Sunday, May 25, 2008

Getting along...

I wish I felt more up to documenting day by day how I’m feeling. I just haven’t had the energy. I’ve been a bit better lately than I was – throwing up on average just once or twice a day now instead of upwards of 5 or 6 times. Hey, whatever progress I can make! I have moments through the day now where I don’t feel even a hint of nausea, although for the most part I’m still in a stage where I’d say 90-95% of the time I feel at least a hint of nausea. Often fairly strong.

Luckily the first trimester will be over soon and I should gain a bit more energy and feel healthier. I’m soooo looking forward to that time!!!!!

I’m starting to show already. I have a definite baby bump happening. When my parents were over a few days ago, they took me out to a maternity store and I got a whole bunch of tops and 3 pairs of capris. I’m so excited about my new wardrobe! I feel so good in my pregnancy clothes, which might sound strange but it’s true. They’re so comfortable, I almost wonder why women don’t wear maternity clothes ALL THE TIME!! Stretchy high waistbands, I am telling you, they are COZY! LOL And I have so many cute tops now, they’re all very pretty and flattering – and all things I can easily ‘grow into’ – which is good, since that’s what’s going to be happening over the next 6 months and a bit!!

So much more I want to say but not the energy to say it right now. I’ll do my best to get back on track with writing soon. I feel happy though and so excited. Just 2 more weeks till our first ultrasound, which I’m anxious about but looking forward to at the same time.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

I could go for a big piece of cake right now...I'd probably throw it up, but it'd be worth it =P

Morning sickness and feeling like I’ve run a marathon just walking from the bedroom to the bathroom has left me feeling somewhat bored with my life at the moment. But I know that soon enough I’ll dream of being able to laze around feeling ‘bored’ so I might as well suck it up!

If I could get past the ill feelings I get when I eat (and when I don’t) (despite being on a morning sickness pill that’s supposed to help with that!) I would definitely be on top of the world…I’ll get there, I just wish it would be sooner rather than later. As in, right now would be lovely – please and thank you!

For all of you out there ‘dreaming’ of being pregnant – make sure you want to be in this position more than anything else in the world before you go ahead and do it because OH MY GOD it sucks the life right out of you and takes up every ounce of energy you have and then some. I thought we were ‘ready’ for this but no one could have ever prepared me for what I’m going through! Luckily I am ecstatic to see the end result – it would be horrendous to have to go through this without that enthusiasm.

Today I had my first appointment with a midwife. In BC you can either have a regular doctor or a midwife paid for by health care. After the terrible experience I had with the doctor last week, I got in touch with a midwifery clinic and set up an appointment. It was a wonderful experience, the complete opposite of what I went through with the doctor. I showed up at the clinic and was greeted with smiles and hand shakes. Soothing music played in the background and I sat on a comfy couch adorned with pillows…It was all set up to be comfortable and it definitely was. The midwife was so caring and thorough in her approach. I think it’s going to be fantastic and I would strongly recommend going with a midwife instead of a doctor during pregnancy, unless you have a doctor that you’re confident has time to pay extra attention to you. With the doctor I saw last week, my appointment lasted no longer than about 8 minutes. My session with the midwife today went for nearly an hour and even at that I was not being rushed out the door when I left.

Midwives give you the information you need to help you make decisions but ultimately each decision is up to the individual (or, should I say couple) involved. One decision we have to make now is whether or not to have tests done to find out if the baby has such things as down syndrome or spina bifida.

I am leaning at this point towards declining such tests. The free test that can be done, which I believe involves both blood work and a special ultrasound, has to be done before the first trimester is up. Which I only have about 2 weeks left, so I’m cutting it close as it is. The main issue I have with this test is the amount of false positives. Apparently in 8 positives, only 1 is actually a positive. Meaning 7 people are falsely told there is something seriously wrong with their fetus. Those odds scare me. I am paranoid enough without being falsely told there’s something wrong with my baby! It also takes 2 weeks to find out the results of this test. And if you get a positive you have to go for further tests, which could result in miscarriage (only in a small amount of cases, but still, any extra risk of that makes me feel uneasy).

The other option is to have a test done privately where you get the results the same day you have the test and while there is risk of false positives, it’s much less likely. But this test costs $500 – which to me is a bit of an ouch. I mean, for that kind of money we could buy a whole lot of stuff for our baby-to-be – which we are obviously hoping and assuming is going to be healthy and happy when he or she comes into the world!

The other issue I have is, ok what if I find out there’s something wrong with the baby? Then what am I supposed to do? By the time I’d get these tests and hear the results, it would be too late to terminate the pregnancy. And would I even be able to do that anyway? These tests don’t tell you how severe the anomaly is – it just says if there might be one. And my midwife made a really good point…She actually has spina bifida, which I didn’t realize could be mild. She grew up her whole life not having a clue she had it, it didn’t affect her life at all. It wasn’t till she injured her back doing sports that doctors discovered the ‘problem.’ Imagine if I had a test done and found out my child had spina bifida and I aborted to avoid having a baby who I believed would not be able to lead a ‘normal’ life and yet they might not have ever known they had a problem!

I really REALLY hope our baby is healthy and growing in all the right ways. If there happens to be a challenge along the way, we’ll have to deal with that in whatever way we can. But I love my baby and I want to carry him or her to term no matter what. Whatever is meant to be will be, right? I mean, in some ways I’d love to have the tests done for peace of mind sake but I don’t think it would actually ease my mind. If anything, it might create problems that don’t actually exist. Why put myself through that when I’m already in the low-risk category?

I think I’ve already made up my mind on this issue. It’s strange though, because before I got pregnant I always thought I’d want to find these things out right away and if there was anything wrong I’d want to abort and try again. Sounds harsh, I know, but I really just want a healthy baby. But when it comes down to actually being in this situation, all I’ve been through so far with sickness and so forth, I don’t want to give up on my little one now! We’re in it for the long haul!

One thing my midwife said that I really agree with is that it almost seems with modern technology we have TOO MUCH information at our fingertips. Back in the day, these tests weren’t even an option. Look at how many babies have been born just fine without a battery of tests to make sure they were conceived well?! I know we have it GREAT with modern medicine, but at the same time it would be so much ‘simpler’ if there weren’t so many options. Especially when the accuracy of the tests is only so-so, at best.

There are so many little things that are popping up as I go along, week by week. Including the bump that’s already starting to form in my belly! It’s amazing. According to the books, our little one is now the size of a small plum =) And growing every minute!

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Ok, ok, enough with the secrecy already!

I’m tired of remaining silent about the biggest thing ever to happen to me in my life.

I’m pregnant!

But I’m still in the early days, which is why I was choosing to remain silent…I was hoping to make it to the 3 month mark before saying anything but I couldn’t take it anymore!

I am at 9 weeks and 2 days, so just into the 10th week. According to What to Expect When You’re Expecting, our little one is the size of a small prune! Awww!

We are ecstatic. We got pregnant on our very first try, so it really feels like it was ‘meant to be.’ And we really couldn’t be happier about it! Our due date, I found out today, is December 15th. So it looks like we’re going to be getting the best (early) Christmas present ever!

I’ve been doing well but I’ve been VERY sick. Started a few weeks back, feels like forever already. It’s very debilitating. I am so sick and so so very tired. I eat, I throw up, I sleep. That’s pretty much my life lately! If anything, it has got progressively worse over the past few weeks.

I found out officially that I was pregnant using a ClearBlue at-home test on April 15th. I had done a test a few days before but the line was soooo faint, we thought we were just seeing it because we wanted it to be there. But when I took the test just a few days later on the 15th, the line was obvious. Since I was going to be in Nanaimo over the next few weeks dog sitting for my parents, I went to my old family dr there for a proper test just to be sure, and sure enough it was a positive!

Since then I’ve been searching high and low for a prenatal doctor in the Vancouver area. It has not been easy. I feel so disheartened by our health care system, to say the least. It’s really terrible when a pregnant woman gets turned away time and time again. Seriously, I would call a clinic, tell them I’m pregnant and need a doctor, and get this reponse: We don’t deal with pregnant women. Umm, sorry, what was that?! Are you serious?! I mean, in my opinion a pregnant woman needs more care than the average person. But it’s so hard to get someone to so much as look at you when you’re expecting, or at least that has been my experience so far.

I finally found a clinic that was taking new patients so I had my first proper appointment today. I left the clinic doing everything I could to hold myself together, but as soon as I called James on my cell I broke down and started to cry right there on the street! Chalk it up to crazy hormones if you want to, but I honestly think it was a matter of WHY CAN’T I FIND A DOCTOR WHO CARES…It seems impossible in this city…

I caught a cab home and James left work early to be there for me. He has been SO GREAT through all of this, he is sooo good to me and attentive and loving and understanding and perfect. I couldn’t ask for a better support system in terms of him and my family, honestly. I don’t know what I’d do without them! I don’t know how anyone manages going through all this stuff alone, it’s enough to drive a person completely insane without the support of loved ones to lean on.

Anyway, my main issues were the fact that the dr was almost a full hour late seeing me yet she spent less than 10 minutes with me, I kid you not. My first prenatal visit and it lasted under 10 minutes. How lame is that? Basically the dr fired off questions from a clipboard that she barely looked up from, and when I thought it was time for me to start asking questions she was up and out the door and just had the receptionist book me for an ultrasound. She literally answered only 2 questions because apparently there wasn’t time. Despite how long I had to wait to see her. As it is my ultrasound isn’t till June 6th, I feel sick about all this waiting.

And the thing that stuck with me from the appointment wasn’t anything good. It was the dr handing me a bad photocopy of a pamphlet on miscarriages. Just before she left the room she told me that miscarriages are extremely common so read the pamphlet so if I start bleeding and cramping I’ll know what to do.

Thanks and have a really nice day now.

Gawd.

I felt so upset when I left and I’m more afraid now of miscarrying than I was before! I was hoping for a little reassurance from this visit but instead I am scared silly.

But I am doing my best to remain positive. I want this baby so much and love him/her so much already. I am taking the best care of myself that I can. I was healthy before getting pregnant and as far as I know am healthy now. I have no history in my family of miscarriages. I am still young. I feel that I have a lot going for me in terms of being able to carry my baby to term healthily. So I am going to just think about those things as much as possible and not dwell on the fact that apparently 1 in 6 pregnancies ends in miscarriage.

I hope everything goes well, I would be so devastated if this didn’t work out. All I do now is think about our little one – it HAS to work out because I NEED it to!

So that’s where I’m at. The doctor was able to prescribe me some pills that are supposed to help with morning sickness (which, by the way, lasts all freaking day and sometimes into the night). She assured me they’re not harmful to me or the baby. I talked to the pharmacist and he said they’re safe and in fact he was so much more informative and CARING than she was. In fact, as soon as he read what the prescription was for, he congratulated me. I wish HE could be my doctor!!

But I’m currently looking into the possibility of having a midwife instead of a doctor. You can have one or the other paid for within our health care system so I’m leaning towards going to the route of midwifery. I can still deliver in the hospital and get drugs for the labour if I want to! Apparently they spend a lot more time with you at each visit and are more available to be there for you. Which at this point is really what I’m after. So I’m just waiting for one clinic to get back to me and we’ll see if it works out.

I’m so excited to be pregnant, it’s such a bizarre and yet amazing feeling. It feels so strange though, there are constant changes and my body is all over the place! I never know what might happen next but it’s a very wonderful experience. I am just in awe that there’s a tiny little life being created inside me right this second! It really is a little miracle! I’m still getting used to the fact that my life is never, ever going to be the same as it was.

So that’s pretty much my life these days. I’m hoping the pills will help me feel better so I can actually hold down some food and gain a bit of energy (though the pills cause drowsiness so who knows if that will happen!) I’m tired regardless but I’m extra tired of not being able to eat or even so much as drink water without puking. It’s not fun! So once that tapers off I think I’ll be flying high! I can’t wait till I start to show (I feel like maybe I am a little bit already, my pants are definitely tighter and I can’t stand wearing anything that isn’t stretchy!)

This is a really exciting time!

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Adventures with T&K

I can’t believe it’s taken me this long not only to post in general, but to post about HANGING OUT WITH TRISTA AND KYLE during their Vancouver adventures!

I was feeling sick and then last week came down with a terrible cold and I’m just getting over it now, so that’s my excuse…Otherwise I would have written ages ago…I swear…

So yeah…I met Trista and Kyle while James was still in Nanaimo and we went for nachos and dessert at the Seawall restaurant. It was fun meeting up and seeing each other ‘in the flesh.’ It felt like we were just getting together again as old friends, it didn’t feel awkward as a first meeting at all. It pays to know people online first and then hang out! It was funny, realizing all the little things we already knew about each other. I’d start saying something or Trista would and the other would say, ‘Oh yes, I already know this from your blog!’ Haha.

One memorable moment from the restaurant: When a piece of the dessert pastry went flying and made a true phyllo sound (whatever that means, but it did!) on the floor! Haha, good times, good times…(You had to be there!)

Our first meet up was fun…After that we didn’t see each other till the night before they had to go home. This time it was a double date, since James was back and able to join! We decided we wanted them to check out the Macaroni Grill on Davie Street, then hit up the Marble Slab Creamery for dessert. We were set to meet at 7pm at the restaurant…James and I got there early and got a table but I was starting to regret choosing that place – not because the food wouldn’t be good, but because it was so NOISY I didn’t think it would be a very good place to hang out and talk. Just as Trista and Kyle got to the restaurant I decided we had to leave so we did! LOL We decided instead to introduce them to Baguette Time, just up the street. Mmmmm Baguette Time! It’s such a different place in comparison to Macaroni Grill, but it was a better location for just sitting and having a chat. I hope they liked it – we don’t usually eat there but we do love to get Baguettes to go! They’re sooooo good. You have to try them to understand =)

After supper we went for ice cream, where we found a line up going right out the door! It was so worth it to wait though. I was so happy that both Trista and Kyle loved their Marble Slab Creamery experience. What’s not to love, really – I don’t know how one could go wrong with this ice cream!! It’s seriously better than any other ice cream out there. We took our dessert across the street to English Bay and sat by the water. It was a little cool to be sitting by the water eating ice cream (at least for me and James, the other two weren’t even wearing jackets!) but it was fairly mild out. It was fun – except for the scare of a rat running under our feet, though thankfully it didn’t actually happen! Haha. We all got along super well and it just felt like we all knew each other already, which I suppose we sort of did!

Kyle was so adventurous, he actually got right into the water up to his knees! He said if we had a towel for him, he'd go in all the way but I'm kind of glad we were towel-less, because he would have been FROZEN walking home if he had done that!

Good times, good times...

It was so sad when it was time to say goodbye. It went by too fast and we didn’t have enough chance to hang out. But it was a great time nonetheless and I’m so happy they chose Vancouver for their vacation destination =)

I was worried we wouldn’t get along or it would just be weird or what if it seemed forced and then blogland would never be the same. But not so! In fact, very far from it! We had a blast and I really felt a connection to both Trista and Kyle that I don’t feel with many people. I’m telling you, they make a very cute couple and are a delight to be around!

Since then I’ve spent more time in Nanaimo…My parents are back from their Panama Canal cruise so life is ‘back to normal’ – whatever that means. I’m still trying to grasp it! But the process of getting into the swing of things has proven itself to be interesting…More on this later. =D

Thursday, May 01, 2008

Trista and Kyle are here!

It seems almost surreal, meeting people from 'blogland.' I've met a few people from the internet before but never bloggers! It's so funny because it's like we know so many little random things about each other already, even though we only just 'met' for the first time!

I was a bit under the weather today BUT pulled myself together in time to go out for nachos and dessert at this seawall restaurant/lounge place that I really like. I hope they enjoyed it too, they seemed to! I'm really glad we were able to get together, I felt like we got along right off the bat. I probably sound really sappy but it was refreshing getting together with people that seem to really 'get' me. I'm usually quite private and quiet but because so many of my thoughts are plastered on my blog, I'm a bit more of an open book to those who read about me! Well maybe not an open book but as close as I could get!

This is just a quick post, but more to come...we're getting together for a double date in a few days so James will get to meet them too, so we'll have to be sure to get pictures taken then!

Yay, I'm so glad they're here!!! :)


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