Monday, March 30, 2009

Sometimes it's good to plan ahead

I really need to work on a picture project. If Andrew has a nap tomorrow I really want to get some pics printed and also start going through my million folders of pictures since he was born and scale back. It’s soooo hard to press that delete button, even when it’s a blurry image – because it’s a picture of my precious baby! But I know it has to be done and really, there are tons of good pics so it’s not like I won’t still have way more than I need once I’ve scaled back!!

The plan this morning was for James to take Andrew when he got up so I could sleep a few solid hours. I fed the babe in bed so he might not need the bottle as soon so I could maximize how long I could sleep. James said he’d come back in a few to collect Andrew after I finished feeding him. Well he fell asleep as soon as he finished and so did I, so he ended up just staying with me till after 11am! It worked for all of us because this way James got a bit of time to himself, we slept, AND the milk was saved for later. We went out for a walk along the water at English Bay, then parted ways so I could get some of James’ birthday gifts while he and Andrew went home. His bday isn’t till April 19th so I was shopping really early, but I wanted to be able to go on my own and next weekend we have plans so I don’t think I’d be able to pump enough milk for 2 outings! And the weekend after that is Easter and we’re travelling so…it just made sense to get it done today! I still have a few things to pick up but for the most part his bday gifts are all taken care of. He’s turning 30 this year so it’s a big one!!

It was nice to be out but at the same time I’d have preferred to have been spending time with James and Andy instead. It was soooooo busy out and I can’t stand that. And what’s with music being played at maximum volume in so many stores? And lame music at that. I can’t think straight to shop when it’s so noisy! Maybe that makes me sound old but it is what it is. I found myself thinking, “I should just be doing all of this online!” It’s nice to see merchandise up close for some things but for others it’s just so much easier to point and click and wait for it to arrive at the door!
When I got home Andrew had just finished the 6 ounce bottle so I had to pump just to relieve myself of the milk I had since it would be a while till he’d want fed again and I was full up! It’s good though because now there is a supply in the fridge – which I can always use for a nap tomorrow night if I need to =) I like knowing it’s there if I need a break for whatever reason, just in case.

Didn’t do too much after I got home. I got us season 2 of ER so we’ve started watching that…And I had a nap for just over an hour, which was much needed. Just kind of a lazy Sunday evening. Right now Andrew is asleep in his crib – yes, his CRIB!! – so I’m waiting for him to wake for his next feed. If it gets late enough that I want to go to bed I can use the monitor and leave him in there. But then he’ll be in his bassinet the rest of the night – I still want him close to me till he outgrows it completely! Which will be a sad day indeed…I don’t even want to think about it.

Andrew will be 3 months old in a few days. I can’t believe how fast time is flying by!! James is making a video of small video clips that we’ve taken since Andrew’s birth. There are even 2 short clips of just after he was born – when he was being swaddled and when our midwife was showing us how to burp him (which he’s hated since day one!) Even his little cry was different than it is now – with a hint of how it is now but way more ‘newborn’ sounding! I almost cried watching those clips because he was SO tiny and amazing and new and he still is (not the tiny part though – lol) but WOW are those videos ever PRECIOUS. He melts my heart with everything he does!

Check these out!!
Then (about 3-4 days old):
And now (taken last night):

They grow up way too fast!!!!!

Sunday, March 29, 2009

2 more days and Andrew is officially 3 months old!

On Friday night Andrew and I were supposed to meet James at Sears after he got off work to get a Jolly Jumper. Only they didn’t have any in stock. They had the original type that you have to attach to a doorway, but we were looking for the stand-alone one that can be placed anywhere. They wouldn’t be getting any more in stock till May =( Sears wasn’t a complete loss: they had a lot of baby clothes on sale and I was able to get 2 cute onesies for only $6.99 each. One says ‘Handsome’ on it, the other ‘Hug Me.’ I got him ones that said they’re for 20lbs. I would say he’s between 15-16 now. Well after washing them and trying him in them, they are a perfect fit but definitely won’t fit him once he actually IS 20lbs! I don’t know where they come up with these sizes.

Anyway, since Sears didn’t have what we were actually looking for, we instead met up with James at The Bay, hoping they would have what we wanted in stock. Well they didn’t even have the original JJ! NOTHING! It was truly pathetic. We were also hoping to get something for Andrew’s crib so he’d have something besides his mobile to keep him occupied in there. We’d seen a little Fisher-Price aquarium before at Babies R Us that we thought he’d enjoy but they had nothing at all like it at The Bay. They don’t have a very good baby section in general.

I did, however, end up buying Andrew a few more clothes there! A navy blue polo shirt onesie, dinosaur pj’s, and a cute monkey outfit! I couldn’t resist. There was soooo many more things I COULD have bought him but I limited myself ;) He just looks so cute in EVERYTHING I want him to have it all!! Plus he outgrows things so fast so he needs new things all the time! That’s my way of justifying it =P

It was sad coming home sans new ‘fun’ things for Andrew though. Luckily he can’t understand what I tell him because I had promised him in the afternoon that by evening he would be enjoying his very own Jolly Jumper – if he’d been anticipating it himself he would have been very sad that night!
When we got home we went online to Babies R Us and we ended up ordering the JJ, a musical mat that goes under it, and the Fisher-Price aquarium. It will be delivered in a week or less! Shipping was only $10 and it would cost as much to go to the store on the bus and back, not including somehow having to carry all the stuff while also wheeling Andrew around. So it’s a great deal ordering from them online! We got his bassinet and a few other things that way and we were amazed with how quickly we got it all. So we have that stuff to look forward to. I can’t wait to get Andrew into the JJ, I am positive he is going to love it. He is kicking his legs more and more and seems to need to stretch them out a lot so I think he will really benefit from using the JJ!

Last night I didn’t sleep well at all…Andrew had fed around 2:30am and it wasn’t an hour later that he was doing what appears to be his new ‘thing’ for letting me know he wants up in the night! He lifts his legs up and slams them down in the bassinet as hard as he can – over and over and over again. He was sucking at his hands so I figured he wanted fed again but I was too tired to actually get up with him and bring him out to the living room, so I picked him up out of the bassinet and put him in bed with us. I got us set up for a feed but he didn’t take to my nipple – instead, he laid there on his side and fell fast asleep! The little monkey just wanted cuddles and the warmth of our bed, he didn’t need to be fed! What a little scamp. Where I had put him was way too close to me on my side of the bed so I couldn’t move a muscle – if I tried to lay on my back half my body would have fallen off the bed. So I slept horribly because I had no space. Eventually I did scoot him over a bit so I’d have a BIT of room but he just looked so content, I didn’t want to disturb him. Yes, he’s got his Momma wrapped around his little finger! But he’s so darn cute, what can I do?!!?!

James took him in the morning and I slept for about 2 hours. Andrew amazingly didn’t need any milk in that time – which is good since I’d only been able to pump about two and a half ounces which would definitely not be enough for him if he was hungry!
I had a GD Tass (Café Verona, Starbucks – it’s quite tasty!) and James made egg salad sarnies since it was close to lunch time and we did a little photo shoot of Andrew in some of his new clothes. Then I got started cleaning out our closet while James played a game on his computer (something he very rarely does nowadays!) Andrew was mostly with me – started off in his Bumbo chair on the bed and was content for a little while but he tends to get squirmy in it after a little while. I put him in his lay-down cozy baby chair and he sat there and watched me take everything out of the closet. I talked to him and sang (John Mayer was playing on the CD player) and he would smile. Finally he actually fell asleep in his chair for about half an hour. I had been working on the closet for some time and had got it to a pretty good state so when he woke up (and started sobbing right away because he was restricted in his chair and didn’t want to be there anymore!) I fed him right away, then James took him while I had a bath. I got more work done on the closet later on and finished it. It could be organized even better than it is but it’s hard to do because we have so much stuff for only having one bedroom closet. We reeeeally need more storage space!

Andrew and I had a half hour nap, which was much needed. We didn’t do much tonight, just hung around and James and I watched an episode of 21 Jump Street.

Andrew had a LOT of energy today and barely napped. He was a bit fussy – didn’t cry if he was getting constant attention but yeah, slightly fussier than his usual.

Should get him back to his bassinet so I might get a bit of sleep before his next feed. And another day begins!!
At least I have 6 ounces pumped so I know I can sleep in the morning if I want to! Although I am also thinking I might like to go out for a little while tomorrow so I should save some for that…All I know is there are 6 ounces of freedom in the fridge – it won’t go to waste! LOL

Friday, March 27, 2009

An update...

I can’t believe how much Andrew slept! After posting what I last wrote, I picked Andrew up off his play mat and he instantly fell asleep in my arms. I put him in his bassinet and got back into bed. He slept till after 9am! I got him into bed with me for a feed and after he ate he was just grinning away and I talked to him for a little while and just watched him smile. I was still so tired so I drifted back to sleep and so did he – he didn’t wake up again till just after 11! I didn’t get nearly as much sleep as he did but I woke up feeling pretty good – not all exhausted and in need of more rest like usual. So that was GREAT!!

He fed again, had some play mat time, then I got him ready for the day. After I had some coffee and a bite to eat, I fed him again and he was right out! Practically comatose after his feeding – LOL. I got him into his stroller and he didn’t even wake up for that – usually he cries when he has to get strapped in. Anyway, off we went to get cat food and a few groceries so James wouldn’t have to do it after work. Andrew slept the whole time we were out, up to our walk home from Safeway. He didn’t need his soother at all, he had a bit of a furrowed brow but seemed content to just look at me as we made our way home. He is the best boy ever!

We’re going out to get a Jolly Jumper (hopefully) this weekend, which I am so excited about! I LOVED my JJ when I was little and I can’t believe MY baby is now ready to have one! He is going to have so much fun with it. I think he’s supposed to be a few months older than he is to use it but he’s so strong already and can hold his head up easily and has for ages already so I think it’ll be alright to get him started on it early! I just hope it folds up easily for storage since we have so little space in here as it is! If it has to be kept out all the time I don’t have a clue where we’ll put it! (And we can’t get one that hangs from a door frame since we’re renting and can’t be putting that huge a hold in a frame, not to mention we wouldn’t have many frames to choose from!!

Anyway, that’s our day so far. It’s been a really good one! It’s really amazing what a bit of extra sleep can do for a person.

The power of sleep

I can’t believe how long Andrew just slept for!

He went to sleep on my chest just after 11pm. I put him in his bassinet around 12-12:30am…And at 5:50am we got up for his next feed. For him, that was close to a 7 hour sleep!

Around 3am he was awake in his bassinet for a little while. I woke up to him lifting his legs in the air and slamming them down on the floor of the bassinet. I looked in at him and he was flailing about in all sorts of ways! But he wasn’t crying or making any sort of noise otherwise (such as madly sucking his fists, which he ALWAYS does when he needs his next meal in the night!) So instead of lifting him out, I rocked the bassinet back and forth. He stopped flailing and closed his eyes and after one short little encore of his flailing performance, he was asleep again.

Oh glorious day!

Now the only issue is that he had his morning feed but now he’s awake after all that sleep. I could quite nicely go back to bed for a few more hours myself! I have such a hard time getting to sleep and then staying that way is becoming a challenge for me too, so I’d say I’ve had a total of about 3-3.5 hours. I do feel a lot more rested than I usually do by this time of morning, surprisingly – I really do think that bit of sleep I got yesterday due to James being home really helped rejuvenate me. I sleep a lot better when I know Andrew is being cared for and my mission is solely to sleep and not worry about anyone else. But that’s not to say I won’t be burnt out badly by early afternoon if I don’t get a bit more sleep than I’ve got!

Hopefully in a little while the boy will realize he isn’t usually up this early and he’ll go back to sleep so I can too. I am just happy he slept pretty well through the night. If this could become a pattern, I would know to go to bed earlier and try really hard to actually fall asleep – and I MIGHT actually get what would feel like a full night’s sleep! Even to get 5 hours in a row would be an amazing milestone. I can’t fixate on this idea of more rest too readily – I realize this could be a total fluke…but eventually we have to form a pattern and eventually that pattern has to mean longer sleeps at a time, so I can only hope it’s going to happen sooner rather than later!!

Class reunion

It was such a rough night for me last night. I was so sick and depressed. I finally got Andrew back to his bassinet and I got into bed and just cried. I was so beyond tired and with not feeling well, I just couldn’t take it anymore. As a result, James decided to work from home today so he could help me out. Not something he should do often but today I think he was my saving grace!

I was able to pump four ounces early this morning so I could go to bed and he could look after Andrew while also working (which definitely proved challenging!) I slept for about an hour and a half and Andrew had the whole bottle during that time (it was gone in 5 mins!) It wasn’t enough sleep but I woke up starving and Andrew needed fed again so I got up and James made me a bagel and I had some juice. I was still feeling so tired so James said pump more milk and go back to bed. I did but only managed three ounces since Andrew had just fed so much. It was enough to get me 3 hours sleep though!! Unfortunately the babe was really fussy the entire time and James didn’t get any work done at all.

When I got up again I took Andrew so James could get to work and he said, “Now I have a whole new appreciation for what you have to do every day!” It’s true – it sounds like all fun and games being a ‘stay at home mom.’ Like I just get to lounge around while the baby sleeps or plays. Yeah right!! Not that he doesn’t do those things (although he rarely naps in the day now and when he does it’s usually for no longer than a half hour at a time) but there’s sooooo much more to it. And especially now that he’s really realizing there’s a whole world out there to explore, he requires a LOT more stimulation. He’s used to being entertained all day long. I was telling James, even when he’s on his play mat and I can get a thing or two done quickly, I am always talking to him or singing to him or answering him when he coos. I make sure I am looking at him a lot as he will sometimes look over at me and it seems he prefers to know I am watching him! I also carry him around a lot, get him into his crib to enjoy his mobile, put him in his Bumbo chair when I’m in the kitchen – I try to move him around so he doesn’t get too bored of one room. He listens to music, watches TV (shows I like but also he has little baby videos, kind of like Baby Einstein only they’re from 2001 so obviously were made before Baby Einstein came to be). So he’s constantly got SOMETHING happening. Plus I think he just likes to know his meal ticket is close by – aka my chest! LOL

He may have been fussy too because his nose was a bit stuffed and I thought he might be getting my cold.

Anyway, even though I wish James had had an easier time of things with Andrew today, I’m kind of glad he experienced him being a bit on the fussier side. It has usually happened that by the time James gets home from work to spend time with him, or on the weekends when James has taken him for a few hours alone so I could do something, he’s been completely relaxed and totally easy to care for. So I think that while James knew what I sometimes go through to make Andrew happy, he didn’t REALLY know, you know?! Now I think he truly does understand it better!

Andrew is actually a really ‘easy’ baby compared to many, from what I have heard. He’s so good-natured so it USUALLY doesn’t take too much to calm him and make him happy.

We had our prenatal class reunion last night at the hospital. It felt weird going there as we hadn’t been since Andrew’s birth. The door we went through to go into the building happened to be on the side where the maternity ward is, so when we were still outside I saw the exact bricks I was staring out at during my labour. It felt strange, these images forever implanted in my mind!

It was also strange to be going to our reunion already. It feels like just yesterday we were all still pregnant and waiting and learning about the process! 7 of the 10 couples from our original class were there with their babies. There were 4 girls and 3 boys. Quite a few c-sections I was surprised to find out. And a few births that only took just over 3 hours from start to finish!! Wow, I thought my 7 hrs 40 mins was considered short for a first labour! But I’m actually quite glad mine wasn’t toooo short because the second child usually comes a lot quicker than the first and I’d be a tad worried if it was going to be less than 3 hours. There’s a pretty good chance of not making it to the hospital in such a situation, and to me that would be a nightmare.

The babies were pretty cute, but I really thought that Andrew was by far the cutest one there. And I’m not just saying that because I’m his mom! LOL Seriously, he was the cutest. There was this one teensy little Chinese baby girl that was super cute as well though, she just had these bright eyes and this sweet little face. Babies are such a source of light and happiness! Their innocence and charm is just TOO MUCH!!

It was fun seeing the couples from our class and chatting about our birth stories and what our babies are up to. While we’re all in the same boat, we all do seem to lead very different lives. I had hoped to meet some new friends in our same situation through that class but it didn’t happen. Although there are a few of us that do want to get together from time to time…I’m going to check out the rec center though and see what people I meet up with there. That might be better because everyone there will obviously live in our area or they’d be going to a different location. There’s a drop in class once a week and my plan is to check it out next week.

Anyway…we had a nice night out, it was when we got home and I lost my second wind and was exhausted but couldn’t sleep that it all went downhill.

I am feeling good right now because I got enough sleep through the day – it was 4pm when I got up after having going back to bed at 1 so I don’t feel really tired yet like I usually would at this time. I should try to sleep soon though or I’ll be wiped by early tomorrow…It’s a vicious circle trying to get enough sleep AND get things done that I want to do. I guess I haven’t quite mastered that yet. But I’m working on it, or trying to at least…

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Say it again and I'll scream

It really hurts my feelings (A LOT, as it happens) when people say that Andrew is a spitting image of his father. It’s not that I don’t want him to resemble James, but does our baby look nothing like me??

There’s no mistaking who Andrew’s father is and I’m glad of that – I love seeing James in him because I love James and I think it’s so amazingly wonderful that we created this perfect little guy together. But there’s the word right there – ‘together.’ And considering I did all the work of growing him inside me for over 9 months and birthed him, it’d be nice to be told once in a while that he looks a little bit like his Momma!

If you see baby pictures of me, there’s no mistaking WE ARE RELATED! In fact, I have shown some of my baby pics to people and they thought they were pictures of Andrew, not me, so that says something I would think! Plus, Andrew has blue eyes…I have blue eyes, but James doesn’t. Maybe his eye colour comes from me?

It’s interesting that people in my family who knew me as a baby see a strong resemblance. For example, my grandma almost cried recently when we were visiting her because Andrew kept grinning at her and she said she was taken back to when I was a baby because his facial expressions were just like mine. It’s nice to hear these comments once in a while.

But most of the time all I get is, “Sorry Liz, but he looks like his dad.”

Eventually someone is going to say that to me and I am going to completely lose it. I can feel it welling up inside me. It’s seriously only a matter of time!

I do agree that there are many similarities between baby and dad here – I am not denying that. But I’d just like a little goddam recognition! In my own mind I do see the resemblance between us – he will give a look sometimes and I’ll think that’s weird, he looks like me when he does that! It’s strange seeing yourself in a new little person! But I am starting to wonder – is it just wishful thinking? Because so many people just say he looks like his dad and they completely leave me out of the equation. I guess it can’t be coincidence if it keeps happening.

It may sound silly and I could always try to blame it on how tired I am (which lately is feeling slightly out of control) but I have actually cried (in private) over this issue. It really does make me feel very sad.

Andrew is perfect, no matter who he looks like. I love him more than anything in the world. I don’t know why this issue bothers me so much, it just does. I guess I get tired of people’s opinions. Especially people who SHOULD KNOW BETTER. People with kids, for example…Especially moms. They should know it would be hurtful as a mom to be told baby looks like dad only. But they don’t seem to care when they’re talking to me.

Right now I feel very fragile and perhaps a bit like a punching bag.

I need to be looked after but I don’t have anyone to look after me. If I pump milk so I can have a bit of a rest, it means James is with Andrew during that time so I might be able to get a quick hug but I don’t feel like he can properly take any time out to help me with hugs and loves and nurturing. Not that he doesn’t do these things for me at all, he does, he tries to, but Andrew does take priority. And I WANT Andrew to take priority – he takes it with me on all counts – I expect that. So it’s not like I’m feeling resentful of him in any way or anything horrible like that. I just feel sorry for myself right now and could use SOMETHING but I don’t know what. A part of me feels very lonely this moment and all I want to do is cry.

I am also sick and have been throwing up, which doesn’t help AT ALL. Which is probably a big reason for why I am feeling so low. That and the fact that I haven’t gone to sleep at all yet (due to the sickness) and it’s already after 3am which means I will most likely be a basket case tomorrow (well, later today) because Andrew doesn’t really sleep during the day much at all so by losing this window of sleep time when he has slept, I know I can’t make up the time. So I will be running on less than empty. How am I supposed to feel better that way?

I know things will get better. I can still see things positively from a certain angle. And Andrew cuddles DO help me keep myself grounded to some degree! I just wish I could shake feeling sad altogether. I want to just focus on being happy.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

25 I's

I hate having a cold. I’m glad that neither James nor Andrew have got it – here’s hoping they manage to avoid it completely.

I wish I had one of those mini computers – it would be so much easier to type with Andrew draped across me if I didn’t have this huge honkin’ laptop in front of me! Too bad they’re way too expensive.

I think my eyesight got a bit worse during pregnancy. I read that if that happens it should correct itself after pregnancy, but mine has not corrected.

I love that Andrew can now be put in his sling in a sitting position, so when we go out for walks he can look around and take in all the sights.

I am in love with my little boy’s grin! And I think he’s going to find his laugh pretty soon – I can’t wait!

I hate that I have yet another load of laundry left to fold. I am tempted to just leave it in the dryer and deal with it tomorrow.

I have yet to start Andrew on the reusable diapers (speaking of laundry!) They say for 10-22 pounds but I tried him in them and he’s still swimming in them. I am going to wait till he’s about 17 pounds and then they should work. He is probably getting close to 15 pounds now, I would think.

I am ever so slowly working on a ‘spring cleaning’ of our apartment. Hopefully I’ll be able to accomplish it all before spring is over!! Slowly but surely…

I am absolutely HOOKED on the TV show Brothers & Sisters. My mom bought me season 2 and I am whipping through it like there’s no tomorrow! I watch it when I feed Andrew, which is often!

I can’t believe Andrew is 12 weeks old already – where does the time go?

I haven’t had more than 3 straight hours of sleep for a very long time.

I feel so bad for the babe when he has little nightmares. He makes a sad noise and his face scrunches up and I wonder what he could possibly be having nightmares about at this stage of life! Has his milk supply run dry? No more fresh diapers? What??!

I would love to go through other people’s suites in our building who have the same layout as us to see what they did with the space.

I get a real kick out of our cats when they have their lion’s cuts!

I love our little community here. Even though we don’t tend to participate very actively, I enjoy the little circle we have and the characters we meet on a regular basis in the area.

I find starfish interesting. When I take Andrew for walks on the sea wall I like to stop and look at the rocks in the water to see how many there are and how many different colours. It will be fun when Andrew can count them with me!

I am amazed that anything survives in the water given all the pollution from the boats.

I wish I could be more of a minimalist. It’s not in my nature though…and kind of hard with a baby in the house! Our décor has already taken on a very toy-centered theme! And right when I wanted to go for a slightly more mature look…

I wish we had a bigger place so badly. I love our apartment but we’ve outgrown it size-wise very quickly. If it was bigger, maybe we could have a child-free zone where the décor COULD be slightly more mature!

I wish it was easier to find a new apartment and not super expensive to hire movers.

I feel so blessed to have such a healthy, happy baby. AND he’s clever and absolutely adorable – we got the whole package! (Yes I am biased but a mother is expected to brag about her child!!)

I still feel hurt that my m-i-l has not even attempted to make amends with me. It shocks me that she honestly seems to think she can get away with pretending I don’t exist. Look up self-centered and you’ll find a picture of her.

I would like to get laser eye surgery someday but I don’t know if I’d actually go through with it. I just think it would be so glorious to wake up in the morning and be able to see the numbers on the alarm clock without having to squint!

I have a snoring baby cuddling me right now. How cute is that?!

I should put him in his bassinet and get to bed, but I just want to hold him a little longer. His cuddles are the best thing in the world!

Saturday, March 21, 2009

I need a GD Tass!

This morning, after dropping our kitties off at the groomers to get the lion’s cut (yay for groomed cats – I am so much happier with them now that their ridiculous fur is gone and not laying all over the carpet in tufts waiting to be vacuumed!) my dad drove James to London Drugs where our very own Tassimo machine was purchased!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We call it “The GD Tass.*”

I am soooo happy we have it! But they had hardly any beverage selection for it at that particular LD’s so we’re going to have to go searching for more elsewhere. I am thinking of getting a few in-store and then I will just order a whole bunch online and be done with it.

*GD stands for God Damn! My brother was the one who introduced us to the Tassimo machine. Apparently he hummed and hawed before purchasing it (he always takes forever to make up his mind about things) so finally his girlfriend said to him, “Oh just buy the god damn Tass!” LOL He ended up buying one for my parents for Xmas, I fell in love with it while visiting them, then James enjoyed the convenience of it recently so now here we are, with a machine of our very own!

This makes me very happy! Now I can have a cuppa in the afternoon and not have to worry about whether I’ll actually be able to get from the stage of boiling the water to drinking the tea before it’s over steeped and cold (due to baby’s needs of course). The GD Tass makes a hot cup o’ tea (or coffee, or hot chocolate) in less than a minute – and a perfect cup every time!

Anyway...moving on!

My parents had to go home tonight after being over for a few days. My mom got food poisoning last night and was sick all day today so we felt like our time together was cut short. I’m sad they had to go home.

I’m also feeling kind of sad in general. I have a cold that came on suddenly last night, I feel achy all over, I’m exhausted…and I guess the combination of things is bringing me down. I think I need a good cry but I’m too tired to do it, plus my nose is already stuffed up enough. I’m just so GD tired!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I need sleep but when I lay down my mind races and all the horrible thoughts in my head (about things that are out of my control) prevent me from sleeping. Most of the time I’m happy and I’ve noticed I’m waaay more positive than I used to be because Andrew keeps me centered and wanting to be a better person. But I guess when I get really sleep deprived I just start getting down.

I took a break from writing and just talked to James about some of my ‘issues’ and I guess I’m feeling somewhat better – at least I got a few things off my chest. Hopefully tomorrow I can have a nap – I pumped milk yesterday so there’s no reason not to. Then maybe I’ll feel more like myself.

And I guess that sort of hits the nail on the head – I am a whole new me in a lot of ways now that I’m a mother and have new responsibilities. I guess I should cut myself some slack right, because it’s only been close to 3 months and it has got to take some time to adjust to a new lifestyle and outlook on things!


Written late Thursday night:

Tonight was a big night. James and I went on our first date since Andrew was born! Almost 3 months after his birth, we ventured out just the two of us!! We were together for just over 10 years before having Andrew and I never thought we’d go nearly 3 months without having any time alone together, but such is life. It was so nice to be able to sit there together and hold hands and chat about this and that. Did the topic of baby come up? Of course!! But that’s a good thing – it would be weird to me if we DIDN’T talk about the boy! He is such a big part of our lives!

I also had the first alcoholic beverage I have had in over a year! I had a Metropolitan, which is basically like a Cosmopolitan only with mandarin vodka. It was really good. And hit me so hard – I sipped it slowly throughout the evening because it went straight to my head the first sip! Not drinking for so long has that effect!! I felt weird about drinking any alcohol but if it’s an occasional thing I know it’s not a problem. Even our prenatal instructor said it’s fine to have a drink once in a while! It might make Andrew sleep a bit more, but it could make him more fussy, so we’ll see how it goes!! It might have no effect at all. It was just one drink and I also had water and then some coffee after dinner. I know it’s not a big deal at all but after all this time it felt like a big deal to me!

I was telling James on our date that I need to learn how to switch from role to role more. It’s hard to explain but I am so focused on my role as Mom that maybe I sometimes forget that it’s OK once in a while to switch to being Wife/Partner or just ME as me alone…Not that in those moments I cease being Mom because first and foremost I am always the Momma now!! But it’s good to also be Elizabeth and enjoy things like going out for a meal with my husband. Seems obvious but it can be hard to break free!

I love my little babe sooooooo much though so I wouldn’t ever want to be away from him for too long. I would LOVE to get a decent night’s sleep…so I WOULD be willing to be away from him just for that, but that’s about it!! I need to be close to him otherwise. I just can’t get enough of his cute little self!

To Chandra and anyone else thinking of having kids who might read this: I will say, it’s true, you really REALLY should wait till you’re sure you’re ready before having a baby because it truly does take up ALL your time and energy! It’s unbelievable. You can’t know what it will be like till it happens, even when people talk about their experiences it just doesn’t fully sink in till you are living it. And it IS extremely draining, mostly just because you become insanely tired to the point that you don’t know how you can possibly function at all – although somehow you manage! Sleep deprivation is a terrible, terrible beast!

It can feel overwhelming at times because you can’t do most of the things you used to do without even thinking. Or at least not without a lot of thought, extra effort, and generally an extra pair of hands! So usually it’s just not worth it to even try to do the things you once did!

BUT the pros far outweigh the cons – no question! I couldn’t imagine my life without Andrew now and I wouldn’t have it any other way! He is so precious to me, and he has taught me so much already!

Thursday, March 19, 2009

A breather

Yesterday I felt so blah due to complete lack of sleep the night before. Sleep deprivation doesn’t just creep up slowly when you’re already always part way there – it just smacks you in the face all of a sudden. 3 hours of sleep in a night no longer cuts it, even if it’s only occasional. I thought I was going to pass out and at other moments possibly have a a total mental breakdown. Not. Good.!!!

I’m fine, just could have used some rest throughout the day. We (me, Andrew and my mom) caught the 12:30 ferry to Vancouver and Andrew was quite fussy. Got him home and unpacked (the car that is – I was feeling way too tired to actually unpack our bags), then my mom went to the hotel to nap. The plan was I’d feed Andrew and the two of us would nap as well and I would feel refreshed after.

Unfortunately, Andrew had a different plan. About 2 minutes after my mom left he started crying and didn’t stop for about 2 hours. He would stop for a minute here and there to smile if I lifted him way in the air, making funny noises while I did so. He loved that for a while. But eventually he’d get bored of that too and besides that, my arms would feel like they were about to fall off (he’s getting heavier each day, after all!!)

I was beside myself. A few tears fell from my eyes and I guess he’d never seen me cry before – he paused, stopped crying himself, and smiled. Tears looked pretty funny to him I guess! He didn’t seem to realize that they fell from his eyes too!

I messaged James to get him to leave work – it was already after 6pm and I just couldn’t do it alone anymore – I needed help. He got here around 6:30 and I was able to pump enough milk to go meet up with my mom for something to eat. I wasn’t even gone an hour and a half but I think it was good for me to get out for just a bit of a break.

Andrew is sleeping in my arms now so I’d better get him back to bed (he just had a middle of the night feed!) But I thought I should write something since I don’t know when I’ll have the time – or the energy – next.

Oh, I think the babe might be teething ALREADY. At under 3 months of age. Super baby!! He is apparently exhibiting many signs of it – drooling a LOT, getting rashes, pooping more often, and of course his general fussiness, which normally he barely has. Ugh, I wish he didn’t have to go through this…and I wish I didn’t either – LOL! I wish I could do more to help him but I guess nature has to run its course. Why it has to start so early is beyond me though – why can’t my baby be a baby just a bit longer?!


Oh something SUPER sweet that happened tonight!

I was feeling so down, like I mentioned. Just staring off and feeling out of it from the tired. James and I have a little date scheduled for tomorrow night (well, tonight now) (as long as I pump the milk for the occasion!) Just a short date but it’s going to be our first time alone together since Andrew’s arrival 11 weeks + 1 day ago.

Well, James told me that he had a little present for me – that it was meant to be given to me while out on our date but he wanted to give it to me sooner since I was feeling blah. He said maybe it should still wait, but of course I was intrigued and wanted it right away! I wasn’t really expecting anything, I thought maybe it would be some sort of joke truthfully!! James is a sweetheart and does a lot for me and HAS surprised me with little gifts before, but it’s been a while. So I guess I just wasn’t expecting anything!

Well it turns out he had gone out in the afternoon, taking a break from work to do so (and he NEVER takes work breaks, barely even a break for lunch usually!) and got me a beautiful pair of earrings. They are gold-plated little sanddollars (not real sanddollars, little artsy ones!) Sounds weird maybe but I will take a picture soon and post it – they are not weird at all but very pretty! I was in shock when he opened up his hand and there they were.

It was just so sweet of him, I told him that I love the earrings and they are going to go so well with my new clothes and are perfect because they’re NOT dangly so Andrew can’t pull on them as he’s started doing with the earrings I usually wear! But I said it’s also the gesture – that he went out on purpose like that to get me something – a bobble – to surprise me with on our date. He seems to be so looking forward to our time out together even though it will probably be short-lived and I will be antsy about leaving the boy behind (even though my parents are thrilled to look after him and it was their suggestion for us to go out in the first place!) It was SO sweet of him to think of me like that. I guess I am so focused on being ‘the mom’ these days and it is refreshing to be seen as ‘the wife’ for a change =) LOL Never thought I’d be saying that, but there it is!!

There was more I wanted to say and it’s on the tip of my tongue but I can’t remember right now what it was…I think that’s a sign that I should be sleeping!

Monday, March 16, 2009

A week on the island

It’s been a while since I’ve had time to write. I’ve been living the island life for the past little while, since last Wednesday. Heading home later this week.

Things are good but I’m pretty tired at the moment. Dealing with that-time-of-the-month for only the 2nd time in a year so I’m still adjusting to having it again. It’s a nuisance but other than that, whatever. I just find it makes me feel a bit blah, probably because I’m so tired and have enough to deal with without having that. But oh well. It’s 4 days early from when I should be getting it based on last month.

Anyway…Andrew is a delight, as always. So cute! Growing and growing every day. Learning new things. He can now roll onto his back when he’s having tummy time, and he’s grabbing at things more now. He’s very close to being able to roll right over. It’s crazy, he’s not supposed to be able to do all of this yet! He just doesn’t want to stay a little baby for long.

On Thursday night my mom and I went out shopping (I pumped milk so my dad could take care of the boy). Aside from getting tons of stuff for Andrew (OMG if you ever need to get stuff for a baby, check out Joe Fresh at Superstore, they have TONS of adorable things at AMAZINGLY low prices!) I got a top and a pair of pants (kind of dressy but could be dressed up or dressed down). I was looking for more though so I was a bit disappointed. I really need new clothes since all I have is a few tops, everything else is maternity. Given Andrew will be 11 weeks old on Wednesday, I don’t want to be wearing ANYTHING maternity anymore, unless it’s a nursing top!!

At the last store I was just starting to rage because nothing was fitting and I was getting miserable about it. So we decided to wait and go back out another time and try again.

Friday night James came over, Saturday was my dad’s birthday. 2 of my cousins and the one cousin’s boyfriend (who we hadn’t met yet) came over for a visit. They’re having a baby in just a few weeks so it was fun seeing her belly and having them see what they’re in for =) They stayed all afternoon, then my grandma and uncle came over for my dad’s bday dinner.

Sunday morning we woke up to SNOW, which we couldn’t believe. We’d planned to go out and do some stuff but we were snowed in. So annoying, but it was nice just lounging for the day. Andrew was sleepy in the morning so he slept while I watched Intervention and a few other shows. I love watching these shows but they also get me all riled up and I’ve concluded that while I love watching TV from time to time, it really is bad for me over all! I’m glad we don’t have cable at home.

James had to leave Sunday night since of course he had to go back to work today. I didn’t want him to go (and neither did Andrew!) But we’ll see him in a few days so that’s ok. I like being over here since my parents get to spend time with the boy and I can have a nap once in a while, although I haven’t had too many of them. Just too much to do and when I do sleep Andrew seems to drink all the milk I pumped in the first 5 minutes so I have to get up an hour later to feed him!

Anyway, I didn’t think we’d manage it but today we took Andrew out to the mall with us and I did more shopping and it was MUCH more successful. I got 2 new pairs of jeans, 2 tops, a sweater and a pair of socks. I’m still on the lookout for a couple of tops with more colour in them because everything I got seems to be too neutral somehow, but maybe I could get a pair of shoes with some pizzazz to them and that will help to give things some oomph! I just feel so good about having some new clothes that actually fit and are stylish and did I mention they actually FIT?! LOL It’s wonderful!

I’m so tired…time to go just veg for a bit before I put Andrew down and hopefully get some rest. He’s been sleeping better lately but I can’t say that I have. I really have to work on sleeping when he sleeps more…It’s tough sometimes because when he sleeps is the only time I can get anything done! Or have any time to myself. But oh well, aside from the usual exhaustion I am happy and my babe is doing well, and that’s what matters most!

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Dreaded immunizations and other stories!

It’s been a big couple of days for baby Andrew!

Yesterday we went to the office so my co-workers could finally meet him. They all seemed so delighted to have a baby around for a little while, and took turns holding him. It was cute seeing what they’re all like with him – babies really seem to bring out the happiness in people! It was good for me to see everyone as well. It had actually been a YEAR since I went into the office! I worked from home pretty much my whole pregnancy due to my morning sickness and need for flexible hours because of it. I should have visited from time to time but was usually too sick and when I wasn’t I didn’t feel like going in. Not because of any of the people I worked with directly, but I had a lot of resentment toward the company over certain things that happened shortly before I started working from home full time. So I didn’t want to step foot in the place, truthfully. I feel that less so now because really I could care less. I can go back after my year leave if I want to, but I don’t have to. I MIGHT go back, part time to start if I can work from home…but it’s doubtful. I don’t know if it’s worth it – the pay is very low, the work is very tedious, there is nothing drawing me back. If we really need the money I will do it from home if I have to but I would much rather spend my time raising Andrew for the next little while. I don’t want to miss out on his firsts and I want to be there for him – otherwise I feel like why did I have him if I can’t even care for him myself? Not that I don’t totally understand that some people have no other option but to put their children in daycare and that’s fine too…but for me, I just want to be close to my baby as long as I can! I do want to work again for sure but I don’t see why it should have to be at a job I hated from the get-go – then it just feels like a waste of my time and a waste in terms of Andrew not getting to be with his mom!

Anyway, suffice it to say it was a nice outing and I was happy to have my cronies meet my babe! It really was nice to see some of the people from the office again, there are some really nice people there and it’s so much better when you’re a bit of an outsider because then the company gossip doesn’t get to you as much! It was interesting hearing the changes that have taken place recently and talking more openly with my supervisor about certain things…In fact I was quite happy to be able to be open with him and him with me. I’ll leave it at that though…

Then we stopped by James’ office which has about 400 stairs to get to, it’s ridiculous! And they’re really rickety stairs too, not good for carrying a precious little baby up and down! But I did it because I thought he would need fed before heading home…He’d been crying on my way leaving my office and was trying to suck on my arm at one point while I was there, which gave me a pretty strong hint he was hungry! But he cried himself to sleep obviously, as by the time I got up to James’ office he was completely out and wouldn’t wake up for a nipple or anything! LOL (I was trying to feed him in a private room at the office, not in front of his co-workers btw!!! That would be a bit much!!)

Then there’s today…well yesterday now technically since it’s after midnight, but yeah…My poor little babe had to go for his first immunizations. I tell ya, if I hadn’t had to focus on getting him ready I think I would have thrown up before we left for his appointment! I was wrought up because I hate the idea of my baby being pricked by needles and being in pain.

We got there and had to wait a while before seeing the community health nurse. Andrew was weighed – he’s now at 13lbs 9oz, a big boy for 10 weeks minus one day!! He also measured 4.5cm longer than 2 weeks ago! He is growing SO FAST! I wish he could stay a little tiny baby for longer but lets face it, he was NEVER that tiny!! LOL He’s a sweetheart though, and so good-natured. He was loving it there actually. He was grinning and looking around and was so curious about all the other kids there – all of whom were older than him. At one point he just seemed to be looking intently at the table where the kids were playing, as if he wanted to join them even though he’s still too little and is only just beginning to learn how to hold things (although he never does for long yet!) It was cute watching him watch everyone else though. He is such a curious little guy and loves to absorb what’s going on around him.

Finally it was time to see the nurse and get the shots. As soon as the first needle went into his thigh, he started wailing like I have never heard, he has literally never been so upset in all his life. His face went beet red and he just cried and cried, tears were streaming down his cheeks! I just kept stroking his head and gave him kisses and told him it would be alright. He had 2 more needles to go though and I felt so bad about that! He had one more in that thigh and then the third needle in his other thigh. He was so upset by it all and cried for a good 5 minutes straight, just wailing. Then he caught sight of a little girl about one and a half getting her shots and he was so curious about her that he forgot about his woes and just stared around the room! He really is a little trooper. It was nice to talk with the health nurse for a few and find out about a mother’s group that I can join, which I think I will do.

After that I got him sorted in his stroller and we went to the pharmacy to get some baby Tylenol, as per the recommendation of the nurse in case he runs a fever from the shots, or in any case for the future when he’s sick. Well it only comes in cherry and grape flavour and I felt a bit uneasy about the idea of a baby who only drinks breast milk to be drinking a simulated fruit liquid. I bought it anyway in case of emergency but then I tried Capers to see if there’s something more natural out there. They didn’t have anything so I got in touch with my midwife (even though we’re not seeing her anymore since Andrew is too old now!) and she recommended a particular pharmacy and to ask the pharmacist if there is something more natural, which she thinks there should be. I mean I understand the need to mask the flavour of the medicine but at the same time…it seems too weird to me to give my baby something full of additives when he’s so young and breastfeeding. I’m going to see what I can find. It would obviously be mixed with breast milk so it’s not like it wouldn’t be masked at least to some degree, whatever it is. I’m also going to do some research on naturopaths when I have time and see if maybe I should be making an appointment with one to discuss these sorts of things…

Anyway, Andrew has been fussier than usual today/night because of his shots. I feel so bad for the little guy. He did run a bit of a fever, or at least he felt a bit warm to the touch. But nothing to be too concerned about. Right now you should see him, he’s got a cool cloth draped over his head and his soother in his mouth and he’s laying across my lap fast asleep. What a precious baby! He is the sweetest little boy in the world. I just love him SO much. I know I sound like a broken record saying so, but it’s just so incredible, the love a mother can have for her baby. I love him so much it brings tears to my eyes, and I’m really not one to cry that often! He is my dream come true =) I hope the little guy feels better tomorrow, I hate to see him out of sorts when normally he is such a happy-go-lucky little babe.

Monday, March 09, 2009

A pretty good day after all

The weekend went by so fast. Especially with James being away all day yesterday – it feels like tomorrow should be Sunday, not Monday. Losing the hour due to daylight savings threw me off as well. It’s only one hour but it screws with the system.

Today after a bit of a slow start to the day – and a depressing one because I was feeling really blah from total lack of sleep from the night before, I bet I only got about 3 hours – we went out and I think the fresh air was really good for me. First we went to London Drugs to get a few things. I had already got my dad’s bday card from James and me but I had to find one from Andrew. How sweet is that, my dad’s first ‘grandpa’ card =) I found a pretty cute one too. James and I made this really cool picture for my dad using photoshop – it’s a bit of a gag gift, absolutely hilarious and he will love it for sure! And we got him a gift certificate to Home Depot since he seems to go there all the time. The picture is more ‘thoughtful’ than the gift cert, but the certificate is practical! It’s so hard shopping for my dad. Now I just need to find something for him from Andrew. Some sort of grandpa related gift would be good – I wonder where I could find, say, a mug or something like that that says #1 Grandpa or something to that effect?? Any ideas? His bday is this coming Saturday so I have a few days to find something.

After LD’s we walked along the water and went and got a coffee. We sat for a bit while Andrew slept, then I fed him before we headed home as he was getting fussy and trying to suck his bib – a pretty clear sign he’s in need of something!

It was such a bright sunny day, a little on the cooler side and we did end up with a few flakes of snow later in the day but nothing to speak of. It was just so nice to get out for some fresh air as a family, not just me and Andrew but with ‘Daddy’ as well. I love it when we all get to spend time together.

I miss alone time with James though. It’s sooo hard to steal a moment together where it’s just the two of us. It’s so rare that it happens because it seems inevitable – as soon as we start to hug or kiss or one of us is in the bath and the other wants to sit in the bathroom and chat, Andrew senses that we’re not focused on him and one of us has to tend to him. He’s a darling and I love, love, LOVE our time together but it would be nice to have a teensy little bit of time with my hubby as well! I know eventually we’ll figure out a way to fit in alone time but it’s pretty tough at this point.

Got some stuff done this aft – just little projects I’ve been trying to work on bit by bit, nothing major though it seems major to me to get ANYTHING done these days! I also started dinner for tomorrow – boiled up some beets and made roasted potatoes – so tomorrow it won’t be such a scramble to try to make something while Andrew is sleeping. Sometimes I just don’t feel like chopping and preparing by the time it comes down to needing to do so!

I also managed to get about an hour and a half sleep tonight so it was nice to have a bit of a rest. Though unfortunately early evening napping makes me less tired later when I really SHOULD be sleeping (like right now for example). I mean, I’m TIRED but I don’t feel like sleeping at this point…I will try soon though or I know I’ll regret it later!

We have plans for tomorrow afternoon, the boy and I, so we’ll be occupied and hopefully when we get home Andrew will be tired and will want to nap. Because I have a feeling I will want to too!

Saturday, March 07, 2009

Nothing could be better than witnessing your own child’s happiness.

I just finished watching the first season of Brothers & Sisters. The problem with watching shows on DVD is that you get hooked and then you have to go out and buy the next season!! I’ve got a few other shows on DVD to watch but I’m going to have to get season 2 soon I think – I need to find out what happens next! I’m hooked on ER too – James and I watch it together in the evenings when we can. So addictive!!

Today my aunt and uncle came over for a visit. My uncle hadn’t seen Andrew since he was just a few days old so he really noticed a huge change in him! He was so good during their visit – had one little fit but then when he finally realized that what he wanted was to be fed, he was happy! We went for a walk along the sea wall and then it started to snow very lightly (stopped very shortly after though, thank goodness, so we only got a few flakes – nothing stuck) so we went for a hot chocolate. Andrew sat on my lap for a while, then my uncle’s, and was quite content to just sit there and people watch. Till he filled his pants – so much so that it went through his onesie, so it was time to go home for a change! Note to self: Never leave home without the diaper bag, even if you think you’ll only be out for a short while! You just never know what might happen!

James was in Victoria today for E’s mom’s funeral. He’ll be home soon, he’s on the bus heading here right now. What a long day – up at 6:30 this morning and not home till close to midnight, socializing all day and at a memorial…Ugh. James is a person who requires his solid 8 hours of sleep each night and does better if he gets even more than that. (Good thing he’s not a mother – he wouldn’t be able to handle the sporadic sleep and no-chance-of-a-solid-8-hours-EVER!!) I’m hoping he’ll go to bed soon after getting home so he is rested by morning and can take Andrew so I can get a few hours solid sleep while he watches him. Weeks back we had a system where on the weekends I would pump milk and get a few hours sleep to ‘catch up’ for the week – even if only 2-3 hours, if it’s solid sleep where I know I don’t have to be listening for Andrew, I can rest so much easier! But lately it just hasn’t been happening – we’re either travelling somewhere on the weekends or people have been visiting or things have come up. I desperately want a little bit of undisturbed rest – is that so much to ask for?!

Andrew and I had a little nap tonight though so at least I’m not dead tired right now, as I usually would be by this time. Actually I am usually feeling pretty wiped by about 6 or 7pm, sadly…Oh damn, I just remembered we ‘spring forward’ tonight so we lose an hour. Great, just what I need, an hour of sleep just swooped out from under me, just like that! Oh well. I’m happy we’ll be heading toward spring time and I like that it will be light out later, but losing the hour I could do without…

After his big poop and my aunt and uncle going home, I gave Andrew a bath. He is SO freaking cute in his bath, I am going to have to get James to film his bath time in the next few days. I’ve taken pics of him while he’s in the bath but no videos, since obviously when I’m on my own doing it I can’t really be behind a camera! I just realized, James has only seen Andrew have 2 baths – the one he was given in the hospital by a nurse and the very first bath we gave him at home. I would say on average I bathe Andrew every 2-3 days. I try to go 3 because it’s better for his skin to not be bathed TOO often but sometimes I do it more often if he’s really done a number and needs a washing or if he’s being fussy and nothing else seems to do the trick, sometimes a bath will calm him down and make him forget he was fussing!

I know Dad has a different role and he has to work to support us so we can have a roof over our heads and food on the table and all the things we have, which is very important and I’m grateful for that. But I feel so fortunate to be the Mom so I can be at home with Baby and see all the things he does. Even just the changes in bath time are amazing – he started off being so little in his baby tub (that sits in the kitchen sink) and he had to be held up the entire time. Now I barely have to hold him and he just fits into it, even though it says it can be used to age 2 (there’s no way, not with Andrew!) Now when he’s having his back and bum washed he holds himself up and really seems to enjoy the power he has over himself. He’s so strong and I love watching the way he progresses.

Same with his play mat, when he first used it he couldn’t even reach any of the toys and didn’t really understand the concept of reaching out for any of them anyway. Now I lay him on there and he hits the music box and it plays and he grabs a hold of the toys. His favourite is the horse for some reason, and I love knowing which one is his favourite! He coos and smiles and flails about and is content to play there for a while on his own.

It seems like simple little things, and they ARE simple little things because they’re ‘baby’ things but they’re milestones in such a new person’s little life! And I love being a part of it all. He’s such a sweet and clever boy – and even more importantly, he is HAPPY. He fusses but only a little bit, he’s such an easy going little guy, so good-natured, and he just loves to look around and take everything in and learn new things. His smile continues to melt my heart. The way his eyes just light up when he grins, it’s such a wonderful sight to see!

Monday, March 02, 2009

I miss the weekend already

As planned, I got James to help me lift the mattress and boxspring off the bed this morning so I could go through all my pre-pregnancy clothes and see what fits and what doesn’t. I have a decently sized TO GO pile but I’m happy to report I also have some clothes that still fit!! I was so excited when I started putting things on that I didn’t think I could squeeze into but did. I thought my thighs had expanded big time and that’s why nothing I tried on at the mall yesterday was fitting me. But it’s not true! My pre-pregnancy pants fit perfectly everywhere but the waist. LOL Well I have 2 pairs of dressier pants that are a stretchy fabric and they fit just fine all over – including the waist. Other than that, I have 2 pairs of jeans that do fit but are a bit snug in the waistline. I have to keep reminding myself it has only been 2 months since Andrew was born so it’s still possible that in time these jeans will fit me once again! I am actually surprised at how well they DO fit already, when I really think about it. Just a few pounds and I should be in them. Not that I am going to start dieting tho…if they end up fitting me again over time GREAT but in the meantime I will wear what does fit and maybe get one or two new pairs of pants in a few weeks when I go to Nanaimo again (I always do better shopping there for some reason). I can’t diet. I can eat as healthily as I feel I can but lets face it, I am not the dieting type. I have never been on one in my life. Unless you include the see food diet – see food, I eat it! Haha =) Seriously though…I tried to diet once and it lasted 3 hours and then I ate 3 ice cream treats to make up for lost time. Yes, you read right – it was only 3 hours! I really just can’t diet, the mere idea of limiting myself makes me want to eat even more!!

I felt good about having a few things in my wardrobe still that I figured were a lost cause. I am really surprised by how close my body is to how it was before. I mean, it’s definitely changed shape forever but I guess I’m used to it already. I do wish the stretch marks weren’t so evident in so many places but that’s life I guess. James doesn’t even seem to see them but they stand out to me like a sore thumb. I don’t really care that much but I don’t know that I’ll want to wear a bathing suit this summer. But oh well, that’s not really a priority of mine anyway!

We went for an outing with the babe – took him on his first trip to Future Shop! LOL We had to get a new dvd player because ours started acting all wonky recently and is pretty much hooped. Andrew was so good the whole time we were out. He was a bit fussy at The Bay when we went there first but I walked around the store with him and the movement of the stroller (and his soother) lulled him back to sleep. At Future Shop he was eyeing up the flat screen tv’s and was very intently watching a cartoon on one of them for a while! He shouldn’t be watching tv so early but at least it kept him quiet while his Dad checked out our dvd options! We ended up making our decision and then James taxi’d home with it since it was a ridiculously huge box (gotta love excess packaging) and I walked home with Andrew since his stroller wouldn’t fit in the taxi along with said ginormous box!

James got the unit set up, I fed Andrew, we ordered pizza, ate, then N&M came over for a visit. (James’ bro and girlfriend). They hadn’t seen Andrew since he was about 2-3 weeks old maybe so they noticed a really big difference in his size and alertness and everything. We had a nice visit with them, then watched a show (Rosemary & Thyme) on the new system and soon enough it was time to call it a night. For James at least. I fed Andrew on both sides and he’s sleeping in bed with us tonight it would seem, or at least till his next feed and then I can put him in his bassinet. He really does usually sleep in the bassinet, I just always seem to write about the times he’s in our bed. I think it’s a bit of a bad habit putting him in there but I have to admit he just falls asleep so quickly in our bed and sleeps for such a long time usually that it just makes sense if I want to get a decent amount of sleep! On the other hand, I sleep better in some ways when he’s in the bassinet and not hogging the bed as he tends to do when he’s in it, so I like to put him in there too. It’s going to be SO hard when he has to start sleeping in his crib, which is going to be very soon since he’s outgrowing the bassinet more and more each day. He is growing like a weed! I think he’ll take to the crib a lot better than I’m going to. I feel like I miss him already! I am so attached to that boy, it’s not even funny. But who could blame me – have you seen how cute he is?!! And he has a personality to match his cuteness. I absolutely adore him, I can’t say that enough. I just stare and stare at him – I can’t take my eyes off him! He brings me so much joy.

The weekend went by WAY too fast, I’m sad it’s Monday. Another work week for James – I much prefer when we get to do things as a family. But Andrew will no doubt keep me on my toes =)

Sunday, March 01, 2009

Cat aversion

It’s 7:30 in the morning. I was up most of the night so today should prove to be interesting, considering how much I was planning to do AND we’re having people over…

We went to bed a bit late and I didn’t fall asleep till around 2am. Moorka, our stupid annoying grey and white cat (yes I am very mad at her) proceeded to beat at the bedroom door 5 times between 2:30 and just before 5am. The first time I ignored it and managed to fall back asleep after about 10-15 minutes…the second time I got up and chased her away from the door…the third time I did the same and also yelled at her and chased her into the bathroom very angrily…the 4th time I pretty much lost it and James got up instead of me since I was at the end of my rope…she proceeded to run into the bedroom and hide under the rocking chair so James had to turn on the light and I shoved the chair aside to force her out and she ran out of the room…and the 5th time, although my blood was boiling by this time, I ignored her again and finally, FINALLY she stopped. At this point in time if I wasn’t so tired I could kill her…OK I wouldn’t actually do that but I might think about it.

Andrew slept through it all and what makes me maddest of all is that had Moorka not woken me up so many times, I’d have slept for 5 straight hours because that’s how long Andrew slept before waking for his next meal at 7am. I COULD HAVE GOT 5 HOURS OF SLEEP ALL IN A ROW IF IT HADN’T BEEN FOR A DAMN CAT!! Am I a tad resentful of the pets since having a baby? No, actually, I’m MORE than a tad resentful! I know this sounds horrible but honestly, I wish we knew someone who could take them for us. I would visit them from time to time but I don’t feel the need to have them live with me. I wouldn’t give them to just anyone because I do care enough about them that I want them to have a good home and ultimately I would say unless they do something awful to Andrew they’ll live out their years with us because they ARE our cats and our responsibility since we adopted them…I am not totally Cruella Deville, I swear! But honestly…I have heard of women getting rid of their pets during pregnancy or just following and I always thought it made them sound like heartless human beings and how could they possibly turn on their pets…and then it happened to me. And I absolutely LOVE animals so it must be a hormonal thing. I find it quite interesting…not to mention sad and annoying since I happen to have 2 of the harriest and longest nailed and annoying (Moorka for her scratching and Fifi for her constant throwing up and staining of the carpet) cats out there and here I am wishing we were petless! I wish these girls no ill will, don’t get me wrong – other than being super angry when they totally sleep-deprive me when I desperately need all the sleep I can get – I do care about them I would just prefer to care for them from afar. It really is a bizarre phenomenon, this turning away from pets due to having a child – I wonder what it all means.

Anyway…by the time 7am rolled around and baby was hungry, my right breast was SO full it was starting to get lumpy from not being emptied sooner. So painful! Luckily he drained it enough that it’s comfortable now. I hope my body adjusts soon if he does decide to start sleeping longer at night as a habit. And lets hope he indeed does this as it would be glorious if I could start getting more hours of sleep at a time – assuming the dang cats start to behave =P

A fresh new look

Between yesterday and this morning I pumped enough milk so that James could have boy time with Andrew this afternoon. I hadn’t had my hair done since November and since during late pregnancy I lost no hair whatsoever (the hairs people normally shed every single day) and I already have super think hair to begin with – it was high time I had something done with it!!
I wanted a new look and I’m quite happy with what I got! It’s so short compared to what I had before and it feels so fresh and light. And less easy for Andrew to tug on, which he’s started doing lately to my long hair! It feels so nice to have a change. Now I just need some new clothes to go along with it. I’ve been so fixated on everything being about Andrew and getting him clothes and things, which is all fine and dandy, but mommy needs things too! And not because I selfishly just want to go out and shop – in fact I am having a REALLY hard time with the whole shopping-for-myself thing. My body shape is different after having a baby and nothing I try on seems to fit right! So far I got a new t-shirt and FINALLY found a jacket but other than that I’ve got nothing. I desperately need to find pants since I really don’t think I should still be wearing my maternity ones…but if I don’t wear those all I have is a pair of stretchy pants that fit and while they’re fine once in a while I feel so under dressed when I wear them. I’m in a funk and I desperately need out of it! But finding the time to shop AND looking at the right stores seem to be my difficulties at the moment. I need help! I wish Stacey and Clinton from What Not to Wear could come to Canada!! Although I wouldn’t want to have to be on tv to get the new clothes…=P

Anyway, it will all come together eventually. For now I am just happy to have a new ‘do.
James and Andrew had a nice afternoon together. Andrew was a tad fussy this evening but he’s sleeping on my chest now. Time for bed for all of us soon I think. The weekend is going by way too fast.

Tomorrow I’m going to get all my clothes out from under the bed (most of my pre-pregnancy stuff is under there) and I’m going to try on the few things that MIGHT fit. But I am going to once and for all be totally brutal about my clothes and just SAY GOODBYE to anything and everything that either doesn’t fit anymore (the most likely scenario) or that I just know I won’t wear again. No point holding onto clothes that will just end up making me feel bad about myself because I can’t fit them. Out with the old and in with the new, right? It’s weird because I’ve never been very good at this ‘clean sweep’ sort of thing, I always hold onto everything because even clothes have sentimental value! But since Andrew came along it’s like I’d rather just free up the space and be done with it and maybe have the room for more things for HIM! It’s funny how things like this change – I never thought I’d be able to let go of a lot of my stuff but now it just feels like ‘stuff’ to me so it doesn’t matter. Mind you, I haven’t ACTUALLY parted with anything just yet, so maybe I shouldn’t speak too soon!! =D

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