Sunday, April 29, 2007

Pyromaniac: a person with a mania for setting things on fire

There have been at least 5 incidents of fire since James and I moved into our building one year ago. One of those fires involved a faulty halogen lamp, resulting in a completely gutted suite on the 5th floor. That one happened one week to the day that we moved into the building. It also happened to coincide with fire alarm inspection day, so the alarms were already going off periodically that day. When it continued to go off for some time, we thought nothing of it because it seemed like part of the routine procedure. It wasn’t till we smelled smoke on our floor that we decided to head outside just to be on the safe side.

That was the only fire that didn’t appear to be arson. At this point in time, however, given the nature of the rest of the fires, it would appear that we are living amongst an arsonist.
At least 3 fires have been set in the garbage chute in the past year. A few weeks ago, there was such a bad one that when we looked out our door, we saw smoke literally billowing out from the garbage chute. I was frantic and vowed that we would move soon because I couldn’t take the constant stress of the threat of fire. Then things calmed down for a few weeks and I remembered all the reasons that I love living where we do.

Today there was another fire. It was similar in nature to the last one, only much, much worse. Luckily I wasn’t home for it, although in some ways it makes me sick to think I wasn’t here dealing with it. I was out with my mom and my cell phone battery – wouldn’t you know it – died this morning, so I didn’t have it on to receive the call from James that there had been a fire. So it was a few hours later that I found out that the fire was so bad, a guy who lives at the other end of our hall said that when he left his suite to go downstairs, he couldn’t even SEE through the smoke to our end of the building. That is a serious fire! It was so bad that there is soot INSIDE OUR SUITE, which is on the other end of the hall from where the garbage chute is. My IKEA rug that decorates the front hall now has a grayish hue to it after attempting to vacuum up the soot. A constantly reminder that we are living in the same dwelling as a pyromaniac. (Not to mention the smell that probably won't be gone for a couple of weeks, like last time...)

This whole series of events makes me feel ill. The idea that my BABIES, my darling kitty cats, could have been killed by smoke inhalation is enough to set my blood boiling. I’m rearranging the storage unit in the next few days and I’m going to have to put stuff from up here in there so that we can fit their carrying crates upstairs. From now on, in case of a fire, they are coming with. There is no way some stupid asshole with a lighter is going to cause me to lose my precious little ones. So senseless and selfish and so rude. It scares me that there are people out there – and living so close to me – that have so little care for themselves or for others.

I honestly think the police should be involved at this stage in the game. This is not a fluke, this is not a case of a person ‘accidentally’ throwing burning cigarette ashes or something of the like into the garbage chute. This is a case of someone deliberately setting fires for kicks, and I want to get to the bottom of who the culprit is.

I am going to take measures into my own hands in so far as everyone in the building soon enough will be receiving a letter from me – anonymously – discussing how these fires affect people and how whoever is doing this really needs to think about the impact they’re having. That they are obviously having problems and should seek help! I don’t know yet exactly how I’m going to approach it, but I want to say something, put a message out there and hope that whoever’s doing this thinks about what it is that they’re doing. It’s not just fun and games, this is a very serious crime, and even though I took Criminology so for crying out loud this shouldn’t come as a surprise to me, it just saddens me deeply that people do things like this.
Hopefully that is all the ‘excitement’ for a while around here. I just feel even more than before that I can never full relax because I always have to be ready to run. I need my home to feel like more of a sanctuary than this.

Saturday, April 28, 2007

Rise and shine, it’s a whole new day to explore!

I woke this morning to the bedroom door opening suddenly. I thought James was still in bed beside me, so you can imagine how hard my heart started pounding when I heard the creak of the door. But no, it was James, getting up before 6:30am on a Saturday morning.

I am always up by 6:30 on weekdays, so I look forward to my 2 days of sleeping in each weekend. James, on the other hand, usually wakes up slowly and isn’t up till between 7:30 and 8 during the week. Why he would want to get up earlier on the weekend is beyond me.

At first it really irked me because I couldn’t fall back asleep after that if my life depended on it, despite that I desperately wanted to. Since I’m used to getting up at that time, even though in my mind I knew I’d like to be sleeping again, my body just wasn’t going to allow me to rest any longer. I was going to hold a grudge against James but I decided not to. I called him back into the room, and after a few moments of grumping at him for waking me up so early, he suggested we go for an early morning stroll at English Bay.

At first I said ha ha, as if I am going to get dressed and be out the door when it’s barely even morning! I don’t even think James was entirely serious when he suggested it. But then I thought, why not? I’m usually out the door and sitting at my work station by 7:30. There’s no reason why I can’t throw some clothes on, tie my hair up in a pony tail, and head out to the beach! So I said yes, let’s do it, and I’m going to bring the camera and get lots of early morning beach pictures. Make me some coffee and let’s skeedaddle!

So we did.

And when we got to the beach I snapped a picture and the batteries in the camera died instantly.

So after hanging my head in sorrow for a few moments, I lifted my chin up and James carried the camera so I wouldn’t be constantly reminded that I had it but couldn’t use it and we plugged along.

Truth be told, the whole entire time I was very much aware of the loss of pictures, because everything I saw was so beautiful and picture worthy! It was such a nice way to start the day. Because we were there at 7:30 in the morning, it was much quieter than usual, peaceful – and so relaxing and that it made me want to be out there at that time every morning.

I’ve got to say, it was by far the best Saturday morning I’ve had in a long time. We came home, dropped off our coffee mugs and headed back out for breakfast at Milestone’s. Sipping a Mimosa Kiss after strolling the Stanley Park seawall with the man you love – it just doesn’t get much better than that!

And now, for the one and only picture of the day:

Thursday, April 26, 2007

It's 11:11, So Make A Wish...

They say you’re not supposed to tell people your wish. That if you do, your wish will not come true. Let’s hope that in this case we are able to prove that theory wrong.

I wish for my life to begin.

Not that it hasn’t begun already – I have 27 years behind me and I don’t mean to downplay my time up till now. Each moment has helped to create the next, and I am grateful for each and every moment that I have lived so far.

But ending one chapter in life means another chapter must begin, and I feel that the limbo I’ve been in has got to end so that the next chapter can be created. I need the door to swing open, swoop me through, and let me explore new territory as the door slams shut behind me. I don’t want to turn back, I want to move forward.

I need direction, I need hope, I need something to believe in. Not in the sense of a ‘God.’ Perhaps more in the sense of…I don’t know…me?

I need to find myself. I need a path. I need a flashlight and a map. I want to rule my own world, conquer my own destiny. Be there. Be here, in the now, but also there. I want to know and I want to be known, to a degree.

Fulfillment is what I seek, a lasting friendship with myself, an interest in what I am doing because it excites me. Is it so much to ask for a sign? For some kind of hint as to why I was called? Why I am here?

I should have died as an infant. If not for surgery, I would have died at one year of age. My death sentence came back when I was two, and again I was saved. When I was sixteen, again my death shadow came back to haunt me, but I fought back. Now I know there’s the possibility of death’s door knocking again. But that is certainly not the door I want to have swing open on me now. Instead, let’s see what’s behind door #3!

What I am trying to convey is that my time here was for some reason given to me, and I was given reminder after reminder that I was given the chance to stick around and see what I could do. Rather than seeing it that I shouldn’t be here because I was meant to die before I really even had a chance at life, I am choosing to look at it that I was saved for a reason, because it wasn’t yet meant to be my time.

So if there’s a good reason for my presence here on earth, I need to know what that good reason is. And that is what I am working on getting to the bottom of. It feels like forever already that I’ve been searching, but chances are I have only just begun.

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

New Blog

This is my 4th blog in 2 to 2 1/2 years. I've sort of lost track. I plan to keep this one going longer than the others. I've consistently blogged over the time I've had blogs, I've just never stuck to one long term. (I've had my reasons). I think I might be ready to now though. We'll see how it goes.

My previous blogs are out there somewhere, floating around in cyber space. It's nice to start fresh though, and I welcome you to my new little corner of the blog world :)

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