Monday, October 29, 2007
I honestly have no idea…
2. Name some of the Halloween costumes you wore throughout your childhood.
I went as Bob Dog from Mr. Rogers Neighborhood, a punk rocker complete with spray-on fluorescent pink hair, Strawberry Shortcake, an old man and a Los Angeles Dodgers baseball player.
3. What is the most eccentric thing you've worn on a day other than Halloween?
A vintage black velvet poodle-type skirt with a hand-painted pattern on it, coupled with a white vintage angora sweater.
4. Do you believe in ghosts?
Yes…I think so.
5. If you were reincarnated, what kind of life / persona would you want to assume? [eg: someone of the opposite sex, a scientist, a famous painter, etc.] In other words, if you could be anyone, who would you be?
I wouldn’t mind being a famous painter, or famous writer…But if I was going to be something completely different (not human) maybe I’d come back as a dog belonging to a really doting family…
6. What is your favorite zombie movie? If you are not familiar with zombie movies, what is your favorite horror movie?
Wrong Turn was pretty darn creepy. I like the old school Night of the Living Dead…The Ring is sooo creepy, even after seeing it probably 4 or 5 times. Silent Hill was extremely disturbing.
7. What fictitious creature or monster do you fear the most?
I used to be quite frightened by Michael Myers – from Halloween. And Freddy Kruger. And Candyman! I don’t really fear any of these fictitious beings anymore…I’m fairly easily frightened by things though so I’m sure I’d be afraid of just about anyone/thing lurking in the shadows!
8. Do you believe in aliens?
I do believe that other life forms are likely to exist, but not in the form they’re portrayed as in the movies.
9. Have you ever tried to contact the dead by using an Ouija board or some other medium?
I had a Ouija board but I got rid of it when we moved because no one would ever use it with me – everyone was too scared. I have contacted the dead through other methods…I felt a very strong presence in our old apartment and spoke to it through objects in the room and I believe it communicated back…And the presence was less intense afterwards. (I believe someone was murdered in our bedroom there, to be honest...I have no actual proof of that but it's a hunch)
10. Do you believe in psychic ability?
Yes – I think there are more quacks out there who act psychic for money…but I do believe that some people possess a sort of sixth sense. Ooh, there’s another somewhat creepified film to add to the list…
11. What cartoon character do you most resemble? Or, do you resemble anyone famous?
I’m not sure…I can’t think of any cartoon characters I resemble. I used to be compared to Claire Danes, but that was in the My So-Called Life days, I really did look like her back then. I don’t see even a hint of resemblance anymore though! I can’t think of anyone I look too much like now…
12. Has anything creepy or ghost-related happen to you? Or, have any of your family or friends experienced supernatural phenomenon?
Quite a few encounters in terms of creepy/ghost related that I won’t even get into since it’s late and I’m sitting here alone in the dark…But ones I will mention: My grandfather came to me in my dream 2 days before he died (and in fact it was, I kid you not, Halloween night that he came to me in the dream…) to let me know he was going to pass, to say his goodbyes. I was also visited by my late great aunt, who had died when I was just 7 and the dream she visited me in took place maybe 8 years ago. And a dream I had where I went to visit my great grandma…I had the dream maybe 3 years ago…she died 11 years ago. But when I woke up I seriously thought she was still alive and was about to call her. I’ve had dreams with other dead people in them before but these ones were ‘special’ and I really do believe they were actual supernatural encounters. I don’t care what anyone else says!
Sunday, October 28, 2007
It’s almost , I have to be up just after 6 but I don’t feel like sleeping. I hate the Sunday night blues! At least next weekend we gain an hour with daylight savings. Mind you, I’d prefer to lose an hour and have it be light till later…I’m not looking forward to winter really settling in.
We had a fun and very social weekend. Tonight we had some friends over for dinner. We made veggie tacos and had apple pie for dessert. Seemed well received. Those two are a riot! Super nice guys and really easy to get along with. They’re fun to be around.
I’m pretty happy right now. I was feeling all ‘ho hum’ about it being Monday tomorrow so I watched the slideshow of James and myself that my bro and his girlfriend made us for our pre-wedding bash. It’s seriously one of the nicest things EVER and I absolutely love it. If I’m ever feeling low I can just put that on and feel worlds better. It really is amazing the power it has over me! I just find it so heart warming, to see all the ‘then’ pictures mixed in with the ‘now.’ I can put things into better perspective when I see things that way. Some of the transitions tear at my heart strings, but in a good way.
Thursday is my 10 year anniversary of becoming vegetarian. We’re going to celebrate by making something from a cook book that we might normally think is too extravagant to make. Not sure what yet but we’ll peruse the books till we find just the right dish! It feels like another life time that I WASN’T vegetarian, but the 10 year mark is nonetheless important. In 7 more years I’ll have been veggie half my life – now THAT will be a celebration!! It’ll be great once I’ve been veggie longer than not.
I wish I could stay up to all hours and just bum around, but the fact remains that comes early…
Saturday, October 27, 2007
Today we helped M&N with their garage – or should I say courtyard – sale. They move into their condo together in 2 weeks. I’m so happy they’re moving in together! I think my brother and her are perfect together.
James and I had a special coffee (coffee with Bailey’s) before we left, then had 2 coffees with whiskey while we were there (hey, we had to stay warm – it was freezing standing outside for almost 4 hours!)…then we went out for lunch and had beer. Ugh. I’m not used to drinking that much! It might not seem like a lot but for me it is, especially when I haven’t eaten much.
The sale went well, and we met some interesting people from the neighbourhood. And I fed a squirrel, which was really cute.
Now we’re about to head out on the town with P&H. Should be fun times! And we’re having some friends from the building over for dinner tomorrow night. We’re not used to socializing THIS much.
Should I jump on the Facebook bandwagon? I’m not sure if I should…on the one hand it’d be interesting to see who decides to invite me to be ‘friends,’ but on the other I think it’s a farce to say you’re friends with someone when you never speak to them or really have anything to do with them…I don’t like the popularity aspect of it. I also don’t like the layout of Facebook, I think it could be far better than it is. But…maybe I should throw something up there and see what comes of it, not sure yet!
I’m cold, even after having a hot bath to warm up. I need new bubble bath, I have almost nothing left. I like having a few different options for bath time!
This post is kinda lame, but we have to go – bus leaves in a few minutes and we have to be on it…
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Moorka finds it all rather shocking...:)
We got these funky wall decal things from IKEA and this is the pattern we came up with for it. I'm not totally sold on it yet, I might rearrange it...but I'm not sure yet...Think I should change it, or does it look ok as is? It came with one more large stem and flower and a bunch of little things, but we put that up on another wall...
Sunday, October 21, 2007
1. I feel like doing something yet nothing really comes to mind. I want to just veg even though I know my time would be better spent doing something more productive than just plugging myself in.
2. I thought I’d missed gourd season but not so…on our way to my aunt and uncle’s for dinner last night, we stopped by the Lonsdale Quay Market in North Van and I hit the jackpot.
3. I don’t enjoy listening to other people’s sex lives. Our next door neighbour only has sex on Saturdays and I’d say it happens about once a month or so, probably less. It’s a different female voice each time, which I find quite sad. I don’t enjoy listening to it, it makes me feel uncomfortable and resentful. Not resentful because I wish it was me (I’m quite satisfied with my sex life, thank you very much!) but resentful because it always takes place around 4-4:30 in the morning (hmm, interestingly coinciding with the time the clubs are closed) and it wakes me up and I end up having an exhausted Sunday because I feel compelled to get up and sit in the living room till it’s over and then it takes me forever to fall back asleep. I don’t understand why they can’t tone it down a little. I mean, it’s not something I want to go into detail about because it’s a private affair, but James and my sex is noisy enough without having to let all our neighbours in on the action. I just don’t think it’s necessary to be THAT loud when you’re living so close to other people. It’s rude and inconsiderate.
4. I hate rude and inconsiderate people.
5. I want to move to a smaller town where people are friendlier and we can be a part of a tighter knit community (tighter knit but not so tight that we have to hear other people’s sex lives). Would I ever really connect with that many people in a smaller town though? I wonder how annoyed I’d be with the small town ways, such as everyone knowing everyone else’s business and knowing every time you go out you’re bound to run into someone you know, who will in turn spread the word that you were there…Nanaimo used to be like that for me, not as much anymore but it was one of the things that made me want to move away. Yet now I begin to wonder how long I can live the anonymous
6. I enjoy simple things in life, such as a nice hot cup of tea. My favourite kind is decaffeinated Tetley Earl Grey. Or how about a Chai Latte? We went to Delaney’s the other day and I had one of those and it was delicious! Reminded me of Egg Nog and felt like the perfect winter drink.
7. I feel lately that as soon as I figure one thing out, another ten thousand questions rear their ugly heads…it’s like for every one step forward I really am taking two steps back. Is it possible to sort one’s life out so that this calms down, or is it just the way of things that because life is a constant learning process, part of that is feeling like there’s a struggle? I need to be more mindful and practice some form of meditation so that I don’t lose sight of the bigger picture. I feel overwhelmed sometimes by the littlest of things, things that to me genuinely seem like big things.
8. I am easily affected.
I was about 11 years old when my parents bought our first computer. Don’t ask me the make of it because I’ve never been one to pay much attention to such things. What I do know is that there wasn’t much on it. The screen was always black and when you typed, the letters were a yellow colour. The only program on the computer was some sort of variation of Microsoft Word, only an extremely simplified version. There was literally nothing else on the computer. I used to go through the Word-type program’s tutorial ‘for fun’ because there was no such thing as a computer game (well, not on our computer at least). What we had all seemed state of the art at the time. Oh and did I mention we did not have internet access?
Am I dating myself yet?!
Despite not having much of anything to speak of on the computer, I found I was much more creative when all I had to choose from was a creative writing tool. I couldn’t become distracted by web surfing, checking the news, reading blogs or playing games. I had no choice but to open up a fresh document and start writing.
I remember the very day our computer was set up. I was learning about the Fraser River Gold Rush in Social Studies so I started writing stories about various fictional miners and their take on the rush. In the coming year or so I would write a number of crime stories, inspired by some of my favourite writers at the time, R.L. Stine and Lois Duncan. I still think about writing a crime novel for young adults, actually, based on the enjoyment I remember getting from writing such stories on our first computer.
I would print my stories out on our dot matrix computer, the kind with the perforated edges that you had to remove after each print job. Each print job, might I add, that would take about 10 minutes per page to achieve!
Ah, those were the days.
I enjoy that everything is much faster now, and I know it’s wonderful how connected I can be to the world through the internet. There are benefits to having a computer with many bells and whistles (figuratively speaking, of course!) attached, for sure. But I also miss something about the simplicity of the way things were before modern technology hit us. I miss sitting down to write with zero distraction level to prevent me from using my imagination and letting my creative juices flow.
Saturday, October 20, 2007
A few weeks back we went and saw David Usher at the Commodore Ballroom. His performance was so incredible, I’ve decided he’s my second favourite artist, after Matthew Good. I don’t tend to compare artists because they’re all unique and have their own amazing talents in different ways. Matthew Good’s voice is incredible and I don’t think any other voice could ever quite out-do his for me. I enjoy the uniqueness of David Usher’s voice too though, and perhaps sometimes his lyrics are more thought provoking for me, sometimes maybe in a more positive way than Matthew Good’s. Although, again, it’s difficult to compare any artist, and they’re both fantastic at what they do.
But we’re discussing David Usher here…and he was AMAZING. He was obviously there promoting his new album, Strange Birds…We hadn’t heard it yet (although we purchased it at the concert) so we were a bit concerned that the night was going to be filled with listening to songs we didn’t know. Not so, however. The concert was incredible because he sang only 2 or 3 songs from the new album and mostly all the old good ones everyone who likes him knows and loves. He sang quite a few songs from the Moist days, to our delight…Lots from Hallucinations, which we love…He even sang Black Black Heart and it sounded incredible. I absolutely LOVED every minute of that concert! We went thinking, whatever happens happens, it’s a night out…We’d seen him live before (at a joint Moist/Matthew Good concert, actually!) and he was totally amazing so I did have high expectations, but he far exceeded them! Wow. It truly was one of the best concerts I’ve been to in terms of the amount of energy he had and the beauty of the songs he sang. I loved hearing songs from the Silver album, it was such a flashback for me, to some rather interesting times in my life. So all in all, I adore David Usher, and you better believe I will be snapping up tickets to his next gig in
What musical geniuses have YOU enjoyed lately?
I honestly don’t feel the least bit bad about it. If anything, I feel relieved. It would have been a bit more money but not much, in fact I probably wouldn’t really notice it on my paycheque, so it’s not like I have to kick myself because I could have been making double or something. There were way more cons about the job than pros. Even though I’d thought it would put me closer to the field of Criminology, it wouldn’t really – not after hearing what the job entailed during the interview. It was going to mainly be data entry and similar stuff to what I’m doing now. Only in this place I’d have no windows, construction around me for god knows how long, more stress, and a job where I never know what I’m going to have to do from one day to the next because the organization is in total chaos apparently.
I’m starting to think my current job isn’t so bad, really!
The woman told me that I was over-qualified and that they’ve decided that because the job is going to be so boring for whoever takes it, they’re instead going to look for someone with ‘little to no skills.’ It kind of pisses me off knowing that there are all these crappy entry level jobs out there that pay better than my crappy entry level position, but whatever. On the other hand, I do appreciate certain things about my current job. I get to work from home 3 days a week, so if ever there is something I really need to do during the day I can always go do whatever it is and come back to work and it’s no big deal. So it’s very relaxed that way, and I like being able to wear whatever I want when I go to the office. I like to look nice and especially in the summer I almost always wore a dress or skirt (because I actually enjoy wearing dresses and skirts much more than pants!) but I also like knowing that if I just feel like being super comfy I can even a track suit if I want to.
What I don’t like about my current position is the way the CEO treats us (which is pretty much like dirt, when it comes down to it), the work itself is boring (but at least it’s not very stressful, which I like), the office politics are enough to make me throw up in my mouth (although it’s probably like that at A LOT of places)…the way things were handled recently with my manager leaving etc., it was INSANITY. I mean, if something better did come along I most definitely would snap it up. And I have still been applying to other jobs, especially govt ones (although they tend to take a LONG time to hear back about)…But in the meantime, maybe it’s NOT so bad to stay where I am? If I do start doing something crafty or whatever to make money on the side, well at least I’d be generating a bit more income so my relatively crappy wage wouldn’t be as much an issue…I dunno. Last week I was so gung-ho to be getting the hell out of there immediately no matter what and now I’m sort of wondering if there might be a FEW benefits to sticking it out a while longer.
It’s interesting how I was rejected yesterday and yet I’m not even really feeling bad about it! That rarely happens. Who’s RELIEVED to not get a new job?! That could only be me :S But really, given what it was, it’s not like I’m losing out on anything.
So it’s back to the drawing board…but for now, at least I have A job….
And I’m thinking too about maybe talking with my new non-manager (the next higher up who’s taking on the management stuff even tho he already has a full time job in development) and getting some things out on the table…Maybe if communication was better and so forth, the place might not be totally unbearable to work for…
We’ll see how it goes. I don’t feel like making any snappy decisions today. It’s Saturday, after all.
Thursday, October 18, 2007
I have a routine with my contacts each day. In the morning when I’m putting my contacts in, I use an all-in-one no rub solution just to ensure there isn’t anything on the contacts before I put them in. At night I use a peroxide based solution that disinfects them overnight. It says right on the bottle that you can’t wear the lenses for at least 6 hours after putting them into the solution.
Can you see where I’m going with this yet? This morning I grabbed the wrong bottle, and despite that the peroxide based bottle has a red tip for the purpose of reminding you not to use it for putting contacts in, I did just that. Even upon doing it I didn’t realize what I’d done. But let me tell you, it hurt like a sonofagun!
It began burning into my eye immediately and I felt as though my eye was going to shrivel right up from the pain. My eye’s reaction was to seize up and refuse to open, but I knew I had to get the lens out so I finally managed to force it open long enough to remove it.
Soon enough I realized what I’d done and tried to assess the damage. My eye wouldn’t open voluntarily, I had to force it open. It was completely bloodshot – I have never seen one of my eyes so red in all my life. It was puffy all around my eye, and within a few minutes even my left cheek was red and a bit swollen. It was so painful, I couldn’t think straight. I tried to put water in it but it seemed to make it burn even more. I got some Visine in there and it just kept tearing up.
Imagine taking the hottest pepper in the world and squeezing the juice of it into your eyeball. I kid you not, that’s exactly how it felt. My eye is watering just thinking about it, mind you it has been that way all day and I suspect it will continue for the next little while.
When it first happened and was super painful, I tried getting a hold of my eye doctor to ask if there was anything I could do for it, or if I should be concerned about permanent damage (you just never know, right?) But it was too early, they weren’t open yet. I didn’t know what to do, other than close my eye and try to let it rest. I used a damp face cloth and held that onto it for a bit of relief, but beyond that I basically had no other option than to let the burning run its course.
After about an hour the swelling went down and the redness was almost gone – possibly the result of all the Visine I poured in there! It’s still a bit red, very stingy and extremely watery and it happened about 8 hours ago, at least. It was not easy working today, given that everything I do is on the computer.
I’m telling you, I won’t be making that mistake again any time soon! In fact, it was so painful I am seriously considering eliminating that solution from my daily regimen. It works well when it’s used properly, but is it really worth taking the risk of possibly making the same mistake again?! Right now, I’m honestly not so sure…
My day was a bit thrown off as a result of that. I had a hair appointment scheduled for my lunch break so I went to it barely able to see! Just got a trim, not much of a change but it feels healthier. Maybe next time I’ll do something drastic with it, for the time being I’m enjoying having my hair quite long.
I miss taking pictures of the beauty of outside. It’s not possible these days, given how stormy it is and the fact that our camera isn’t waterproof! Taking it outside probably wouldn’t be a very good idea. I am really missing the summer these days…
At least it’s a long weekend for me now, I’m happy to be work free for an extra day given all that’s been going on lately. I guess tomorrow I find out if I got the job or not…I’m sort of hoping for not, which is a bit ridiculous. I wonder if I’ll be happy if I get it?! At this point, I’m really not sure. Which is so strange given how much I dislike my current position…I guess I’m a weird one. Can we say indecisive?! I don’t know, I guess that’s just sometimes the way of things. I’ve been stressing out over it though, I’d just like to know where I stand either way so I can start moving on with my life! I hate not knowing what I’m going to be doing in the near future, I’m a person who likes stability that way. I need to know!
But for now, I’d better go rest this damn eye…
WRITE EXACTLY WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND, AND DON'T CHANGE IT.
1. My last relationship = doesn’t matter – it’s my current (and life long) one that means everything!
2. I am listening to = Wayne Cox give the weather report on the tv.
3. Maybe I should = Maybe I shouldn’t.
5. Chocolate is = Delicious and desired.
6. I don't understand = Why I haven’t found my calling in life yet.
7. I have lost my respect for = My ex manager.
8. I last ate = Welsh Currant Cakes.
9. The meaning of my display name = Exactly what it sounds like.
11. Someday = I will figure things out.
12. I will always remember = The love James and I shared during our wedding ceremony.
13. Love = Everything.
14. My MySpace is = Non-existent.
15. Today = For the most part, forgettable.
16. Tomorrow = Is a whole new day, with no mistakes in it (yet).
17. I get annoyed = By quite a few things…
18. Parties = Good times.
20. Simple kisses = Security, Love, Devotion.
21. Today was = Meh.
22. I wish = I might.
23. is your hair wet? No.
24. is your cell phone right near you? I live in a small apartment, everything is relatively close by!
25. Do you miss someone? Yes, a number of people…and pets too!
26. Are you wearing chap stick? No, although I do tend to apply it about 20 times a day…
27. Are you tired? Very
28. Are you wearing pajamas? Yes
29. Are you mad? Perhaps part of me is, but mostly no.
30. Are you upset? Yes.
31. Is there a person who is on your mind right now? Not in particular…
32. Do you have any siblings? 1 older bro.
33. Do you want children? Yes, 2.
34. Do you smile often? Yes.
35. Do you untie your shoes every time you take them off? I rarely wear shoes with laces. When I do, no I don’t.
36. Do you like your handwriting? No, I wish it was neater.
37. Are your toenails painted?: Yes.
38. Are you a friendly person? I like to think so!
39. Whose bed other than yours do you sleep in? The spare bed at my parent’s house or James’ dad’s house…Hotel beds…that’s about it!
40. What color shirt are you wearing? Purple and mauve night shirt.
41. What were you doing at yesterday? Working.
42. What can you not wait for? The weekend.
43. What's bothering you right now? Job woes.
44. Will you kiss the last person you kissed again? As much as possible, for the rest of my life!
45. Next time you will kiss someone? In the morning. I’m a lucky duck with all these guaranteed kisses!!
46. What do you wear to bed? Usually pj’s
47. Do you remember your dreams? Yes, to some extent.
48. What was the last text message you received? A little love note from James while he was in
49. What are you listening to at the moment? The news, and my typing.
50. What have you learned recently? Just how important open communication really is.
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
I had an interview today and I have no idea how to feel about it. While I felt I was in a good position going into it, given that the person doing the hiring sought me out based on a resume she had of mine on hand from over a year ago, I’m not entirely sure how the actual interview went. It could have gone smoother. And I found out she’s interviewing a number of other people, so who knows what kinds of skill sets they might bring to the table. As well, the organization, while of interest to me, sounds in some ways like it’s even more chaotic than where I’m at now.
So the way I’m looking at it is, if it works out, great, it’s an opportunity I’d like to explore. But if not, I’m not going to stew about it. It could go either way and at this point in time I’d honestly be fine with it. It’s just making me a bit sad/frustrated at the moment, because I had high hopes about it but now I’m not excited by the idea of it as I had hoped to be.
I need to sit down for a good long while and just think about what I want to be doing and strive for that. I’m starting to wonder if administration is the route to go. It pays a bit better than retail and come on, not having to deal with the public face to face to take their money is a big bonus. But…I don’t feel like I’m getting a whole lot out of it. My head is all over the place right now. Maybe I need a topic change…
But I can’t seem to get over this sort of glumness that has set in on me today. The weather isn’t helping. We’re expected to have a massive storm through to tomorrow. Groovy. Hearing the rain beat against the windows, shivering from the cold, damp air, it all seems to make me feel afraid somehow, like I just want to go hide myself under the blankets on our bed and sleep until we’re through with winter. And it’s not even winter yet, it’s only fall and I’m already feeling this way!
Something isn’t quite right, and I need to get to the bottom of it.
At least I’m taking Friday off with James so we can have a long weekend to just lounge and enjoy spending time together. I’m looking forward to that.
In other news, Happy 10th Birthday Emma Dilemma!!
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
I’m tired but there’s never any time to properly sleep.
James is in San Jose this week.
I got some new clothes yesterday and I’m pretty excited about what I got. Lots of sales, great value for everything I got. Once and for all I am cleaning out my closet and getting rid of stuff I never wear. Enough with attaching sentimental value to everything I own!
I need to downsize in a lot of ways actually.
Even though my job is pissing me off, there’s enough going on beyond it that I’m not overly bothered. At the moment, life is fairly interesting.
Wednesday, October 03, 2007
I had applied for an admin position with this particular organization over a year ago. The woman doing the hiring told me she would have given me the job but turned me down because they needed someone long term for a part time position, whereas I was looking for full time. I had meant to keep in touch with her as a contact into the world of rj, but sheepishly I admit I did not maintain that contact as I had planned. But lo and behold, she kept me on file and called this morning to let me know that a few positions are likely to be opening up in the near future and she wanted to give me the heads up to apply.
I am ecstatic, and left somewhat speechless. This is the perfect opportunity for me, and something that couldn’t have come at a better time. I feel that I have a good chance at the position if the person doing the interviews is the one who contacted me about it! But I don’t want to get too cocky – I have to prepare a top notch cover letter. I really don’t want to screw this up – this job would be perfectly inline with my interests, it pays better than my current position, and I get a really good feeling about it. I had sort of regretted not just taking the part time position when I’d had the chance, although at that time I knew I couldn’t live on a part time wage, so I guess I was only doing what I had to. But now that there’s a full time position opening up, I feel obliged to give it my all in hopes of getting in with an organization that caters to my true passion! How often does something like this come along?! For me, almost never, so I’m not going to let this pass me by.
It’s interesting how things can look so grim from one angle, yet from another there is hope for better things to come.
Monday, October 01, 2007
I ate scalloped potatoes for supper and came to realize that they’re a great source of comfort when feeling down! I love comfort foods, and times when it feels right to enjoy them.
It’s pouring rain and gets dark too early now and I’m not happy that it’s fall. I’m already sick of wearing my jacket and having to go around with the hem of my pants soaking wet from the rain. Did I mention these days that I’m using a busted umbrella? Classy, I know.
Yes, yes, woe is me. I know, I know, cry you a river and you’ll build me a dam!
Anyway, it’s work that’s getting to me. They’ve approached looking for a replacement research manager in the worst possible manner. It has got worse and worse over the span of the past week and I am sick and tired of dealing with it. The company isn’t worth a single second of time in any person’s life, and I can’t wait till I find something else and can get the hell out of there for good.
I’m just appalled by the way the business is run. The CEO outright told us that we’re silly to not snap up this ‘amazing opportunity’ he’s trying to put right into our hands. Apparently he looks at it that we should be grateful for the experience, and that it shouldn’t be about the paycheque. Literally there would be a shitload of responsibility for zero wage increase, AND WE’RE SUPPOSED TO BE GRATEFUL?!
I’m not going to be bullied into taking a shitty job for no pay. Tomorrow is decision making time. Despite the fact that all 3 of us in the department already turned down the position a thousand times over. I’m sure it’s not going to go over well when I firmly say I refuse to help in any way shape or form with the supervisory role. But come on! Why would I?! You should have heard the way the CEO spoke to us in our meeting today. First of all, he was referring to us as ‘girls,’ which to me is just sickening. Just because we’re young women doesn’t mean we should be spoken to like we’re still in high school. I’m almost thirty for chrissakes! I think he thinks I’m younger than I am and that maybe I haven’t had a lot of job experience in my past (which is the position of K & A). But not so! I’ve been pushed around, I’ve been there and done that and I’m not going through that again!
He started asking for specifics, such as “Where do you want to be in 5 years, where do you see yourself???” But I couldn’t answer that question. I said I want to use my Criminology degree at some point in time, although at this point I’m not sure in what aspect of my life…that I want to write a book someday but that it has little to do with my current position. I couldn’t offer him information leading toward long term commitment to the company because that would be lying, and I’m not a liar. So whatever, take from it what you want. He doesn’t know me, that’s the first conversation he’s had with me in the 7 months since I started, and the only reason we were having it was because he wanted to back me into a corner and get me to do a crap job with no pay. And he scoffs AT ME for not having my whole life planned out?! Who does he think he is?! And did he ever think for 5 seconds that not everyone is in business? That not everyone looks at their life as valued only by the work they do? I want to have kids, raise a family, enjoy spending time with my husband and loved ones and do things creatively in my own time. Work is a paycheque so I can pay bills, eat food, live relatively comfortably. But if I was independently wealthy and didn’t have to ever work another day in my life, save for wanting to do some volunteer work you better believe I’d be on a permanent vacation!
I hate being judged by people who don’t even know me at all.