Wednesday, December 30, 2009

My little new year’s eve baby!



Andrew turns one in an hour. Well, technically not till 3:50pm. That’s when he finally made his debut a year ago. I can’t believe how quickly this past year has flown by. It’s kind of surreal.

I remember everything about the day that Andrew was born. Last year on this night, the night before his arrival, I met up with my parents and brother and s-i-l in the hotel lobby where my parents were staying. It was a very cold and windy night, icy and of course snowy since we had such a bad winter last year weather-wise. I could barely sit up on the couch in the lobby – I was all slouched down to make room for my over-stuffed belly. Andrew was already a week late and we were desperate for him to arrive. I remember my s-i-l saying, do you think tomorrow will be the day? And I said, it had better be!! I was set to drink a ‘labour cocktail’ in the morning to help get things going – which I did, but I am confident that Andrew was going to arrive that day regardless of whether or not I drank the potion! I had a few strong contractions through the night and started labour pretty early in the morning. He was finally ready to meet us!

To think that a year ago this minute, I didn’t know my child. I mean, I knew that my baby was active and liked for his or her foot to live in my ribcage. I knew that my baby had a strong heartbeat and the cutest little bum (I hadn’t actually SEEN the bum, but knew it rested right where it should for how a baby should be positioned for a natural birth…and I would think awww, how cute is that, my little baby’s bum! lol) But I didn’t even know if I was going to be having a son or a daughter. Am I happy I had a son? Couldn’t be happier! I couldn’t imagine having any baby other than my sweet little baby boy, Andrew James (insert hyphenated last name here!) =)

I will say, I am VERY happy that I will NOT be experiencing any labour pains through tonight or all day tomorrow. I am so grateful to have my baby HERE on the outside and out of my belly! Which makes me think of the night of his first day. When all our family had come and gone and even James was sleeping. I held my newborn baby boy and he curled himself up into his fetal position on my chest and snoozed while I held him, smelled him, kissed him, and cuddled him. I slept for one hour that entire night. Despite how unbelievably exhausted my body should have and must have been, I couldn’t sleep because I wanted to spend every second marvelling at the beauty of our creation!! My sweet baby boy. That was seriously the most tender moment of my entire life, just holding my baby and having him in my arms FINALLY after waiting for what seemed like an eternity for him to arrive. And it was an eternity to me, because I may not have known it the years leading up to his conception (my entire life before him) but the truth of the matter is, I waited my entire life for his arrival. Having him here completed a part of me, filled a void, without wanting to sound like a total cliché, made me a better person.

And now, a whole year later, I can say I pretty much have witnessed his whole entire life so far. He has learned SO much in the past year, from rolling over to crawling to sitting up and at 10 months walking. He is wanting to start talking soon and babbles away, saying Oh and No and what sounds like More. He says Mama and Dada. I asked him where Momma was today and he pointed at me! His newest thing that he started in the past week(ish) is pointing. He loves to smile and laugh and be around people and learn new things. He takes everything in, he’s always thinking and processing and very often it takes just one or two times of showing him something before he does it himself. He amazes me every single day. No matter what he’s doing.

I could go on and on. And since my blog has very much become about Andrew (sorry but I can’t help it, and right now his life is the most important thing for me to document because I want to remember all of this stuff to be able to share it with him when he’s older) I WILL go on and on…over time. But I will end this for now, since it’s almost his birthday and I should get some rest so I can be 100% at his beck and call for his big day. (As if I’m not at his beck and call every day! LOL But tomorrow is extra special).

You could look at the down sides to having your birthday on new year’s eve – too close to Xmas, it’s already a holiday so that could take away from it being ‘your’ special day…BUT there’ll always be a party and fireworks SOMEWHERE on your birthday, how cool is that?! AND I like how Andrew’s new year really does start with the new calendar year. It’s the perfect birthday for the perfect boy!

Happy Birthday Andrew!

And Happy New Year to all!

Saturday, December 26, 2009

A (rushed) post about Christmas

It’s not even 11pm on Boxing Day and already I am thinking about going to sleep. I remember the days when 11pm still seemed so early - so many hours left to do stuff. Now when the babe is asleep and I know it’s only a (short) matter of time before he’s up again, sleep feels like a luxury I shouldn’t pass up!

We’re in Victoria now at James’ dad’s house. We arrived this afternoon. Andrew was so good - we timed it just right that he fell asleep for his nap about 5 minutes into the car ride and he only woke up maybe 15 minutes before we got here (it’s about an hour and a half drive from Nanaimo). Phew - it’s so much nicer listening to some music during the drive than a crying baby!!

We had a nice Christmas, I just can’t believe how quickly it was all over. On Xmas Eve we went to my Nana’s and had a visit with her then instead of Xmas day. It was nice for her to spend some time with Andrew - it had been a long time since last time he could only hold onto furniture and walk from chair to chair. This time he was running around and getting into things she didn’t think he’d be able to reach. He isn’t afraid to get up on tippy toes to try to reach things out of his immediate grasp =)

I got Andrew a onesie before Xmas that says, ‘All Mommy Wants For Christmas Is A Silent Night.’ He wore it the week leading up to Xmas and I got some pictures of him in it. He was acting like an absolute maniac and I figured there was NO WAY a silent night was in the cards for this Momma! WELL...as it happens he DID give me the Xmas gift I ‘dreamed’ of! He slept through the night Xmas Eve into Xmas Day - which means he slept for nearly 7 hours straight. I still found myself waking up through the night since my body is so accustomed to it, but I definitely got a lot more sleep than I’m used to. So that was nice! We got up just after 8am, had some coffee then moved onto mimosas, got snack foods out. It was really nice! Andrew got a big tonka type truck thing from Santa for Christmas and he was quite intrigued by it and played with that while we were waking up. It was SO cute getting him to help open gifts and see him play with his stuff - although in all honesty we’d have saved a lot of money if we just bought him a few rolls of wrapping paper and tissue paper and maybe a bow or two! LOL He’ll enjoy playing with his toys over time though =)

We got a lot of stuff, I will have to write a list of it all but it’s late and I’m tired so it’s not going to happen right now.

We lounged around, I got a bit of the prep work done for Xmas dinner in the afternoon, then suddenly it was time to get everything ready and my grandma was over for dinner. It went by SO FAST. But the tofurky (which James makes - it’s our tradition!) was delicious!!

After dinner and dessert and granny went home, we watched Christmas Vacation and then went to bed. All in all, a wonderful Christmas.

Tomorrow is James’ dad’s bday so we’ll be celebrating that, and we head back to my parents’ on the 28th, then home on the 29th. It’s quite the whirlwind when everyone lives in different cities. It would be so much easier if we all lived in the same area and could just quickly drive to each other’s places!

I can’t believe that Andrew will be ONE in 5 days. I need to absorb that and reflect on the past year and get my head around the fact that my little baby boy is growing up! LOL I know one doesn’t sound very old but I just can’t believe how quickly this past year has gone by.

Anyway, hopefully I will have time to write more in the coming days...

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Merry Christmas!

Been meaning to write for the past few days but haven't had the chance.

I can't believe it - just a few more hours till BABY'S FIRST CHRISTMAS! I'm so excited. Will be documenting with photos, video, and written journal so all will be captured and recorded =)

BUT the boy is getting fussy and overtired so time to go for now. Will post soon...

Merry Xmas!

Friday, December 18, 2009

TGIF - and this one in particular since it's James' last day of work till the new year!

Gearing up for Christmas.

Whatever that means.

I’m really blah tonight.

Had a good day. Hair cut and colour – just tidied up, a bit shorter but nothing drastic. Same colour as last time, sort of burgundy-ish highlights. Good chats with my hairdresser. She’s a fun gal. I also had the chance to (finally) do some reading.

Andrew babysat by my aunt, who had a great time with him. He didn’t fuss for a single second. Ate way more than his usual. Was sitting on the rug smiling after tons of playtime, then literally just flopped over and was out like a light.

Oh, to sleep like a baby!

Popped by James’ office on our way home to get air in the ol’ stroller tires. (They have a resident bike pump since so many of them bike to work). Thought if we stopped by there’d be a chance James would leave early and come home with us. Daddy took the bait! Hook line and sinker. In fact I didn’t even have to bait him – he suggested leaving with us on his own accord. I was most pleased about that.

Came home, got stuff packed and ready. My aunt and uncle are life savers. They’re going to the island this weekend so they offered to cart over as much of our stuff for us as we wanted. All the Xmas gifts are being delivered by them – we just have to pack our clothes. Most of which will fit in the stroller basket. So relieved, I am. I honestly don’t know how we’d have managed everything otherwise.

Had a visit with them – Andrew was most pleased to have them over. The more attention the better!!

He’s in his crib now. Hopefully for the night. But I’m certainly not holding my breath!

I just feel so blah, despite that the day really wasn’t so bad.

It’s talking to my mom that did it.

Honestly.

I hate saying that. I just can’t stand how depressed she is. I feel like she needs to be doing more to work toward getting better but she’s not and while I can offer suggestions etc, I can’t take those steps for her.

I don’t know what to think.

I just have a really hard time dealing with some of the things she says. The tone in her voice. The sadness and complete monotone nothingness. I hate that she’s hurting and there’s nothing I can do. I feel like retreating. I don’t consider myself a depressed person – sure I have bad days and negative thoughts sometimes but depressed, no…But lately when I get off the phone with her, I start to think maybe I am. That’s how truly bad it is.

It bothers me that it’s Xmas time and heading toward Andrew’s first birthday and yet there is this horribly dark cloud looming overhead. At any moment it could burst.

If only it were easier for a person to feel better.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Andrew's look of the week: The Scrunchy Face!

I’m starting to get the ohmygodit’sChristmasandI’mnotprepared pre-Xmas jitters. I had the best of intentions to be 100% ready by December 1st…Last year I met that goal because I didn’t know when baby was going to arrive and I didn’t want to have anything I HAD to be doing in the weeks leading up to my due date. But with baby in tow this year tugging on my pant legs and whining if my attention isn’t solely on him, it hasn’t been entirely easy. I go to look at Christmas cards for family, something I want to be able to put some thought into, and he starts fussing and crying because he’s bored. For the most part I’m completely prepared, pretty much all the gifts are wrapped (boy, was that ever a fun afternoon – Andrew didn’t enjoy wrapping, let’s just put it that way!) I guess I just start to feel the crunch of the year ending and needing to wrap up 2009! LOL
Especially with Andrew here and with his birthday just around the corner from Christmas, the whole vibe is different. I’m excited about all the firsts he’s about to experience but because I’m so caught up in living day to day, I forget that Christmas actually IS coming! Last night I looked at the calendar and was shocked to see it was just 10 days away. Where does the time go, SERIOUSLY – I want to know!
James ever so kindly took Andrew off for a shopping trip to Safeway to pick up a few things so I could have a much needed break. I love my boy but for the love of gawd everyone needs time to themselves once in a while! For me it is such a rarity. Whenever I do get time to myself, again hardly ever, because it’s so infrequent I feel this terrible time pressure to do everything I want to do in as short a time as possible. So it’s hard to just fully relax and enjoy the ‘me’ time but I try my best. I was going to have a nice hot bath and then a nap but I had the bath and skipped the nap. I would love the sleep but at the same time it’s kind of nice to do a few things – like write in my journal – that I normally don’t have much time for at all these days. I really want to work on my scrapbook as well but maybe I’ll get to that once Andrew has gone to bed tonight.
Today Andrew really took to clapping. He was clapping up a storm! Commercials with music would make him clap, music on his toy house, a CD I put on. And he’s not just clapping for the sake of clapping but not really knowing what he’s doing. Because he wouldn’t be clapping at all and then I’d say to him, ‘Andrew, let’s see some clapping!’ and he’d grin and clap a few times. He is seriously the sweetest thing on two feet.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Almost time for the boy to go to sleep...at least for a couple of hours!

Not really up to anything. Waiting for the boy to go to sleep so we can watch the final episode of Dexter, which we downloaded since we don’t get HBO.

James mentioned yesterday that he wonders if people would have a problem with us calling Andrew ‘The Boy.’ I said that anyone who knows us AT ALL would know we mean it as a pet name and not to mean he’s just the kid who lives with us, or however informal it might sound!

I think it’s kind of cute, he’s our boy, and thus, ‘the’ boy =) I like calling him that from time to time. His other nicknames include Andy, Anders, Drewboy, Baby Boy, Sweetie-pie, Garbanzo, Andy-roo, and many more!

I love the boy!

Anyway…he is exhausting me to no end. He just won’t let Momma get a night’s rest. And he’s going to bed later it seems, yet gets up at his usual time or earlier.

James and I went out for his work Xmas do last night. Dinner at The Boathouse by English Bay. Great service and enjoyable atmosphere but food-wise, even though it’s supposed to be top notch, wasn’t the greatest. BUT that is coming from a vegetarian and it was a very fishy menu!! They were able to make me a pasta with veggies but yeah…The dessert was good though, and we had fun. My aunt and uncle came to the rescue and babysat for us. Andrew was so good, lots of playing, had some food and milk and went to sleep. Unfortunately as soon as they left, he was awake and wouldn’t go to sleep till nearly 2am – and in that time he was running around and Daddy had of course gone to bed since he has to get up for work so needless to say Momma was VERRRRY tired today. Especially since going to bed at 2 didn’t mean that he then slept through – oh no!

But anyway…we managed to get out today. Got a few errands run, groceries bought. Then I took him to see a bunch of his friends at a nearby hotel. It was fun watching him run around and for myself to get out and talk to a few people.

Then we came home and the rest is history. Time to go try nursing him so he might drift off and it’ll be Dexter time. I can’t take the suspense – I need to know how it all wrapped up this season!

I can’t believe only 10 days till Christmas. Time is flying by like crazy, and I can’t handle it!!

Friday, December 11, 2009

YOU CAN’T SPELL FAMILIES WITHOUT LIES!

Just finished watching Four Christmases and found it quite funny and cute. Some of the lines near the beginning of the film were absolutely hilarious. Andrew started nursing as we started the movie, fell asleep, and hasn’t woken up since. He’s sleeping on the living room floor so undoubtedly there will be another feed time before I get to go to bed, but that’s pretty much to be expected anyway.

This afternoon when Andrew FINALLY went down for a nap, I was about to start my usual – a whirlwind of getting chores done – when I thought to myself, no, make yourself a coffee and do something YOU want to do! So I made a GD Tass and did some scrapbooking. It has been my goal all along to get Andrew’s first year scrapbook completed by his first year (save for Xmas and his bday, which obviously have to be done after the fact). I was beginning to stress about it – yes, actually STRESS about getting my scrapbook completed in time! I know that sounds ridiculous because it’s a project that is meant to be relaxing and fun and something I do as a hobby BECAUSE I WANT TO. But the more the pictures pile up that I need to sift through and make pages for, the more it starts to feel like a chore because the honest truth is, the more time that passes the more likely it is to be 10 years from now and I’m sitting there with a huge box of pictures with no dates written on the back, not knowing what to do with them.

So I took the bull by the horns, so to speak, and I completed 4 pages before Andrew woke up! The dishes still got done and I was able to tidy things up pretty quickly – I’ve been doing my best to keep on top of the cleaning lately since we’ve been having people over more than usual. And because I’m a bit of a neat freak in general =)

But it was so nice to just take a bit of a breather and work on scrapbooking for a little while today. It’s so rare that I take time out for me, for something I want to do for fun.

I think I’ll go work on the scrapbook a bit now and then get to bed. Andrew woke up for his feed and has gone back to sleep so I might just have a few hours before he’s up again…We’ll see!

Oh, he had a really fussy time this morning after we were out for a bit getting cat food and a few other things. It was really strange – he started crying and was doing a sort of scream cry that I have only heard him do a few times in his life. It was a bit worrisome because it seemed there was nothing I could do to soothe him. When we got home I gave him a nice bath and usually as soon as he’s getting undressed to get in the bath he’s super grinny and can’t wait to get in but this time he kept crying. Once he was sitting in the tub he just sat there staring down at the water, as if he was somehow feeling dejected. It was SO sad! He’s never like that! Maybe if you’re used to having a baby who doesn’t smile much and just sits there this would seem normal, but for Andrew it was so out of character! Luckily after the bath he had some food and then nursed and we played and he was himself again, and he’s been fine ever since. I don’t know what that was all about. I wonder if it was the cold, but at the same time he was bundled up…It’s just that he REFUSES to wear his gloves AND he refused to wear his toque so…I don’t know what to do about that!

Anyway…more later…

Thursday, December 10, 2009

My mom says yes I'm growing, and now I know it's true


According to our bathroom scale, Andrew is now up to 23 ½ lbs!

He will be a year old in 21 days.

How time flies.

My baby boy is doing so much and even though he was independent pretty much since day one, he is more and more wanting to explore and do things on his own. He will push me away so he can do things himself, his own way. He is quite a character. A little boy with a very big personality!

He has taken to clapping, although again he’ll really only do it when it suits him. He mimics other people, of course, but it seems like he’s doing the same thing with clapping as he did with waving. When he first learned how to wave, that’s all he did for a while and then he just stopped. Now he just does it when he decides it’s a fun thing to do.

He has mastered the art of walking and has now moved on to working on running! He doesn’t get too far before he lunges forward and falls but I definitely have to move fast to keep up with him. He grins when he’s running, he loves moving around quickly. He can get more done that way! He’s a very busy, active little guy.

Andrew hates getting dressed but in some ways he’s helpful about it. He knows what’s happening when he’s getting his shirt on, for example, so he’ll hold his arm up to get his sleeves put on. When it’s bath time, he rushes over to the tub and holds his arms up for me to take his shirt off. He has also started lifting his legs one at a time, knowing that’s how his pants come off for bath time! He is the cutest thing EVER.

One of his favourite games is hide and seek, but he prefers playing with Daddy than me. He anticipates where James is hiding and runs to find him, then James will suddenly pop out from wherever he’s hiding and say Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! I’m going to get you Andrew!! And Andrew squeals in delight and runs away from him. It’s so cute to watch. Baby boy’s laugh is contagious.

We have a picture on the wall of a series of photos taken professionally when he was 5 months old. A picture of the 3 of us in the middle, then a picture of him in each corner. He loves it when I hold him up to the picture and point to Dada, Momma, and Baby. He grins. He used to try to grab the whole picture off the wall, but lately he seems to just want to touch it. He is almost, sort of, wanting to start pointing at each person when I say who they are.

He loves to turn the pages of his books when I’m reading to him. He LOVES his books. He often goes and gets them and brings them to me and gets upset if I want to stop reading a particular book.

His first molar is just about through, I can see the whole thing popping out now. He has really never had too much trouble with teething. No rashes or diarrhoea or any of the ‘worst’ symptoms. I don’t know if the teething is a reason why he doesn’t sleep through the night – I think he’s just not much of a sleeper. Takes after his Momma that way. If only he got his Dad’s sleep gene!

He’s eating more solids. Still breast feeding a lot but I’ve noticed he can/will go longer stretches of time between feeds. Some days he eats more solids than others – some days I feel like he only eats a miniscule amount. But he’s healthy and happy and I do think he’s sort of starting ‘self weaning’ – which is the route I’d rather take than forcing him off the breast. Lately he’s been eating a half to ¾ of a jar of baby food in one sitting, eats nearly an entire individual size yogurt when I feed him that…He drinks whole milk sometimes. He LOVED my homemade lasagna last night! His favourite food is hummus but he also really enjoys Cannelloni. Or for that matter any tomato based pasta. He takes bites of an apple right from the core, and eats individual pieces of the Japanese Mandarin oranges that I love to buy this time of year. His appetite for solids is definitely growing, and I love watching him feed himself. He makes the cutest little sounds while he eats – I love the way he savours each and every bite!

Andrew’s signature sound is ‘Oh!’ He Oh!’s often. He sees something new or something he likes or wants and his reaction is to make his mouth into an O shape and say, ‘Oh’ in various pitches. He is the cutest thing walking. Or crawling. Or playing. Or anything.

I’m sure there are lots of other ‘new’ things he’s doing, since it seems almost every day there is some sort of change in him that I see. I look at his pictures over the past year and I am truly amazed at how humans develop so rapidly from the moment they are born.

Sometimes people will ask me, ‘What do you think Andrew will be doing in 20 years?’ and I can’t even begin to fathom him as an adult. I hope he’s happy and doing whatever feels right to him. But beyond that, I can only cherish this time right now, enjoying every second with him while he’s a baby and his Momma is his number one. This won’t last forever. But right now it’s the most wonderful thing in the world, being Andrew’s Mommy. I look at him every day in awe and I love him completely unconditionally. He is a handful, there’s no question there, but the sweetest, most darling and wonderful handful that there ever was!

Wednesday, December 09, 2009

I wish a baby could be taught to blow his nose!

Getting stuff done. Always slowly…but surely it’s happening!

I made 2 homemade lasagnas this afternoon. One for the freezer and one for tonight. Not that James and I (and Andrew) could eat an entire lasagna in one go – well, James could! lol But it’s a good thing I made so much because as it turns out, my bro and s-i-l are going to come over for dinner. My lasagnas have gone over very well with them in the past so let’s hope this one is as good! Neither one of them cooks so I like giving them a healthy home cooked meal every once in a while ;)

We’ll be discussing my mom so the topic won’t be entirely uplifting…but at least we are working on solutions. Stuff is in the works and she has been to see her dr etc but it’s still up in the air as to what the next step is. I find it strange given how widespread depression is in North America – at least around here it seems very difficult to find information on what loved ones can do for someone in distress.

Oops, I just remembered my next post was supposed to be about Andrew and all his learning and cuteness!

That one is on its way…

It’s hard to write a proper list of things he’s up to when he’s up to all sorts of things while I’m writing! He’s currently walking back and forth from the living room (where I am) to the bedroom. Now he’s biting my foot and getting upset that I’m not encouraging it =P Interesting that he always chooses me to bite. He could bite his dad when he’s home but does he? Never. He always races to Momma. I’ve got purple marks on my arms from how hard his teeth have bit into my skin. Oh, the abuse mothers take!!

Having another full-fledged cold is really getting on my nerves. Andrew is still very plugged as well, though he slept half-decently last night. Up once around 1:30am, then after a feed he slept through till 7:30. That is the most sleep I’ve had in a row for probably a couple of months now. I’d say I slept for almost 5 hours straight! That’s unheard of in my world.

Anyway, time to go play with the boy, he doesn’t like me paying more attention to the screen than him!

Monday, December 07, 2009

I need to find our mistletoe


I feel like I shouldn’t be spending this teensy bit of time I have on writing, but at the same time I haven’t been writing anything lately (except Christmas cards!) so this is what I’m choosing to do. James is in the bath with Andrew so Mommy can have a bit of time to herself.

Baby has ANOTHER cold. It feels like he just got rid of the last one. I don’t know why this happens, although I guess it’s just the time of year. I make sure he’s bundled when we go out and do my best to take good care of him, but alas the sniffles fight their way in. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that James and I don’t get it. I am still coughing a little bit once in a while from the last cold that I only got over a few weeks ago and had for about 3 weeks…So let’s hope I am in the clear of this one.

Andrew had his first baby Tylenol today. I was trying to go as long as possible without giving him medication like that. I’ve used a herbal remedy from the health food store. But it wasn’t doing anything at all and his nose was so drippy and he was miserable so I thought it was worth a try. Honestly, I don’t think it did anything whatsoever. But I’ll give him a bit more before he goes to bed tonight and hopefully it will help him sleep (probably just wishful thinking). My poor boy! He’d better get healthy – with Christmas and his birthday coming up, I want him to be feeling his best.

We were in Nanaimo for a few days. I was trying to talk things through with my parents (albeit separately)…And I thought things were going OK but then things took a turn for the worse. I don’t even want to talk about it, other than to say I have a lot to sort through in my mind and come to terms with. Will my mom get the help she needs and work toward feeling happy? Or will she end up dying miserable? I honestly don’t know at this point, although sadly she seems to be leaning toward the latter. And I just have to somehow deal with it. It’s all so sad. It becomes so hard over time to deal with a severely depressed person. My mom is so wrapped up in herself right now that while she says she feels sad and ashamed for worrying all of us (which just adds to her problems and isn’t constructive), it seems like she can’t really be there for us at all. How could she be when she’s not even able to take care of herself? It makes me feel really sad.

I just talked to her since writing the above and every time I talk to her now I feel sadder and sadder. Is it wrong of me to feel like I need to remove myself from everything over there right now? I want to be there for her but I don’t know how to be right now. I can’t handle how stressed and scared and worried and blah it makes me feel to hear her voice and listen to her woes. When I have to get off the phone and then pick up my baby and smile and make like I am so happy because I don’t want him to be affected too - It’s hard going from one extreme to the other. But how can I be truly happy when someone I love so much is in the depths of despair?

Anyway…I really do want to focus on happier things, at least on my blog. So expect a more upbeat post in the near future. As soon as I find the time…which is hard these days. Especially with all the added Christmas things, like cards and making some of the gifts and wrapping everything. So simple when you have time to yourself to get it done. Not quite as enjoyable with a near-one year old whining and making it his mission in life to ruin every sheet of Christmas paper he can find!

He’s lucky he’s so cute. Oh, I know what I want to write about next: all the new cute and amazing things Andrew has been doing the past little while! Stay tuned =)

PS - A few other quick tidbits: James and I celebrated our 11 years as a couple anniversary on the 5th. My cousin's girlfriend came over and babysat Andrew and they seemed to really hit it off so we have a new babysitter who's very keen to come back! James and I went on a date to Salathai, the place where he proposed - our proposal anniversary is coming up on the 16th! I think it was 4 years ago now, omg I can't believe its been that long since we got engaged.

Tuesday, December 01, 2009

It's Christmas time in the city

The day we took Andrew to have his picture taken with Santa I was so excited! I just couldn’t believe my little baby boy was meeting Santa for the very first time. It was a special moment. I was so looking forward to taking the picture home with us that day, and was a tad disappointed when they let me know that it wouldn’t be ready for pick up till the next day.

I was going to leave it a couple of days but I was eager to get that picture right away. So the next morning I got Andrew and all his stuff packed into his stroller and off we went back to Park Royal.

We decided rather than paying $9 for 2 4x6 prints, we would pay the same amount for the picture on a cd so we could print as many copies as we wanted (for sending out to friends and family for Xmas).

All was fine and well, I picked up the disk, did a bit of Christmas shopping while we were out, and back home we came.

Andrew had fallen asleep on the bus ride home, so I took the opportunity to pop the disk into my computer to take a look at it.

And lo and behold, this is what I saw:

I was shocked. Andrew had aged 8-10 years and looked far less happy about having his picture taken with Santa than I had remembered!

Needless to say, I’d picked up the wrong picture. The idea of having to get Andrew back into his stroller and go back over the Lions Gate Bridge to Park Royal to exchange it for the right one did not enthuse me.

So I called the store where the pictures were developed and explained what had happened. Luckily they were able to email me our picture and made a new disk for the parents of the miserable little boy who happens to have the same last name as me (which is why we accidentally ended up with the wrong disk in the first place).

This is the image that was sent through email:
Ahhh, now that’s more like it! That’s our boy =)

Now with digital photography, they took 3 pictures of Andrew and went with the 3rd because he smiled for the camera. What makes me wonder is – was it really that bad for the other kid? If they kept taking pictures till they got the best one, it frightens me a bit that his struggling-to-get-off-Santa’s-lap-to-the-point-he’s-about-to-lose-his-shirt picture was the best they could do! Poor kid. Maybe next year they should just take him out for a hot chocolate and skip out on visiting Santa altogether!

Just 24 more days till Santa will be heading out on his sleigh. Let the countdown to Andrew’s first Christmas begin =)

Monday, November 30, 2009

The mothers

I am so tired.

So tired of dealing with other people’s problems.

I feel like I sound selfish saying that.

Especially when one of the people I am talking about is one of the most important people in my life.

But depression is difficult not just for the person going through it, but those around them.

I am extremely affected by my mom’s illness.

She has suffered from depression her whole life. How do you fight a 57 year battle and come out on top?

I feel I am at a loss. The situation has become quite dire. Something has to happen, and fast. I have talked myself in circles for so long now and I can’t sit on the side lines anymore, watching her spiral further and further out of control.

Before I had a child of my own, I looked at the world differently than I do now. It’s hard to explain, but something changed in me when he came along. Seeing the world differently means also seeing those around me from a different perspective. I sometimes feel as though my mom is reverting back to a child herself and I find it difficult to deal with. I was always very defensive of her before but now…I don’t know what it is. It’s not like I’m not defensive of her to some degree. I don’t blame her for her illness. I know she’s not doing it on purpose. But eventually, enough is enough. None of us can take it anymore. But more importantly, her body can only take it so much longer.

I hate to air this type of ‘dirty laundry’ in such a public place (not that many people frequent my blog, but still). I know she wouldn’t like to have this sort of thing discussed so openly. But I’m just at a loss and I have to put it out there because this whole situation is so devastating to me.

She acts like it wouldn’t be that big a deal for us if she died. We’d just get over it. It’s not that simple though. Do you honestly think I would ever recover from her death? Most especially if she died from sadness? I would/will never recover from that.

This is not the first time it has been this bad. Although I am beginning to think this time is starting to get worse than before. When I was 14 she started going through a major meltdown, when my grandfather was dying. When I was 15 she was suicidal and one night left the house, telling me on her way out that she was going to drive away and hopefully get killed by wild animals or whatever it took. She left and I was certain I was never going to see her again. I don’t want to go down that road a second time. I fear that it would truly be the last time if it were to happen again. Not that she’d be eaten by wild animals, but put enough pills in a person and it does the same trick.

I feel so sad that it has come to this, and selfishly upset that the major spiralling began shortly after Andrew was born. Which is not to say that she isn’t in love with her grandson. And it’s not to say she doesn’t have good intentions sometimes. She loves us, but the fact that she doesn’t love herself is starting to make it so her love for us just isn’t enough anymore. If she can’t love herself, I am getting to the point that it would probably be better if she didn’t love us either. That sounds harsh but when your mom is truly one of your best friends and someone you’re used to talking to literally every day and then suddenly depression sucks the life out of them and they’re no longer then person they’ve been to you for so long…It can become too much for one person to handle. Too much for a daughter to take on.

I love my mom and I would do just about anything to help her get the help she needs. But how do you force a person to get help when they resist so often? Which is where the reverting back to a child thing comes in. It seems to me as though when I bring all of this up (and believe me, I have told her exactly how I feel – no holds barred) she becomes like a child and can’t or won’t talk about it and acts like it’s no big deal and let’s talk about it some other time or never please and thank you. It’s sad but it can also be annoying. And I hate being annoyed with my mom. It makes me feel sad.

I am just having an increasingly difficult time with all of this, what with also having Andrew to care for and the fact that I want to be positive for him (and for me) and enjoy this time we have together. I feel sad when I am having such a fun time with him and then I will get a text or email from my mom and it’s such a downer that I feel helpless and worried about her. I hate it when I call her up and get ‘the voice.’ She is so far gone that she doesn’t want to face reality and that scares me too. She doesn’t want to have to face her problems, admit to having maybe made a few mistakes along the way, even though that is perfectly normal and no one is blaming her for it. She just wants to hide her head in the sand and in turn that causes the spiralling out of control to continue on.

Literally every time the phone rings these days I wonder, is this the call telling me my mom has had a stroke or heart attack? Or is dead?

That’s the reality.

And I find it SO hard having ‘light’ conversations with her these days, talking about Andrew and what we’re up to etc. I feel like screaming sometimes. It doesn’t make sense to ‘pretend’ at all anymore.

I’m supposed to head over the next day or two and help with putting their Christmas decorations up. That feels like a farce to me. I don’t want to go and do that right now. Before I thought it was a good idea but now the idea of it makes me feel stifled. I don’t even know what to think, let alone what to do at this point. It’s all very sad.

As for the m-i-l visit. The only glitch for me is that I was told she was leaving today and it turns out she’s not leaving till Wednesday. Although if I do go to the island we’ll be saying our goodbyes to her tonight anyway. The visit all went really well and I was thinking yeah, this can work. She drives me nuts still in some ways but it’s just who she is, she can’t help it. She isn’t doing anything wrong per se, just being herself!

But last night the shit hit the fan once again between her and N (James’ brother). In a very similar fashion to what happened last Christmas. This time we handled it differently. I wasn’t involved at all and want to remain uninvolved, although I don’t know how realistic that actually is. In fact the more I think about it the more unrealistic that becomes. James has spent a bit of time with her since the blow up (which had nothing to do with him, either) and his mom was calm with him and seemed to handle things pretty well. So perhaps we can go on and pretend like it didn’t happen. But his brother totally freaked even at James, just for speaking to his mom, and that’s not cool with me. So I don’t know how long I can bite my tongue with him. Oh and he and his fiancé also used me to get to the m-i-l when I didn’t know what was going on and if I really think about that I’m pissed off about that one too!

I basically have concluded that the m-i-l can’t come out here without some sort of blow up happening and what I wish she realized and N realized as well is that their freak outs DO transfer onto us, that’s just the way it is. And where my concern lies is with Andrew. What if he was 5 years old and his Nana was supposed to be coming over for a visit (as was the plan last night) and then lo and behold she and N have their big tiff and she doesn’t show up due to those issues (as what happened last night). Andrew would be confused and sad and wondering why, once again, Nana reneged her promise of coming over to play with him. I don’t give a flying eff if she spends time with me. I don’t need her here for my benefit! But if she has the potential to hurt Andrew, she very much has the potential to get under my skin and I can’t let her disappoint my boy time and time again as I feel is going to be the case if things continue on the way they are.

But you know what? Just as my mom’s issues stem so deep and have roots in her entire history, so do the m-i-l’s. So how do you expect major change for the better when it is likely to take much intensive therapy and very hard work and a desire to change on their side to make this all work???

Oh the conundrum of it all.

I just want to live life and be happy and enjoy what I have. But it’s hard when I’m up late at night unable to get back to sleep after Andrew’s night feeds because I’m so worried about everything that’s going on around me. Something’s got to give here! And fast.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Getting into the Christmas spirit early

Yesterday I decorated for Christmas. Early, I know. It goes against my ‘not till December 1st’ rule. Although I am sort of looking at it that November 25th is OK because it’s exactly one month till Xmas. AND given that we won’t even be here for a week at Xmas time, it makes sense to enjoy our decorations for a bit longer!

I’m just so excited with it being Andrew’s first Christmas. I didn’t go overboard with decorating though – since I can only really put things high up what with his curious grabbing hands and all! We got a 2.5 ft fibre optic tree (to replace our old one which I LOVED but had had the bun) and it’s up and away from baby’s grasp. It was fun decorating it, putting the various ornaments on that we’ve collected over the years, as well as a few from our childhoods. It was also special putting Andrew’s first ornament on – a little snowman over a bell with his name on it. It’ll be so much fun once Andrew can be a part of the decorating, making it a tradition the way we put everything up together as a family. This year it was just me, taking up on the opportunity while baby slept and James was at work (since he doesn’t seem to care about being involved – although I know he will in the future when Andrew is excited about it!)

I’m wondering if Andrew is going to get too many presents this year, but…it can’t be avoided! I know his Gramma and Grampa have quite a few gifts for him already…And even though I wasn’t going to get him anything else, I found something today when we were out that I just couldn’t resist. What’s cool about it is that it folds up for travel – although the way I look at it is that it folds up for easier storage! It’ll be his very first Tonka toy! I’m so excited! I think we’ll put all his toys on a sort of ‘rotation’ so some of the things will be put away till a rainy day when he ‘needs’ something new (or, Momma needs a break so she gives him something different to play with! LOL) I know Xmas isn’t all about the presents and I DO want to teach Andrew that it’s more about spending time with loved ones, but lets face it, it’s fun to give kids prezzies! Although I do realize that Andrew’s a little young this year to really get overly excited. It’s more for us at this stage!

I just can’t believe we’re heading up to ONE YEAR since Andrew was born. Christmas is extra exciting with baby’s birthday right around the corner from it. It’s almost TOO much but we’ll figure out a way to make both occasions special in their own separate ways! It’s so funny because I remember when James and I decided we wanted to try to start a family. The only thing I was adamant about was that we not have a Christmas baby. Then I got pregnant immediately, and his due date was December 23rd! LOL But my little New Year’s Eve baby arrived and I wouldn’t trade him or his special day for any other baby or day, so it all worked out just the way it was supposed to ;)

I feel happy right now and surprisingly clear-headed. Maybe because the sun was shining for a couple of hours and it is much brighter today than it has been for a while. We’ve had so much rain lately and the days have just dragged on.

I guess I’m surprised by how good I feel because there IS a black cloud hanging very close to my head. She’s called the m-i-l and she’s in Victoria RIGHT NOW. Which is far too close for comfort. She arrives here tomorrow night and thinking about it makes me feel slightly sick with worry. OK, a little more than slightly. I’m going to be a wreck tomorrow. Luckily we’ve planned a visit with my aunt in the afternoon so she can help keep me from going insane thinking about this weekend ahead. A weekend of visiting with a person who I have nothing to say to but will have to talk to regardless. It’s going to be difficult, trying, a definite challenge. I don’t feel ready for it and I don’t think it was fair of her not to give more time. But maybe it’ll be good to get this out of the way. I guess I just have little faith that she won’t pull one of her usuals and make everyone stressed out…but I guess only time will tell, and what will be will be!

Monday, November 23, 2009

Say Cheese!

Today is what memories are made of…Andrew met Santa Claus for the first time in his life! And he smiled when he had his picture taken with him =)

It was so cute. We weren’t going to get his pic done this early but we went to Park Royal to get our Xmas shopping on the go, and lo and behold Sanny Claus was already there. It seems earlier and earlier every year, but practically speaking it made sense for Andrew to get his picture done today. Once he’s old enough to know what’s going on, I want to wait till at least Dec 1st before doing such things, but for his first year, well, we just couldn’t contain ourselves!!

It wasn’t busy so Santa was just sort of hanging around so he talked to Andrew while we got him out of his stroller. Andrew was staring at him intently and started smiling at him right off the bat. He sort of furrowed his brow and looked serious for a moment, as if he was trying to figure him out. But mostly he was smiling, and once Santa was holding him on his lap for the picture, he seemed quite content to be there with him. Awww! My little baby boy’s first picture with Santa! If I thought about it too much, I could get all choked up. I just love these firsts. I love thinking how one day he’ll look back on his pictures with Santa and smile because he looks so darn cute in them!

He’s such a good boy. We were out for about 4 hours and he didn’t cry for a second that entire time. We went through a few stores, then he nursed and fell fast asleep and slept nearly the whole rest of the time we were out. We even stopped at Milestones for lunch and he slept through it! When he woke up he was content to just look around, he didn’t make a peep on the bus ride home. He’s such a good boy to go out with. He’s so content and enjoys taking in the sights…and snoozing when it suits him! I love my darling little monkey.

In line with the spirit of Christmas (even if it IS a tad early for it!) - he is sweeter than a gingerbread house and an eggnog latte combined! =D

Friday, November 20, 2009

Time is of the essence

So much to do, so little time.

Isn`t that just the age old sob story?!

Today I got my cedar chest out of the closet and set it back up where it used to be, by the window in our bedroom. Our place is so freaking small, it really irks me sometimes how little space we have.

I decided to organize the closet better, got all our games and things out of the cedar chest and stacked them into the closet. Now the chest can be used as another toy box for Andrew! Lets face it – he’s going to want to open it because it has a lid and it’s going to entice my curious little boy! So it has to have kid friendly stuff in it, unless I want to put a latch on it like I have on everything else (I so don’t want to have to do that!!) He’s getting a bunch of new toys for Xmas/his birthday so it’s going to make sense to have more space available. He is slowly but surely taking this place over! (Oh, alright, he already has!!)

My boy’s not the least bit spoiled.

Ha!

Anyhoo…

I was in a bit of a ‘mood’ tonight. Sometimes I just get SO EXHAUSTED and I can’t find a moment’s peace. I went and had a bubble bath and I was so looking forward to it because I was using really lovely scented bubbles and the temperature was nice and hot and I got in, aaaaahhhhhhh…And then Andrew started crying outside the door and even though James was trying to play with him and keep him occupied, apparently all he could think about was how he was abandoned by his Momma. And there’s nothing worse than Momma abandoning baby to go have a bath…Because Andrew’s favourite thing is that tub! How dare I relax in there WITHOUT HIM!

I love my boy so much but sometimes I need a bit of a breather. I feel like I just want to get ONE THING done, actually FINISHED not just partially done, but it’s impossible while he’s awake. And he goes to bed so late (lately he’s not asleep till between 9-10pm) so by the time he’s out, I’m too tired to accomplish much. Or I end up staying up later than I should to have a bit of time to myself. I feel like James and I aren’t spending nearly as much time together as we should because we’re struggling to get our own stuff done in the teensy amount of time we have. We still spend time together, but it could be a bit more quality than it has been lately. It’s just the biggest challenge, this whole ‘time management’ thing.

BUT tonight Andrew went to sleep and as soon as he was relaxed and sleeping in my arms, my feeling of being overwhelmed drifted away and I just held him for a few minutes and stared at him with adoration before transferring him to his crib. He is such a sweet little boy (she says as he sleeps!) lol No really, he IS!

So after putting him to bed I managed to get our bedroom the rest of the way tidied to my liking. Got all our clothes put away and organized a few things. Still a bit to do but ‘it’ll keep’ – and it’ll have to, because I need a bit of time to relax and not think about all the chores on my to do list…

James is going to give me a foot rub now…Lets hope the boy doesn’t wake up before it happens!!

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Little by little, getting things done

Sometimes I make weekly lists – I make all sorts of lists, really. But I find I am most effective if I write a daily list. This, of course, doesn’t happen often – who has the time to write a list every day for what needs to be done that particular day? Especially when you’ve got a baby with grabby little hands fighting to steal the pen and paper from you!

But today I wrote a list in the morning of things I wanted to accomplish and there is only one thing left on the list of 6. Not bad when a few of the items were rather time consuming ones!

One of the things on my list was, once again, sorting and posting pictures – on FB but more importantly (for the family) on flickr. It’s such a lengthy process when you have several hundred pics to go through and when you upload them onto flickr half of them for some reason are sideways and have to be rotated and blah blah blah…

BUT…and no this isn’t ideal and not something I’d make a habit of, but it worked – I was able to multitask and read Andrew a few books (about 10 times each – he loves the repetition!) while simultaneously getting the pictures posted and organized! LOL It worked because they’re baby board books and don’t have a whole lot of words in them – so I’ve memorized them. He knows what’s coming as soon as I open to the first page and he grins with anticipation for the words I will say. He flips the page and I say what’s on the next page – all while I’m looking at the computer screen and occasionally at him. Again, obviously not ideal and I usually have 100% focus on him, but hey, when you’ve got to get something done!...And he was totally happy, otherwise I wouldn’t have got away with it! His favourite book is called Moo, Baa, La La La. The other (Baby Beluga) I sang to him. It’s so funny because he likes the first book the best so he would take Baby Beluga away and toss it on the floor, then pick up the other book and hand it over to me!

It’s so cute what he does now: I will say to him, ‘Andrew, go get your book. Bring it to Momma!’ and I’ll point a few times at a particular book laying on the floor away from him. He’ll look at me, then my finger, then to where it’s pointing, and in a matter of seconds he is over at the book, picking it up, and bringing it to me! He grins when he hands it to me. He’ll do this with other objects as well. Such as my cell phone – I’m teaching him to fetch it for me when I need it! LOL Yup, puttin’ the boy to work early on ;) It just seems so amazing to me that he’s getting the concept of things so quickly. I’ve actually asked him to go get something without pointing, and he’s gone and gotten the right thing. My clever little monkey!

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Followers...

I noticed a new person is following my blog...with the initials JP. I'm curious why you've chosen to follow me since I've never received a comment from you or anything?...I'm not upset about it, I just thought I would say 'hi' and ask what brought you to my blog! :)

Kitty hair cuts

Our Tuesday mom/baby group at the community centre has been stopped ‘due to H1N1.’ As a precaution they’ve shut it down for the rest of the year, and then the centre is closed as of Jan 1 till the end of March because of the stupid Olympics. I’m really upset – I had no idea that when we went to the meet up 3 weeks ago (haven’t been since due to being in Nanaimo and having colds) it was our last time ever - because babies over a year generally don’t go to those meet-ups, since they’re for newer moms and babes. I wish I could have said goodbye to the nurses and volunteer that were always there – we kind of got to know them. And I was so excited this week because I was planning on showing off how Andrew is walking!

Ho-hum.

So yesterday morning the kitty cats were scheduled for grooming. It was an adventure for me because I had to get the two cats to the groomer, about a 10 minute walk from our apartment. Doesn’t sound like much but of course I also had to bring Andrew. Luckily it wasn’t pouring like it was on Monday. I actually managed it all quite well. The scariest part is getting them out of the apartment since we’re not actually supposed to have them here – and the fact that the managers live on our floor doesn’t help matters. Add to the stress the way Fiona meows when she’s being transferred from our suite to the elevator and omg I was sweat city! But luckily we got out with only one person seeing us and she’s a cat lover and her lips were sealed so all was well.

I was a sight to behold though – with Andrew strapped into the stroller, Fiona in a carrier in the basket area underneath Andrew, and Moorka in another carrier propped on top of the front of the stroller (to help distribute her girth a little so my arms wouldn’t fall off on the way to and from the groomers!)

Got them there and checked in, then took Andrew for a walk around Denman to a few stores and then a walk through the neighbourhood there to pass the time. I also took him to Safeway when he got restless and let him walk around by the flower department. He was so taken with the poinsettias! I kept saying, ‘Look at the pretty flowers, Andrew!’ and he would rush toward them with a big grin. Of course I would sweep him up off the floor and move him away before he got too close =) It was fun for a little while, then we wandered some more outside. It was cold but sunny and Andrew was so snug under his blanket that he fell fast asleep.

When I went back to pick up the cats, I found Fiona to be perfectly shaved lion’s-cut style. She is the perfect cat for such ventures – she’ll just go with the flow and take whatever! Whereas Moorka. Well, she’s a whole other story. Unfortunately, the groomer (who’s been grooming her for a few years now, so I know it’s not her, but rather Moorka becoming more set in her ways) wasn’t even able to clip her nails. She managed to shave half her back but that was it. It was her nails that needed done more than anything because not only is she shredding the carpet, but she scratches Andrew pretty much on a daily basis now and draws blood pretty much every time – obviously a major concern. Especially given that on a few occasions she’s just narrowly escaped hitting his eye. I try so hard to keep them separated – and unfortunately that means Moorka is locked in our bedroom for part of the day each day. But it’s inevitable that they’ll be around each other at times so I can’t prevent these attacks.

Anyway, I stopped by a vet clinic and made an appointment for her nails to be clipped – hopefully – on the weekend. If they’re not able to clip her nails then we are going to have to have a serious talk about what the next step is. I hate the idea of having to find someone else to take her, but the reality is that she is not the least bit good with children. And I don’t see her warming up to Andrew over time! Yes, eventually he will stop bugging at her and thinking they’re playing, but that’ll take quite a long time for him to learn. Not to mention the fact that it’s kind of difficult to have a house cat that can’t ever have their nails clipped. Her nails are already so brutally long that they catch when she walks on the carpet, and if she happens to step over your bare feet while she’s sauntering along, god help you – her nails dig right in. And that’s after maybe 4 months of not being clipped!

So let’s just hope it all works out. I’m still a tad concerned though. When we got Moorka the woman at the shelter told us she would not ever be good in a home with children. That was almost 5 years ago and we weren’t even thinking about the prospect of one day being parents, it just never crossed our minds not to take her. I couldn’t imagine not having had her all this time either, I feel like we’ve really helped her in a big way to trust and open up compared to how she was before we got her. But…if she’s not the least bit good with Andrew, I can’t help it – there’s going to be a problem.

Anyway…I figure we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. At least one cat behaved! She even has the pompom tail this time – pictures to come!!

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Table scraps


Tonight I finally got all my scrapbook supplies out and into the dining room. Which means the table is functional for nothing else at the moment – although I’m working on getting all the supplies set up on this tray thing that used to go in the bathroom (which can’t anymore since Andrew would knock it over). That way my scrap stuff can still be in the dining room, but sort of kind of not really out of the way (hey, at least it won’t be covering the table top when I’m not using it!) It’s not ideal but it’ll be better than having to haul everything out from the cupboard thing in the bedroom every time I want to use it.

I’m so good at finding space where there shouldn’t be any left. My parents brought over all our Xmas stuff (well, most of it) since we’ll be decorating in a couple of weeks. Three banker boxes of stuff, plus our tree (thank goodness it’s a tiny one!) I honestly didn’t think it would be possible but I managed to store it all into our hall closet and it fits nice and neat. Can’t fit a single other thing in there but that’s OK because we don’t have anything else that needs squeezing in! I know, I know…give me time! But seriously, I’m good at packing it in without things seeming too messy. Not that I wouldn’t kill for more space…not so I could fill it with more stuff either – I wish we had more than 2 closets just so things didn’t have to be quite so crammed. But at least I’ve got things working for the most part.

We had a date night tonight after all. My parents were more than happy to look after Andrew again – this time we took him to their hotel room. They had brought over a bunch of his ‘island toys’ so he was happy to play with stuff he doesn’t have on a regular basis. And my bro and s-i-l joined us so they dropped their bulldog off and she and Andrew had some play time together =) So gramma and grampa had both their grandbabies tonight!

It was fun going out, I had a Cosmopolitan and then coffee. Really living it up, I know. But I’m just not used to drinking much these days so a little goes a long way!

Andrew had a great time with gramma and grampa – lots of play time by the sounds of things. And he was fast asleep when we went up to the room to collect him. I feel so good about this because it means occasionally I can go out without worrying that he’s going to be a total fuss budget. It’s still going to be a rarity that I get to go out, but even just once in a while is such a treat.

It’s almost midnight and here’s my dilemma: I want to do some scrapping because if I don’t get going on it, even if it’s organized on the tray in the dining room it doesn’t mean the pages are going to fill themselves! BUT the issue is that it’s late which means I have to be up soon because let’s face it, Andrew will demand my attention in the wee hours of the night…so staying up doesn’t seem like the most responsible idea. I used to be a night owl but it just isn’t practical anymore. Oh, what to do??!

ABC's

This morning my parents looked after Andrew while James and I took a Child and Infant First Aid course. We learned how to do cpr on children and infants, as well as adults, and got first aid certified in just 3 hours. I’m glad we did it because while I hope to never have to use the skills they taught us, I feel better prepared in case of an emergency.

Andrew was so good for Gramma and Grampa. I wasn’t able to pump milk – only one ounce despite that I tried sooo many times to get more in the bottle! But interestingly, my mom said he didn’t seem interested in the bottle at all. If he’d been able to nurse at one point she thinks he would have loved to have, but the bottle doesn’t offer him the same comfort as his momma’s nipple, so he didn’t want it! It puts my mind at ease that he was good with eating some banana and having some juice and wasn’t fussing and fighting for momma’s milk the whole time. Back in the day, there is NO WAY I’d even CONSIDER going out longer than maybe even half an hour without many ounces pumped ‘just in case.’ So it’s nice to know I can have a little more freedom time without fear that he won’t be able to handle it! I think my days of pumping milk for Andrew are over.

My parents are here till Monday so I’m thinking I might ask them to watch Andrew for a little while again so James and I can maybe go out for a drink together or something. They absolutely love having that time with him, and I would love to have a bit of time just as a twosome with James! Although I must say, even just after that 3 hour class this morning, I was really missing my boy =) James was laughing because I seemed to be so antsy to get home for baby cuddles. It’s true though – James is used to going off to work and spending the majority of the day away but for me, 3 hours away is a very long time. It’s good for me to get out though, and I think it’s also good for Andrew to realize he doesn’t have to depend on me ALL the time. I love that he depends on me and it’ll be a sad day when he really no longer does (years and year from now!) but it’s still good for us to have SOME time apart.

I’m trying not to focus too much energy on the m-i-l and the fact that she’s coming out here despite that I don’t want to see her for a single second. Instead, I am trying to focus on the fact that she’ll be here for a very short time, won’t be staying with us, and soon enough she will leave and we won’t have to see her again for a good chunk of time. Thank goodness she lives on the other side of the country! Instead I want to focus my energy on the exciting times coming up – Andrew’s first Christmas season and first birthday! I will definitely be waiting till December 1st because that’s just how I roll with it, but I’m looking forward to singing him Christmas songs and getting into the holiday spirit with him. I was thinking last night how he’ll have to get his picture taken with Santa in early December and I’m so excited by that! How cute will that be?!

Friday, November 13, 2009

Here come the dramatics

So my worst nightmare (or at least one of them) has come true.

The m-i-l has booked a ticket out here. Without even discussing with us first how we actually felt about that. Without actually discussing the dates with us to make sure it is going to be at a time that works for us.

It’s 2 weeks away. And am I ready for it?

No.

Not even close.

I feel sick to my stomach. Literally. I have been pacing and stressing ever since I read her email. Which was to James – she has yet to respond to my message, despite that we sent them at the same time. I wish she’d responded to both of us in the same manner so I wouldn’t be left waiting and wondering what she’d have to say to me. I am sick of her, her issues, and every last bit of tension/stress/disappointment/sadness/anger she has caused.

I can’t ‘let bygones be bygones’ at this point in time. They aren’t really bygones at this stage. And even though you can let things that were in the past stay in the past, they’re still a part of what makes up your relationship. There are always shadows lurking when K is in town.

And I just can’t take it. Not now, not with everything else that’s going on. Not with the way I feel about her lack of ability to work at making change. I just feel like it’s going to be her acting all flighty and as if nothing is wrong and me having to sit there and pretend like everything is ok when it certainly isn’t. I’m sure she’s going to try things that I’m not going to be able to let her get away with. I just don’t trust her right now, plain and simple. Nor should I be expected to.

She hurt us and she is STILL acting as if she is the one who was hurt and that we still should have been doing more for her. She really has a very thick skull because absolutely nothing seems to be getting through to her brain.

I am upset and that’s a severe understatement. I am so not ready to have to see her. I really had hoped to not have to deal with her AT ALL for a good long while. She’s the one who had no contact and now it’s just, surprise, I’m coming out and there’s nothing you can do about it.

So not impressed.

It feels like time to cut your breaks

Not even going to bother getting into the nitty gritty of the in-law issues. I will make a long story short. James’ mother and brother are cut from the same cloth, so why would I be surprised that things have gone sour with both of them?

It’s just sad that my attempts at letting them know I care enough to want to strengthen our relationship get shot down. They are both so defensive that even saying nice things are taken as bad things and put back in my face as if I am some horrible monster. A thorn in their sides.

It really doesn’t make any sense. But I guess some people can’t handle being called on things that they seem to enjoy doing so much. My b-i-l has a habit of calling up and freaking out at us out of the blue, for ridiculous reasons. Apparently him hanging up on James after telling him to eff off even though he didn’t do anything wrong is not supposed to rub off on me. Okaaaaay. Apparently I am the bad guy. And referred to as ‘James’ wife.’ My attempt to remind him that I’m not just his brother’s wife but also his sister in law had no effect whatsoever. I really do feel as though James’ mom and brother would be happy if James told them we were breaking up. Which will never happen, so it sucks to be them!

But how sad is that, really? James and I have been together nearly 11 years. We have been totally in love that entire time. Literally our only arguments EVER have been about…you guessed it! His mom and brother. Well, mostly his mom, actually. We have never had any major arguments about anything else (only normal couple ‘tiffs’ here and there, although even those are few and far between) – we really get along and have such a strong, healthy relationship. Neither one of us could imagine being with anyone but each other. AND now we have a child – which don’t you think would really hit the nail on the head for the family that we are a solid unit?? That if they’re going to think of Andrew as their grandson/nephew, they would think of me as their d-i-l/s-i-l?

Am I really that awful a person that they want nothing (seemingly) to do with me??!

Grrr. Did I mention the m-i-l has been talking of wanting to come out here – as in, within the next few weeks? If she does so, I just might have a heart attack. So not ready to see her. We (James and I) wrote her emails (our only form of communication with her at the moment) and she responded basically the same as always – a refusal to take accountability for herself. All fingers point to us – apparently we just didn’t think enough about HER and HER NEEDS while I was giving birth to Andrew. Awww, poor baby. And I’m not talking about Andrew here, but her – because she appears to be a bigger baby than any actual baby I know.

It’s unbelievable how this just continues on and on…and on and on and on. I am so sick of it. The antics, the dramatics. The need for re-hashing it all. Never knowing when we’ll hear from her but knowing when we do it probably won’t be anything good. The constant stirring of the pot. I don’t see how we’ll ever get past this because I want a real, honest apology and an acknowledgement that she could, no she SHOULD, have been all-about-us-and-the-baby and not her usual self-centered self. I want her to acknowledge how self-centered she can be and how horrible the situation was for US, not HER, during the most important time of James and my life (bringing our baby into the world). I don’t think I will ever fully get over the fact that instead of congratulating us for a job well done, she was bitching and moaning because we weren’t catering to HER. Heaven forbid our wee one should come first.

Gaaaawd!

Anyway. Said I wasn’t going to get into it all and here I am, ranting and raving. But she just really gets to me. The b-i-l gets to me too, but mostly he just makes me feel disappointed because there’s no reason for us not to all get along, but he’s just the type of person who’s fair-weather. He will love us all sweet and syrupy one day and the next stab us in the back with the sharpest knife around. That’s just how he is, how he’s always been. Likes to talk the talk but I haven’t really seen him walk the walk. It saddens me that he doesn’t make more of an effort to spend time with us for the sole reason that he should be wanting to spend time with his nephew, to get to know him. I have such fond memories of spending time with my aunts and uncles growing up. I just want the same for my boy.

But I guess fair-weather people are like that, and perhaps it’s best that I just realize it and deal with it now, because ultimately I’m going to have to protect Andrew from the disappointment he’ll be facing in the future. When he’s so looking forward to that visit his uncle promised, only to have said uncle bail on him at the last second. He does it to us, he will do it to Andrew too.

Siiiiiigh.

But for some reason the m-i-l just cuts far deeper. I guess because ‘Nana’ should be an important part of Andrew’s life, but the fact is she won’t be. She isn’t capable of being. She proves that to us time and time again. She is only happy when it’s all about her, and I’m afraid it just can’t work that way anymore. It never DID work that way…not for anyone but her! And what’s uber annoying is that she is now asking for a ‘list’ of all these wrongdoings we mention without going into detail about, in our effort to remind her of why we always have to be on guard when she’s around. She actually said she has no recollection of ever having been spoken to about any issues in the past. WTF?!!!!! We have had huge blow outs, on many occasions, and have been very clear as to why we felt the way we did, etc. She really seems to believe that we’ll just give up and give in and say oh, yes, K, you’re so right, we were in the wrong, what can we do to make it up to you, *kissing her feet* We’re soooooo sorry. But that’ll never happen, not in an infinity of years. In my mind, if she really so desperately wants a relationship with her grandson – wouldn’t she do whatever it takes to have that? If literally everyone is saying the same thing about her freak out behaviour and how it affects us, wouldn’t she start to thinking hey, maybe I AM causing problems? And ask herself what she can do to make things better?

Nope, just more pot stirring. Lets conjure up whatever we can so everyone can be miserable like me (as in, her). James says he doesn’t think she does all this stuff deliberately, but I have to wonder when it happens time and time again, literally each and every time we see her.

She’s sick in the head but she still has to take responsibility for herself.

Well, one little rant down! I needed to get this out, even though I’ve pretty much said it all before. I’m so looking forward to a time when I’m not constantly at battle with other people’s issues…if that’s even a possibility!

Thursday, November 12, 2009

So much to do, so little time


I don’t even remember where I left off. Andrew and I were in Nanaimo till Tuesday night, now we’re back home.

Still getting over our colds – they have lasted far longer than what a cold should. Andrew has the sniffles but I think part of the reason he’s not getting rid of them is because he doesn’t know how to blow his nose! So it just stays clogged. I clean it out as best I can but it just has to run its course - it's definitely far better than it was. As for me, I keep thinking I’m on the mend, then I just seem to feel worse. It’s most likely lack of sleep that keeps me from getting better. That damn sleep issue, rearing its ugly head again…

On Monday my mom and I went to a great party supply store in Nanaimo and I’ve got the theme going for Andrew’s first birthday party! I’m excited about it, naturally. I’m going to keep it a surprise for now but I’m trying to come up with fun party ideas. My little New Years Eve baby! I know it’s a while away yet but I don’t know when I’ll be in Nanaimo next and I knew I wanted to get supplies at the store I like there, so I thought shopping early was a good idea.

So Tuesday night Andrew and I headed for home on the ferry. We always take the main car deck when exiting as opposed to the overhead walkway because I want to get us to the bus as quickly as possible and that’s the best route. I’ve done it a million times and with Andrew in tow. It was a bit before the doors would be opening (they open up when we’re a couple of minutes away from docking). I had Andrew bundled in his fleece blankets (and he was wearing a warm outfit, complete with socks AND shoes – which he is finally getting used to wearing more often so he doesn’t pull them off all the time!) I of course have a ‘system’ for what I do when preparing him for whatever we’re doing, such as getting off the ferry. I know what the weather conditions are, and that when you take a later ferry in the cold weather when it’s dark, it’s going to be cold when the doors open up before we dock. My plan was at the last minute I would encase the stroller in plastic – the big cover thing that protects Andrew from the rain, since it was pouring that night. But I didn’t see the point in covering him up prematurely, because he’ll only grump at being hidden behind the plastic cover. I know my boy!

But everyone’s got to have an opinion…and before I had got Andrew’s prep for departing the ferry completed, this woman comes over and starts ranting to me about how cold it’s going to be when the doors open. How my baby is going to be frozen because I’ve got him facing right into where the wind is going to blow through. I said, ‘We’ll be fine, thanks.’ But she persisted. ‘You don’t even CARE? YOU DON’T CARE, DO YOU, about your child?’ She actually said this to me. I was so pissed off!

I told her, ‘I’m his mother, I can take care of him myself, thanks.’ I said it in quite a harsh tone and she retreated back to where she’d been standing before. I was really steamed. How dare someone come up and tell me I’m not looking after my baby? I know what I’m doing! And he obviously wasn’t that upset by the elements because as soon as the doors opened up, I had to recline his seat for him because he had fallen fast asleep! I got his plastic cover on, he was all snug as a bug in a rug in his stroller. So eff you to the woman who thought she needed to step in and protect my little guy. That’s MY job, thank you very much! And while I don’t know everything and will take advice when I see fit, if there is one thing I am confident about it’s in my ability to make sure my baby is taken care of.

Now if she’d come up and was nice about it and went about it in a different way, I may not have been so peeved. But she was treating me like I was an unfit mother and while there may be areas of my life in which I lack confidence, this is not one of them. I’m not perfect – no one is – but if there’s anything I’m doing, it’s always looking out for Andrew and his needs and best interests.

But anyway, that’s enough ranting on that topic.

Yesterday was Remembrance Day so James was home with us. We both had high hopes for all that we wanted to get done but not as much ended up getting accomplished. We did a grocery shop, which was good, but Andrew didn’t nap and was go go go all day long. So we took turns as best we could looking after him while the other got a thing or two done that they wanted to do. I think one of the most difficult things to get accustomed to is that it’s rare we really get our own time to do anything anymore. I really want to work on my scrap booking, for example. My goal is to have Andrew’s first year DONE in terms of scrapping by the time he is a year old (with one or two pages left to do after his birthday, of course). But I haven’t had time to scrap for I’m guessing close to 6 months now. Which is RIDICULOUS, but other things have always taken priority on the rare occasions when I do have time to get stuff done.

And the thing with scrap booking is, I don’t actually have a space for it so I have to haul out all the supplies and take up the dining room table, which means then we can’t eat in there, which is a problem given Andrew needs his high chair (which can get messy on the carpet in the living room so that’s not really an option). Yeah, the logistics of it make it a bigger production than it needs to be.

I did manage to get a bit done on a picture project that I’m working on for Xmas gifts. And I do feel good about what I accomplished, but there is always so much more on the list of things that need doing. It’s mind boggling, and every day I feel a little further behind somehow.

And sometimes James and I both get frustrated with our lack of ‘time to ourselves’ because it just isn’t part of our current reality it seems. More on this topic later because it’s definitely something that’s on my mind, but I think this post is long enough so I’ll end it here.

I keep saying I have all these topics I want to write about, but case in point – finding the time is a challenge!

Monday, November 09, 2009

For days on end

I am still sick – no H1N1 here, ‘just’ a cold. But it hit me SO hard Wednesday night last week and hasn’t let up since. It just got progressively worse each day, though I think I am starting to get better now. I still have a headache and a stuffed nose and now a cough has started but that’s (sadly) ‘better’ than it’s been!

Andrew is still suffering from the sniffles as well but not nearly as bad as he was so I’d say he’ll be all better in a day or two (I hope).

Thursday Andrew and I came over to Nanaimo. I suddenly can’t remember what happened after that…I think we just hung around?! I wasn’t really up to much and if I recall correctly it was extremely stormy Thursday night. Yes, thinking about it more, it certainly was – on the ferry over they even came on the loud speaker and said it was going to be such a rocky ride that if you could stay seated the entire trip, do so. They weren’t kidding – people walking around were literally falling into the laps of those sitting in isle seats, it was that choppy. It made for a long trip for us because of course Andrew wanted to be moving around. I couldn’t take him into the kids play area due to our colds but I couldn’t even let him crawl (or walk!) in around the seats where we had all our stuff. But we managed. I bought him a little toy from the gift shop to distract him and we had a little snack from the bistro. He threw up several times though so I’m wondering if he’s going to suffer from motion sickness like his mama. I sure hope not – it will make for some unpleasant travelling in the future when we go on family vacations! (Luckily it takes a lot more for me to get sick travelling now, but it was pretty bad up till just a few years ago).

Friday, more hanging around. My dad and I went out for a quick trip to Canadian Tire and I got a new fiber optic tree since the one James and I bought when we first moved in together (1999) had sort of bit the dust. It’s just a tiny thing – just over 2 feet tall. Perfect for putting up high and away from curious little baby hands! Then my mom and I went out and did a bit of shopping in the early evening while ‘Grampa’ stayed home with Andrew. I got a little ornament for baby’s first Christmas, it’s a little snowman on top of a red bell and it has Andrew’s name on it. I am the first person to say how ANNOYING it is that Christmas stuff is brought out in the stores so freaking early – it seems like it’s earlier and earlier each year. But I guess I got a bit caught up in it this year. I’m thinking it’s because Xmas is going to be so special this year with it being Andrew’s first!

James arrived Friday night and Saturday we headed off for Victoria for my cousin J’s wedding. We stayed at the Magnolia Hotel, which was really quite nice and we even got a crib in the room for Andrew!

The wedding was nice, good to see some family that we pretty much never get together with. As soon as the ceremony started up, Andrew started fussing and making noise so James took him out of the room and stood out in the hall with him. They were still able to see parts of the service though. About 2 minutes later, another of my cousins (and a sister of the groom) had a crying baby in her arms – her baby boy is 4 months younger than Andrew. So I offered to take him out so she wouldn’t miss her brother’s ceremony. It was so sweet carrying baby B around, he is just a little guy compared to Andrew and so cuddly! Andrew cuddles but only when it’s convenient for him (which is generally only when he’s getting really tired or is asleep!) Baby B, on the other hand, just sunk right into me and was basically burrowed into my shoulder, content as could be. Even though he’s only met me once before and it was months ago! So it was sweet to have that little moment with him. It was cute too how at times Andrew would look over and smile but then furrow his brow, as if he was thinking, hey, why is Mommy holding another baby when she’s supposed to be with ME?!

After the ceremony there were chats in the lobby (the wedding was at the art gallery) and then we went into another room for food. It was nibblies and sooo delicious, really good food. We just hung around – at first we were at the ‘cousins’ table and over time things got switched up. At one point I took Andrew away to a more private area to nurse him, he fell fast asleep, and we put him in his stroller. He woke up when everyone was clapping during the slideshow but when the clapping stopped he would go back to sleep instantly. Even though after the slideshow they had Rock Band set up and it was insanely loud and people were talking all around him as well, he slept through the whole rest of the reception! He didn’t wake up till we had to get him into the car to go back to the hotel – that’s when he bawled because he wanted to nurse but of course couldn’t. But I fed him as soon as we got to the room and we got him into his jammies and he fell fast asleep and was happy to be in his crib.

I forgot to mention, he looked SUPER adorable in his little suit and I will post pictures as soon as I transfer them from my camera!

But omigod did my husband ever look HOT in his suit! He cleans up nice, let me tell you. I seriously couldn’t get over how sexy he looked. Not that I am not attracted to him in his every day clothes (or no clothes, obviously! lol) but in his suit? I couldn’t take my eyes off him and I just kept thinking how lucky I am that he is mine all mine! WOW. I can’t even find the words to describe how hot he looks when he’s all done up like that.

Someone open a window, it’s getting hot in here!

Anyway…

I started feeling really awful through the night and barely slept – probably got about 3 hours total the whole night and felt even more wretched in the morning. I don’t think it was good for me to be at that wedding when I should have been resting and getting better, but obviously it was important for me to be there. Yesterday morning we got ourselves sorted and went down for the free breakfast and met up with my s-i-l and eventually my bro and dad joined us, while my mom had a bit of a lie in. After breaky we went for a bit of a walk to Munroe’s book store and I got Andrew 2 new books. One is going to be for Xmas, called The Mitten, but one is ‘just because’ and it’s a book of the song ‘Hush little baby’ – so James and I can sing it without forgetting the lyrics and coming up with ridiculous things that end up not rhyming all that well!

We went back to the hotel since we had to check out, then sat in the lobby for a while. M and N had to leave as they were going home earlier than us, so we went and had a bite to eat then my parents dropped us off at James’ dad’s house so we could visit with him and B. They were really taken with Andrew and we had a great visit – despite that I wasn’t feeling very well and they didn’t want to go near me for fear of catching my cold! As it was, when my parents came to pick me up it turned out my dad was getting the cold and it was coming on strong. James was going home via Schwartz Bay (Victoria side) so we said our goodbyes and off the rest of us went to Nanaimo. Andrew bawled the entire way back. We even stopped part way so I could feed him but he didn’t want that either. He just sobbed like he has literally never sobbed before – he has NEVER in his life got that worked up. It was awful and even worse given I already had a headache and wasn’t feeling great myself. There was nothing I could do to calm him down. He ended up vomiting 3 times because he was so worked up, it was not a pleasant hour and a half. It felt more like 5 hours at least!

Got home and fed him and gave him a bath and he was all smiles. He was very energetic too, for someone who was up past their bedtime AND should have been exhausted from crying so hard. He raced around and even figured out how to go up the stairs and at a great clip…He’s walking so much now – still crawls a lot (and fast) but loves to walk – especially when he’s on a mission to get to something, he prefers to walk than to crawl. He’s also waving a lot (although toward himself, not the person he’s meaning to wave at!)

Anyway, I had some soup and ended up getting a terrible stomach ache after, to the point I thought I could die it was so bad. So as soon as Andrew was asleep (just after 10:30) I got him into his crib and went straight to sleep. I would have probably got a lot of sleep last night had my cough not woken me up at 3:30…and of course then Andrew was up as well…but we did get back to sleep after that and after a few feedings here and there we weren’t up till just after 8am, so it was definitely a better amount of sleep than the usual, even if it was still all broken up bits of sleep rather than one glorious long sleep (which is what I would LOVE but never seem to actually get!)

Which brings us to today…And I just coughed and woke Andrew from his nap so I guess that’s my cue to end this here! It was getting a little long anyway…although I must say, given my issues with a certain someone and the fact that she now wants a ‘list of proof’ of at least some of the crap she’s put us through over the years, I’m realizing just how important it is to include little details in my journaling whenever I can. Because it’s so much easier to open up a Word document to find said ‘proof’ in a ranting journal entry than to pinpoint it all through memory. Which reminds me, I have some ‘issues’ to write about…I will do that soon =P

Wednesday, November 04, 2009

I need rest

I thought I was fine – no sore throat today, no aches or anything. Then BAM all of a sudden tonight my nose is completely stuffed up and I clearly (or not so clearly, depending how you look at it) have a head cold. I guess I should thank my lucky stars it’s a cold and not the H1N1 flu that I’m ‘sick’ (ha) of hearing about!

But it’s super annoying since I obviously can’t have any down time, and to add insult to injury have to travel tomorrow.

But anyway, what can ya do. Oh just one more little whine about that and I’m done: It sucks that I can’t take anything for a cold. Normally I’d drug myself up with some sort of night time cold relief but since I’m breastfeeding I can’t. And even if I wasn’t breast feeding I don’t think I’d want to do it anyway because ultimately I don’t want a drug forcing me to be drowsy when I need to be ‘on’ in case my baby needs me. Gone are the days of taking pills without really thinking about it! Not that I was ever slamming back random pills but I’d even hesitate to take a Gravol (once no longer breast feeding) nowadays. I barely even take advil and I can only have regular strength. But honestly, even tho this was originally a whine about not getting to take something to ease the cold symptoms, I have to say I actually like not taking any medications for the most part. I like that I’m not putting those chemicals into my system – and for the most part it’s not like I’ve needed them for anything.

Andrew has never even had infant Tylenol, although the past few days once a day I’ve given him this little herbal medication that I got at Capers (a health food type store). It’s for cold symptoms but all natural and just looks like a little bit of water that he drinks. I put it in with a few sips of water and he just drinks it down in a few gulps and I have to say it has actually seemed to make a bit of a difference for making his nose not drip so badly for a while after taking it.

It’s only for 6-36 months or I’d try some myself! LOL

OK, this post really wasn’t intended to be about medications, herbal or otherwise, so…

Today I had ‘me’ time – first time in I can’t remember how long. Me time consisted of getting my hair cut and coloured. My aunt lives just a few blocks now from where I get my hair done so I dropped Andrew off with her. Had a bit of a visit before my appt and showed her how Andrew is walking. It is SO CUTE watching those little legs walk around, he is the sweetest thing EVER! I love the big grin he gets because he’s so excited to be walking. He was even walking, then would drop his toy, lean down and pick it up and walk some more – all without falling over! It’s amazing how all of this happened in just a few days.

Getting my hair done was nice and relaxing. I got the same cut – just needed a bit of a touch up since it wasn’t long ago I had it done. I mainly needed colour since its been a long time since I got the colour done. I wasn’t sure what to do so my awesome hair dresser gave me her suggestion and I went with it. I had blond highlights for so long and now there is no blond in my hair, it’s more of a reddish/burgundyish I don’t know exactly what colour but it’s dark and I like it! It feels like the change that I needed.

Went back to my aunts’ to find Andrew napping. Such a good little boy! He had a bit of a fussy time but it was short-lived – he ended up crashing and didn’t wake up for a while after I got there. My aunt and I were able to have some tea and I had a snack and we chatted before Andrew emerged from his dreams. He was happy after his nap and did more walking around before we left.

We stopped by James’ office to say hi and he surprised me by saying if we just waited about 10 minutes, he’d leave with us. So we walked home and got a coupon we had for money off a dinner and we went out for some supper. Andrew had some mac n’ cheese although he seemed to only be interested in French fries =S He did have some Cheerios though, and apple juice. It was nice to go out and not have to cook. I just didn’t have the energy – probably because I was coming down hard with this cold, although I didn’t know it yet, as I wouldn’t have gone out with the germs if I’d known I had them.

Anyway…here we are. The b-i-l is really stirring the pot and I could get into it and rant and rave but he’s not worth it. I can’t do it. I’m doing my best to take the high road so to speak and not let him get the better of me. So much I wish I could say to him but at the same time, why bother, right? We all know he’s not going to change.

A lot happening over the next few days. I just hope we’re all healthy for the wedding on Saturday. And this weekend in general.

But right now I’m longing for a decent sleep…


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