Thursday, June 21, 2007


How can I post a song on my blog?? Any ideas would be greatly appreciated :)

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Get off your high horse, please and thank you.

Some majorly stressful issues have arisen due to the love of bad timing and drama by certain individuals who shall remain nameless. Will this saga EVER end? I’m so beyond sick of it at this point. I have come to realize that right now this isn’t something my nerves can handle and I’m not going to let this certain someone (or, since they tend to enjoy ganging up, certain someones) destroy me. And even though the wedding’s coming up so I can’t avoid these people completely, I honestly think it would be best if we kept our distance as much as possible.

I just shake my head in disbelief at their antics.

Other than that, things are good. It’s just unfortunate that the bad have caused me to feel quite depressed these past couple of days. I’m doing my best to move on though. I KNOW they’re not worth it. And they sure as hell wouldn’t get all bent out of shape over me, so, really, why should I bother over them.

At least the weather is improving. And I like the new office where I work (the company relocated this week). It’s farther away than before but still not difficult to get to (one bus only) and it’s a brighter building and it’s kind of fun to be a part of the new beginning there. I don’t plan to be there a long time so I’m just kind of going with the flow of it anyway.

We booked a shore excursion for while we’re in Tortola, which is one of the British Virgin Islands, during our honeymoon. It’s a swim and snorkel trip. We go in a little boat to a secluded beach area and we have to swim in order to get to shore. We can sunbathe on the beach, snorkel, drink rum punch, and listen to Carribean music all the while. Sounds like a little piece of heaven to me. I wish I was there right now!

We were going to do a Dolphin Encounter, but it was going to cost almost $300US and it would be 20 minutes max. actually interacting with the dolphins. It would be amazing and if we did it, I know I’d LOVE it…but we weighed the pros and cons and both felt good about our second choice. I think it’ll be amazing! The whole trip will be! And as long as James and I are together, what we do is going to be wonderful no matter what =)

More on our honeymoon plans later…right now it’s time to think about the ‘real world’ which at the moment = running errands =P

Feast your eyes on these

Finally, the pictures I've been meaning to post for ages, taken the past few times I've been in Nanaimo...


Monday, June 18, 2007

Think about what you are doing to me, because it hurts

So many thoughts running through my brain

But there just aren’t enough words to describe the way I’m feeling.

It really hurts me when people accuse me of things out of the blue in such a mean way. I don’t like conflict and I don’t create it in my every day life. So why I am treated like this, I will honestly never know.

I feel like Alice when she cried so many tears, she nearly drowned herself.

I want to believe that things can get better but I am not going to be the one to make it happen. I will do my part but I will never be able to fully relax with it after all is said and done.

I’m tired and I can’t formulate my thoughts because they’re too jumbled and really, when it comes down to it, what’s the point in trying? It’s not going to change the situation. This is not one of those times where letting out my feelings is going to make everything come into perspective. There really is no perspective here to go by.

I believe we deserve better.

I feel so sad that right now, there is nothing else.

Friday, June 15, 2007

Everything is as it seems

James is on his way home from the airport and I can't wait to see him! He got sick while in San Jose and isn't feeling well and it made me feel sick just knowing I couldn't take care of him when he needed me there. So I'm going to make it up to him with a hot bubble bath and a back rub when he gets home :)
I missed him this week while he was away, but there was a lot going on that kept my mind from going into a tizzy over it. I enjoyed my time in Nanaimo, and then I was working from home the past few days. I would have preferred if James was here with me of course, but it was also good to have a few days to myself. I had to work but around that I also got a lot done around the apartment that I wouldn't have if he'd been his desk for example. Tsk, tsk, James, what a total pig sty! I have it looking spotless and perfect. What do you want to bet a few days from now it will be reverted back to its hideously messy old self? Oh well, I guess there are worse things out there than a messy desk...

I have a whole bunch of pictures to post from the past few times I went to Nanaimo but I'm too lazy right now to sort through them...soon though, expect pics - in colour, and quite a few with adorable springer spaniels in them :)


I feel pretty darn happy right now. Things are going well and I'm just in a space where I realize how good things truly are, despite the little things that always work at getting us down. I'm refusing to be overtaken by ridiculous little annoyances! Me love is on his way and soon enough he'll be in my arms kitties have been keeping me great company these last few days...I've got a clean and fresh smelling apartment...and if we can just make it through the night without another fire alarm, all will be just fine :)

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Here we go again...

Yet again, the building fire alarm went off just before 1am. Luckily I hadn’t gone to bed yet, so I made my way down the 16 flights of stairs relatively quickly. It ended up being a false alarm. I think the arsonist is getting antsy now that the garbage chute has been closed down permanently due to all the fires from before…so they’re back to what they were doing a while back: pulling the fire alarm in one of the hallways ‘for fun.’ Gawd, I am so sick of this place…I love it here and then every time this happens I think, WE HAVE GOT TO MOVE!

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

It's time to let go...

Spending a few days in Nanaimo this week, I finally got around to cleaning out the closet in my old bedroom. I’ve done it numerous times in the almost decade since I’ve been living on my own. But there was one box in particular that had a lot of old writing in it that I kept putting off going through. So once and for all I tackled it and ended up with a huge stack for recycle, a huge stack for shredding, and only a small stack of stuff I want to hold onto. A lot of my writing was journals and going through it all could have been a very emotional experience. But I kept my wits about me and weeded through it rather quickly, shredding all those memories I’d rather not be reminded of again. So much about past boyfriends and all I went through with them. Things I don’t care about anymore and quite frankly want left so far in the past that I will get as close to forgetting as possible. I kept only those notes that were creative or funny or something I’d be comfortable sharing with the world. I could have probably scaled back further but I wanted to keep some of it just so that in the future I can look back and remember key events or ways I was feeling at particular times.

It feels so good to relieve myself of some of that clutter. Something I’ve been meaning to do for so many years! It’s ridiculous the things I’m still holding onto, but at least I am getting there in my ability to purge.

Sunday, June 10, 2007

So much to think about...

James is off to San Jose for a week for work. It’s going to be hard being separated, especially since we’ve really been attached at the hip more than ever lately, it seems.

But I’ll be keeping busy between work and everything else.

Yesterday we went over to P&H’s house. Their little baby, L, is 4 months old. She’s the most adorable baby ever! There is nothing about her that isn’t totally cute. And holding her and watching her be her little baby self, I am more keen than ever to start a family of my own. As soon as we get back from our honeymoon, I think it’s gonna be time to think about trying =) I’d still like for us to get more financially stable before we go for it, but on the other hand if we wait till we’ve actually got lots of money saved up, the truth is my eggs will probably all be shriveled up and gone. I don’t want to wait that long!!!

I think it would be tough but we would be able to make do. It would be so wonderful to have our own little bundle of joy to cherish and raise to hopefully be an upstanding citizen that wants to help make a positive difference in the world.

First things first though, we have to decide where we want to raise children. Vancouver isn’t affordable and this area isn’t exactly an area I’d want to raise my kids in. I love the big city so much and Vancouver is amazingly beautiful. But I’m starting to consider the idea of a smaller town life…I think it could be a better atmosphere for small kids. So that will be the first step after the honeymoon…deciding where we’re going to settle and then from there, along will come baby!

I’m so excited. Part of me wishes we were already at that point. But I guess the point that we’re at isn’t so bad either =) And the point where I want to be really isn’t all that far off.

It feels like this step we’re taking now is the beginning of an exciting adventure that won’t end until our lives do. I love it when I have this fresh outlook and see the beauty in everything!

Saturday, June 09, 2007


Sometimes it’s just too painful to put in writing the very things we need to let out the most.

Things add up into a giant stress ball and it becomes so tangled, you can’t figure out where to begin unraveling it. Every little issue that would normally seem irrelevant becomes such a big deal that you think your head could very well explode if you think about it too long. Part of you wishes it just would so you could stop thinking about any of it.

I feel bad when people who are close to me, people that I love, say things about themselves that are so negative. It hurts me because I don’t like the idea that they’re that unhappy with themselves as to say those things.

I sometimes see a look or a gesture from someone I think I know quite well and I wonder what little innuendos they are projecting. I start thinking about it so much that I wonder how much of it is me being paranoid and how much of it is actually happening. I hate second guessing.

I’m excited about upcoming events but a part of me is stressed to the max. So much to think about in so little time and uncertainty that it will all get done.

I have issues with myself. Who doesn’t, I know, but it doesn’t make me feel any better to know other people feel this way too.

I’m tired of the noise here yet I love where we live. Part of me, despite it all, wants to move away to someplace quiet. Does such a place exist where no one would get on my nerves?

I doubt it.

I have to get out of my own head.

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Movie Reviews and Thoughts About Religion

Tonight we watched The Pursuit of Happyness starring Will Smith and his son in real life, Jaden Smith. I give it a 10 out of 10. I really liked it.

For a while now I haven’t been a fan of Will Smith. I’m not attracted to the tough look-at-my-big-muscles-aren’t-I-all-that image that he tends to portray. In fact, I got to the point of disliking him so much that I even found him obnoxious in Shark Tales, and he was a cartoon character in that movie!

But The Pursuit of Happyness was different. I really enjoyed the message and felt sad but content at the same time while watching the film. I found myself feeling disappointed when it was over, not because I didn’t like it but because I wanted to see more! And the fact that it’s based on a true story is quite inspiring.

So go out and rent this movie!

Oh and last night we watched a documentary called Jesus Camp. It’s about Evangelism in the United States, specifically focusing on a group of kids who go to a bible camp in (ironically) Devil’s Lake, North Dakota.

Gawd. It was an interesting movie and one I would definitely recommend seeing. But it just made me shake my head…Maybe I will write more thoughts on this one later. I don’t have the time right at the moment to really delve into it but what I will say is this. And absolutely no offense is meant by this, I am just stating my honest opinion…

Pentecostals kind of freak me out. Maybe it’s because I don’t understand the throwing of the hands in the air and speaking in tongues bit…What’s up with that, is the speaking in tongues an actual language people can understand or is it just a means of releasing whatever’s there without actually saying anything? I don’t get it. And I also don’t agree with the approach of this particular form of Christianity in the way that kids are brainwashed…for example to believe that abortion is such a sin and that homosexuality is wrong. These kids are so impressionable and what they’re being taught is, quite frankly, SCARY. The scariest part of all is that apparently 25% of Americans would call themselves Evangelists. Again, just my opinion here, but this greatly disturbs me…

And I don’t get why people would try to completely discount science like it has absolutely no credibility whatsoever. I also don’t understand the whole god created the world in 7 days bit. Even if it were true, how could you deny that evolution is real? Even if this was all created in a matter of days by one super power being, the fact that we’re plugging along and changing as we go should be ‘proof’ that evolution exists. Are we not, each and every one of us, evolving, and is the world (our world, at least) not evolving as time passes?

I want my kids to have certain moral values, yes, but I also want to teach them to be critical thinkers.

This is definitely something I would like to spark some debate about.

But that’s all I’ve got for tonight, because it’s late and I’m tired and I need to sleep.

I need ideas

I've been looking into what gifts to get people in our wedding party. Specifically we want to give gifts to our brothers and our parents. Our parents for obvious reasons, our brothers because James' brother is his Best Man and my brother is my Man of Honour.

We'd like to get something original for each of them but we're not sure what. It'd be nice to get some sort of keepsake that can be engraved, but I don't want to go the route of the beer mug or whatever. Often that's what the best man gets but we want to do something different...

While I'd like for them to each have a keepsake, I thought it might also be nice to get people experiences. But we also don't have a ton of money to spend on each person so we have to factor that in as well...

Anyone have any ideas for what might make a good gift for the parents or for the brothers? Any thoughts on this would be so extremely helpful!

Thanks in advance!!!

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Today is 5, 6, 7

It has been an eventful week.

After 3 days of headaches, I got a cold that turned into a flu that turned back into a cold. I’m almost through it now I think, just a little sniffle and the occasional cough. It’s still getting on my last good nerve, but it’s a lot better than it was.

Unfortunately the flu part came on right when I was going over to Nanaimo to stay with my parents for a few days. It was a planned trip that couldn’t be canceled, because I was going over to help put on a garage sale. We had tons to prepare in the days leading up to Saturday, so despite being sick I had to bite the bullet and do lots of sorting and pricing and organizing of stuff. It was okay though, I was able to take frequent breaks in between. Oh and somehow I also managed to put in my hours for work! It was a pretty crazy couple of days.

But I did get to go and put my wedding dress on again =) I had to go for my alterations, so I go back in a few more weeks to make sure it fits just so. Oh my GOD is it expensive to get a wedding dress altered! I had no idea it was going to be so much, I could have fainted and it wasn’t because of my sickness. It’s ridiculous, and something one should consider when buying a dress – make sure to tack on an extra couple hundred dollars – yes you read right - for alterations. LUCKILY while my dress is absolutely gorgeous, it didn’t cost nearly as much as the typical wedding gown, so I guess it could have been a lot worse…

The garage sale was a huge success, with over $800 in proceeds. My parents generously have given us ALL the money to put toward wedding costs, so we’re very grateful for that.

We also got a lot of quality visit time in, which of course was the best part of all. I was so happy to see the girls again too (the infamous springer spaniels). Unfortunately Emma, the black and white, has epilepsy, and she had 3 seizures while we were over. I witnessed my very first epileptic seizure, and hopefully HOPEFULLY my last. Apparently the one I saw, while it was a grand mal seizure, it was very short and ‘small’ compared to the ones she has had. It felt like it went on forever but it was probably only 30 seconds. It was both scary and sad. Needless to say I gave her a ridiculous amount of attention the whole weekend. We think it was stress that brought on the seizures, because we were in the garage organizing stuff for the sale and things in the house were in disarray and she wasn’t able to get to us so she got into a frenzy and one thing led to another. But yeah…other than that…

It was so relaxing on the island, and quiet and peaceful and hot and lovely. My parents have the most beautiful garden and comfortable lawn furniture and it feels like such a treat to spend time there.

We came home on Sunday night and have since watched something like 6 hours of Coronation Street. Work is stupid and annoying but what else is new?

Nothing much, except, OH YEAH, the wedding is NEXT MONTH and we’re ecstatic!

AND I do have medical and dental benefits now, which helps. AND I’ll have 4 holiday days saved up by July so I will at least get paid for a few of the million days I’m taking off for our honeymoon! I calculated it and it turns out we’re going to be taking 17 work days off! That’s a LOT of time…luckily James will get paid for most if not all of it…

I’m topsy turvy with my moods right now. For good reason but still, sometimes I just don’t want to have to deal with everything. I’m so sick and tired of certain individuals trying to decide what we should be doing and TELLING US who should be at particular events and so on and so forth. You’d think this person would know me well enough by now to know that that’s NOT the way to my heart, nor is it the way to get what you want because honestly, when you start stepping on my toes my stubbornness kicks in and then there’s NO WAY you could EVER ‘win’!

So don’t even bother trying.

Sooooooo frustrating.

But I’m doing my absolute best to put on a smile and think about all the things I have to look forward to and be excited about instead of dwelling on other people’s antics. There’s too much going on to be bothered!