whoa, it is going to be hard. I am so attached! Although right now that’s a good thing so I’m embracing it =)

We had a bit of a walk today – I took him around our usual ‘quick’ walk route in the carrier thing that has a thousand straps and things to keep him attached to me. Once he was in it, it was great – very comfortable for both of us moving around. But it just has such a ridiculous amount of straps and things and he starts getting annoyed while I’m trying to get us attached! But once he was in, he gave me this look like, huh, how am I being held up when you’re not holding me with your arms?! (He hadn’t been in this particular carrier since he was still a newborn). Then he just grinned away, as if to say, this is pretty cool, mom! =)

It was a short walk because it started spitting with rain and was a little on the cool side so we came home and did more of the same as earlier – jolly jumping, exersaucering, play matting…Eating, cuddles, and then…Andrew fell asleep around 3:30 and slept on me till 4:30, when I decided I was so freaking tired myself, we would try napping in bed for a while. I gave him a top up when we got into bed and he fell right back to sleep and I got about an hour’s nap. Then I gave him another top up, he fell asleep AGAIN and I got up to make supper. Now, it’s always a gamble whether or not I’ll be able to get supper made without him waking up and needing me and then having to go back and forth between him and the supper, which is never fun. Luckily though, he was so tired and was fed and happy so he slept the whole time.

I made a DELICIOUS pasta – James couldn’t stop saying how good it was and even I enjoyed it. I made linguini with a mushroom alfredo cream sauce, and added cream-o and lots of parmesan cheese and sautéed mushrooms, green onions, peas, and veatballs (meatless meatballs!) It was seriously so good, luckily there are leftovers! I also cut up some asiago cheese bread and added some butter and garlic salt and spicy Mrs. Dash, a little parmesan, and popped that in the oven for a while and it was soooo good too. I love when I make a good meal we both enjoy.

James got home just at the right time when supper was ready and Andrew was just waking up. I got our supper sorted and we started eating and Andrew was more than content to play in his exersaucer while we ate. He was still topped up and he had had such a nice long nap, he was happy-go-lucky!

I watched Wheel of Fortune (I LOVE Wheel of Fortune!!) and had a bath and eventually gave Andrew a bath and then we watched LOST. And Andrew was dressed in his new little LOST onesie that arrived in the mail yesterday – The Changing Station. Toooo cute!!

When we were watching LOST, Andrew started crawling! He only crawled about a foot but he definitely moved himself while he was on his tummy. He's also sitting up on his own now - if I put his arms in front of him on the floor, he's able to sit without any help. He still has a way to go before he can 'really' sit on his own, but wow, he is learning so much so fast!

Andrew has gone to bed – about an hour ago now. Time flies by so fast when I have time to myself in the evening and technically should be going to bed myself! I just want to enjoy this bit of time I get to do what I want and just enjoy the quiet and collect my thoughts. But I should get to bed soon…We’re possibly going to say hi to our midwife tomorrow morning so she can see how much bigger Andrew is and just to see her again since I miss her! So if we’re going to go early I have to factor that in to the sleep time I will lose in the morning…We’ll see if it actually happens. I want to see her but can we be ready to go out so early? Time will tell!

Tuesday, May 05, 2009

Just baby and me

Last night Andrew slept in his crib all night. I got up with him the usual amount of times but I didn’t put him in his bassinet in our room in the middle of the night as I usually would. I brought him into our bed later in the morning when James would be getting up soon anyway, though.

Over all I think he’s really enjoying sleeping in his crib – there hasn’t been any transition time required. He sleeps soundly in there. ‘Professionals’ will say it’s a bad habit to let your baby sleep in bed with you because they’ll prefer it and won’t do well to suddenly having to sleep on their own in their crib all the time. But I honestly would be very surprised if Andrew couldn’t adjust. I don’t think he ‘expects’ to sleep in our bed with us. I guess we’ll find out for sure when the time comes that he’s just too big for our bed and thus HAS to be in his crib all the time! But whatever – even if it DOES take some work to get him used to it, I think it’s worth it to be able to have him in bed with us for now. Soon enough this time of our lives will be over forever so why not enjoy this time of cuddles and being super close while we have it?

I mostly brought him into our bed last night for my own sake. Just before I heard him waking up on the monitor, I had woke up from a terrible nightmare. I can’t remember it now but at the time it was very vivid and I woke up frightened and feeling like I needed baby cuddles. Interesting that he woke up right then, as if he is so in tune with me just as I am with him that he ‘knew’ I needed him =)

Today we went to the mom and baby group that we went to a few weeks back. I met a few different people than the last time. One woman had her baby the same day as I had Andrew (new year’s eve), just about 4 hrs after Andrew was born. And her due date was the day after mine so she was a week late! Weird, how uncanny is that?! Her baby girl is only 14 lbs though…and I weighed Andrew today and he was 17 and a half lbs. Sheesh! Her baby was very cute but so tiny for 4 months compared to what I’m dealing with!! Andrew looked about a month and a half to two months older than her, despite being only 4 hours older!

It was so nice to get out and have a bit of contact with other moms and hear a little talk (it was about oral care for babies). I enjoy learning new things of what I should be doing with Andrew to maintain his health. Although I think it’s important to listen but with some critical thinking skills at work because I mean, come on, some of the ‘rules’ are just ridiculous. You can’t do this, you can’t do that. How did any of us ever survive??!

After the group thing Andrew and I went for a bit of a walk before coming home. Then he had time in his Exersaucer while I cleaned part of our closet. I’m getting rid of more clothes. It’s ridiculous how much I have that I never wear, and lets face it, never will. Why do I have such a hard time getting rid of things?! I was struggling to get rid of a few of my maternity tops because they were my favourites throughout my pregnancy! But seriously, they’re not ones I’d hold onto for a future pregnancy (should there be one a few years from now!) because they’re pretty worn out and I’d want different things I’m sure. It’s just that I was so attached to them for those months when nothing else would fit! It’s silly to be sentimental about such things, I’m working on that. I should probably get rid of a lot more than I am but I have another full black garbage bag to go to the thrift shop so that’s better than nothing. I still want to do more on our closet though. It’s so poorly organized and it really bugs me looking at it. And since Moorka’s little cat house that she likes to sneak away to is in the bottom of the closet, we have to leave one of the doors open at all times so I don’t want it to be so unsightly in there! We’ve pretty much decided we DON’T want to move really soon so I want to get things more organized so we can fit what we need to in here…somehow!

Andrew is now in his Jolly Jumper but he’s starting to jump less and ‘talk’ more so I have a feeling he’s going to need out of there pretty soon. Best go!

Despite not having a whole lot of sleep last night, I seem to have a bit more energy today…so far at least!

What a little guy

Andrew is definitely teething. He’s biting at anything he can get his gums on! He was even trying to eat the seat of his Exersaucer! LOL He’s like a little fiend, grabbing and chomping on everything.

He’s really starting to grab and pull at things a lot more. He can turn his toys to get them in the position he wants (such as his teethers for getting into his mouth) and he has SO much energy! He’s bursting with it. He had Jolly Jumper time 4 times today and he did not want to stop – he was practically leaping into the air!

It’s amazing watching him change and grow so rapidly. I love how happy he is. He is constantly smiling. And while sure he has his moments where there’s just nothing I can do to help him, I’m getting better at coming up with my own little ways of getting him to forget the tears and bring on the smiles! He’s just too cute for words and I couldn’t love him more if I tried.

I’m still finding it extremely interesting, the difference between moms and dads. Which is not to say it’s the same by any means for everyone – but in my own situation. James is a wonderful father, as I knew he would be, and he is quite capable of looking after Andrew without me worrying that he’s not doing things right or properly caring for him. It’s not that…but it’s like a mother’s work is just never done, whereas for a father, they can relax more. When we’re watching a show, James is intent on watching the show and the show alone. He seems to forget there’s a baby in the room. Whereas I am half watching the show, half watching the boy. Always keeping one eye on him to make sure he’s alright. Even when I am ‘relaxing’ I find I am never 100% relaxed because I always have to be ‘on’ for Andrew. Ready and waiting to be there for him if and when he needs me. I guess it’s just a mother’s instinct, a mother’s love. I don’t know. I just find it very interesting that I have so much patience with Andrew. I have never had so much as an ounce of patience in me but Andrew has taught me that I have to have it! And I really do now. At least for him =) I just see it that he’s a baby and he does things babies do and if I’m in the middle of something I want to be doing and he needs me, he comes first. I can’t get super frustrated or upset at missing out on whatever it is I’m wanting to be doing because that’s the way it goes, and that’s the way it should be expected to go. If you manage to do what you want to do, bonus! But if you don’t, that’s ok too.

Anyway, I have to cut this short…just remembered I have some cards to write out to send tomorrow and if I don’t do it now while Andrew’s asleep, it DEFINITELY won’t happen! lol

Monday, May 04, 2009

A weekend in review

Tonight Andrew had his first taste of organic brown rice cereal (mixed with breast milk). He hated it. And that’s an understatement! He just wailed and would not swallow the stuff! I had to use his bib to clean some of it out of his mouth! The rest went down once he latched onto my breast to feed the way he’s accustomed. I calmed him down and got him smiling and even doing a little bit of a laugh so James tried the tiniest amount more of the cereal and he just started bawling all over again. Maybe he’s not quite ready for it yet. I can understand it taking some getting used to – suddenly you have this grainy sort of texture to deal with when all you’ve ever experienced has been a smooth liquid. But from what my parents said, I took to it immediately and didn’t even want it diluted much, it had to be thick or I wouldn’t eat it! LOL My brother took longer to get used to it though, so I guess everyone is different. I have a feeling Andrew will love it once he gets the hang of it, but it’s going to take more work than I had thought. It’s ok though…We’ll give it another try in a few days and go from there. Truthfully, if he’s not ready yet, I’m fine with it. He’s only 4 months and he has 2 months to get used to it since he doesn’t HAVE to start eating solids this early. I like that he is happy with his Momma’s milk. I am happy to provide everything my little guy needs!

We’re also going to have to get him a high chair. Oh yes, another giant hunk of plastic to find a place for in a place that’s already bursting at the seams!! We could get one that attaches to a dining chair to save room, only we don’t have dining chairs – just stools for our high bar table (yes I know we will have to get rid of it and get a kid friendly table and chairs eventually but we’re not in a position to do that at the moment!) Oh well, we’ll make room somehow – we always do =P

We have the opportunity (possibly) to move for July 1st but I am highly doubtful that we’ll go for it. It’s unfortunate because the place would be perfect for us in a lot of ways – waaaaaay bigger, it’s a 2 bedroom but quite spacious 2 bedroom. The bathroom alone is probably 3 times the size of our current one, with a big claw-foot tub. There’s even a fireplace (not in the bathroom – lol) and it’s the main floor of a house so you can walk right outside easily without an elevator, which I would love. There’s a lot going for it and honestly if they were moving out 6 months from now or so, I might be wanting to jump on it no question but I just don’t know if I want to leave our place just yet. We’ve only been here a year and a month and I love so much about it. Most especially the location. This other place is still in Vancouver but it’s not in this area – it would take a bus or two to get here for sure. There are pros and cons and we’re not completely closed off to the idea of moving but we’re not sold yet. We also have to find out if there’s any leniency on pets since there’s a no pet policy and I am NOT doing what we did here again where we have to hide the cats from the landlords. I can’t stand living like that, where I feel like I’m doing something wrong! But yeah…it’s kind of exciting, the prospect of having a bigger living space!

Too bad the weekend is over…It was a good one over all. On Saturday I had an afternoon of freedom to go have my hair done. It feels soooo much better getting it cut again and fresh colour put on – in a bit of a different colour but nothing too drastically different. I love the cut though, it’s what I got last time just cleaned up and a tad bit shorter so it will last longer. It’s SO easy to maintain yet still feels like it has some style to it. I don’t know if I will ever grow my hair out again!

After the hair appointment I went shopping, but it was insanely busy out. So much for the recession making people save up all their pennies! It was absolutely nuts out there with shoppers. I got a new nightgown but that was it. I was hoping to find a few tops or a new skirt but I couldn’t muster the energy to search and try everything on and blah blah blah. I looked but it just wasn’t happening. It’s hard for me right now because everything I buy I have to question if I can breast feed in it. Can this top be easily lifted? Will it stretch out? Is it practical? Even the nightgown – I can’t wear just any nighty because I need to be able to whip the girls out easily. Most of my pj’s are from a maternity shop since they’re made for nursing but there’s no maternity shop in this area. So I managed to find something that unbuttons easily at the top for easy access =D But yeah tops are sometimes an issue…and I would LOVE to be able to wear dresses all summer because I LOVE dressing more feminine in the summertime but I can’t wear any dresses this summer because I can’t very well lift up a dress and reeeally bare all in public to feed Andrew now can I!!! So I’m going to be limited. I’ll have to find some skirts. Since my hips are wider now than they were pre-pregnancy, I doubt anything I have will still fit. It’s all rather disheartening and frustrating at times to deal with but at the same time I know it’s important to embrace my new body because there’s a wonderful reason why it is the shape it is now. I want to just be happy with it, and for the most part I am because I know I’m really not that big or anything but it’s crazy how hard it is to find clothes that fit me now. If I’m not that big, why do most sizes at most stores not fit me?? And the ta-ta’s fitting into most tops – forget it!! I don’t understand why there aren’t more stores with sizes for people with REAL bodies.

But anyway…

Last night we watched The Changeling, with Angelina Jolie. I’m not a fan of hers at all really and was skeptical as to what I’d think of the film based on her…BUT I thought she did an amazing job and I loved the movie. James and I both loved the way it was done – given that it was set in the 20s and 30s, the colours in the film looked like an old photograph. I thought it was very well done.

We stayed up way too late watching it though and RIGHT after we went to bed Andrew woke for a feed so I hadn’t slept yet at all…I ended up being up till 4am, didn’t fall asleep till closer to 5, and was woken up this morning at 7am to some stupid running race relay something or other going by our apartment. Basically people were clapping, cheering, honking, yelling things out, and it was seven in the fucking morning and I am using harsh language to illustrate that I was totally infuriated by it. Do your running thing but could you do it silently if you’re going to do it so early on a Sunday morning? I couldn’t sleep while it was happening and it went on for about an hour and a half or something ridiculous like that. I was so upset because I was so tired – one and a half hours sleep is NOT enough to function on AND look after a baby on. James was so good and got up with him so I could try to sleep and finally I drifted off for 2 hours. I had to have an hours nap tonight as well because I was crashing by early evening due to so little zzz’s last night. It’s hard to recover from sleep deprivation…

James had a nap for a few hours today too – we basically worked in shifts! Luckily I had him to help me out or I would have gone insane. I was so out of it when it was early and I had only had the hour and a half sleep – I actually would have been relieved if someone would have just killed me. I know that sounds over the top but it’s true, that’s how exhausted I was. I couldn’t function properly and I most definitely couldn’t think clearly. I just felt wretched and it felt like there was no hope whatsoever for me to ever feel better. A bit of sleep DID make me more positive than that though, thank goodness!

We had a good day once we were both up. James made us some lunch and we spent time with Andrew as a family and just hung around, got ready for the day. Met up with my brother and s-i-l for a while and went to an outdoor restaurant and had a few drinks (well I only had one but it was good!) and a bite to eat and Andrew slept the whole time! I fed him on a dock along the sea wall for a good 15 minutes or so and he drifted off and we managed to get to the restaurant and be there about an hour and he didn’t even so much as stir. What an angel he is!

Tonight we started watching Bee Movie and it’s quite good so far. We’ll finish it tomorrow. We got cable recently and now we’re watching the dvd’s we have collected up over the past while but not watched yet. Go figure!

I wish James didn’t have to go back to work tomorrow but I am sure Andrew and I will find many ways to amuse each other! He’s such a cutie pie! He’s asleep in his crib right now and every so often I go in and look at him and I just want to pick him up and squeeze him tight, he is such an adorable little munchkin! I loooooooooooove my little guy so much!

But speaking of all the lack of sleep I’ve had this weekend, I really should be getting to bed now while I have the chance…

Friday, May 01, 2009

A better night's sleep

Last night at around 1am I decided to go to bed. I was planning on taking Andrew to his bassinet but he just seemed so content sleeping in his crib so I decided to leave him there and test how long it took him to wake up on his own. This is how he looked:
So off to bed I went, with the monitor on so I'd hear him if he woke up.

I woke up just after 3am since usually he'd have been up for his next feed by then. I thought for a second, maybe I should go in and check on him...But I resisted, since I DO eventually have to get used to relying on the monitor!

I woke up again just after 5:30am and realized he STILL hadn't woke up so I thought I'd better go have a check since he NEVER goes that long without waking for a feed!

This is the state I found him in:
Maybe the monitor isn't on loud enough because shouldn't I have heard him moving this far away?! And so much for those pillow things keeping him in place!!! I don't know if you can tell but he has his face pressed right into the bumper pad. It should perhaps be cause for concern since bumper pads are not encouraged by Health Canada due to suffocation issues...but when he's in bed with us he generally likes to be pressed up against one of us with his nose so I guess this was a comfort to him in the crib!

I didn't feel good about him being like that though so I put him back where he was:
He was still in a sleep state but he had started doing his mad sucking thing with his mouth so I knew at this point he'd need feeding soon! Plus it had been 8 hours or so since he'd had a diaper change and given he has a slight rash at the moment I thought I'd better get him changed! So I did that. He had a bit of a feed (although not much of one, 5 minutes worth maybe) and then I put him in his play mat. He played for a little while and then fell fast asleep!
After a while I was so tired so I picked him up and took him to our bed and put him in between James and I. He didn’t wake up! He slept on and off (and fed a bit in between) until 11am. I don’t feel like I got enough sleep since it took me so long to fall asleep and stay asleep through the night BUT I am thinking I really should try to start going to bed earlier. If he starts a pattern of sleeping longer in his crib, I might actually get a decent night’s sleep once in a while!

He really IS growing up. I think we’re going to have to dismantle the bassinet soon and put it away. He’s all about the crib now. He really does seem happy to sleep in there and I think it’s because it’s so much more roomy. And he’s not right by a window with the traffic noise starting in the early morning. I’m going to miss having him sleep in the same room as us every night but I guess such is life. My little baby boy is growing up!

An apple a day...

Going to the doctor yesterday went just as I figured it would. Which unfortunately isn’t a good thing. The doctor was very abrupt in her approach – she barely said anything, didn’t really look up from her charts, and was quite curt in her response. It’s just the way of things at most clinics these days, it’s not just her. But I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t annoying…not to mention disheartening. Luckily I went in there knowing full well it was likely to go this way so I wasn’t hurt by it – just disappointed. She’s our new family doctor so naturally I was hoping we’d be building a relationship (mainly between her and Andrew) but it’s just not going to happen. The weird thing is, when we went for our consultation visit when Andrew was 8 weeks old, SHE’S the one who told me to come back every few months just for a check up so she could get to know the baby. So I found it a bit strange when she didn’t even ask to hold him. She barely even looked at him, really. Enough to say, ‘he looks great, nothing to worry about there.’ Which obviously I already knew but I don’t know – it would have been nice for her to show a bit more interest. I wanted to have him weighed and she just turned the baby scale on, then walked away and said, ‘Go nuts!’

Okaaaaay. I should have said, ‘I think I AM going nuts…The medical system is enough to do it to anyone!!!’ But whatevs. I could spend a ton of time looking for a new, better doctor for us but I honestly don’t know if one exists anywhere around here, truthfully. And for how often we ever have to go to the doctor, it probably doesn’t matter if the one we have is a bit short with us.

I was sooooo spoiled with the amazing treatment I got from my midwife so it’s harder than ever now to put up with regular doctors!

But anyway, Andrew did really well while we were out and on the way home we stopped by the drugstore and got him some plastic baby spoons and organic brown rice cereal. We’re going to try it on him this weekend. His very first taste of solid food! They say to start it between 4-6 months and I know a lot of people wait till closer to the 6 month mark but I think he’s been ready for it for a while. Every time we eat or drink he is intently watching us as if he wants it too. And yesterday on the way home I decided to get a slurpee halfway along the journey because I was so thirsty and as soon as I started drinking it he started bawling. I stopped and gave him his bottle and he fell fast asleep. Seeing ME have a drink made him feel like he should have one too, when just a short time earlier he’d refused the bottle when I tried to give it to him!

It feels like he’s growing up soooo fast. He’s been exclusively breast fed for the past 4 months (he was 4 months old as of yesterday). And now he’s going to be starting on solid foods. It feels like a huge step! He’s a big boy…already! He’s not going to stay a little baby. He’s already over 17lbs! Yesterday he weighed in at 17lbs 4oz with his clothes on, so about 17lbs 1oz he would be without. Big baby baby!